The No Contact Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

narcissist · Sep 26, 2019

No contact day 1... she just left my house after breaking up with me after 4 years. I showed no emotion. Dont know how I feel. This is the best thing for me, now I can focus on game/pickup forever.

narcissist · Sep 27, 2019

Day 2. They don't call this a challenge for no reason. Wanted to smoke to relieve some pain, but I bought protein powder instead. I refuse to pick up bad habits now that we are split.

HenBogan · Sep 27, 2019

narcissist said:
Day 2. They don't call this a challenge for no reason. Wanted to smoke to relieve some pain, but I bought protein powder instead. I refuse to pick up bad habits now that we are split.

The days are early... Each step you take, everyone here has your back...

I won't endorse the smoke but I'd be a hypocrite if I didn't say that I've been so drunk some nights I have fallen upstairs..
ha ha..

I am new here bro and I am learning every day, I am sure you are aware of the basics mate but exercise is one of the best places to start..

I came across a song yesterday, made me laugh and its my new Anthem...

Walk like a panther - Tony Christie

The lyrics are brilliant... Give it a whirl...

Keep posting...

narcissist · Sep 27, 2019

It's weird, but I actually feel very cloudy today (lots of head-fog).

DelayedGratification · Sep 27, 2019

narcissist said:
No contact day 1... she just left my house after breaking up with me after 4 years. I showed no emotion. Dont know how I feel. This is the best thing for me, now I can focus on game/pickup forever.

Hear you bro. Reading this post rewinded me instantly back almost 15 months. That summer was hell, but I am in such a better place right now. As much as I am entitled to serious resentment for her behavior, in the end she did me a huge favor.

narcissist · Sep 27, 2019

LARaiders85 said:
What happened in your r/l?

r/l as in real life?

narcissist · Sep 27, 2019

DelayedGratification said:
Hear you bro. Reading this post rewinded me instantly back almost 15 months. That summer was hell, but I am in such a better place right now. As much as I am entitled to serious resentment for her behavior, in the end she did me a huge favor.

I hope to get there as soon as possible - though I know that it takes time.

I don't resent her behaviour. She was actually a phenomenal girlfriend - which is what will make this more difficult. There is nothing to point to and be mad about - she was a great example of what type of girlfriend I want. We loved each other so much. If anything I am the one who f*cked up the relationship. I could get into it if you want. But it's a long story.

goodbyehorses · Sep 28, 2019

narcissist said:
No contact day 1... she just left my house after breaking up with me after 4 years. I showed no emotion. Dont know how I feel. This is the best thing for me, now I can focus on game/pickup forever.

I'm sorry that this is happening to you again, narcissist. I am reading the whole thread and some of your posts from years ago are a great support for me. Stay strong brother.

Day 21.

Yesterday I had to fight with all my strength not to watch her Instagram stories. It helped to think that if I did, I'd have to go back to day 1.

Don't know why this has to be soooo difficult and painful. I mean she cheated on me and Ljbfed on me, but it's me who closed our acquaintance, don't want her back (she is low value and probably BPD and/or DOC, I know for sure it would be a great pain in the ass if we had a LTR), it's me who is keeping NC, 'dating' her friends and seeing other girls, keeping very busy... And i began NC 3 weeks ago (6 weeks from BU)!

Why so painful and heart-scorching to think of her with some other guy or girl? (She is bi). I wish so badly that this pain would end soon, although I fear it's a long long way to go...

In ten days she will be back from abroad, and in 2 weeks it'll be her birthday. Of course she won't hear nothing from me, except I bet she will discover that I am seeing her friends (if she doesn't know yet, which is possible). But maybe she will contact me to protest or some other b******t, (she was very jealous and didn't want me to get to know them).

narcissist · Sep 28, 2019

LARaiders85 said:
Relationship*

Long story. When I get to school I will make a quick post about it.

narcissist · Sep 28, 2019

Day 3. Last night I smoked two captain blacks. I am not going to beat myself up for it, but I will not do it again.

I have been hitting the gym for 2-3 weeks now. Feeling good about that, but if I start to smoke captains like I did a year or two ago it will fck up my progress. So I let myself have two last night and thats it. No more.

I went to the gym this morning at 8 a.m. and now I am going to school to study and talk to girls.

I have three girls right now that I have potential with, but the potential is quite low. My game has definitely taken a dip being in a relationship for that long. I am going to shoot them a message. My text game is not as good as it will be in 6 months.

narcissist · Sep 28, 2019

narcissist said:
Long story. When I get to school I will make a quick post about it.

