A little perspective needed

[flowtheory]

Well....another case of the friendzone. It happens dude....it happens.

I'm in the minority here....cause I pretty much disagree with EVERYTHING EVERYONE has said. That is,at least in regards to how you should respond to this girl next time you see her.

See,you are in the friendzone. That's not something you can just waltz in and out of at will.

You can do whatever you want....you're more than welcome to try the suggestions other members have given. But to me,once you're friendzoned,that's IT. Game over,time to move on to the next girl. Not saying to never see her again,but stop trying to date/making things sexual with her.

I noticed how in a few posts,you mentioned something about her "mixed messages". Dude...that CRACKED ME UP.

Why? Cause YOU WERE THE ONE giving "mixed messages". One moment you're talking about what a "terrific friend" she'd be.....then two seconds later you're going on about how you want to "grab her and kiss her".

You were the one giving out mixed messages. That's why she ON MORE THAN ONE OCCASION kept trying to clarify. She was trying to get a STRAIGHT FORWARD answer,to make sure you two were both on the same page. That's why she kept going,"We're just friends....right?" "We're not dating.....right?" She kept saying that cause OF YOUR "mixed messages".

1: I mean,you "say" you only want to be friends,then all of the sudden,you're holding her hand,pretending to look at her ring.

2:You talk to her about the great friendship connection you two have,then 5 minutes later,when she spilt some wine on a blanket,you placed your hand on top of hers to "test the waters".

3:Her roommate claimed that all of your hangouts were dates and that you'd be expecting sex. She comes to you asking you if you were expecting sex from her,then you go,"Oh no.....no...of course not. Where'd you get a silly idea like that from? No...I'm not expecting sex out of you." Then you come back here...telling us you're thinking you should try to kiss her next time you see her,and tell her you didn't mean it when you said you just wanted to be friends.

You go back and try to kiss her,and/or tell her you didn't mean it when you said you just wanted to be friends,you'll 100% be making what her roommate said true. This girl will also feel STUPID cause she believed your "friends act",and will have to tell her roommate that she was right all along about you.


Yeah....a sticky situation,ain't it? And another thing.....

You've been told this over and over.........GO BY WHAT WOMEN DO.....not by what they say. Dude.....

STOP BELIEVEING THAT HORSESH1T LINE about her not wanting a relationship....or more importantly,that BS line about her "being hurt" from her last relationship and needing time to heal before dating again.

STOP BELIEVEING THAT SH1T. If that's true,then tell me something.......

What is Tinder? It's a DATING APP....right? If she's so hurt and needs all this time to recover before dating again,WHY is she on Tinder? She's MEETING GUYS AND GOING OUT WITH THEM.....ain't she? She met YOU there. If she's so hurt,why did she match you and agree to meet......shouldn't she have taken some time to recover and heal first,then once better,then start matching and meeting men?

Or does that make too much sense?




Dude....

DON'T DO THIS. Just let it go. All you're going to do is make things akward and uncomfortable. She kept asking if you two were just friends and trying to clarify because you wouldn't lead. You wouldn't make a CLEAR DECISION about wanting either friendship or a sexual relationship,so she kept asking to get clarification.....and when YOU TOLD HER you wanted to just be friends,she likely felt she got it. You trying to kiss or go sexual now is gonna seem out of nowhere,take her by surprise...and likely weird her out.

The chick told you that you reminded her of her FATHER. She doesn't want to make out with her dad.

It's over with. You screwed it up by not being upfront and hiding your true feelings behind a fake friendship.

And before you tell me your friendship with her isn't fake,that's likely what SHE is going to think. The second you try to kiss her,her roommate's words ABOUT YOU are going to come to her mind,and she'll likely think your whole "friendship" and all the time you've "hung out" together was all a ploy to get her into bed.........


and she'd BE RIGHT.

