Girlfriend going cold

[jthomp]

For me this would be disrespect on a level that I could not tolerate. Needing space is one thing, not reaching out for 2 weeks to your partner is another, dead relative or not. If that is the cause' for her behavior I still could not accept it. She is not the only person who has lost someone before. A day or 2 is understandable. She hasn't said anything to you in 2 weeks lol. What does she think your some retard that's going to wait around forever? Especially after 9 months? Dating is no longer casual at that point. Least she could do is let you know what's up.

This pisses me off that she did this to you.

Give her til the weekend. Prepare yourself emotionally.

This relationship is over.

You need to make this realization so she doesn't convince you otherwise. If she contacts you before Friday 5pm it doesn't matter. Either at Friday 5pm or if she contacts you before you text her this: "I'm picking up my stuff"

-You dont need to explain
-You dont need to talk about it
-You dont need to wait
-You dont need to have a sit down

You made your decision. If she's like most women she will go into panic mode, which you need to be strong enough to whether. Get your stuff and get out. There's nothing to talk about, 2 week spell says enough.

If shes a cold hearted bítch she will probably say something along the lines of: "Ok."
In which you still need to get your stuff and dip.

Take a week to recover and then hop right back in the sack. That's if you even need it, she gave you a 2 week headstart. Sorry man. Good luck.

It hasn't been 2 weeks. It's been 5 days. She just texted me to hang out tonight. I've ignored her.

 

[SmooveMooves]

It hasn't been 2 weeks. It's been 5 days. She just texted me to hang out tonight. I've ignored her.

2 weeks vs 5 days actually makes a HUGE difference. In 5 days she could have really been dealing with grief and family trouble. Unlike most people I wouldn't jump to saying she's cheating. You gotta be a sick fūck to fūck around on your boyfriend in between funerals and wakes and shít. I doubt she'd even be in the mood.

I wouldn't overreact here, cut her some slack. Reply.

 

[Igetit!]

It hasn't been 2 weeks. It's been 5 days. She just texted me to hang out tonight. I've ignored her.

She reached out to you and you ignored her.....

Why? I thought that was what you were advised to wait for.

Me personally,I'd have responded to her and asked her how her nephew was,then listen CLOSELY to see how she answers.

 

[Milano]

2 weeks vs 5 days actually makes a HUGE difference. In 5 days she could have really been dealing with grief and family trouble. Unlike most people I wouldn't jump to saying she's cheating. You gotta be a sick fūck to fūck around on your boyfriend in between funerals and wakes and shít. I doubt she'd even be in the mood.

I wouldn't overreact here, cut her some slack. Reply.

LOL people like you who put up with this sht makes life hell for the rest of us. They are a couple, OP says she is his girlfriend. She has an obligation to actually care about him, she cant just jump in and out of his life like he is nothing. So if one of her parents or siblings die she is gonna go cold for 6 months? "You must give her space" Fuk outa here with that shiet.

 

[SmooveMooves]

LOL people like you who put up with this sht makes life hell for the rest of us. They are a couple, OP says she is his girlfriend. She has an obligation to actually care about him, she cant just jump in and out of his life like he is nothing.

If she was a wreck for a few days and needed space that's understandable. What was he gonna do? Hold her for 5 days straight? Watch her cry? Keep saying "Im sorry?" Sounds like she needed some time to deal with grief. Everyone deals with it differently, some people shut down.

So if one of her parents or siblings die she is gonna go cold for 6 months?

In my post where I thought OP had said she been cold 2 weeks I was outraged and said that it was unacceptable, however, after learning that it was really only 5 days and she reached out, I changed my stance. 5 days, though still a little excessive is a reasonable time to deal with something.

 

[lizardking82]

Listen, @SmooveMooves ... common, man. I have had grief, too. I had my uncle and grandma die 1 month apart. Felt like shyt. However, my girlfriend at the time knew. She knew I was going to hometown, tried to comfort me. If anything, when you feel weak emotionally, you rush to your most loved person, you don't avoid them for 5 days. Or 2 days. You don't, unless you're some freakish person or unless you're using this as an option to sneak out of the relationship.

No matter what is happening (since we can't know for sure what's happening), still, it's not normal to not talk to your boyfriend of almost 1 year for 5 days straight. Something's up here.

 

[jthomp]

Listen, @SmooveMooves ... common, man. I have had grief, too. I had my uncle and grandma die 1 month apart. Felt like shyt. However, my girlfriend at the time knew. She knew I was going to hometown, tried to comfort me. If anything, when you feel weak emotionally, you rush to your most loved person, you don't avoid them for 5 days. Or 2 days. You don't, unless you're some freakish person or unless you're using this as an option to sneak out of the relationship.

No matter what is happening (since we can't know for sure what's happening), still, it's not normal to not talk to your boyfriend of almost 1 year for 5 days straight. Something's up here.

She said that she was depressed and that the nephew is out of critical care but still in the hospital. Then she asked to go see the fireworks tonight. I don't even feel like hanging out with her. She never asks me out usually. Idk what to do.

 

[lizardking82]

She said that she was depressed and that the nephew is out of critical care but still in the hospital. Then she asked to go see the fireworks tonight. I don't even feel like hanging out with her. She never asks me out usually. Idk what to do.

Forget about the details here for a second, bud. What I am telling you is that there is no way anyone within the vicinity of normal would feel like not talking to their bf/gf because their grandma died. People die all the time, this is not normal.

