Do you Pay for First Dates?

[DonJuanjr]

I offered to pay but he declined.

I don't think you seen my post, so I'll ask it again. If he would have accepted, how would it make you feel?

 

[SargeMaximus]

Strawman, lol. I don't need a man's money, and you're just gonna have to trust me on that!!!

I just wanted to bring some redditt energy to this forum. Nothing personal

 

[DonJuanjr]

Okay so honestly, back then, it may have bothered me

Thanks for being honest. I figured you would say this. You are now the second female on this site to admit to offering to pay, but if the man accepts, it would bother you. Which proves it is a shjt test @SargeMaximus

 

[Stuffnu]

First off, a coffee date is a horrible Idea, How do you escalate an opportunity in a Starbucks? No first date deserves a dinner! The one thing I’ve noticed in this forum is dating is starting to be considered a chore - not a fun activity (good or bad).

If you mutually don’t drink, then find something fun to do. Mini-putt is inexpensive and you can do a little side bet (wink wink).

If you drink and she doesn’t. Be warned - you‘re not compatible. Ideally get them in a venue where a refreshment can be enjoyed. It will dissolve those nervous butterflies for both parties. Pay the first round - perhaps two in cash or debit. If the vibe is going good, tell her to grab the next round or order some munchies. Lead and Don’t ask!!! Her response will give you all the feedback you need. She’ll be running to the bar or server if she’s interested in you. if not - you’ll get some BS excuse. It’s getting late, I didn’t bring my purse, blah blah.
if you’re budget conscious, vet better, lower the number of dates. or to be frank get a better paying job.

 

[DonJuanjr]

Well as I said on a different thread (perhaps you missed?), both genders give shyt tests, sometimes they are intentionally given, sometimes not. I have had many shyt tests given to me by men, believe me.

In the case with my ex, when I offered to pay, I wasn't intentionally shyt testing, I didn't say to myself "I am gonna offer to pay and if he accepts, he's history"!! It wasn't something I consciously thought about, to me it was simply a gracious thing to do - to offer.

However, after the fact, I may have thought about it and it may have bothered me a little, again being honest.

But nevertheless, I was so attracted to him, it wouldn't have affected my continuing to date him.

Attraction and chemistry trumps everything and any woman who dumps a man because he accepted her offer to pay is a woman not all that into him in the first place.

I dunno, why don't we all just start being real with each other and toss out these antiquated shyt tests. Men dumping women if they don't offer to pay and women dumping men when they accept her offer to pay.

Enough already.

Me asking this wasn't about this topic. I don't care about the results after the fact. I was just showing from an earlier topic that females unconsciously offer to pay as a shjt test. That's all.

 

[SargeMaximus]

Thanks for being honest. I figured you would say this. You are now the second female on this site to admit to offering to pay, but if the man accepts, it would bother you. Which proves it is a shjt test @SargeMaximus

No it doesn’t because I am still having regular sex with my fwb who pays for stuff all the time

The test is a beta/provider test. More than likely if a woman is looking for a provider she will be more attracted when he offers to pay despite her offering to pay. And vice versa

 

[DonJuanjr]

No it doesn’t because I am still having regular sex with my fwb who pays for stuff all the time

The test is a beta/provider test. More than likely if a woman is looking for a provider she will be more attracted when he offers to pay despite her offering to pay. And vice versa

Remember, I was referring to first dates with a new person. Of course a FWB isn't testing you. You have already established a connection of some sort. Also, I never said it was a major shjt test. One that would result in automatic rejection. Just a shjt test.

I would think a beta/provider test is still a shjt test.

 

[SargeMaximus]

they are never going to get it. You are pissing against the wind.

True. I try but you’re right.

 

[DonJuanjr]

they are never going to get it. You are pissing against the wind.

Then explain to me why a woman would offer to pay for something, but if you accept it would bother her?

 

[DonJuanjr]

It might have bothered me BACK THEN

Exactly... Bothered you when you offered.

