The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[unsycu]

Day 7

I can't believe it's been a week and she hasn't reached out. It's like all the good memories we had mean nothing to her. And I know it's naive, but I can't get myself to believe there isn't a chance she's not completely over me. That she wasn't just trying to protect my feelings by giving me an unclear reason. That she doesn't think about me and wonder if she made a mistake.

I know I'm going to break NC at some point. Maybe not soon, but I can't fight this forever.

 

[MrAddiction]

I believe MrAddictions ex is a BPDer

That is what I think too. But due to the fact that I also found some classical NPD treads I tend to write Cluster B. That covers all behaviors and I Do not have nor want to figure out, what it is exactly.
Thanks guys for your good help!

 

[MrAddiction]

... And again.

An hour ago she called me from her workplace. Called my cell and immediately my home phone.
Then she send an SmS. That I should call back and that I must have seen all her calls.
Then she send an Email to all my four emailadresses she knows of. Text: "I can not reach you. Did you change your mail? Can't even reach you via phone. Would you please be so kind to call? That would he really nice, Hope you are doing well and everything is fine"

Due to the fact that she knows I have Health issues that can get really bad at any Time, maybe she really worries. But on the other hand why should I care? That did not stop her from ruining the relationship in the first place. Or does anybody on here think regarding the Health background it is to cruel to stay no contact?

It just gets on to my nerves with that fcuking hoovering.

 

[5chm1dd1]

... And again.

An hour ago she called me from her workplace. Called my cell and immediately my home phone.
Then she send an SmS. That I should call back and that I must have seen all her calls.
Then she send an Email to all my four emailadresses she knows of. Text: "I can not reach you. Did you change your mail? Can't even reach you via phone. Would you please be so kind to call? That would he really nice, Hope you are doing well and everything is fine"

Due to the fact that she knows I have Health issues that can get really bad at any Time, maybe she really worries. But on the other hand why should I care? That did not stop her from ruining the relationship in the first place. Or does anybody on here think regarding the Health background it is to cruel to stay no contact?

It just gets on to my nerves with that fcuking hoovering.

Damn, tough luck with that annoying b#tch.. I'd go crazy if I'd be bombarded with calls and mails like that.
Keep ignoring her, it's the only way to go.

I was in Wales this weekend for visiting an old friend (female, who I used to bang when she was still here) of mine who studies there. Had a fun night, and it was all going great, but Saturday when I woke up next to her I felt like a piece of sh1t for sleeping with her.

Damn, it's been pretty exactly 6 months since splitting, and 5 1/2 months of NC. When will this stop?

 

[MrAddiction]

... And again.

An hour ago she called me from her workplace. Called my cell and immediately my home phone.
Then she send an SmS. That I should call back and that I must have seen all her calls.
Then she send an Email to all my four emailadresses she knows of. Text: "I can not reach you. Did you change your mail? Can't even reach you via phone. Would you please be so kind to call? That would he really nice, Hope you are doing well and everything is fine"

Due to the fact that she knows I have Health issues that can get really bad at any Time, maybe she really worries. But on the other hand why should I care? That did not stop her from ruining the relationship in the first place. Or does anybody on here think regarding the Health background it is to cruel to stay no contact?

It just gets on to my nerves with that fcuking hoovering.

Show Must go on....
3 Hours later. She called my Cell again my home phone number.
...and than she contacted my cousin and told/wrote him that she is wondering why I do not answer nor contact her. Do not know what he answered yet. Will keep you updated.

I have mixed feelings of anger and finding it kinda funny. Non the less it's sad at all. Seems like the last proof of her being BPD.

 

[5chm1dd1]

Show Must go on....
3 Hours later. She called my Cell again my home phone number.
...and than she contacted my cousin and told/wrote him that she is wondering why I do not answer nor contact her. Do not know what he answered yet. Will keep you updated.

I have mixed feelings of anger and finding it kinda funny. Non the less it's sad at all. Seems like the last proof of her being BPD.

Obviously bpd, you can actually be really glad that she's not your problem anymore.

If the calls get out of hand, you can always block her number permanently from calling you, just have to talk to your provider.
I did that a few years back when a chick didn't get that I'm not interested.

 

[MrAddiction]

And me again....

Thanks to my Cousin she knows that my cellnumber is still on.
2calls to my cell and two to my home number around noon. One voicemail: It would be nice if I would call. By the way she cannot get it why I don't do. call me please, otherwise I will come around the next days. That was 1300.
After that I Blockes her at my homephone.
She called again at 1500.
Then an email: when can she come get the rest of her things
Between 1600 and 1700 for calls on my cell and tried ten times to call my home number. Then a textmessage saying the same like the email.

