The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

Armourhead

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Hey all, I'm new here. This current gal kinda got me thinking, so I googled her hot and cold issues, which was driving me crazy. That lead me here to an old thread about BPD. She fits all signs of everything that I read. I'm not gonna deny I was eating out her hand.

So, after the last cold streak I decided that I've had enough. I unfriended her on FB and severed all contact. I got a F- off text a day after the unfriending and remained silent.

After a week she poked me on FB, whatever that means? I ignored for a few days then got drinking at a party then caved and poked back. She immediately poked back. I was like "d'oh, what am I doing?" Drunkenly poked back. That was the end of it. No more contacts, texts, or anything.

One week later I bump into her at target. I try to go the other way but she caught me. Proceeded to talk to me like nothing was wrong. I kept it brief and so far no contact. Did I blow the upper hand by speaking? I didn't have much of a choice.

I was feeling so good after those two weeks of no contact. Do you think there will be more attempts?
There will probably be more attempts. I don't think you blew your upper hand and really it shouldn't matter. Ideally you will come to a place where you don't care anymore because you are so indifferent to her. Think of how you feel about an ex who dumped you 10 years ago, you probably don't give a **** about that one and with time you will feel the same about this one.
 

NiceBarn

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There will probably be more attempts. I don't think you blew your upper hand and really it shouldn't matter. Ideally you will come to a place where you don't care anymore because you are so indifferent to her. Think of how you feel about an ex who dumped you 10 years ago, you probably don't give a **** about that one and with time you will feel the same about this one.

Thanks! I actually saw her again today. I totally did the "looking at the cell phone" trick as she was heading my direction. I then went the other way.
 

Beer

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Day 8

I was the one who broke it off with her first. We were literally fighting almost everyday over little things I take for granted of my personality and my sense of justice. Plus, I found out she was already living with someone else and is possibly abusing the girlfriend she lives with. Yeah, she's a hot mess express.

Up to now, I thought I was having a delayed reaction about the whole thing. I thought because it was Valentine's Day I began to miss her and think of her nonstop. Today, after a week avoiding and ignoring each other, I said hello to her (since we see each other everyday), and she blew me off. I felt pretty awkward after doing that and immediately regretted my decision. I thought I was trying to be polite, but it backfired on my end.

I think I just have to ride out the emotion, because I certainly don't want to get back together with her, but emotionally, I'm missing those small glimpses of friendship we had.
 

Amhranaí

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Hey guys, I'll just explain my situation.

Just broke up 2-3 weeks ago with my gf after 8 months. Most of it was fun as **** because we were both enormously physically attracted to eachother and our personalities matched enormously. That was both a blessing and a curse because it meant that the relationship ramped up far faster than either of us wanted. The problem is that I wasn't used to any serious relationships and she had a habit of ruining them because of her ADHD. We immediately got off on the wrong foot because I basically charmed her into loving me and she feared I was some cassanova (which I can be in practice, but that's also because I never wanted anything serious with most girls I dated because I didn't feel it was worth my time or didn't want to expose myself to them), so she gave off vibes that she wanted to take it slow. Which didn't happen because we liked eachother too much so we had sex within the week we met eachother, after 2 or 3 dates. So everything went well for the next halfyear and more, until she called me in tears three months ago saying that she had doubts and wanted us to take a step back. i.e., not so much sex, more talks and less public affection.

This is where I ****ed up. Every fibre in my bone told me that it was nonsense and that she didn't mean it and that I should assert my own feelings, but I pussied out because of my love for her and agreed to it. Both of us were going through hectic months because of our uni and she did have a point: we were screwing eachother like rabbits for months and barely really knew eachother on a serious level. So I didn't think a months break was a bad thing because it would mean more time for myself.

For the next few weeks everything largely stayed the same except for a few 'talks' which didn't go anywhere. She mainly whined about school and I didn't really get a chance to say my piece about my problems, which I'm conditioned not to do anyway. We still had sex and a month or so later we were cuddling and I noticed she was really struggling mentally with something. So I drug it out of her. She still had doubts, they'd just grown bigger. She had lost that attraction to me (didn't want intimacy like sex and kissing), she said, because we didn't have enough time for eachother and the spark was gone. I told her, no ****, that's what you told me you wanted. 'Yeah, that's what I said but that wasn't what I really wanted'. Yeah, I knew that much, but **** me for respecting the opinion of a woman I love. I'm not a ****ing mind reader. The worst thing was how helpless she acted, she wanted me to give her all the answers to a problem which was largely and inherently her fault. It wasn't an act either, I know her well enough to know that she can be massively conflicted when her different feelings collide. We had three options: 1. we break up there and then and don't see eachother. 2. we try to stay together in the hope that we'll build the romance again, or 3. we break up and stay friends. I told her immediately that I won't stay friends. That isn't acceptable to me and would end up hurting either or both of us depending on te circumstances. Option 1 wasn't what either of us wanted either, because we genuinely loved eachother, if only platonically. I knew that I was the only boyfriend she had that she genuinely loved and her 'soulmate' and we both didn't want to lose eachother. So, (**** up no. 2) I told her that we'd try and see if we'd stay together and if it could come back. What made it harder is her condition, because one moment she showers me with love and the other she's overwhelmed with doubts and cold. And as much as I want to be a rock in the surf, I can't pretend that her shifting attitude doesn't erode my previously confident mindset when it comes to dealing with her.