There are some valid points here. However... the friendship is actually real. I never had alterior motives.
Have I been confused on the interactions? Yes. More-so because I entered that interaction on the basis of just getting out. It was a hike. Not the best place to be sexual and keno while out of breath.
In the start I wasn’t wanting to jump her bones and I actually told one of my other friends and dad “I made a really good friend, I think and it’s really cool, and it’s just platonic, it’s refreshing; because I’m not even ready for a relationship”

After a few hangouts I started to look at things in a different light based on how she was acting; her supportive words, offering me water from her bottle after mine had been sitting in the sun, etc. Very sweet and thoughtful things a friend wouldn’t really do. And many things that screamed kindness and thoughtfulness which to me is true beauty.

And I have not been expecting sex in the least. I expect nothing from no one. It’s not a trade deal like: “I do these things and they have to put out!” That’s cheap. So when that thought it hypothesis was brought up, that’s when I threw a wall up and denied we were more than friends because that thought was vomit inducing and cheated my integrity as a man; Her roommate thinking I’m only being a great person because I want in her pants, because that’s what SHE has only experienced (this is a chick who hangs out and still sexes her ex bf; so a huge projection and trying to sobotage my image in the Italian woman’s mind - because a great guy doesn’t exist; they’re all the same UGH SMH)

Like I said, had the conversation arisen and she said ‘do you like me more than a friend?’ From a genuine interest of her own, I would have totally said yes and been real. Because it would have came more natural from her own mind.
But when it’s just on a sexual note and spoken from a third persons mind, and all the other cultivating which had been done is out the window, I was partly offended as it missed the story of her and my evolution to that point.

Can you blame me? Maybe
Could I have still been real? Yes
Is it somewhat of a delicate situation? Yes
Do I care that she is not totally healed? Yes, because that could have ramifications upon her and my intimacy if I chose to be exclusive with her at a not so distant point if it was on the table.

Sometimes in life we can’t always prepare for unexpected things such as these and hone perfectly how we will act - like a meme on a motivation page via Instagram. At the end of the day we’re humans and weary of being vulnerable in situations you actually want. I messed up once by saying ‘we’re just friends’ but I don’t believe that cannot be unwound on the next ‘date’ which is on Saturday.
In all other aspects, I’ve been close to perfect. Everything is still in place. I just messed up with my words for 30 minutes. But.. humans. She messed up by bringing her roommate in it, and I mirrored it by messing up myself. Not a big deal.

On Saturday I’m going in for the kiss. And if I get rejected, I get rejected. If I confused her and still kiss, whatever.. emotions, love, relationships, flings, they’re always confusing and the most challenging. Nothings as simple as the DJ bible makes it out to be. Because even if you disregard women’s words, you still have to believe them and discerning fact from fiction while life is constantly happening around us it’s extrenly complicated, especially when you’re evaluating your own emotions.

I digress

 

[Dingo]

You still here analyzing things ? No more posting.. Go give it a shot. Better to go down in flames than to be that "maybe he is gay" friend that didn't make a move.

STOP TALKING and just DO. There is no need to tell her anything just grab her and pin her against the wall and kiss her passionately. If she has any interest in you she will be dripping all over the floor through her panties.

You are acting like the evil villain who tells everyone their plans in Geico commercial...stop.

Be like Nike...Just Do It.

THIS.... Who Dares Wins...

 

[flowtheory]

You still here analyzing things ? No more posting.. Go give it a shot. Better to go down in flames than to be that "maybe he is gay" friend that didn't make a move.



THIS.... Who Dares Wins...

Lol

I will make a move on Saturday!

 

[flowtheory]

Yea. I got friendzoned hahah

It doesn’t make much sense though, because her texts with kiss faces and all that, she stated I was really attractive, liked my touches, always wanted to hangout, liked me in her personal space, etc.
And when I told i how I felt she was actually kind of upset that I didn’t tell her the truth the first time; it was complicated. But she told me she just didn’t think of me in that way, even though she thinks I’m really attractive and we have a deeper and more rare of a connection. None of it really makes sense.

