The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[indisguise]

Day 26 over 45

After I unfollowed her on Instagram, she blocked me which isn't something I didn't expect. at first I felt relieved like we're finally able to move on.
for some reason I can't help but to remember every detail from our relationship. things I thought I've forgotten are flooding back and torturing me. Even when I'm hanging with my friends I can't stop thinking about the whole breakup thing. It's hard and painful now more than any other day I had during the 2 months of our breakup. I feel worse than day1..
I don't know if I miss her or I miss the good days we had, but I really and truly miss being with her.
even though I've had few relationships and breakups before, (I'm 25) this is the first time I feel troubled with a breakup. I thought this girl was the one. I loved her from the bottom of my heart and God knows I still do.
I hope this NC works. so far I don't feel it's helping me very much.

 

[Spinach]

It takes time Grasshopper. We have all been there. The flashbacks never really go away, but the pain that is associated with the memories does fade to a dull ache after awhile. Don't panic, don't doubt yourself or the decision. I won't insult you by saying go find another and everything will be peachy because it won't. The old saying of time heals all is very appropriate when it comes to heartbreak. One other thing: the more you post about it, the longer you will hang on to the memories and the pain. Self discipline is your friend. Trust me on this, as I am more than double your age and still do stupid things when it comes to the opposite sex....But I do know you will get through this as there really is no option. Be at peace.

 

[indisguise]

It takes time Grasshopper. We have all been there. The flashbacks never really go away, but the pain that is associated with the memories does fade to a dull ache after awhile. Don't panic, don't doubt yourself or the decision. I won't insult you by saying go find another and everything will be peachy because it won't. The old saying of time heals all is very appropriate when it comes to heartbreak. One other thing: the more you post about it, the longer you will hang on to the memories and the pain. Self discipline is your friend. Trust me on this, as I am more than double your age and still do stupid things when it comes to the opposite sex....But I do know you will get through this as there really is no option. Be at peace.

Amen to that.. thank you bro I really appreciate it. I find it very helpful everything you guys say..

Anyway, Day 27 wasn't easy as I hoped for, although I started thinking rationally about the whole situation..
Consider this: the last time the girl talked to me (27 days ago after 45 of NC) she said she misses me, and she made clear signs that she wants us to get back together, I have no doubt that she wanted that and I am pretty sure she still wants it now.. the point is I don't think it's a good idea because even though I love her as much as I do, I don't see a future with her. you see I'm not going NC trying to get her back, I just want to heal and forget which isn't easy because I'm still into her, and because I can get back with her if I want, and ultimately, because the last time she spoke to me my response was harsh and I hate myself for what I did and what I said, every time I remember how our wonderful relationship ended I feel worse, why can't we end things on good terms instead of blocking each other on social media and try to make each other miserable?.

Do you think it's a good idea to contact her? I don't want to get back with her but basically I want to say what's bothering me about the whole situation which I believe she will understand. I want to make it clear that I didn't mean to be rude, I admire what we had but this is the best for both of us. in a word: I need closure..
I know you guys are strict about sticking to NC. but consider it from my point of view. it's torturing me because I can't hate her even if I wanted to..
anyway, sorry for the long reply but I've been keeping alot of this on my chest for a while.
Good night all..

 

[egionesco]

Taking the plunge here because I need support.

Not sure how much of the story I should outline, but I did a pretty beta thing and cheated on my wife of 4 years (I'm 35) with one of my students (23). Tough to explain why, my wife is a great catch. I will say this, and I admit this is f*cked up: I am a relatively inexperienced guy, and the connection I made with the student was literally the first second I saw her. I've read that perhaps our genes know what other person is right for us, but I feel super pathetic even talking about this. Regardless, this "chemistry," real or not, doesn't last and since it's not conscious it doesn't require the other person not to be a piece of rubbish.

So, I cheat with this girl for two months, wife finds out, I'm tossed from the house. Girl starts getting really distant and I foolishly didn't realize she was losing interest.

