The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[MrAddiction]

Btw. My Ex NPD/BPD which emailed me on monday, send an SMS this morning: did you receive my Email?

Whats next? Her showing up at my door?
How Do I react than, and "explain" why I did not answer to anything anymore?

And on it goes. Today I had a Message on my Mailbox her complaining me not responding to anything. And that I please should call her. Next she will call my parents or show up at my door. I think that will happen within the next five days. Hopefully I can manage to not loose my temper....

 

[dude99]

And on it goes. Today I had a Message on my Mailbox her complaining me not responding to anything. And that I please should call her. Next she will call my parents or show up at my door. I think that will happen within the next five days. Hopefully I can manage to not loose my temper....

Keep cool. Keep ignoring. Just remember if you lose your cool, you are marching to the beat of her drum. March to yours. And only yours.

 

[Carpathian]

I'm no where near 5 months post break up, but the minute she started pulling away, I got back on the horse immediately, thank god for Tinder.
When I'm wtching a movie and fooling around with another girl, it feels liberating in the moment. But when I drive home I feel sad and lonely.

Time and time alone is the only thing that makes that feeling subside. Just keep doing what you are doing.

 

[unsycu]

If you do NOT feel you are up to the challenge, ... still do it! Don't be a chode and give her attention and try to work things out. 99% of times, it makes it worse. We are man, not little flower girls!

Day 1

I don't know if I belong here, and I don't feel up to the challenge. My gf just ended things with me today, pretty much out of nowhere. We had a great relationship to this point, but about a week ago she had some serious issues with a close family member's mental health, and decided that this (along with a major professional exam she is preparing for/stress at work) meant she "did not need a relationship right now." She came over and we spoke in person, and I told her I understood her needs and that I wouldn't contact her. She said she didn't know how she felt or what she needed, and that she didn't want to say we would never be together in the future, but that she needed space and to be alone right now. She's the type of person who, if she didn't want to be with me, would straight up say so. But this definitely felt like a permanent breakup conversation.

I've read tons of your stories, and I feel weird posting here since there were no problems with our relationship or BPD/NPD, she's genuinely an amazing person and the only woman I ever found myself seeing a future with.

Obviously I'm skeptical of her reasoning, but I think it could be true. We were constantly together or texting/face-timing, and I've seen her on her phone and computer many times and there is no sign that she's been talking to other guys while we were together. So I can only assume it's either her personal issues or that she's over me and found an excuse to see other people. But from what I've seen and experienced, she was very much into me until this very legitimate family issue arose.

I've successfully gone NC with my most recent two previous LTR BPDs (and failed other times before that, when I didn't know about NC). I never heard back from either of them, but after a few weeks I was over them and had moved on. I'm no stranger to how this works, but this time it's VERY different. It's a long shot, but I feel like there's a small change this ex might work through her issues and contact me. And in the off-chance that happens, I don't know what I'll do. I've fallen for this one, hard.

I definitely need to go NC for myself, because I know firsthand how much worse things get when I break NC. It's the only way I'll get through this and keep my sanity/dignity. But I also know that's the only way she'll come back to me. I try to fight that feeling, but deep down it's what I know I truly want. I don't want to lie and say I wouldn't do anything to get her back right now.

In the meantime I'll do the typical NC dance: hitting the gym and working on myself. But am I in the right place? Any hope for me?

 

[QuadDeuces]

Day 12

Actually feel quite good, confident and strong, feel disdain for her when I think of her, my mind is more focussed on other things.
Definately making a lot of progress. No contact is definately the way to go.

 

[QuadDeuces]

This guy's youtube channel is gold for advice on overcoming cluster B manipulations.

 

[MrAddiction]

I definitely need to go NC for myself, because I know firsthand how much worse things get when I break NC. It's the only way I'll get through this and keep my sanity/dignity. But I also know that's the only way she'll come back to me. I try to fight that feeling, but deep down it's what I know I truly want. I don't want to lie and say I wouldn't do anything to get her back right now.

You are right in this place. You already know what to do. Stick to it, even if your heart is not wiling to follow.
When reading your post I immediately related to this thread. Maybe you know already, maybe it is helpful.

"did not need a relationship right now."

What does that mean? She thinks she can switch your relationship on and off like some light, just how she. Feels?
Do not let yourself be taken for granted.


Stay strong. Stay NC.

Maybe she will come back, maybe not. But be not the puppy to beg for it.

And as always let me remind the important Iron Rule no 7 of Rollo Tomassi: Never get back with an ex.
https://therationalmale.com/2011/09/08/rooting-through-garbage/

 

[MrAddiction]

, but this time it's VERY different. It's a long shot, but I feel like there's a small change this ex might work through her issues and contact me. And in the off-chance that happens, I don't know what I'll do. I've fallen for this one, hard

That thread about NC is very good. Maybe that helps either to set get your thoughts straight.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/no-contact-is-a-waste-of-time.204830/

 

[unsycu]

Day 2

What does that mean? She thinks she can switch your relationship on and off like some light, just how she. Feels?
Do not let yourself be taken for granted.