There is not much left of her things. Some pictures. One Wii game. Can't even guess what else she thinks off.
She moved out 1 year and 5month ago. We got back together with seperated flats. And the final breakup was 8month ago: and now she wants to come and get her stuff? Stuff that she did not need for about 16month.

Guys what am I suppose to do? She will definately show up here the next days. And will be angry as fcuk I guess.

 

[BadBoy17]

And me again....

Thanks to my Cousin she knows that my cellnumber is still on.
2calls to my cell and two to my home number around noon. One voicemail: It would be nice if I would call. By the way she cannot get it why I don't do. call me please, otherwise I will come around the next days. That was 1300.
After that I Blockes her at my homephone.
She called again at 1500.
Then an email: when can she come get the rest of her things
Between 1600 and 1700 for calls on my cell and tried ten times to call my home number. Then a textmessage saying the same like the email.

There is not much left of her things. Some pictures. One Wii game. Can't even guess what else she thinks off.
She moved out 1 year and 5month ago. We got back together with seperated flats. And the final breakup was 8month ago: and now she wants to come and get her stuff? Stuff that she did not need for about 16month.

Guys what am I suppose to do? She will definately show up here the next days. And will be angry as fcuk I guess.

Put all her **** in a box, if she shows up give it to her and leave as if you have a meeting or something. Or you can have a girl over and just act polite and dismiss her. If you don't want to see her, you can leave the box outside, but the first two options have more impact in my opinion.

 

[Roober]

And me again....

Thanks to my Cousin she knows that my cellnumber is still on.
2calls to my cell and two to my home number around noon. One voicemail: It would be nice if I would call. By the way she cannot get it why I don't do. call me please, otherwise I will come around the next days. That was 1300.
After that I Blockes her at my homephone.
She called again at 1500.
Then an email: when can she come get the rest of her things
Between 1600 and 1700 for calls on my cell and tried ten times to call my home number. Then a textmessage saying the same like the email.

There is not much left of her things. Some pictures. One Wii game. Can't even guess what else she thinks off.
She moved out 1 year and 5month ago. We got back together with seperated flats. And the final breakup was 8month ago: and now she wants to come and get her stuff? Stuff that she did not need for about 16month.

Guys what am I suppose to do? She will definately show up here the next days. And will be angry as fcuk I guess.

"your items are in a box on my porch. If you do not pick them up by tomorrow morning, I will throw it all in the trash. Thank you!"

Make it a day when you are not home. Make it matter of fact with clear communication. If she does not do this, this will happen. I would say give her at least 24-48 hours.

 

[QuadDeuces]

Transfer her 20 euros/dollars.

 

[5chm1dd1]

Two quite powerful quotes I stumbled across, both by author John Green:


"The good times and the bad times both will pass. It will pass. It will get easier. But the fact that it will get easier does not mean that it doesn’t hurt now. And when people try to minimize your pain they are doing you a disservice. And when you try to minimize your own pain you’re doing yourself a disservice. Don’t do that. The truth is that it hurts because it’s real. It hurts because it mattered. And that’s an important thing to acknowledge to yourself. But that doesn’t mean that it won’t end, that it won’t get better. Because it will."

"The pain demands to be felt."


I think that sums up the whole experience of going through a breakup, even if only roughly.

 

[DJohn]

Told my ex yesterday to not call me for anything ever again. Ive supported her for the past three years and she dosent understand why I cant "just" be her friend. The situation with her has really killed alot of my pride. Shes used me and this becomes evident when she starts dating a new guy. I go from surrogate boyfriend to a pain in her ass. So No Contact is for the best. The sad thing is Im pretty sure her current relationship will end within the next few months because she is a high maintenance attention ***** that kills attraction after the new relationship ideals go away. She expects me to be there to pick her back up like I have several times before. She dosent understand how much this ****s with my head, being used to meet her needs while mine are laughed at. She asked me why I cant just be happy for her, happy that Ive been ditched and shes ****ing someone else. Selfish *****.

No Contact, day one.

stay stong, mate

 

[Watkins292]

Firstly, I'm so glad I've found this.. I have been feeling totally broken for the past week.

My story is pretty similar to most on here.
Been seeing this girl for a year, she lived away in the week but home on weekends.. so only really got time with her then... spare the few times i went up to visit her.