Tonight she also told me (before I told her I liked her) that she’s still in contact with her ex and he’s acting jealous and all this. It’s all a bit odd to say the least.

I get that if I would have escalated and been sexual straight away it could have reframed things, but even so with all the given circumstances it still doesn’t make much sense.

But I’m fine any way it spins and that’s a good place to be.

 

[Dingo]

Lol... Oh well....

Rejection is Better than Regrets....

You got more balls than a big percentage of guys here... At least you tried. And you came back with a honest report.

Don't over analyze things.... Next !

Sarge on.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

This is why you get the quick lay. You don't want this huge emotional connection to develop before you implement the physical one . Or else shell use you for emotional connection.

 

[The Diver]

it still doesn’t make much sense.

Don't try to find sense when dealing with women. Judge any woman by her action not her words, that is the only "real sense" to go by.
Kudos for giving it ago though.

 

[Igetit!]

Yea. I got friendzoned hahah

It's cool man. Even though I was against you going through with this,I still admire your guts and willingness to put yourself out there. You deserve HUGE props for that.

It doesn’t make much sense though, because her texts with kiss faces and all that, she stated I was really attractive, liked my touches, always wanted to hangout, liked me in her personal space, etc.

NONE of that stuff matters. There was ONE THING missing out of all this,ONE THING needed to determine if she WAS TRULY interested in you.

Would.....would you like to take a guess as to what it was?

And when I told i how I felt she was actually kind of upset that I didn’t tell her the truth the first time; it was complicated.

Honestly....this was kind of.....kinda bad. For one,it kinda made you look sort of un-confident...un-confident that you didn't just come straight out and tell her what you wanted from the beginning. That,and the fact that when she kept pressing you by REPEATEDLY asking,"We're not dating,right? We're just friends,right?"....when she kept trying to get a confirmation....you weren't upfront with her.

Not to mention telling a woman you've yet to have even one date with "how you feel" is a GREAT WAY TO KILL her interest.

If it wasn't almost 3am where I'm at,I'd break this down for you,to help you get a better understanding. But just understand that "telling a chick how you feel" (a girl who's interest you're trying to get) will almost always INSTANTLY KILL any interest she may have towards you.

But she told me she just didn’t think of me in that way, even though she thinks I’m really attractive

Well on how you look,she may just think you're a physically attractive guy....but we ALL KNOW chicks run on EMOTION.

Far as her "didn't think of you in that way" comment...well come on man...don't know why that'd come as a shock or some kind of surprise. You remember this thread you made about her? http://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/you-remind-me-of-my-father.249248/

When a chick tells you that you remind her of....her father,there's a pretty good chance she's not going to think of you in "that way".

we have a deeper and more rare of a connection.

Yeah. And EXACTLY as "Mrgoodstuff" mentioned......this "deeper connection" you had with her is likely WHAT KILLED any potential sexual interest on her part.

Tonight she also told me (before I told her I liked her) that she’s still in contact with her ex and he’s acting jealous and all this. It’s all a bit odd to say the least.

So she's on Tinder meeting guys,or at least being open to meeting guys......AND still in contact with her ex. I see.

And this same chick,who's matching and meeting guys off Tinder and still in contact with her ex....she's the SAME ONE who told you she was too hurt and damaged to date,and needed time "to heal". Still in contact with the person she needs "to heal" from...right?

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

I get that if I would have escalated and been sexual straight away it could have reframed things, but even so with all the given circumstances it still doesn’t make much sense.

Well to be honest.....it all makes PERFECT sense. Dude listen.....

I have a PHD in "Friendzone-ology". I was friendzoned all thoughout middle school and my early 20s. I got friendzoned A LOT. NO ONE got friendzoned more than I did. It took me a while,but I eventually figured out what I was doing wrong.

I look at what you post,the things you say...and I see mistakes you aren't EVEN YET aware of. Not just this thread,but other threads you made about this girl. I saw all those things,that's why I was against you making a play for her,and stated so.

