Girlfriend going cold

[jthomp]

I think because it's July 4th fireworks, he should accept because it's a significant event. Make it fun. Then go ghost on her.

So I met up with her and she initiated sex which she rarely does. She's been reaching out the last few days but hasn't mentioned her nephew once. I also noticed that she added a passcode to her phone which she never had before. shes also been saying some suspicious things lately. For example, my roommate is away from his girlfriend for a few weeks. So out of the blue she says that he's probably cheating on her. I know for a fact he isn't but she seems to think cheating is the norm. I guess she thinks nobody has integrity anymore. I don't think I can trust her.

 

[lizardking82]

So I met up with her and she initiated sex which she rarely does. She's been reaching out the last few days but hasn't mentioned her nephew once. I also noticed that she added a passcode to her phone which she never had before. shes also been saying some suspicious things lately. For example, my roommate is away from his girlfriend for a few weeks. So out of the blue she says that he's probably cheating on her. I know for a fact he isn't but she seems to think cheating is the norm. I guess she thinks nobody has integrity anymore. I don't think I can trust her.

Dude, she's gettin' two dykes right now and I don't think it is a smart decision for yours to be one of those two. Like, trust me, it is 99,99% sure she is bangin' another dude while she keeps you "smothered". Typical reaction of people who are trynna hide something from you, they will try and smother you with affection. Typical reaction 2: they start projecting their own doings in other people. Passcode to the phone, too.

Just leave, man. It is not even worth telling her anything, just tell her you need to think things over and you wanna be alone for a while.

 

[SteR]

See, this is the problem with these forums: The second a girl doesn't do exactly what's expected of her, it's all "She's cheating, she's monkey branching, she's <insert anything insidious>". Who know's what's happening with her.. but jumping straight to the conclusion of "she's cheating" or "she's going to cheat" is ridiculous.

I get it, people on these forums have been burned before. That doesn't mean every girl is plotting your downfall if she doesn't pay you attention for 5 minutes. That reeks of insecurity.

 

[lizardking82]

See, this is the problem with these forums: The second a girl doesn't do exactly what's expected of her, it's all "She's cheating, she's monkey branching, she's <insert anything insidious>". Who know's what's happening with her.. but jumping straight to the conclusion of "she's cheating" or "she's going to cheat" is ridiculous.

I get it, people on these forums have been burned before. That doesn't mean every girl is plotting your downfall if she doesn't pay you attention for 5 minutes. That reeks of insecurity.

No, man. Your logic is not in place. Logically speaking, she's most probably cheating and I explained to him above why. Don't go around messing with the OP's head and giving him false hope for nothing. His princess is in two castles right now. If you also don't understand this, it's gonna happen to you soon, so take notice.

 

[Thorninmyside]

See, this is the problem with these forums: The second a girl doesn't do exactly what's expected of her, it's all "She's cheating, she's monkey branching, she's <insert anything insidious>". Who know's what's happening with her.. but jumping straight to the conclusion of "she's cheating" or "she's going to cheat" is ridiculous.

I get it, people on these forums have been burned before. That doesn't mean every girl is plotting your downfall if she doesn't pay you attention for 5 minutes. That reeks of insecurity.

Nope. Changes in behavior warrant suspicion.

 

[martinman980]

So I met up with her and she initiated sex which she rarely does. She's been reaching out the last few days but hasn't mentioned her nephew once. I also noticed that she added a passcode to her phone which she never had before. shes also been saying some suspicious things lately. For example, my roommate is away from his girlfriend for a few weeks. So out of the blue she says that he's probably cheating on her. I know for a fact he isn't but she seems to think cheating is the norm. I guess she thinks nobody has integrity anymore. I don't think I can trust her.

Hmmm, before I reached the third page of this post, i would have tought that maybe , just maybe she was very affected by her nephew, since a 9 months relationship is a long time. That being said if the two of you would have been that close she would defentely need you by her side in those critical moments, women are needy like that.

But right now after reading this third page , and because of the quoted text above it is likely something is up.

My advice is to act like a man and be up front with it, not just let her go, wtf is that? A 9 months thing is not something to just pull the plug and walk away, i suppose you invested time, energy and even money into that relationship.