Wow, thank you for this, I needed that perspective.

I've been looking at this like she's just someone who is going through a tough time and needs to battle her own demons before she can be in a relationship with me. Maybe it's that she's just naive, or is so stressed out that she has blinders on. But if she were someone who truly wanted to be with me she would find a way, and even if she figures herself out she won't be the same person on the other side of this, and neither will our relationship. Or she may never be someone who is able to truly give herself to someone. The problem is that my brain knows this, but the rest of me still sees the potential in her. Hopefully it gets easier as time goes on.

I still don't know how I'll respond if she ever speaks to me again, but at the very least I'm seeing my value and how she has treated it. I'm just emotionally drained right now and will be for a while. It will be easy for me not to contact her first, but it's the idea of her reaching out that could be my undoing, and I don't want to underestimate the pressure I'd feel to take her back. Right now I'm vulnerable enough that I'm pretty sure I couldn't resist.

I'll be re-reading that "don't get back with an ex" article daily.

 

[Chev.Chelios]

serously, im so ****ing sick of the time heals all wound advice,

FOR FVCKING SH!T SAKE TIME CAN GO FVCK ITSELF IN THE FVCKING ASS AND GO TO FVCKING HELL
FVCK TIME

 

[unsycu]

As Lotus Effect explained quite well in his previous post on the other page this is not true. Time DOES NOT heal everything.

Its how you SPEND your time that determines whether you will heal or not!

If you spend your time wallowing in a pit of anguish and despair then all of eternity wont even be enough time for you to heal.

BUT, If you spend your time bettering yourself and continually self-improving then it will be absurd how LITTLE time it will take to heal. 2-3 months MAX.

Its all about how you spend your time. That is one of the HUGE misconceptions of break ups and the healing process!

 

[JonnySays]

alright Gents before I begin this ...

First I'll tell you my situation. My gf confessed she was bored and wanted a guy to take care of her and blah blah, but wanted to remain friends and stuff. Same old **** line. However, I've gotten with her before when she said this. Usually, I don't contact her for a week and then come back and show her one of the best times she ever had and look ****ing sharp as **** on that date. This leads to sex and getting back. But I feel this time is different I asked her out and she doesn't want to go out.

Yet I told her to print an application for a job, of course, I didn't care about this application she fights about but agrees to it and the following happens:

She kept saying how much she misses me and hell she even kissed me. She was smiling and saying how it was hard to move on blah blah blah... I'm a good guy...Even bought me food, but at the end said she wants time alone and started crying and hugged me. I didn't cry tho for some reason just got in the car and left. I was actually really aloof the whole time.

For me is another of her **** test. I told her that for me is just time away and I never agreed to anything. Which is true I do need some time away for I can start my business and find another job and get scrawny again (I'm skinny fat =/ )

I know I don't want to take care of her and all that nonsense. However, I don't mind taking her on dates and just having a dating vibe. Not ready for marriage or taking care of some chick- I do love her tho and care about her.

That same night we ate chicken together I ****ed up and called her. She angrily blurted out said she just wanted me to be a man blah blah in which I just smirked it off...and kept asking me all types of **** test. " did you cry?" etc... However, we left on the note that we would see what would happen in one or two months but she keeps poking me on facebook and texts me just now ahhh!!

When she pokes me on facebook it means, she misses me....( trap or no trap) I deleted her poke.

So what do you guys think? 60 days /30 days or 2 weeks challenge not even sure at this point. But I want to get it across to her that....

1) I am a man
2) I'm not someone to be friend zoned unless I'm doing the friend zoning...
3) don't ever disrespect me in such a manner.... also by the way she lost her virginity to me so yeah....

 

[unsycu]

Day 4

Sorry everyone, I'm going to break. Soon.

I've been doing everything right so far. Been to the gym every day since Day 1, eating right, talking to girls, and focusing on school. Lost weight, haven't gained a ton of new muscle obviously but feel like I'm on the way there. It's been a rollercoaster, sometimes I feel amazing and free from someone who doesn't deserve me. Other times I don't want to get out of bed and all I can think about is the future we'll never have.

However, today I wrote her a letter. I didn't have any intention of sending it when I started, but that changed. As I wrote it, I found myself editing it to the point where I really was writing it for her, and not just for myself any more. It made me feel much better, but my brain is so messed up that I'm not sure if it's because I was able to get my thoughts out, or if it was because I started to believe I could get her back again.

In it, I told her I understood she needed time to take care of herself (to recap, she really has been dealing with a major family issue and is studying for a major, difficult professional exam; but I still no idea if that's just an excuse). I said I wasn't asking for her back or to change her mind, but wanted her to know where I stand. That even though I still love her, and that I'm still interested in continuing where we left off when she's ready, I need to move on with my life and don't know how I'll feel down the road.

Yup, I'm an AFC right now, I'm weak as hell. It's a stupid move and I'll regret it. I'm not going to send this for a few days, if at all, so I have time to think it over. But I'm such a mess that I feel like if I'm going to move on anyway, she might as well know exactly how I feel, just in case it's that small chance that she really had personal issues, made a mistake, and comes to her senses.