I immediately regretted that decision and a week after she met up with me and I told her we should break up. I told her that I didn't want to be friends and I didn't want to have contact either, for obvious reasons. Of course, that didn't go easy either. She cried at first. Then we had a ****ing tickling contest, she ended up giving me a massage and when she left my home I asked for one kiss which ended up being a passionate make-out. We ended that night flirting via text and she asked me to keep her posted on my progress on uni, which I did a few days later (**** up no.3). We had some casual, fun talk and I quickly realized that this was 'friends' talk that suited her better than me so I broke it off last week. Since then I've felt a lot better, been able to concentrate on working out and focussing on my demanding last semester and steadily thinking less about her.

No contact for nearly a week now and she's been steadily liking messages I post on FB and Instagram and this night she texted me, asking me how my party last Saturday went. I ignored her. I know that she still cares for me, she told me so, almost pleaded that she would get the 'feeling' back. And I know that, while I love her, I'm far more mentally and emotionally resilient and stable than she is. I promised myself that I wouldn't contact her until late March at the least, because she's still got a book of mine which I really want back. But it's quite hard to ignore her, because I do want her back, and the option that she would want me after a while has always been very realistic but at the same time, I've got my self-respect and I don't want to give her the impression that I would grovel back to her, when everything is basically going so well for the last weeks. What makes it difficult is that it was never a black-white break-up, just grey as ****. It can always go either way and we both know it.

So yeah, sorry for the blog post but I'm happy to get this off my chest because I'm really not the type to lay all this **** on my IRL friends and acquaintances so it's nice to have a topic like this where we all have the same problems, I want to keep up the no contact but if anyone has some comments or advice for me, you're more than welcome to give it to me.
 

egionesco

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Don't really know the day again, which I think is good, but the last contact was in early February after a few weeks of no contact.

Have really turned a corner. Thoughts about her are only occasional. While I did a bit of online stalking back in January, I shut down the dummy Facebook account I was using and haven't checked up once. Deleted her number. Crushing the gym, spiffed up my style, and doing my job awesomely, and as of a week ago deciding between three amazing (and basically free) offers to go to awesome graduate schools.

Might be overcompensating, but have rarely felt better about the direction of my life.
 

Jordski

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Day 8.. A week has passed easily since ive been reading alot of things in here that makes me feel better. But last night and the other night suddenly she came into my dreams. They were so real and ughh damn it. Thinking about calling her this morning, but i wont follow my ego because i respect myself.
 

S. Aureus

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Day 32
Feeling pretty good. I've think that I nearly leave all the traits the she left on me. Today I say her because of a common class but it was kinda alright. I saw her looking herself in a mirror by accident (Btw I never thought how awful she looked behind all the stupid things love can do and ****) because she is vain AF, but she saw me doing that while I was laughing a little bit and give me a big smile crossing her arms. Also after the class she was eating a hot dogs and she was in the same direction to my car. I know that she doesn't like to be seen while eating, so we crossed eyes and she started laughing and nearly throw all her food down to the ground.
I think that I miss a bullet by NC her of my life (not by this thing but some Red Flags that I knew before and after NC).

Btw I was AFC as ****, but now I've got a qt with high interest around me and also befriend with one of the most alpha guys of my class had helping me with my image.
 

fidel

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My lame/laughable utterly beta story: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/index.php?threads/how-to-deal-with-this-girl-after-no-contact.228260/

Day 1

NC again after all these months but feel this time it's going to be harder. Hope I can drag myself to the gym. Thought I was doing fine with NC earlier, but seeing her with another guy has just crippled me. Have told myself I'm going to be joining a few classes to kill time and meet some more people, but the fact that I'm having to put so much energy into just getting over her is crushing me. She's been blocked on social media for a while now, so nothing new I can do there. Just gotta get used to seeing her with another guy. No idea how long that takes.
 

egionesco

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I broke NC, but I don't care, I'm in a good place right now and don't need no contact anymore.

She invited me a to a bogus event with her friends, I responded "pics of friends?". I don't even have her number in my phone, but by context I knew who it was.

This is a violation of no contact, but even though I haven't done that long, I don't need no contact anymore, I've moved on, I will never never voluntarily contact her again.
 

Srcr347

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Day 1 (
It's been over a week now but I want to start this challenge today. She's trying to get my attention, I see her post different things on social media and it is killing me. I gave her all my attention and she only gave me a few momments of herself. I hate her for trailing me along. She is way more experience than I am, and she knew how much I liked her. She knows how to play people but I refuse to let her play with me. She could go **** herself.

