Just reading a few posts on here has almost restored the Alpha in me and stopped me continuing such a mistake. Over the last couple of years I totally devalued myself and this wasn't even a proper relationship.
I've known her for the last 5 years, she worked for me until our retail store went into administration, she's 22 now and I was her boss. Big age gap (i'm older 38 - yeah I know that won't go down well with some), she has very hot looks.
We've hung out as friends since the store closed 3 years ago (yeah its sounds odd but i'm young for my age) but secretly at the time was crushing on her and did so many beta unworthy things to keep her attention it's pathetic looking back. I got to know her really deeply and she told me about an experience when she was kind of date raped when she was 15 by a guy on holiday and obviously I'm sympathetic to that.
Over the years I have done so much for her, helped her with her studies, helped her with job applications, picked her up from clubs when she's wasted, lent her my apartment to hold parties in, basically been there night and day for whatever and would come running at a moments notice (yes I know this is all wrong, but I got caught up)
Anyway when she broke with her long term boyfriend earlier this year we started getting intimate. (actually we had been intimate on a few occasions while she was still with him but he was long distance) She had never experienced being given head, her ex bf was against it. I loved to go down and was only too keen to give her the first experience of that, we did this regular for about 6 months and it was awesome. However nothing developed further and I was just 'Mr Cunnilingus' but not full sex. She has a thing about 'numbers' she only wants to sleep with a maximum of 5 guys in her life and she's done 2 already (It sounds stupid to me, but she's youung so I ignored it) The next guys have to be people she loves rather than casuals.We were starting to act like a couple, going places and being with each other a hell of a lot.
Within her group of friends (I don't know them - they're her age!) there was a guy who wanted her.
One night she stayed out with her friends after the club and apparently he forced her for a better word to have sex in the way the other guy did when she was young on holiday. She was distraught and a week later told me he had tried to force it in but didn't. The next week she went out with the same group of friends and slept with him again!
Anyway through this summer she had become distant and wasn't staying around hardly at all.
Since September we became closer again but no sex stuff. She admitted to me that the guy had actually forced her to have sex on the first occasion and they had got close over the summer, she had ended up lending him £700 which he hasn't repaid and he had also lied about his age he was 37 not 28.
Despite all this she still see's him for sex (because he forced his way to be sex partner number 3 and doesn't see a reason to stop now its been done) but me, (the guy that has done so much for her and respected her) gets nothing except her being flakey most of the time.
I get that I've never been her official BF, but this is a kind of friends with benefits that's gone wrong where I began to think I was actually important to her.
I feel she has used me badly for times I've been there to support her and basically this douchebag guy who's a loser gets all the benefit.
I've woken up finally (yesterday) and cut her of (after 5 years of knowing her). I actually don't feel bad but what REALLY annoys me the most is how after all my years of experience I could actually allow myself to be devalued like this, I should have known better and that's whats making it most difficult for me.