Flake #1: We make plans, she cancels the day before, but her cancellation didn't even effect the event, so I told her no worries we weren't going until 3ish anyways. She says cool, then flakes again but says "come around when you're done." I come around later, she says she's at dinner with her best friend. Should have ended it right there. I went no-contact on her for weeks over Christmas, eventually she sends me a crazy e-mail saying sorry, the wife finding out messed her up. The e-mail is confused and confusing, so a week later i tell her thanks for the memories, good luck.

She insta-responds, like two minutes later, "OMG No! Sex with you is the best ever, there are so many things I want to try. Can we get lunch? I will swallow my pride (and something else)." Huge mistake by me: I responded enthusiastically right off the bat. We made plans to get together three days later, the first available time.

Flake #2: She bails on me 1.5 hours before event, says she's hungover from the night before, am I available next week? I foolishly respond, "LOL, I have lots to do today anyways, but it seems like planned events aren't working for us, hit me up when you're feeling spontaneous."

I no-contacted her for 23 days, she did not contact me. I broke yesterday evening and invited her out to watch me perform stand-up at an open mic tonight at 9:30, something we had talked about doing together. After I sent the text, she responded immediately, "Awesome! That's so cool, glad you're doing it." One minute later: "Unfortunately I'm having dinner with my friend." (*FWIW, the most skilled player I know thinks I shouldn't give up on this one based on her response time, he thinks I'm getting to her. He says just invite her out next time you want to do something yourself and who gives a **** if she shows, she might. I'm partial to this as it's a freeroll, but I my psyche is in such a bad spot I just need to let this one go. Plus, if you look at the history, it looks bad for me.)

I need to go no contact for real, for myself. Everything I've done up to this point has been to manipulate. This girl is in my head so bad, I have the worst case of oneitis I've ever had. Honestly, my game hasn't even been that bad since I've been out of it for ten years.

FWIW, I have been hitting the gym hard, going out at night, and doing all of the things you are supposed to do. But I have major approach anxiety, so I mostly just sit around in bars trying to figure out what to do. And I hate drinking. I should probably just transition to daygame but I just get scared. So I'm already doing well in post-divorce, no contact mode, but I really, really need to make sure I don't contact her ever again, even if she contacts me.

I know there's a lot of affair stuff going on here but I don't need anyone to focus on that stuff, really.

Thanks for your help, I'll make sure I participate for others as well.

Here we go, today is Day One.

 

[egionesco]

Amen to that.. thank you bro I really appreciate it. I find it very helpful everything you guys say..

Anyway, Day 27 wasn't easy as I hoped for, although I started thinking rationally about the whole situation..
Consider this: the last time the girl talked to me (27 days ago after 45 of NC) she said she misses me, and she made clear signs that she wants us to get back together, I have no doubt that she wanted that and I am pretty sure she still wants it now.. the point is I don't think it's a good idea because even though I love her as much as I do, I don't see a future with her. you see I'm not going NC trying to get her back, I just want to heal and forget which isn't easy because I'm still into her, and because I can get back with her if I want, and ultimately, because the last time she spoke to me my response was harsh and I hate myself for what I did and what I said, every time I remember how our wonderful relationship ended I feel worse, why can't we end things on good terms instead of blocking each other on social media and try to make each other miserable?.

Do you think it's a good idea to contact her? I don't want to get back with her but basically I want to say what's bothering me about the whole situation which I believe she will understand. I want to make it clear that I didn't mean to be rude, I admire what we had but this is the best for both of us. in a word: I need closure..
I know you guys are strict about sticking to NC. but consider it from my point of view. it's torturing me because I can't hate her even if I wanted to..
anyway, sorry for the long reply but I've been keeping alot of this on my chest for a while.
Good night all..

I don't know if you are thinking rationally. I think if you really want to be friends, that will be possible in the future. Right now you are still pining even though you know you won't take her back. I think the closure you need comes from within, and only time will bring it.

 

[LiveYourDream]

Taking the plunge here because I need support.

