Don't beat yourself up. These women are master manipulators and experts at finding a mark. They follow a script that works and there's no shame in falling for it. Most of us go into these relationship with open minds and hearts, because we are good people.Maybe I missed it, but is she the mother of your child?
Her behavior is absolutely disgusting! Offering her new BF to fix your car is the ultimate form of disrespect.
Once you experience that euphoria with them, you can see that glow in their face with their new supply. My male friend has BPD and I saw that same exact glow in his face with his new GF. He is 42, but looked and acted like a child around her. I now see she has BPD or some other Cluster B disorder after chatting with her all night.
Something similar happened to my buddy. He tried to get his ex BPD back after 5 months of NC. I told him not to contact her, as he will see her true self, the cold hearted side. Well, lets just say I was spot on, as she was so cold to him he called me immediately after crying. That same night she posted a handful of pics on her FB with her new man that he later found out she was talking to while they were dating (not surprised) and also changed her profile pic of a selfie of them. He cried non stop all night in utter shock. He was so brainwashed to think he could actually get her back and that she would listen to what he had to say. Two days before she left him she asked him to get her pregnant and they were also engaged.
I'm still, after all these months, trying to wrap my head around some of her blatant disrespectful behavior. Her thinking its ok for her male friend to sleep over and get drunk with me not there. That's the kind of crap I dealt with and that brings me such great shame in myself for not leaving the countless times I tried. The triangulation she put me through was utter hell on earth. Hated her for the way she was able to suck me back into their toxic vortex after the chit she pulled. Throwing me love bombing crumbs to make me think she is still that person, begging me not to leave her, only for her abuse to get worse and worse.
Telling me to marry for the 100th time just days before she moved, when in fact she had "zero" intentions and started dating the new guy days after that.
She played me so well in the end I truly feel sick everyday for falling for it all hook line and sinker. She only kept me around to help her pack, move things and not be alone in that apt. Future faking about her and I buying a house together the following year, showing me texts of mom saying she cant wait to meet me and spend Xmas with them.
Long story short, I kept chasing her for a week after she left, taking her crumbs, then I blew up on her saying she was selfish for leading me on and giving me the silent treatment when I did nothing wrong, then her saying "shes tired of walking on eggs shells with me, better we dont date anymore" Then I found a piece of paper in my bag clothes a week later that said "I love you, try not to forget me". Thats when it hit me in the face she used me and had zero intentions of a future. I cried for weeks thinking it was all my fault. If it wasn't for her friend telling me about her past, I probably would have continued to chase her for God knows how long.
I should have never taken her back the last time I broke up with her, could have saved myself a world of extra pain/abuse and let her suffer in that apt alone thinking about what she did.
Yeah I fvcked up and had a kid with her. She didn't show the volatile traits usually associated with low function BPD's. which had me fooled. I contributed her antics of having being married to an abusive narcissist for 18 years. That can screw anybody up. Now I see they were a perfect match. It's only after I left I started to connect the dots and do the research. I'm not a professional psychiatrist nor am I some wounded ex trying to find excuses for heartbreak and mistreatment. She fits the waif down to a fault.
1. Extreme fear of abandonment
2. Self harming cutting her toenails until they bleed
3. Perpetual victim (Everybody has always been mean to me)
4. Distorted reality of what happens during arguments and what was being said, including imagined physical threat from me (imagining me getting very close to her face with a pointed finger) when I was across the room.
Always in denial about her involvement and the skewed manipulative ways of a master, she would argue her points so well, you'd think you were the one causing all issues. I really had to sometimes think hard of what was said and done, because they didn't match her 'facts', I thought I was getting Alzheimers
5. Telling me 'saving her' or 'picking her up' if you will was something she would always need from me.
6. all kinds of physical ailments flaring up at random times, including intestinal problems that would cause them to inflate making her look pregnant one minute and flat the other (she probably faked it). Had specialists stumped.
7. Horror stories about her ex, meant to elicit sympathy and to recruit me as capt-save-a-ho
8. Heroin addicted/prostitute mother/criminal father both ignoring her and neglecting her since birth
9. Sexually abused by a friend of the family at an early age
10. Gradually increasing my workload for the family to the point I was doing 70% of taking care of the family chores, while still complaining I didn't do enough. This was to prove my love and caring
11. Shaming/Guilting me for having my hobbies, which I let go of.
12. 15+ recycles
13. Extremely moody
14. High conflict personality. Even lost her job and had to be relocated because of conflicts.
I can keep it going but you get the point. I lost my identity and got a depression because I completely disappeared in her world. I was guilted/shamed into giving more than a human can give.
She became completely psychotic towards the end when I broke up for the last time. Banging her head against the wall, falling on her knees begging, crying and pleading, switching to all out rage of pushing me and flipping over the dinner table. Running after me screaming outside like a crazy person. She really scared the sh!t out of me.
The first month picking up and bringing my son back, she would tell me how she couldn't move her fingers in the morning from all the moving she had been doing, She would wear skirts or shorts so I could see her completely bruised legs, which she claimed was from not getting help moving and having to do it herself. Yet there was always 2 or 3 people around helping her.
I never begged her back after the last breakup. I did apologize once for how I left. I told her I didn't love her anymore and I was sick and tired of her 3 kids (not my own). Kids I had taken in as my own in that relationship. I didn't just leave, I slammed that door well and shut.
As I said I'm not qualified to give diagnosis's but I'm 1000% certain myself.
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