You can either tell her that she is not being mature, or is acting stange, implying that you know something is up, or just be blunt with it but gentle. I would tell her something like this:

Honey look i know you went through a tough time with your nephew , etc... etc... but i also knoticed that you started to act strange lately and tell her your suspicions, if she is a mature woman and if she is NOT cheating on you she will
try to prove to you that this is not the case and she will become closer to you, any other type of response... well you'll get the picture... especially if she'll flip and start to make you guilty or accuse you of cheating on her, in that chase make her even more angry and as she will become more out of control at some point she will tell you the truth, in shouting and angry format perhaps .

I would do this at her place so you can leave if things turn bad. At this point you really need to stand up for yourself and it can go in either direction, but in the end you'll know for sure what's going on and you can move on with your life.

This is what I would do, now it depends on you, how much of a loose end you want to have with this

Cheers

 

[SteR]

No, man. Your logic is not in place. Logically speaking, she's most probably cheating and I explained to him above why. Don't go around messing with the OP's head and giving him false hope for nothing. His princess is in two castles right now. If you also don't understand this, it's gonna happen to you soon, so take notice.

Nope. Changes in behavior warrant suspicion.

True, but let's for the sake of argument assume this woman isn't cheating/thinking of cheating. OP then follows the boards advice and starts distancing himself from her. She then questions why he's evading her and now she starts looking elsewhere for an escape plan.

The problem with all this projection is that you can cause the very outcome you're seeking to avoid. Like I said in my original post, he shouldn't take any drastic action and just get on with other things. If he sees conclusive proof that she's on her way out, then fine, take the necessary steps... but at the moment there's nothing conclusive.

 

[lizardking82]

The situation is stressing the OP. I do strongly think she is playing him. There is a slight chance she isn't, but again...furthermore, the OP is projecting things in the situation, he does not feel calm. He needs to distance himself from this situation in order to gain some clarity.

 

[jthomp]

The situation is stressing the OP. I do strongly think she is playing him. There is a slight chance she isn't, but again...furthermore, the OP is projecting things in the situation, he does not feel calm. He needs to distance himself from this situation in order to gain some clarity.

She just asked me to buy her blinds and drapes for her apartment.

 

[martinman980]

Has she asked this kind of thing before? If not just deflect this drapes thing and have conversation with her the next day or even today. like I said, and start slowly.

If did she asked this kind of thing before, and you indulged her, then it really depends a lot on your circumstances.

I would still have that conversation with her,

 

[sazc]

Dont buy anything for her. I'm suspecting she is cheating as well. If you have any access to her family members call one of them and ask how the nephew is and/or ask her for specific details on the nephew. Family members responses regarding the nephew will tell you what you need to know. If you start asking her about the nephew and she tries to wave you off/tells you "I dont know/I didnt ask for those details" she's up to something b/c I'm damn sure going to ask my sister ALL the details if something happened to my nephew. If nephew is supposedly in the hospital you can call and verify that. Just tell the operator you wanted to send a gift and want to make sure he is there.

idk, new pass codes on the phone? mentioning the cheating? makes you think twice...

 

[lizardking82]

OP, abort mission, dude. I have seen this play out several times before and the ending is pretty much the same. She's cheating or she's thinkin' of cheating, same **** in my opinion. At this point, it does not even matter if she's cheating or not, she's misbehaving and it probably does not have all that much to do with you. Some people here are saying "try to talk it over", but I think she is not the kind of person to confront problems and discuss and solve them. She's acting like she's used to act, meaning she's throwin some honey in top of all the **** that's happening in the background. Get out of there, man. Slowly go cold on her.

 

[jthomp]

OP, abort mission, dude. I have seen this play out several times before and the ending is pretty much the same. She's cheating or she's thinkin' of cheating, same **** in my opinion. At this point, it does not even matter if she's cheating or not, she's misbehaving and it probably does not have all that much to do with you. Some people here are saying "try to talk it over", but I think she is not the kind of person to confront problems and discuss and solve them. She's acting like she's used to act, meaning she's throwin some honey in top of all the **** that's happening in the background. Get out of there, man. Slowly go cold on her.

She asked me to help her hang some blinds so I helped her all day. I was tired and went in the bedroom. Now she's mad because I went to lay down. I'm done. She's become a pain in my ass. I'm a sucker.

 

[Glassguy]

She asked me to help her hang some blinds so I helped her all day. I was tired and went in the bedroom. Now she's mad because I went to lay down. I'm done. She's become a pain in my ass. I'm a sucker.

My suspicion is that when she asked you to buy blinds, you bought them.

She asked you to help hang them, you did.

She asked you to fireworks after ignoring you for days, you went.

See the pattern? She holds control and you're in her frame.