Three different times in this post here,you said "It doesn't make sense". That's because you're trying to apply logic to understand her disinterest. You were looking at a bunch of surface level stuff to try to determine interest,like her saying you were handsome or her allowing you in her personal space.......when you should have tried to grab a boob,or kiss her on her neck......WAY IN THE BEGINNING,ON THE FIRST OR SECOND "DATE".

Instead,you were too focused on building your "deeper connection" with her. The best thing you can get out of all this is KNOWLEDGE. You can learn this NOW......It shouldn't take you losing girl after girl,blowing opportunity after opportunity to learn this one SIMPLE lesson about avoiding the friendzone.

But...YOU TRIED. You did,and I commend you for that.

 

[flowtheory]

Thanks for the support guys. I definitely see where I went wrong. Oh well. At least I made a new friend out of all this (don’t worry I threw up a little in my mouth too Haha)

It's cool man. Even though I was against you going through with this,I still admire your guts and willingness to put yourself out there. You deserve HUGE props for that.



NONE of that stuff matters. There was ONE THING missing out of all this,ONE THING needed to determine if she WAS TRULY interested in you.

Would.....would you like to take a guess as to what it was?



Honestly....this was kind of.....kinda bad. For one,it kinda made you look sort of un-confident...un-confident that you didn't just come straight out and tell her what you wanted from the beginning. That,and the fact that when she kept pressing you by REPEATEDLY asking,"We're not dating,right? We're just friends,right?"....when she kept trying to get a confirmation....you weren't upfront with her.

Not to mention telling a woman you've yet to have even one date with "how you feel" is a GREAT WAY TO KILL her interest.

If it wasn't almost 3am where I'm at,I'd break this down for you,to help you get a better understanding. But just understand that "telling a chick how you feel" (a girl who's interest you're trying to get) will almost always INSTANTLY KILL any interest she may have towards you.




Well on how you look,she may just think you're a physically attractive guy....but we ALL KNOW chicks run on EMOTION.

Far as her "didn't think of you in that way" comment...well come on man...don't know why that'd come as a shock or some kind of surprise. You remember this thread you made about her? http://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/you-remind-me-of-my-father.249248/

When a chick tells you that you remind her of....her father,there's a pretty good chance she's not going to think of you in "that way".





Yeah. And EXACTLY as "Mrgoodstuff" mentioned......this "deeper connection" you had with her is likely WHAT KILLED any potential sexual interest on her part.



So she's on Tinder meeting guys,or at least being open to meeting guys......AND still in contact with her ex. I see.

And this same chick,who's matching and meeting guys off Tinder and still in contact with her ex....she's the SAME ONE who told you she was too hurt and damaged to date,and needed time "to heal". Still in contact with the person she needs "to heal" from...right?

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiight.





Well to be honest.....it all makes PERFECT sense. Dude listen.....

I have a PHD in "Friendzone-ology". I was friendzoned all thoughout middle school and my early 20s. I got friendzoned A LOT. NO ONE got friendzoned more than I did. It took me a while,but I eventually figured out what I was doing wrong.

I look at what you post,the things you say...and I see mistakes you aren't EVEN YET aware of. Not just this thread,but other threads you made about this girl. I saw all those things,that's why I was against you making a play for her,and stated so.

Three different times in this post here,you said "It doesn't make sense". That's because you're trying to apply logic to understand her disinterest. You were looking at a bunch of surface level stuff to try to determine interest,like her saying you were handsome or her allowing you in her personal space.......when you should have tried to grab a boob,or kiss her on her neck......WAY IN THE BEGINNING,ON THE FIRST OR SECOND "DATE".

Instead,you were too focused on building your "deeper connection" with her. The best thing you can get out of all this is KNOWLEDGE. You can learn this NOW......It shouldn't take you losing girl after girl,blowing opportunity after opportunity to learn this one SIMPLE lesson about avoiding the friendzone.

But...YOU TRIED. You did,and I commend you for that.