Things started off great.. the constant messaging.. the sex.. the closeness and bond we built up.. the first alarm started ringing when she told me she used to keep checking out her ex boyfriends new girlfriend..she had self worth issues.. she re assured me she didn't want him and it was just the feeling of her being replaced.. we got back on track and things were fine again.. until randomly one evening she said.. how do you know if someone is meant to be your friend more than a boyfriend.. that made me panic! Before this point I was being a little bit closed off from her.. so once she told me that, I opened up to her.. she then told me she felt much more positive about us.. things then were good again ,we spent Christmas and New Year's Eve together.. I treated her like an absolute princess.

A few months ago, the texting started to slow down and our conversations were not as deep or engaging, she had a lot of work on (she's a trainee accountant) so I just took it as she was very busy.. she assured me we were fine.

About three weeks ago I didn't hear from her all day only to be met in the evening with.. ' I don't think I have the feelings I should have'

Unfortunately I went into panic mode, it was her birthday a week after this so I sent her some flowers and gave her some gifts.

She told me that she would try and make another go of things.

A week ago, after barely trying, she told me that after thinking about things she has decided that this is not what she wants. I asked her if there was anyone else and after trying to hide it she admits she is texting someone she met at work, although swears nothing has happened.

I've begged and pleaded, got angry, got sad. I've been a walking zombie the past few days.. I haven't eaten and barely been able to sleep.. every minute is consumed with me wondering if she's talking to him.

Today I have accepted it,
I texted her this morning to say 'hope work is going ok and have a good day'
She has replied this evening with ' still here working and got so much to do tonight too'

I'm leaving it at that, I will gain some small satisfaction that she was the last person to talk to me in some weird way !

Everyone has told her that I was good for her, including her family.. one day I hope she realises how well she was treated with me will regret it.. but by then, I hope I can look at her as a stranger..

I'm sure there will be hard days.
But this is the start of my no contact DAY 1

 

[Roober]

Almost 4 months...

More just chiming in to give some context to what some of you may be going through. I was with my ex for 7 months, she got distant the last 2 months, then broke it off in November. I fell hard, and turned into a complete AFC the last couple months... Below was my general process

Month 1 - rough for me. thought about her a lot. wanted to call, text, couldn't sleep, couldn't focus at work, etc.
What did I do? Started working out, read Book of Pook, 3% man, most of DJ bible, spent lots of time with family and friends, basically keep yourself distracted!

Month 2 - started hitting the gym, began to feel much better about myself and began to feel like she "did me a favor" by breaking up
What did I do? Continued working out, started talking to women (very casually), had a couple dates near end of month 2, focus here was realizing my value

Month 3 - this is where the disconnect finally began, as it was more of a "curious what she is up to" than a "I want her in my life". I might have still taken her back at this point...
What did I do? Read The Rational Male, Started Daygame Mastery, Started The Way of a Superior Man, focus on date women to learn about relationship dynamics, communication, and escalation

Month 4 - the only reason I probably think about her is because of this site or comparing to qualities that made her worse than the women I have dated over the past couple months
What did I do? Continued to date. I have been out with 15 women in the last 2.5 months, Kiss closed all but 2, have 1 steady plate, let one fall, have 2 getting ready. Never stop learning about women, life, work, money. Reduce time wasters (i.e. TV, this board, excessive partying, lazy friends, drugs, alcohol, many more)

What have I learned?
-A wide variety of women like me
-working out is more for your mind than your body
-Read as much as you can

How have I improved?
-better physique - I am bulking now and will begin leaning out in May., aiming for 10% bodyfat
-Being here and focusing on myself makes me want to make more money, to approach more women, to meet more people, and to do more things... sky is not the limit
-The group here is as supportive as any friend or relative you may have... If you have a question, ask!

I am beginning to believe this line from Hitch... "No matter what. No matter when. No matter who. Any man has the chance to sweep any woman off her feet."


NO CONTACT is the only way. Do it. Work on yourself and you will change your life

 

[Roober]

Firstly, I'm so glad I've found this.. I have been feeling totally broken for the past week.

My story is pretty similar to most on here.
Been seeing this girl for a year, she lived away in the week but home on weekends.. so only really got time with her then... spare the few times i went up to visit her.

Things started off great.. the constant messaging.. the sex.. the closeness and bond we built up.. the first alarm started ringing when she told me she used to keep checking out her ex boyfriends new girlfriend..she had self worth issues.. she re assured me she didn't want him and it was just the feeling of her being replaced.. we got back on track and things were fine again.. until randomly one evening she said.. how do you know if someone is meant to be your friend more than a boyfriend.. that made me panic! Before this point I was being a little bit closed off from her.. so once she told me that, I opened up to her.. she then told me she felt much more positive about us.. things then were good again ,we spent Christmas and New Year's Eve together.. I treated her like an absolute princess.