What? I don't even compute your question.

If you read why I was saying what I did to sarge. When you replied to his retort to my comment. The question should be clear to you.
I'll break it down further. Catsmeow admitted just like the OLD lady admitted that when they offered to pay for a first date, that if a man accepted, it would leave them with negative feelings. In other words a shjt test.

 

[DonJuanjr]

Don't put words in my mouth, I NEVER said it would leave me with negative feelings. I said it might bother me (back then) because of how I was raised, but nevertheless, it would NOT have affected my attraction towards him.

I think if you ask most human beings, "If you are bothered by something, is that good or bad?" They would answer bad.

You are acting like it's federal crime to be bothered by something, geez.

Now you are putting words in my mouth. I'm simply stating it's a shjt test whether you realize it or not.

And please don't relate how the "old lady" @BeExcellent behaves (or thinks) to me, she and I are about as different as two people could ever get.

Yet you're both females.

 

[DonJuanjr]

Exactly, we are both female, NOT robots programmed to think or behave alike.

Except for when it comes to offering to pay, and not feeling good about it if the guys accepts.

 

[SargeMaximus]

Classic example of seeing what you want to see and forcing the evidence to fit your internal narrative. I’m out, GLTA

 

[DonJuanjr]

Classic example of seeing what you want to see and forcing the evidence to fit your internal narrative.

Then how do you explain this behavior? A beta/provider test is still a shjt test.

 

[SargeMaximus]

Then how do you explain this behavior? A beta/provider test is still a shjt test.

No it isn’t. It’s a test to see if you’re a beta provider. If the woman is looking for a beta provider (some are depending on what stage they are at in their life, doesn’t have anything to do with age but usually it’s linked. Doesn’t have to be. Read Rollo Tomasi for the general trajectory) anyhow if she’s looking for a provider and you show her you are one, she will become attracted. If she is not looking for one then she will lose attraction. Same test but it depends on the girl what result you’ll get.

 

[DonJuanjr]

If you believe that ****e you are operating in her paradigm and not your own.

A man who goes for what he wants doesn't even see "tests"

comply or goodbye. Simple as.

You need to change your chip.

You're assuming I have blue pill mindset like a lot of others on here. You obviously haven't read a lot of my posts. All I'm saying, is that's the driver behind females offering to pay. It's a shjt test. I agree with you on the seeing tests aspect. I believe a masculine enough man will not be subject to shjt tests as others would be. It doesn't discount the fact that females are still doing them. BTW my strategy is pnd or plate spinning.

 

[DonJuanjr]

I don't know what pnd means.

pump n dump

 

[Bokanovsky]

Okay that's fair. Same with men dumping women for not offering to pay (as per the OP). Goes both ways, however this is a men's site so y'all continue patting each other on the back and I will politely leave.

That’s not a sh!t test though. It’s more like oh, she seems selfish and entitled, I’m not interested. A sh!t test would be a man grabbing the bill as soon as it arrives and then dumping the woman unless she wrestles it back from him. I doubt you would ever see a man doing that.

 

[KirthWGersen]

More like to alot of us $10 to $20 isnt even worth the mental energy of thinking about it. I would only demand the girl pays if she is either rude or obviously not into me and we ran up a big drinks tab.

A coffee date is lame asf anyways. If im going out its going to be to have drinks and have fun.

You guys are seriously emitting some strong poverty energy in here. Most of my first dates always end in lays probably because i dont emit poor person energy like you guys lmao.

It is not about the money, which is irrelevant. It is about setting the right tone: valuing yourself, expecting reciprocity, not pandering, not putting women on a pedestal. I set the rules for my interactions, not wider society or entitled women.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

It is not about the money, which is irrelevant. It is about setting the right tone: valuing yourself, expecting reciprocity, not pandering, not putting women on a pedestal. I set the rules for my interactions, not wider society or entitled women.

yep, crying over 10-20 bucks is such strong frame lmao