Not sure how much of the story I should outline, but I did a pretty beta thing and cheated on my wife of 4 years (I'm 35) with one of my students (23). Tough to explain why, my wife is a great catch. I will say this, and I admit this is f*cked up: I am a relatively inexperienced guy, and the connection I made with the student was literally the first second I saw her. I've read that perhaps our genes know what other person is right for us, but I feel super pathetic even talking about this. Regardless, this "chemistry," real or not, doesn't last and since it's not conscious it doesn't require the other person not to be a piece of rubbish.

So, I cheat with this girl for two months, wife finds out, I'm tossed from the house. Girl starts getting really distant and I foolishly didn't realize she was losing interest.

Flake #1: We make plans, she cancels the day before, but her cancellation didn't even effect the event, so I told her no worries we weren't going until 3ish anyways. She says cool, then flakes again but says "come around when you're done." I come around later, she says she's at dinner with her best friend. Should have ended it right there. I went no-contact on her for weeks over Christmas, eventually she sends me a crazy e-mail saying sorry, the wife finding out messed her up. The e-mail is confused and confusing, so a week later i tell her thanks for the memories, good luck.

She insta-responds, like two minutes later, "OMG No! Sex with you is the best ever, there are so many things I want to try. Can we get lunch? I will swallow my pride (and something else)." Huge mistake by me: I responded enthusiastically right off the bat. We made plans to get together three days later, the first available time.

Flake #2: She bails on me 1.5 hours before event, says she's hungover from the night before, am I available next week? I foolishly respond, "LOL, I have lots to do today anyways, but it seems like planned events aren't working for us, hit me up when you're feeling spontaneous."

I no-contacted her for 23 days, she did not contact me. I broke yesterday evening and invited her out to watch me perform stand-up at an open mic tonight at 9:30, something we had talked about doing together. After I sent the text, she responded immediately, "Awesome! That's so cool, glad you're doing it." One minute later: "Unfortunately I'm having dinner with my friend." (*FWIW, the most skilled player I know thinks I shouldn't give up on this one based on her response time, he thinks I'm getting to her. He says just invite her out next time you want to do something yourself and who gives a **** if she shows, she might. I'm partial to this as it's a freeroll, but I my psyche is in such a bad spot I just need to let this one go. Plus, if you look at the history, it looks bad for me.)

I need to go no contact for real, for myself. Everything I've done up to this point has been to manipulate. This girl is in my head so bad, I have the worst case of oneitis I've ever had. Honestly, my game hasn't even been that bad since I've been out of it for ten years.

FWIW, I have been hitting the gym hard, going out at night, and doing all of the things you are supposed to do. But I have major approach anxiety, so I mostly just sit around in bars trying to figure out what to do. And I hate drinking. I should probably just transition to daygame but I just get scared. So I'm already doing well in post-divorce, no contact mode, but I really, really need to make sure I don't contact her ever again, even if she contacts me.

I know there's a lot of affair stuff going on here but I don't need anyone to focus on that stuff, really.

Thanks for your help, I'll make sure I participate for others as well.

Here we go, today is Day One.

Change her name in your phone to something like: "No Contact" or "Do Not Answer" or "Next."

 

[S. Aureus]

Day 13
So she contacted me but it was kinda forced. Today is my birthday and she told me to have a great day, bless and those things through a text. I simply wrote her a thanks and nothing else.
Also I'll have a party at my house so I invited all of my friends including friends of our same circle except her. Some people said to me that I was cold but I know that it was the right thing to do. It's my day and I don't want her in my house trying to ruin a really good day that I'll have

 

[indisguise]

Day 13
So she contacted me but it was kinda forced. Today is my birthday and she told me to have a great day, bless and those things through a text. I simply wrote her a thanks and nothing else.
Also I'll have a party at my house so I invited all of my friends including friends of our same circle except her. Some people said to me that I was cold but I know that it was the right thing to do. It's my day and I don't want her in my house trying to ruin a really good day that I'll have

I do agree with you, you should avoid any contact with her if you want to move on. However, If I were you I wouldn't do things that might be considered cold or inconsiderate on purpose to hurt her unless she's really a terrible person who made you suffer. I wouldn't hurt my ex for the sake of old days.. isn't it enough that you're moving on with your life and getting new hopes?..
Anyway, it seems that you're doing well on day 13, good luck bro

 

[indisguise]

#Day 29

Time is really flying by.. time gives you the ability and the space to think what happened over and to focus on the mistakes you made during your relationship. I don't know why, but I figured we have problems when it comes to relationships, breakups and NCs.. we live in denial and that's not a good way to deal with things. take me as an example..