If you have more to say or weaknesses you’ve spotted, do tell. Because right now I’m more susceptible to learning based on last night.

Yep, you’re completely right. Had I made a move on the second date or first, It would have all been different for sure. Because I know all the ingredients were there, are there, but I simply didn’t pull the trigger because I listened to her words, and they threw me in the start of not wanting anything but friendship.
Then I spoke to her logical mind which did kill all attraction immediately. Because she did mention, that all week this week, after our discussion, she was a little bit out of sorts because she had brought it up when she shouldn’t have (her words). Meaning she had a really excited reaction when I actually told her my feelings. So she must have felt a particular way towards me last time, then I denied her (even though I wasn’t being truthful). And so this last night, I logically talked to her and that killed the attraction. But she had a excited reaction to it all which means she did feel something towards me.

I have no counter argument this time. However I will say even as she was rejecting me and the rest of the evening, I still touched her and let my touches linger to see if anything had changed... it didn’t. So this to me actually shows there is connection there, however I appealed to her logical side which instantly threw up a wall.
Throughout this, I myself was a bit torn between friendship or going in for the kill, but I hesitated throughout both of them which led me to this outcome.

At the end of this all. I have learned a lot of good lessons. And it really goes to show how much you should watch a woman’s actions and dismiss their words in the initial phase.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

It's cool man. Even though I was against you going through with this,I still admire your guts and willingness to put yourself out there. You deserve HUGE props for that.



NONE of that stuff matters. There was ONE THING missing out of all this,ONE THING needed to determine if she WAS TRULY interested in you.

Would.....would you like to take a guess as to what it was?



Honestly....this was kind of.....kinda bad. For one,it kinda made you look sort of un-confident...un-confident that you didn't just come straight out and tell her what you wanted from the beginning. That,and the fact that when she kept pressing you by REPEATEDLY asking,"We're not dating,right? We're just friends,right?"....when she kept trying to get a confirmation....you weren't upfront with her.

Not to mention telling a woman you've yet to have even one date with "how you feel" is a GREAT WAY TO KILL her interest.

If it wasn't almost 3am where I'm at,I'd break this down for you,to help you get a better understanding. But just understand that "telling a chick how you feel" (a girl who's interest you're trying to get) will almost always INSTANTLY KILL any interest she may have towards you.




Well on how you look,she may just think you're a physically attractive guy....but we ALL KNOW chicks run on EMOTION.

Far as her "didn't think of you in that way" comment...well come on man...don't know why that'd come as a shock or some kind of surprise. You remember this thread you made about her? http://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/you-remind-me-of-my-father.249248/

When a chick tells you that you remind her of....her father,there's a pretty good chance she's not going to think of you in "that way".





Yeah. And EXACTLY as "Mrgoodstuff" mentioned......this "deeper connection" you had with her is likely WHAT KILLED any potential sexual interest on her part.



So she's on Tinder meeting guys,or at least being open to meeting guys......AND still in contact with her ex. I see.

And this same chick,who's matching and meeting guys off Tinder and still in contact with her ex....she's the SAME ONE who told you she was too hurt and damaged to date,and needed time "to heal". Still in contact with the person she needs "to heal" from...right?

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiight.





Well to be honest.....it all makes PERFECT sense. Dude listen.....

I have a PHD in "Friendzone-ology". I was friendzoned all thoughout middle school and my early 20s. I got friendzoned A LOT. NO ONE got friendzoned more than I did. It took me a while,but I eventually figured out what I was doing wrong.

I look at what you post,the things you say...and I see mistakes you aren't EVEN YET aware of. Not just this thread,but other threads you made about this girl. I saw all those things,that's why I was against you making a play for her,and stated so.

Three different times in this post here,you said "It doesn't make sense". That's because you're trying to apply logic to understand her disinterest. You were looking at a bunch of surface level stuff to try to determine interest,like her saying you were handsome or her allowing you in her personal space.......when you should have tried to grab a boob,or kiss her on her neck......WAY IN THE BEGINNING,ON THE FIRST OR SECOND "DATE".