A few months ago, the texting started to slow down and our conversations were not as deep or engaging, she had a lot of work on (she's a trainee accountant) so I just took it as she was very busy.. she assured me we were fine.

About three weeks ago I didn't hear from her all day only to be met in the evening with.. ' I don't think I have the feelings I should have'

Unfortunately I went into panic mode, it was her birthday a week after this so I sent her some flowers and gave her some gifts.

She told me that she would try and make another go of things.

A week ago, after barely trying, she told me that after thinking about things she has decided that this is not what she wants. I asked her if there was anyone else and after trying to hide it she admits she is texting someone she met at work, although swears nothing has happened.

I've begged and pleaded, got angry, got sad. I've been a walking zombie the past few days.. I haven't eaten and barely been able to sleep.. every minute is consumed with me wondering if she's talking to him.

Today I have accepted it,
I texted her this morning to say 'hope work is going ok and have a good day'
She has replied this evening with ' still here working and got so much to do tonight too'

I'm leaving it at that, I will gain some small satisfaction that she was the last person to talk to me in some weird way !

Everyone has told her that I was good for her, including her family.. one day I hope she realises how well she was treated with me will regret it.. but by then, I hope I can look at her as a stranger..

I'm sure there will be hard days.
But this is the start of my no contact DAY 1

Day 1 is only the beginning... allow yourself to feel some grief, no more than a couple days, at most a week or two... cry, get angry, all of the above... you have to feel it...

then....

Find distractions
Find friends and family... you need people to talk to when you are thinking of texting
DELETE everything you have of her... basically get everything out of sight
REMOVE her from all social media
REMOVE all of her "things" or anything that reminds you of her, put in a box and store in the garage.

Think of something you want to do, and go do it
Find your triggers (times when you think of her) and do not do those

Everything is going to remind you of her. Try to avoid the ones with strong emotional attachments

SS is supportive... good luck to you!

 

[QuadDeuces]

Woke up early this morning depressed and lonely wanted to send her a message, but didn't of course, it still hurts.

Got a date with a blonde hb8 tomorrow, a 30yo nurse, I asked her before we go on a date are you a borderliner too? She laughed and said I have no daddy issues and a history of only stable LTR's. Funny how she knew what borderline was.

 

[Watkins292]

Woke up feeling like crap this morning, today will be a struggle, it's only my second day.

The hardest part is thinking about her messaging/talking to this new guy, the way we used to speak.

If she wanted to be alone, I could maybe cope with it more, but knowing someone else is getting her attention now is a killer !

It's my birthday on Monday and I'm pretty sure she will message with a birthday wish (she also said she has a gift that I should have) what do i do with that ?

 

[BlueAlpha1]

Woke up feeling like crap this morning, today will be a struggle, it's only my second day.

The hardest part is thinking about her messaging/talking to this new guy, the way we used to speak.

If she wanted to be alone, I could maybe cope with it more, but knowing someone else is getting her attention now is a killer !

It's my birthday on Monday and I'm pretty sure she will message with a birthday wish (she also said she has a gift that I should have) what do i do with that ?

You've got 518 pages worth of explanation for why you should do nothing.

Ignore her "birthday wish". Your princess is an another castle. If you accept her offerings now it's akin to picking up broken glass off the floor. And she'll know you're weak.

Move on.

 

[Reykhel]

Woke up feeling like crap this morning, today will be a struggle, it's only my second day.

The hardest part is thinking about her messaging/talking to this new guy, the way we used to speak.

If she wanted to be alone, I could maybe cope with it more, but knowing someone else is getting her attention now is a killer !

It's my birthday on Monday and I'm pretty sure she will message with a birthday wish (she also said she has a gift that I should have) what do i do with that ?

Burn it.

You're feeling this way and it's terrible. I feel for you. Not because of the girl but because of your mindset and your paradigm. That's not your fault. Society has lied to you. Your parents lied to you. Your school lied to you. It's not their fault either.

This is not a moment to look for blame.

This is a moment to take action. This is a moment to change your paradigm.

This is not about the girl. This is about how you perceive the situation. How you perceive the girl.

She's now cancer to you, simply because she is making you ill (really your reaction is making you ill, but that's for another day..)

What's the solution? Remove the cancer. Cut the malignant cvnt off completely and you'll be free. Then learn. Change your paradigm.

Burn the gift.

Disdain what you can't have.

 

[QuadDeuces]

Talk about a cure for heartbreak, I banged a hb9 all night I've met through Tinder. She looked better than her pics. Feels good.