My guess is as soon as you would have said no, she would have someone else on speed dial. She seems like a b1tch.

Go cold on her. When she asks what's wrong, tell her you "need some space" and ghost her. Start hitting up other chicks.

When she starts being nice because you're ignoring her, tell her you just want to keep this to sechs only for a while because you don't know what you want. If she so much slightly disagrees, dump her.

Or just dump her @ss now and start hitting digits. Yeah, do that. She isn't worth the time and I guarantee you there is another face in this equation at this point.

 

[jthomp]

My suspicion is that when she asked you to buy blinds, you bought them.

She asked you to help hang them, you did.

She asked you to fireworks after ignoring you for days, you went.

See the pattern? She holds control and you're in her frame.

My guess is as soon as you would have said no, she would have someone else on speed dial. She seems like a b1tch.

Go cold on her. When she asks what's wrong, tell her you "need some space" and ghost her. Start hitting up other chicks.

When she starts being nice because you're ignoring her, tell her you just want to keep this to sechs only for a while because you don't know what you want. If she so much slightly disagrees, dump her.

Or just dump her @ss now and start hitting digits. Yeah, do that. She isn't worth the time and I guarantee you there is another face in this equation at this point.

You hit the nail on the head.

 

[kronreiff]

You're being too needy, calling too much and to her you're appearing like a desperado. Add to the fact that she's found someone else and her interest level is in the "see ya later" zone. Dump her before she dumps you "officially, then hit the gym and spin some plates to speed the detachment of your need for her and recover.

 

[jthomp]

You're being too needy, calling too much and to her you're appearing like a desperado. Add to the fact that she's found someone else and her interest level is in the "see ya later" zone. Dump her before she dumps you "officially, then hit the gym and spin some plates to speed the detachment of your need for her and recover.

I don't call her much.

 

[SuckItUp]

See, this is the problem with these forums: The second a girl doesn't do exactly what's expected of her, it's all "She's cheating, she's monkey branching, she's <insert anything insidious>". Who know's what's happening with her.. but jumping straight to the conclusion of "she's cheating" or "she's going to cheat" is ridiculous.

I get it, people on these forums have been burned before. That doesn't mean every girl is plotting your downfall if she doesn't pay you attention for 5 minutes. That reeks of insecurity.

The signs are there. How do I know? Once you start to believe that a woman is cheating the relationship is doomed. He already thinks something is wrong.

Tragedy is a crucible for relationships. Women need to be comforted and soothed when tragedy strikes. If a woman is acting aloof in such a circumstance, it doesn't matter if she is cheating because it tells you what you need to know if the shoe was on the other foot.

She should be binned either way. However, her inconsistent behaviors scream cheating. How does the accident create the need to password her phone when she didn't previously? There is no reasonable explanation that explains that behavior outside getting things on your phone that you don't want others to see. So, unless she just became a spy, she's hiding something.


I understand that this board can be quick to come to the conclusion that a woman is being unfaithful. However, there are some ominous signs on display that strongly suggest that this woman isn't trustworthy. Personally, I have no agenda here other than deciphering what is transpiring. If I felt that the OP was overreacting I would say so.

 

[Thorninmyside]

She asked me to help her hang some blinds so I helped her all day. I was tired and went in the bedroom. Now she's mad because I went to lay down. I'm done. She's become a pain in my ass. I'm a sucker.

That would deserve a giant F*CK OFF even without all the other signs of changing behaviour. Nuke it and report back.

 

[SteR]

The signs are there. How do I know? Once you start to believe that a woman is cheating the relationship is doomed. He already thinks something is wrong.

Tragedy is a crucible for relationships. Women need to be comforted and soothed when tragedy strikes. If a woman is acting aloof in such a circumstance, it doesn't matter if she is cheating because it tells you what you need to know if the shoe was on the other foot.

She should be binned either way. However, her inconsistent behaviors scream cheating. How does the accident create the need to password her phone when she didn't previously? There is no reasonable explanation that explains that behavior outside getting things on your phone that you don't want others to see. So, unless she just became a spy, she's hiding something.


I understand that this board can be quick to come to the conclusion that a woman is being unfaithful. However, there are some ominous signs on display that strongly suggest that this woman isn't trustworthy. Personally, I have no agenda here other than deciphering what is transpiring. If I felt that the OP was overreacting I would say so.

Well I only just saw the latest update from OP, and I agree now.. something's up. However my previous point still stands, as I was referring to OP's original post only.