Instead,you were too focused on building your "deeper connection" with her. The best thing you can get out of all this is KNOWLEDGE. You can learn this NOW......It shouldn't take you losing girl after girl,blowing opportunity after opportunity to learn this one SIMPLE lesson about avoiding the friendzone.

But...YOU TRIED. You did,and I commend you for that.

Since you are PHd on friendzone, how do you prevent it and how do you escape it?

 

[flowtheory]

Since you are PHd on friendzone, how do you prevent it and how do you escape it?

I’m no between but I think I know this answer.

Prevention
Become sexual within the first two dates; go in for that kiss and escalate until you’re having sex. Don’t do what I did in this specific situation and connect over deep matter without being sexual. I did everything else perfect. It’s simply this one point I did not capitalize on which was my demise in this connection.

Escaping it
Once you’re in the friendzone it’s difficult to escape it. Most will not. As most people don’t develop further or increase their physical and intrinsic value. However for the SS man who is constantly improving, there’s definitely hope. And that comes with cultivating more value than you initially had. Making more money, becoming physically more attractive, smarter, having more and other women’s interest when you’re with her, being more playful, ****y and funny. And of course timing is all a major part.


—
Right now, I have a pretty big beard which isn’t the nicest, as I haven’t trimmed or shaped it for 7 months! It’s not the best look but I still don’t even look bad. It simply does nothing (or may even work against me).
Underneath I have a pretty strong and sculpted jaw line and high cheekbones. But no new women know this as they haven’t seen it.
My cheekbones are not as prominent with the beard because there’s no shadow to show me off underneath, as the beard hair is there. And shadow casting which creates the hallow is what people like. The second I trim this, I will naturally go up at least a half point in this woman’s - and others - subconscious mind, whether they consciously recognized it or not.

I believe nothing in life is final or permenant. Even if you hit 10 successes in a row... it doesn’t make you successful forever. The true successes are those who cultivate and fine tune their grit and never ending desire to self improve. Nothing in final. Not even that marriage certificate people sign. Not even a divorce. Nothing.
I could still have sex with this Italian chick. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not next month. But maybe in the future when the timing is different. Life is change, and when everyday changes, that means the terrain is infinitely changing.
Note: (I’m not holding out or really care anymore about this girl because I have my answer, I’m just using it as an example; she’s now friendzoned to me as much as I am to her. She missed her chance with me. And to be honest she’s silly in every way to have passed it up)

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Hey

She just turned 31 two days ago. She’s from Italy and has been living here for 1.5 months rounded up. She’s attractive, nice body, smart, intelligent, kind, knows three languages, doesn’t like clinginess, values loyalty, is independent, has big goals, always offers to split things or pick up tabs, or even pitch for gas.

You could have just stopped at,the mipk went bad Ages ago.

31?

Son, that's nearly a decade beyond top form SMV.

She pushing forty in less then a decade.

Not doing it right. New girls are turning 18 everyday.

Don't quit your day job.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

I’m no between but I think I know this answer.

Prevention
Become sexual within the first two dates; go in for that kiss and escalate until you’re having sex.

Agreed but, he's gone slumming with cratered SMV.

If still hawt, light it up but, I wm not waiting.

The last throater I got,chick age 21 lulz


She good back but,at 21, did she?

Nope. Now,she is playing house. Its fertility run a muck.


I want young, thin, fit, and attractive. Not baby fever. Not milks gone bad.

A 1990s firebird isn't classic. You push it off the cliff.

Op the game is catch and release. Not play house.

She's been skiing down cawk mountain since 15. You're being cucked.

You play provider. Work her up and she swallows Chad's proteins.

Chad's proteins are doing the backstroke in her digestive tract and anal cavity. You're talking about your feelers.