Okay so heres the break down of the relationship.

First year - amazing
Second year - amazing (I broke up with her for two months to game, then got back with her in an open relationship where I continued to have s3x with girls for another month or two [she didn't do anything with any guy - or so she says lol] then we got back into monogamy.
third year - little bumpy but still good, still lots of love/s3x, but she started to not respect me more and more because I lost touch with my masculinity.

The last three months were a train wreck.

I told her that I was breaking up with her in July, but that we could still be lovers - I told her I didn't want any rules and I didn't want to be committed, that our commitment was destroying our love (which at the time I thought it was). So she didn't take it too well, but because she was very attached to me she agreed. Then within the first week I slept with another girl and when she asked me if I did I said yes. I continued gaming and she continued to come around and see me very often (almost like we never broke up). I knew that she was talking/dating to guys but because I was in abundance I didn't care. Then school came. And my abundance disappeared because I didn't have time to spin plates. But she, on the other hand, got a new job as a waitress, and so her abundance skyrocketed. I could feel her slowly drifting, and I became depressed and anxious. It was so obvious to her too that I was like this. It reached boiling point when I told gave her an ultimatum: We either get back together into a monogamous relationship or we end it. She then told me that she was hooking up with her manager at work who is 14 years older than her. So that hit me hard and I couldn't hold back my emotions. She then agreed that we could go back to monogamy. This lasted only two weeks - In those two weeks I told myself that I would not let my jealousy get the best of me, and so I started to hit the gym, write a personal journal, meditate, go to school from morning to night mon-fri. It was working. I was far less jealous, and I thought "hmm, maybe this could still work out." Nope. She did not like the fact that I was channelling my inner masculinity again. She tasted the power of having more value than me and she couldn't bare going back to the way it was. We chilled only twice in those two weeks of monogamy - and at each moment she was trying to find ANYTHING to get mad at and get a reaction out of me, but I refused to react. I was calm, cool, collected, ****y, and funny. Didn't matter. The two weeks went by and thats when she came over... a couple days ago. she said the relationship was ruined and that she wasn't happy. I said "Okay, I respect your decision. Let me get your stuff. I will not be contacting you. Please, do not contact me."

And that was that.

I was in and out of the relationship/commitment for a little less than 4 years. I do feel like I destroyed the relationship because of 1) losing touch with my masculinity 2) moving from monogamy to open relationship.

the_cog · Sep 28, 2019

I forget what day I'm up to now, I think 14 or so. Past couple days have been difficult. I've wanted to reach out to her, just tell her I miss her. Her not reaching out feels like she never cared.

DelayedGratification · Sep 28, 2019

the_cog said:
I forget what day I'm up to now, I think 14 or so. Past couple days have been difficult. I've wanted to reach out to her, just tell her I miss her. Her not reaching out feels like she never cared.

Not necessarily, she may be doing NC as well. I'd say channel whichever framing helps you heal the fastest. If it helps for you to think she cares, do that. If it helps for you to think she callously snubbed you, go that direction.

For me, the reality was all three. She was diligently doing NC. Her behavior in the end was callous in the extreme. Yet in the times early on when NC broke she reiterated that she still loved me.

She broke NC a few weeks ago and I was to the point where it didn't affect me to converse, at least for the brief period we texted. She clearly still wants to be buddies, but I'm not having any of that, for a multitude of complicated reasons. But it's nice to truly be on the other side of the grieving and pain.

dude99 · Sep 28, 2019

goodbyehorses said:
I'm sorry that this is happening to you again, narcissist. I am reading the whole thread and some of your posts from years ago are a great support for me. Stay strong brother.

Day 21.

Yesterday I had to fight with all my strength not to watch her Instagram stories. It helped to think that if I did, I'd have to go back to day 1.

Don't know why this has to be soooo difficult and painful. I mean she cheated on me and Ljbfed on me, but it's me who closed our acquaintance, don't want her back (she is low value and probably BPD and/or DOC, I know for sure it would be a great pain in the ass if we had a LTR), it's me who is keeping NC, 'dating' her friends and seeing other girls, keeping very busy... And i began NC 3 weeks ago (6 weeks from BU)!

Why so painful and heart-scorching to think of her with some other guy or girl? (She is bi). I wish so badly that this pain would end soon, although I fear it's a long long way to go...