I was doing good before her. I was workingout, I was eating right, and I was focused in school. When she started playing with my emotions, I started to get distracted. No more of that. I'm going back to that routine. I need to get her out of my mind and focus on myself again. I'll get back to you guys with updates.
 

finality

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Day 1 again. Our breakup was like a indy 500 crash and it was messy and a lot of things were said. I texted her last night saying I wasn't proud of the things I said. A lot of things leading to the breakup were her fault but the actually breakup was on me. I had a lot of pent up anger over how she was treating me and then I just snapped and told her to get the fk up of my house. My text basically just said I'm not proud of what I said but if you truly want to break up then this will be the last time I reach up to you. She didn't reply. Day 1 (2016/03/03)
 

Srcr347

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Day 1 (03/03/2016)
It's been over a week now but I want to start this challenge today. She's trying to get my attention, I see her post different things on social media and it is killing me. I gave her all my attention and she only gave me a few momments of herself. I hate her for trailing me along. She is way more experience than I am, and she knew how much I liked her. She knows how to play people but I refuse to let her play with me. She could go **** herself.

I was doing good before her. I was workingout, I was eating right, and I was focused in school. When she started playing with my emotions, I started to get distracted. No more of that. I'm going back to that routine. I need to get her out of my mind and focus on myself again. I'll get back to you guys with updates.
Update: So we work together, and I wrote my first entry this morning. I had to ignore her and sit on the other side of the office. It was hard because I could she seemed very talkative today. She was all smiles and giddy, and I hated it. I am trying not to let it get to me, but I can't help but feel pissed.
 

finality

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Day 1 again. Our breakup was like a indy 500 crash and it was messy and a lot of things were said. I texted her last night saying I wasn't proud of the things I said. A lot of things leading to the breakup were her fault but the actually breakup was on me. I had a lot of pent up anger over how she was treating me and then I just snapped and told her to get the fk up of my house. My text basically just said I'm not proud of what I said but if you truly want to break up then this will be the last time I reach up to you. She didn't reply. Day 1 (2016/03/03)
Well day 1 is going to have to start tomorrow. I met up with her today to discuss our breakup and she said she loved me but wasn't in love with me. This girl used to be infatuated with me but I did a lot of things over the past 3 months that would make her lose attraction. We ended up having sex and then she took me up for supper and then parted ways. I dated her for around 18 months. She was distant the past 3 months so I'm sure she has pictured life without me for 100's of times. She said she is going to miss me because I feel like family to her. Obviously she has very little sexual attraction to me at this point to say something like that.

I actually feel not bad right now. By her ending things 100% with her decision (I told her I still loved her) I only need to focus on forgetting her, improving myself, and finding new women. She will need to ask herself if she made the right decision tomorrow, next week, next month.. or maybe she will never ask herself that question.

I don't expect to hear from her any time soon. If she does reach out it will most likely be when I'm over her.
 

finality

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Today officially is day 1 of NC after the X told me she is no longer in love with me.

Came out of the gym and noticed she called me. She left no message and I'm not returning the call. She might have anxiety already that she made the wrong decision but I'm just going to assume that she pocket dialed and get on with my day.
 

finality

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Day 2.

I realize now that I was a total AFC. Caring what a women thinks is 100% ego based. My X lost interest in the AFC that I had become. I was in control of the relationship for 90% of the time we were dating but once she backed off I made the classic mistake the all AFC's make and told her how much she meant to me/chased harder and harder ect.

We don't fail. We only make mistakes. And then we learn and get better. My X did me a favor by breaking up with me.
 

finality

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Day 3.

X texted a couple times yesterday basically saying she was scared of commitment,intimacy, making the wrong decisions, past failed relationships ect and that it wasn't about her and I and that its worth a conversation between us.

I didn't respond.
 

S. Aureus

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Day 3.

X texted a couple times yesterday basically saying she was scared of commitment,intimacy, making the wrong decisions, past failed relationships ect and that it wasn't about her and I and that its worth a conversation between us.

I didn't respond.
From experience, is better not to respond. If you do it and then you try NC again. It will be possible that they know that you're weak, that once you tried NC and fail, if they wanted to contact you again and you will respond and be in their hands again.
 

finality

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From experience, is better not to respond. If you do it and then you try NC again. It will be possible that they know that you're weak, that once you tried NC and fail, if they wanted to contact you again and you will respond and be in their hands again.
She called me from a different number and I picked up lol Basically just giving me reasons for breaking up with me (so she doesn't feel like the bad guy) and then simultaneously saying once I'm in a better state of mind you never know what can happen.

uggggg... feels like I lost a ton of power somehow
 

finality

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"and then simultaneously saying once I'm in a better state of mind you never know what can happen."


Cut all ties then YOU have all the power. She is doubting her decision, plain and simple and trying to keep you on the hook.

YOU my friend, are the backup plan. How does that feel, to be the backup plan?

YOU my friend, are the backup plan. How does that feel, to be the backup plan?

YOU my friend, are the backup plan. How does that feel, to be the backup plan?

Don't let that happen.............she will string you along until she finds the next BF, then drop you like a hot potato.

Here is what you need to tell her next time she calls or texts "Thanks for the call ! I am already dating someone else now though, so it would be better for everyone if you didn't contact me again. Thanks"


I'll repeat it for you so you can memorize it easily.


"Thanks for the call ! I am already dating someone else now though, so it would be better for everyone if you didn't contact me again. Thanks"
Thanks for that man. I'm the backup plan.
 
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