Chill 3x , I pull , **** in vag or a throater otherwise, #next

 

[flowtheory]

It’s interesting to note. When a woman says ‘im not feeling it”, “sometimes I wanted to kiss you, sometimes I didn’t” she’s really just saying “you failed to lead me, and make me feel (ideal feeling you wanted)”.

Before I used to think attraction was you just are or you aren’t; and it’s as simple as that. It’s simply not true. It’s like you have to teach women how to feel towards you by presenting them with the right ingredients. But if you’re making tomato soup, don’t start grabbing kiwis, and potatoes.

One thing also more... on the first hike I was quite ****y and funny and she even mentioned it on the second date to which she said “I almost didn’t even come here because of that.” But low and behold she was in my house and bringing over wine.

Oh God.. moral of the story; look at women’s actions. And go learn the hard way, because it’s ultra effective.

 

[Igetit!]

It’s interesting to note. When a woman says ‘im not feeling it”, “sometimes I wanted to kiss you, sometimes I didn’t” she’s really just saying “you failed to lead me, and make me feel (ideal feeling you wanted)”.

Yeah,that's basically it. And the BEHAVIOR you show.......(or FAIL to show) has a HUGE impact on her "feeling it" or not.

See,you interacted with this woman A LOT........but you never lead her to see you as a sexual option. You were nice,kind,polite,interesting,you two connected on various shared interests.......but you never acted or behaved sexual towards her.

That's why when you FINALLY DID show your interest this last time you two were together,she said that she didn't think of you in "that" way.

She was being honest with you. She didn't see you in "that" way because you never acted "that" way....you never showed "that side" of yourself......you were just friendly and nice. The guy has TO LEAD and display sexual interest. The chick may give hints and signals,but that's it.....she's not gonna lead off because that requires a risk of rejection. Chicks simply have too many options to risk that,so they won't.

Before I used to think attraction was you just are or you aren’t; and it’s as simple as that. It’s simply not true. It’s like you have to teach women how to feel towards you by presenting them with the right ingredients. But if you’re making tomato soup, don’t start grabbing kiwis, and potatoes.

True. But the thing here in this situation was,you HAD all the ingredients. My honest belief was this.....

This chick was interested in you....SEXUALLY. And she gave you more than opportunity to display interest back,the best opportunity being when she was over to your house for SIX HOURS......as you two sat on the couch together,drinking wine. Not to mention that was the second date.

So it was all there,ripe for the taking. You just didn't take it. Then once you did make up your mind to go for her, 1: You did it wrong by "telling her" how you felt,and 2: The opportunity had already passed...you wanted too late.


But like I said before...the good news is,this can be the ONLY TIME you go through this. You can learn this NOW,instead of making this same error with the next 10 girls over the next 5 years.

Oh God.. moral of the story; look at women’s actions.

LOL,yep. I was doing that the whole time. She said she didn't want a hookup or relationship...yet,she's on a DATING SITE.

Said she was "hurt" and needed time to heal...yet told you under the right circumstances,SHE'D HAVE a one night stand.

Said she was still hurt from her last relationship...yet,she was still in CONSTANT CONTACT with her ex,the guy who caused the hurt.


Yeah dude. You need to CLOSELY watch her actions,to see if they line up with her words cause you'll constantly be scratching your head and confused by following her words only.

 

[ohrein]

Yea. I got friendzoned hahah

It doesn’t make much sense though, because her texts with kiss faces and all that, she stated I was really attractive, liked my touches, always wanted to hangout, liked me in her personal space, etc.
And when I told i how I felt she was actually kind of upset that I didn’t tell her the truth the first time; it was complicated. But she told me she just didn’t think of me in that way, even though she thinks I’m really attractive and we have a deeper and more rare of a connection. None of it really makes sense.

Tonight she also told me (before I told her I liked her) that she’s still in contact with her ex and he’s acting jealous and all this. It’s all a bit odd to say the least.

I get that if I would have escalated and been sexual straight away it could have reframed things, but even so with all the given circumstances it still doesn’t make much sense.