In order to accept the breakup and feel better about it, I keep telling myself that girl is no good for me.. I concentrate on her flaws and things that made us breakup regardless of all the good qualities she possesses..
otherwise why would I spend a whole year with her and consider it the best time I've spent with a girl ever?!.. -DENIAL-

In order to keep my NC, I just look for things that I think might fill the gap in my life she left behind..
but the truth is I feel empty inside, I don't think that anything can replace her in my life.. but I keep trying to convince myself that I'm doing okay -DENIAL-

maybe we just have to deal with the fact that **** happens whether we accept them or not, but life goes on..
I miss her alot, I'm getting used to it, but I don't feel good about it..
I would like to hear your opinion on this guys..
Good night for now..

 

[S. Aureus]

I do agree with you, you should avoid any contact with her if you want to move on. However, If I were you I wouldn't do things that might be considered cold or inconsiderate on purpose to hurt her unless she's really a terrible person who made you suffer. I wouldn't hurt my ex for the sake of old days.. isn't it enough that you're moving on with your life and getting new hopes?..
Anyway, it seems that you're doing well on day 13, good luck bro

I know that it was cold, and had a great day but I didn't want to have her in my house yesterday. It would have give me a few memories and that was the last thing that I wanted. Even though, I was surprised that her friends came, even her bff.
Day 14 So far so good

#Day 29

Time is really flying by.. time gives you the ability and the space to think what happened over and to focus on the mistakes you made during your relationship. I don't know why, but I figured we have problems when it comes to relationships, breakups and NCs.. we live in denial and that's not a good way to deal with things. take me as an example..

In order to accept the breakup and feel better about it, I keep telling myself that girl is no good for me.. I concentrate on her flaws and things that made us breakup regardless of all the good qualities she possesses..
otherwise why would I spend a whole year with her and consider it the best time I've spent with a girl ever?!.. -DENIAL-

In order to keep my NC, I just look for things that I think might fill the gap in my life she left behind..
but the truth is I feel empty inside, I don't think that anything can replace her in my life.. but I keep trying to convince myself that I'm doing okay -DENIAL-

maybe we just have to deal with the fact that **** happens whether we accept them or not, but life goes on..
I miss her alot, I'm getting used to it, but I don't feel good about it..
I would like to hear your opinion on this guys..
Good night for now..

It's hard and I know bro. I had her first as my best friend for 2 years, we escalated and then here I am. At first I tried to fix it but that was the peak of my AFC. No girl should be in that space, gape or hole, it should be you and you can only fill it.

 

[indisguise]

#Day 31

I feel okay.. I think I'm finally able to move on..
I've met some girl few days ago.. we've been texting and talking since then.. she's nice, cute and really pleasant; and she is clearly into me, but for some reason I don't feel I would date her or start a relationship.. we're casually talking about random things and that's it for now.. I am not ready to date girls yet. I don't know why but I still feel that I'm cheating on my ex.. It's really sad.

I actually have mixed feelings about this situation. on one hand it really is helping me getting over my ex and move on.. really I never thought that meeting a new girl would do so and incredibly boost my healing process.
on the other hand, I keep wondering, how the hell can you forget a girl you once thought is the whole world for you?.. I though my love was strong beyond breakups. I cried for her when we broke up.. is my love fragile or am I not faithful enough? even if it's okay for me to date other girls now, but come on, seriously is it supposed to be like this? I would love to hear your opinions on this; it's been about 80 days btw since we broke up.
Good night all.