 

[QuadDeuces]

Dont send the letter. It will make it worse. She will read it to her new bf or her girls and laugh at you. Control yourself goddamnit!

 

[unsycu]

Dont send the letter. It will make it worse. She will read it to her new bf or her girls and laugh at you. Control yourself goddamnit!

In all likelihood, yeah. But if either way she's gone, what do I care if she thinks I'm a joke? Is there no chance that she's not just f***ing with me and she really is figuring things out? That she's not cruel and could take my words to heart? I've been screwed over by terrible girlfriends whom I wouldn't give the pleasure of a chance to ridicule me. But this girl is a good person who I know still cares about me in some capacity. If she laughs, f*** her. But if she doesn't...

EDIT:

You just posted this in a threat about reasons women go cold:

Many reasons, doesn't always have to be another guy.
Busy at work/school, something social, maybe she had something medically going on, herpes breakout or something .

Couldn't this just be a more extreme version of that?

 

[QuadDeuces]

In all likelihood, yeah. But if either way she's gone, what do I care if she thinks I'm a joke? Is there no chance that she's not just f***ing with me and she really is figuring things out? That she's not cruel and could take my words to heart? I've been screwed over by terrible girlfriends whom I wouldn't give the pleasure of a chance to ridicule me. But this girl is a good person who I know still cares about me in some capacity. If she laughs, f*** her. But if she doesn't...

EDIT:

You just posted this in a threat about reasons women go cold:



Couldn't this just be a more extreme version of that?

Trust me, I've sent those letters in the past and have been disrespected more.
But I've also received letters from girls whom I have broken up with, many pages of emotional wallowing. I didn't even read every line of it because it was so cringily awkward to read, but it was easy to read between the lines.
The only thing the letters showed me was that it reinforced that the girl was beneath me and I deserved better and maybe I could call her if I'm bored at a later time with no other options.
I even showed it to a friend to boast, "look at this crazy girl begging for me, glad I got away from the drama in time" .
In the meanwhile my head was already in another dimension, work, other girls, everything, no emotional connection whatsoever to the ex, only a disgusted feeling of awkwardness.

Keep your dignity man, she's in another dimension, she will never read the letter with the same emotion as you are writing it.
Sending letters will only add more drama and emotional baggage, and reinforces her position.

 

[unsycu]

Trust me, I've sent those letters in the past and have been disrespected more.
But I've also received letters from girls whom I have broken up with, many pages of emotional wallowing. I didn't even read every line of it because it was so cringily awkward to read, but it was easy to read between the lines.
The only thing the letters showed me was that it reinforced that the girl was beneath me and I deserved better and maybe I could call her if I'm bored at a later time with no other options.
I even showed it to a friend to boast, "look at this crazy girl begging for me, glad I got away from the drama in time" .
In the meanwhile my head was already in another dimension, work, other girls, everything, no emotional connection whatsoever to the ex, only awkwardness.

Keep your dignity man, she's in another dimension, she will never read the letter with the same emotion as you are writing it.
Sending letters will only add more drama and emotional baggage, and reinforces her position.

I know you're right. I've gotten those letters before and they don't make a damn bit of difference. I'm just still trying to rationalize that it's not over in my head. I'll stay the course for now but it's tough.

 

[QuadDeuces]

I'm at 14 or 15 days no contact myself.
It's definately getting easier by the day now, had one hoover attempt but didn't respond.
I'm lifiting weights, and play team sports, and watch a lot of youtube videos about the law of attraction, and abundance mentality.
Wrote down a list of all the things that annoyed me about her.
But also making plans about a trip I want to take, and a course I want to take in my extra spare time now.
I have one FWB but haven't met her in over a week or so, I just want to detox from women for a while and focus on my own life.
I noticed I was slowly losing my character whilst dating this girl because I was putting my life goals on a backburner and most of my time went into her.

 

[MrAddiction]

just in case it's that small chance that she really had personal issues, made a mistake, and comes to her senses

If that would be the case, she was to come to her senses eventhough without your letter. You can not change the emotions of a women by sending a letter where you wallowed all your emotions. What a women cares least is how you feel. She only cares about how you make them feel.
Do not send that letter. It has at all the negative sideeffect that you are waiting desperately for any Kind of reaction, what does only one thing; keep you away from moving on.
And to make sure you will not send that letter. You go out NOW and Burn that letter! Do it.
If you the after a few days still think you should send it, you will have to write it again. And the hope is that at least than you come to mind and realize that it is not worth the effort.

You can do nothing to change her mind. She ended it. She knew it was not your idea. So she knows you would still want to be together with her.

Do not send that letter. Do not break No contact.

 

[MrAddiction]

It s again on of those days where you wake up and wish back for the happy days.

Knowing there is no going back nor a possibility to relive the good times, so there is no benefit in breaking no contact. I will stay strong.

It realy feels like being heroin addicted. Longing for something that you know will never be there again neither really might have been. It's like searching for the artificial paradies.
That is so draining.