But I’m fine any way it spins and that’s a good place to be.

You waited too long unfortunately. I still believe you had a shot. It was just running a really fine line. I thought @Igetit! was a little pessimistic but it seems he was on the money. But you know what? You went for it, you learned a lot, and you still have your friendship. This was still the best course of action and you had the balls to do it so you should feel great about it. It seems now you understand why I have "Acta, non verba." in my signature too. You can't negotiate desire. Never tell a woman how you feel, show her. Never look at a woman's words to discern how she feels, look at her actions.

Anyway, unlike some guys here, I think having female friends is great. Good practice, easy competition anxiety, access to social circles, social proof and they are great company. I still spend most of my time with the boys but sometimes chilling with women is what I'm in the mood for.

You did well, flow. We all fail upward and now you're richer for the experience. Do not regret it in the least.

 

[ohrein]

Since you are PHd on friendzone, how do you prevent it and how do you escape it?

You put yourself in the friend zone, period. Don't treat women like a friend if you want to be their lover, it's that simple. Escalate early, if she doesn't reciprocate you next her, you do not try to win her. I have escaped the friend zone a couple of times. You need to pull all attention and demonstrate social proof in front of her whenever you can. Work some more on your SMV, talk about the other women you're dating, treat her the way a woman treats a guy in the friend zone. But it's such a waste of time and a very low percentage move that it's just not worth it. The best move when friend zoned is the @DEEZEDBRAH #NEXTSET NEW WOMEN ARE TURNING 18 EVERY DAY!

 

[flowtheory]

You put yourself in the friend zone, period. Don't treat women like a friend if you want to be their lover, it's that simple. Escalate early, if she doesn't reciprocate you next her, you do not try to win her. I have escaped the friend zone a couple of times. You need to pull all attention and demonstrate social proof in front of her whenever you can. Work some more on your SMV, talk about the other women you're dating, treat her the way a woman treats a guy in the friend zone. But it's such a waste of time and a very low percentage move that it's just not worth it. The best move when friend zoned is the @DEEZEDBRAH #NEXTSET NEW WOMEN ARE TURNING 18 EVERY DAY!

He probably also has #nextset written on every wall in his bachelor pad haha
Nextset
Nextset
Nextset

 

[flowtheory]

You waited too long unfortunately. I still believe you had a shot. It was just running a really fine line. I thought @Igetit! was a little pessimistic but it seems he was on the money. But you know what? You went for it, you learned a lot, and you still have your friendship. This was still the best course of action and you had the balls to do it so you should feel great about it. It seems now you understand why I have "Acta, non verba." in my signature too. You can't negotiate desire. Never tell a woman how you feel, show her. Never look at a woman's words to discern how she feels, look at her actions.

Anyway, unlike some guys here, I think having female friends is great. Good practice, easy competition anxiety, access to social circles, social proof and they are great company. I still spend most of my time with the boys but sometimes chilling with women is what I'm in the mood for.

You did well, flow. We all fail upward and now you're richer for the experience. Do not regret it in the least.

I did wait too long. However not because I was timid to make a move. It really was a compounding interest and then it blossomed to sexual/romantic interest; a slower burn. However too late, I suppose.
I regret nothing and I think the learning is terrific.

I guarantee she did like me and may even be a bit sour to it all now that she knows everything (because when she put herself out there, she was kind of rejected, then a week went by and I came out with my feelings, but she had already felt the burn).
There’s a bit more to the story prior to me coming out and expressing my true feelings, and after the time she asked if I ‘expected sex’.
I’ll tell the story if anyone wants to hear.

 

[ohrein]

He probably also has #nextset written on every wall in his bachelor pad haha
Nextset
Nextset
Nextset

I picture @DEEZEDBRAH as a buff guy at the gym with NEXTSET across his chest in that classic Latin font. That said, I do think there are gems of wisdom in his main points. Follow your purpose, don't waste your time on trash. I sort of dismissed him at first but the more I read his posts the more I like him.