 

[soulforge]

DAY 13 NC

Have decided to join the no contact thread.. it was me who dumped her, but she eagerly agreed with the break up,

might have been due to her trying to salvage some dignity or maybe she really wanted it over.. who knows

Since the break up, i am getting 2 to 3 messages off her every day... finding this difficult as makes me want to read them? But i know nothing good will come out of this.

Is it time i just deleted her from my whatsapp, so i hear nothing from her again.. part of me hopes, she may apologise and want to try again..

These is wishful thinking

 

[soulforge]

Reason for dumping..

Clear disrespect for me.. to the point where had no choice but to drop her..

 

[S. Aureus]

Day 17
Today was the first time like in these 7 days that i remembered her. We are in a same group of whatsapp so a lot of text in the group and one of her friend joking about her seeing someone else. It was like anger for 3-5 minutes but then it goes away.
So two days ago I met a pretty cute girl at a party and we drank ton of rum so I got to wasted to ask her phone number. I can get it by a common friend but I usually try to get the number from the girls instead of getting it from someone else. Should I ask it or wait to see her in a party possibly a month or two, I think that is pretty far from now.
PD: I know that she was onto me but like I said we got pretty wasted.

 

[lovesamrat]

Nice information. Thanks for sharing with us with no contact challenge. These all of them are the very useful information.

 

[egionesco]

Not sure what day I'm in now and don't feel like counting, must be day 7 or so since I spewed forth my sadness onto this forum. I'm pretty depressed, but I'm doing everything you're supposed to do when depressed: crushing the gym, fixing my style, forcing myself to go out at night and talk to people everywhere.

On the oneitis front I'm doing a lot better. I think part of the problem is that I never get any closure, so there was always hope, and I wasn't man enough to end it myself. But it's over, and I've accepted that. However, I've been at this point before and managed to convince myself to give it another shot. I expect to have bad days at some point and need to be strong to get through.

I deleted her number from my phone so I wouldn't send any stupid texts. Felt a bit immature, but so be it.

 

[soulforge]

She sent a text today, its my birthday, so more than likely a happy birthday text.. not even looked at it..

The last week or so has not been too bad, but today feeling quite down about chit..

Fuk sake sometimes i feel its better, to be the one who gets dumped... atleast everything is clear cut like that.. and u got no choice but to move the fuk on..

No second guessing, doubts, regrets etc

 

[S. Aureus]

Day 21
So I went out with a girl pretty cute but I don't know if its her or I am that I havent moved on. I feel like I leave her behind but after talking with this girl in a party and taking her out, i want to expect that she was a boring girl and nothing more.

So far I haven't felt anything in this few days toward my ex

 

[LiveYourDream]

She sent a text today, its my birthday, so more than likely a happy birthday text.. not even looked at it..

The last week or so has not been too bad, but today feeling quite down about chit..

Fuk sake sometimes i feel its better, to be the one who gets dumped... atleast everything is clear cut like that.. and u got no choice but to move the fuk on..

No second guessing, doubts, regrets etc

She does not determine your mood, your value or the course of your life! You do! (Unless you let her.) Be the captain of your own ship!

 

[NiceBarn]

Hey all, I'm new here. This current gal kinda got me thinking, so I googled her hot and cold issues, which was driving me crazy. That lead me here to an old thread about BPD. She fits all signs of everything that I read. I'm not gonna deny I was eating out her hand.

So, after the last cold streak I decided that I've had enough. I unfriended her on FB and severed all contact. I got a F- off text a day after the unfriending and remained silent.

After a week she poked me on FB, whatever that means? I ignored for a few days then got drinking at a party then caved and poked back. She immediately poked back. I was like "d'oh, what am I doing?" Drunkenly poked back. That was the end of it. No more contacts, texts, or anything.

One week later I bump into her at target. I try to go the other way but she caught me. Proceeded to talk to me like nothing was wrong. I kept it brief and so far no contact. Did I blow the upper hand by speaking? I didn't have much of a choice.

I was feeling so good after those two weeks of no contact. Do you think there will be more attempts?