In ten days she will be back from abroad, and in 2 weeks it'll be her birthday. Of course she won't hear nothing from me, except I bet she will discover that I am seeing her friends (if she doesn't know yet, which is possible). But maybe she will contact me to protest or some other b******t, (she was very jealous and didn't want me to get to know them).

If she contacts you to protest, do not pick up, do not reply do not call, do not text, do not email do not instagram or FB, do not send smoke signals or yodel. No hello no welcome back no happy birthday nothing. She gets ignored.

She gets nothing from you. If you are dating one of or all of her friends it is none of her business. If you're dating her sister or even her mother it is none of her business. After they cheat they have zero chance to get anything from you.

dude99 · Sep 28, 2019

the_cog said:
I forget what day I'm up to now, I think 14 or so. Past couple days have been difficult. I've wanted to reach out to her, just tell her I miss her. Her not reaching out feels like she never cared.

If you reach out and validate her not only will you be back to day one, but you will delay your healing

Don De Grey · Sep 28, 2019

goodbyehorses said:
Great posts and advices from you all, keep posting.

Day 18.

Today has been tougher, for no particular reason. I guess it's normal to go highs & lows. I missed her company and felt like texting her (don't worry, I won't!), maybe really for the first time since BU. I always feared that with time passing, bad things will just fade to black while good things will persist in memories, making me wish to go back to her. I hope this won't happen.

I am keeping very busy and will do for the next days. Tuesday I'll go out with the girl (one of her friends) I feel some slight interest in, can't wait to.

Still going on reading this thread, I'm around page 180 now, found this link:

AT ANY COST - Saving your life after loving a borderline

Saving Your Life After Loving A Borderline. Certain aspects or common denominators are present in those who attach to Borderlines. People Pleaser types

sharischreiber.com

which may be helpful, I am considering that she may seriously suffer from BPD (just as her friends told me!), because the description fits almost perfectly!
Maybe I really dodged a huge bullet. I hope this will help me keeping up NC, main problem is still the same, sexual feelings and physical jealousy which HURT so badly and won't go away.

Regardless of how proficient or successful she is in her professional sphere, issues of an emotional nature make you feel like you're dealing with a little girl, who's living inside a woman's body

My jaw dropped when I read that paragraph, because I had basically said the same thing about my ex two days ago.

I had suspected she was CPTSD or BPD during the last two painful weeks of our relationship. One day I was at lunch with her and you could see her emotions change from angry to sad to hurt within a span of a few seconds. It was like watching Max Headroom.

Don De Grey · Sep 28, 2019

Day 22

I just found this site after reading the rational male after a buddy turned me on to his website. Needless to say I was doing everything wrong In classic AFC fashion.

My ex broke up with me a month ago, but started texting me 8 hours later, and like a chump I answered her for 10 days. I even went to go get coffee with her the last day of contact, I felt like she was coming around. She even grabbed my hand when we were drying back to work and squeezed like she did when we were dating.

The next day she sent me a link to an article about vaping killing people. Now she is allergic to a lot of things, even a certain laundry soap that I was using.

I replied telling her that the day she told me about the laundry detergent that I started cutting back on the nicotine and had a plan on tapering it to zero and quitting, not just for her health; but because it annoyed the **** out of her. Haven’t heard a word from her since.

narcissist · Sep 29, 2019

narcissist said:
Okay so heres the break down of the relationship.

First year - amazing
Second year - amazing (I broke up with her for two months to game, then got back with her in an open relationship where I continued to have s3x with girls for another month or two [she didn't do anything with any guy - or so she says lol] then we got back into monogamy.
third year - little bumpy but still good, still lots of love/s3x, but she started to not respect me more and more because I lost touch with my masculinity.

The last three months were a train wreck.