I say you mirror her. She's cold? Be cold, too. And I say do not meet her tonight, she will probably manage to keep you away from whatever is happening. I think you should stay home, get a beer, or go out with some buddies or sth. Avoid meeting her tonight, you're not calm, I don't need to be near you to understand this much. You don't like what she's doin' and you have every right to. Just don't go out with her tonight.

 

[finality]

She said that she was depressed and that the nephew is out of critical care but still in the hospital. Then she asked to go see the fireworks tonight. I don't even feel like hanging out with her. She never asks me out usually. Idk what to do.

Women will sometimes come back extra sweet if they have been cheating.

Its all about patterns. If she doesn't normally ask you out and now she does.. you have to ask yourself why. Manipulation probably.

 

[lizardking82]

Women will sometimes come back extra sweet if they have been cheating.

Its all about patterns. If she doesn't normally ask you out and now she does.. you have to ask yourself why. Manipulation probably.

Thank you. Wanted to say this but did not come to mind the right way at the moment. Whenever anyone, not just women, is going out of their way for you, be in doubt.

 

[SmooveMooves]

Listen, @SmooveMooves ... common, man. I have had grief, too. I had my uncle and grandma die 1 month apart. Felt like shyt. However, my girlfriend at the time knew. She knew I was going to hometown, tried to comfort me. If anything, when you feel weak emotionally, you rush to your most loved person, you don't avoid them for 5 days. Or 2 days. You don't, unless you're some freakish person or unless you're using this as an option to sneak out of the relationship.

No matter what is happening (since we can't know for sure what's happening), still, it's not normal to not talk to your boyfriend of almost 1 year for 5 days straight. Something's up here.

This makes sense LOGICALLY but if you've have actual experience with women and grieving you should know it's a red flag if they avoid their own boyfriend during this time.

Idk. Both you guys have me on the fence now.

 

[MrAddiction]

This was what convinced me that my experiences we're valid, plus I've read probably another two three situations like this.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/a-womans-faithfulness-during-a-loss.207660/

This thread came to my mind too....

 

[bigneil]

Women will sometimes come back extra sweet if they have been cheating.

Its all about patterns. If she doesn't normally ask you out and now she does.. you have to ask yourself why. Manipulation probably.

This is a loser attitude. You want women to ask you out. Just suggesting the above screams "I know you'll hurt me like all the others!!"

Never accuse women of doing anything that would make you look bad if they did it (Example: I know you got gang banged by all my friends last night!!). Simply walk away unless they prove otherwise.

 

[wifehunter]

Do nothing.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Oy vey. You fumbled the football buddy.

I've been dating this woman for 9 months. Our relationship has been going well thus far. I spent last weekend with her and she cooked me dinner Monday and Tuesday night. When I contacted her Thursday she sounded cold and distant on the phone. We agreed to meet up in an hour but 20 mins before I was going to pick her up she texted me saying that she didn't want to go out and that she would see me over the weekend.

She just told you when she would see you. This is where you nail down your text get-together. You should have locked down plans for the weekend.

I tried calling her but she didn't pick up or return the call. I didn't hear anything from her on Friday. I tried calling her Saturday and she didn't pick up but texted me saying that her nephew was in an accident Thursday and is in critical condition and that she was very distraught and needed time and that she would talk later. I said that im here for her and that I hope everything turns out well.

Of course she didn't. She told you she didn't want anything to do with you right now, but is open to seeing you on the weekend. You failed to lock down the next time you'll get together, then started calling her again. You're chasing her out of your life.

She said thanks luv. It's now Tuesday and still haven't heard from her. I'm not going to contact her again.

I was wondering what is a reasonable time to wait before assuming she really wants to break up? Would she lie about this?

Go no contact until Sunday, 8 days after her last text. Do not contact her for any reason. Find something else to occupy your time. This is your only hope. She will reach out to you before then if she still gives a ****.

 

[jthomp]

Oy vey. You fumbled the football buddy.



She just told you when she would see you. This is where you nail down your text get-together. You should have locked down plans for the weekend.



Of course she didn't. She told you she didn't want anything to do with you right now, but is open to seeing you on the weekend. You failed to lock down the next time you'll get together, then started calling her again. You're chasing her out of your life.



Go no contact until Sunday, 8 days after her last text. Do not contact her for any reason. Find something else to occupy your time. This is your only hope. She will reach out to you before then if she still gives a ****.

She already contacted me today asking me to go out tonight for the fireworks.

 

[EyeBRollin]

She already contacted me today asking me to go out tonight for the fireworks.

Good. Don't go crazy on her next time this happens. In the future, just take the counter-offer and wait it out.

 

[lizardking82]

No need to further complicate this one, OP. This behaviour is not normal, so tread carefully. Don't go out tonight. First things first.

 

[Desdinova]

I think because it's July 4th fireworks, he should accept because it's a significant event. Make it fun. Then go ghost on her.

 

[Thatfeel21]

Remember also, OP: my graph shows that often the change you sense has nothing to do with you personally, and there may be a logical explanation (in this case her divorce was the reason, not her seeing someone else).

From the data I can almost prove some things:

1) She wasn't seeing the new guy when she filed the divorce - I would have seen a decline, not a peak.

2) She is probably still romantically involved with her ex husband, seeing that it must have been him who she started texting more. I can't imagine she could dump him and me at the same time. It seems impossible. Our sex life was at it's very best.

3) She probably can see two people at the same time, but with her rebound I got bumped to #3 after hitting #1.

How did this thread turn into you talking about your ex. You hijack threads like a terrorist.