Why do I not find my wife attractive?

[jimwho]

I know this is a Mans forum. My opinion is that you are torturing this poor woman. you said she is a good woman, then
why do you string her along? There's no way she doesn't know how you feel. Set her free..

 

[EyeBRollin]

I’m late to this party.

The problem is you, OP. Her lack of confidence is something caused by you or you simply didn’t choose the right woman to marry. Usually the former. She can sense how you really feel about her. Try being romantic with her.

Also, you need to be direct about what you want from her. That means go to therapy individually and figure out what is missing for you in this relationship. Then do the work and communicate it to her. She’s your wife, bro. Can’t just discard her. The grass is absolutely NOT greener on the other side.

Thinking you can do better is delusional.

 

[Plinco]

I feel like I could do a lot better than her, which I think is delusional of me since I am struggling with my health and finances and approaching 40. Yet I still think I deserve a hot college girl; totally delusional of me to feel like this right now. I'd have to put a lot of work into it.

Nobody deserves ****. You get what you deserve. If you deserved it, you would get it. You don't therefore you don't deserve it.

Let me clarify. I don't feel as if I deserve a hot college girl, I want a hot college girl.

If she's that bad get a side piece.

Cheating on her might be good for me, but I think I should break it off with her first. She's given me respect and I think I should do the same.

I know this is a Mans forum. My opinion is that you are torturing this poor woman. you said she is a good woman, then
why do you string her along? There's no way she doesn't know how you feel. Set her free..

I think you are right. I feel somewhat obligated in the relationship because I feel pretty darn guilty for stringing her along.

The problem is you, OP. Her lack of confidence is something caused by you or you simply didn’t choose the right woman to marry. Usually the former. She can sense how you really feel about her. Try being romantic with her.

I married the wrong women. I have no desire to be romantic with her. I might as well try to be having sex with a rock.

Also, you need to be direct about what you want from her. That means go to therapy individually and figure out what is missing for you in this relationship. Then do the work and communicate it to her. She’s your wife, bro. Can’t just discard her. The grass is absolutely NOT greener on the other side.

Tried that, waste of money. For that to have a chance of working the therapist needs to be good, and most are not.

Thinking you can do better is delusional.

Maybe, but I think you are wrong.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Tried that, waste of money. For that to have a chance of working the therapist needs to be good, and most are not.

The therapist is not for her. It is for you. Find a “good” one.

 

[Plinco]

The therapist is not for her. It is for you. Find a “good” one.

And what would a therapist hope to accomplish?

 

[EyeBRollin]

And what would a therapist hope to accomplish?

The problems laid out in the thread suggest you need to do some work. That work is a prerequisite for a healthy relationship with another human being.

 

[Plinco]

The problems laid out in the thread suggest you need to do some work. That work is a prerequisite for a healthy relationship with another human being.

I appreciate you reading through my thread. What specifically do you think indicates that I have a mental problem (besides the initial extreme scarcity mindset)? Right now I don't see anything wrong with my psyche.

 

[EyeBRollin]

I appreciate you reading through my thread. What specifically do you think indicates that I have a mental problem (besides the initial extreme scarcity mindset)? Right now I don't see anything wrong with my psyche.

Participating in cognitive behavioral therapy is not indicative of a mental problem.

 

[Plinco]

Participating in cognitive behavioral therapy is not indicative of a mental problem.

So what specifically do you think is wrong? Or is there some indication that there is something that I don't function well in terms of relationships?

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

**** or get off the pot. Go get girls and be done with it but don't get it twisted. It's not pretty out here. The girls today cannot compete with women from the past on any metric. 23 is bulk season for a lot of modern women. The promo for thick today is fat as ****kk in past generations.

 

[Nomolos3000]

I don't find my wife sexually attractive. Been married for over a year and have not had sex, not because she didn't want it, but because I did not want to do it with her. There's nothing wrong with the way she looks, but she does not have any confidence in the way she looks (body issues) and I think this is the root of it.
Here are some observations:

Observations of what and possibly why I am attracted to:

• Strong, but submissive libidos. Or they may be aggressive and sexualized, but the relationship does not last long.
• Brunettes who appear to be “smarter and healthier” maybe appear more confident and high energy.
• They have been mostly young, but some are in their 30’s. Most have been brunettes, but some blondes.
• Young, pretty, and confident, but also submissive in bed.
• Girls who appear to be high maintenance. Perhaps as a sign of high value, high confidence (respect ~ sex).
• I look at obtaining women as a symptom of self-improvement, and if I stay with her, then I will not self-improve (?)

Observations of my relationship with her, and possible causes:

• She is socially awkward and has body image issues, the girls I was with before didn’t have that problem.
• The relationship makes demands from me that I view as aggressive toward me, such as getting emotionally involved, to slow down, giving into demands that are not a part of my goals. She is emotionally involved because she cares more about me, which I am not used to.
• She is boring when she talks to me. Probably because she sits at home all day, and has few friends.
• During attempted sex, she does not feel aroused enough by my actions. Probably because I don’t act in a way that I find her attractive.

Possible root causes:

My libido draws from my core values, but does not match with my expected values, that is, living aggressively. My libido corresponds with my ambitions.



I have to see her as sexualized (confident with her body), submissive in bed, not getting in my way. I expect a woman to be turned on sexually by me being aggressive.

It sounds like it's time to move on. I'm in a particular situation with my BM and the fact of the matter is I am not a one woman man tbh.