I told her that I was breaking up with her in July, but that we could still be lovers - I told her I didn't want any rules and I didn't want to be committed, that our commitment was destroying our love (which at the time I thought it was). So she didn't take it too well, but because she was very attached to me she agreed. Then within the first week I slept with another girl and when she asked me if I did I said yes. I continued gaming and she continued to come around and see me very often (almost like we never broke up). I knew that she was talking/dating to guys but because I was in abundance I didn't care. Then school came. And my abundance disappeared because I didn't have time to spin plates. But she, on the other hand, got a new job as a waitress, and so her abundance skyrocketed. I could feel her slowly drifting, and I became depressed and anxious. It was so obvious to her too that I was like this. It reached boiling point when I told gave her an ultimatum: We either get back together into a monogamous relationship or we end it. She then told me that she was hooking up with her manager at work who is 14 years older than her. So that hit me hard and I couldn't hold back my emotions. She then agreed that we could go back to monogamy. This lasted only two weeks - In those two weeks I told myself that I would not let my jealousy get the best of me, and so I started to hit the gym, write a personal journal, meditate, go to school from morning to night mon-fri. It was working. I was far less jealous, and I thought "hmm, maybe this could still work out." Nope. She did not like the fact that I was channelling my inner masculinity again. She tasted the power of having more value than me and she couldn't bare going back to the way it was. We chilled only twice in those two weeks of monogamy - and at each moment she was trying to find ANYTHING to get mad at and get a reaction out of me, but I refused to react. I was calm, cool, collected, ****y, and funny. Didn't matter. The two weeks went by and thats when she came over... a couple days ago. she said the relationship was ruined and that she wasn't happy. I said "Okay, I respect your decision. Let me get your stuff. I will not be contacting you. Please, do not contact me."

And that was that.

I was in and out of the relationship/commitment for a little less than 4 years. I do feel like I destroyed the relationship because of 1) losing touch with my masculinity 2) moving from monogamy to open relationship.

bump

narcissist · Sep 29, 2019

Day 4. Feeling better today.. Probably only because I got a good response from some hot chick. So this indicates that my happiness for the time being is tethered to attention from women. This will have to be fixed over time. Right now, its okay. Plus, I have to get good with women again. For myself. It is what I always wanted, and I sold that dream to be in this 4 year relationship. Not the best decision. No more monogamous relationships for me for at least a decade. Just going to become a master of seduction. That is my goal.

dude99 · Sep 30, 2019

narcissist said:
Okay so heres the break down of the relationship.

First year - amazing
Second year - amazing (I broke up with her for two months to game, then got back with her in an open relationship where I continued to have s3x with girls for another month or two [she didn't do anything with any guy - or so she says lol] then we got back into monogamy.
third year - little bumpy but still good, still lots of love/s3x, but she started to not respect me more and more because I lost touch with my masculinity.

The last three months were a train wreck.

I told her that I was breaking up with her in July, but that we could still be lovers - I told her I didn't want any rules and I didn't want to be committed, that our commitment was destroying our love (which at the time I thought it was). So she didn't take it too well, but because she was very attached to me she agreed. Then within the first week I slept with another girl and when she asked me if I did I said yes. I continued gaming and she continued to come around and see me very often (almost like we never broke up). I knew that she was talking/dating to guys but because I was in abundance I didn't care. Then school came. And my abundance disappeared because I didn't have time to spin plates. But she, on the other hand, got a new job as a waitress, and so her abundance skyrocketed. I could feel her slowly drifting, and I became depressed and anxious. It was so obvious to her too that I was like this. It reached boiling point when I told gave her an ultimatum: We either get back together into a monogamous relationship or we end it. She then told me that she was hooking up with her manager at work who is 14 years older than her. So that hit me hard and I couldn't hold back my emotions. She then agreed that we could go back to monogamy. This lasted only two weeks - In those two weeks I told myself that I would not let my jealousy get the best of me, and so I started to hit the gym, write a personal journal, meditate, go to school from morning to night mon-fri. It was working. I was far less jealous, and I thought "hmm, maybe this could still work out." Nope. She did not like the fact that I was channelling my inner masculinity again. She tasted the power of having more value than me and she couldn't bare going back to the way it was. We chilled only twice in those two weeks of monogamy - and at each moment she was trying to find ANYTHING to get mad at and get a reaction out of me, but I refused to react. I was calm, cool, collected, ****y, and funny. Didn't matter. The two weeks went by and thats when she came over... a couple days ago. she said the relationship was ruined and that she wasn't happy. I said "Okay, I respect your decision. Let me get your stuff. I will not be contacting you. Please, do not contact me."

And that was that.

I was in and out of the relationship/commitment for a little less than 4 years. I do feel like I destroyed the relationship because of 1) losing touch with my masculinity 2) moving from monogamy to open relationship.

Sounds like the milk went bad Narcissist. Like you said she got the taste of thinking she was higher value than you and didnt want to go back to the way things were.

I hate to say it but once the milk goes bad you can never fix it. Channel your time, energy and resources into the next one. Focus on yourself.

The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

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The No Contact Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)