Don't beat yourself up. These women are master manipulators and experts at finding a mark. They follow a script that works and there's no shame in falling for it. Most of us go into these relationship with open minds and hearts, because we are good people.
Yeah I fvcked up and had a kid with her. She didn't show the volatile traits usually associated with low function BPD's. which had me fooled. I contributed her antics of having being married to an abusive narcissist for 18 years. That can screw anybody up. Now I see they were a perfect match. It's only after I left I started to connect the dots and do the research. I'm not a professional psychiatrist nor am I some wounded ex trying to find excuses for heartbreak and mistreatment. She fits the waif down to a fault.
1. Extreme fear of abandonment
2. Self harming cutting her toenails until they bleed
3. Perpetual victim (Everybody has always been mean to me)
4. Distorted reality of what happens during arguments and what was being said, including imagined physical threat from me (imagining me getting very close to her face with a pointed finger) when I was across the room.
Always in denial about her involvement and the skewed manipulative ways of a master, she would argue her points so well, you'd think you were the one causing all issues. I really had to sometimes think hard of what was said and done, because they didn't match her 'facts', I thought I was getting Alzheimers
5. Telling me 'saving her' or 'picking her up' if you will was something she would always need from me.
6. all kinds of physical ailments flaring up at random times, including intestinal problems that would cause them to inflate making her look pregnant one minute and flat the other (she probably faked it). Had specialists stumped.
7. Horror stories about her ex, meant to elicit sympathy and to recruit me as capt-save-a-ho
8. Heroin addicted/prostitute mother/criminal father both ignoring her and neglecting her since birth
9. Sexually abused by a friend of the family at an early age
10. Gradually increasing my workload for the family to the point I was doing 70% of taking care of the family chores, while still complaining I didn't do enough. This was to prove my love and caring
11. Shaming/Guilting me for having my hobbies, which I let go of.
12. 15+ recycles
13. Extremely moody
14. High conflict personality. Even lost her job and had to be relocated because of conflicts.
I can keep it going but you get the point. I lost my identity and got a depression because I completely disappeared in her world. I was guilted/shamed into giving more than a human can give.
She became completely psychotic towards the end when I broke up for the last time. Banging her head against the wall, falling on her knees begging, crying and pleading, switching to all out rage of pushing me and flipping over the dinner table. Running after me screaming outside like a crazy person. She really scared the sh!t out of me.
The first month picking up and bringing my son back, she would tell me how she couldn't move her fingers in the morning from all the moving she had been doing, She would wear skirts or shorts so I could see her completely bruised legs, which she claimed was from not getting help moving and having to do it herself. Yet there was always 2 or 3 people around helping her.
I never begged her back after the last breakup. I did apologize once for how I left. I told her I didn't love her anymore and I was sick and tired of her 3 kids (not my own). Kids I had taken in as my own in that relationship. I didn't just leave, I slammed that door well and shut.
As I said I'm not qualified to give diagnosis's but I'm 1000% certain myself.
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