The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[dustmuffin]

That's the thing. I dumped her, and applied so little comfort in the relationship. At first we almost got back together, but I didnt provide enough comfort and she stopped trusting me. A lot of her missing me occured when she was ovulating, so its not for lack of attraction i think, its for lack of comfort on my part.

Don't know what to say since you did the dumping. You might go back to her and ask forgivness. I dumped s girl and got back with her a year later but I contacted her. Its your call.

 

[TRPShill]

I tried that soon after the break up and it went okay, she almost did it but ultimately did not. Ive given her time to miss me now. but I feel like contacting her could look needy

 

[BorisMoris]

I'm going to go insane. This is day 40 of no contact. She is visibly unhappy from the breakup on social media, yet she hasn't even tried to speak to me within all these days. Not even when she was (I would assume) drunk around and on Halloween. If she misses me, why doesn't she contact me? Does she want me to contact her? are we both playing games?

Keep in there TRP, you've done so well so far. Any relapse now and you're back at square one. Please don't!
If you were to break NC, you'd find what happens to 99% of the guys on here- the ex would just send a sarcastic message saying their life is amazing and they've found someone new.
I applaud your self discipline.

 

[BorisMoris]

Never get emotionally invested. You can be alpha and she can still dump you. Look for the signs of lack of interest on her part. If you see them eject first. I saw them and didn't know what they were. If I knew now back then I would have dumped her and she would be a mess. Not me. I will continue no contact. Its best for me.

Thanks for your advice Dustmuffin,
I feel more for you and TRPShill as you both had proper ex's.
I only had an ex employee I flirted with who was with a BF at the time, and when she split with BF got her to do some FWB stuff while at the same time she said she had no interest in things getting any heavier with me,
I got jealous when she found another FWB guy, but really I knew the deal from the start.
My mistake was even going there in the the first place.

 

[TRPShill]

She's busy fvcking other men she doesn't have time to message you right now

goddamn. probably true. took her virginity.

 

[TRPShill]

I know it can be tough. Believe it or not, this is a healthy realization because you will understand the type of woman you were dealing with and the finality of the situation. Even a hooker was a virgin at some point. Easier to move on.

that's the thing. she really doesnt strike me as that type. more of a serial monogamist. i had better game than any dude before me and i had to wait a while to ****

 

[TRPShill]

Everyone thinks that. Anyway, "fvcking other men" is kind of an overstatement for effect. Bare minimum she is talking to new men and probably had one or two lined up before the breakup. Very common, almost universal.

That I don't doubt at all. That I am fine with. I've been awake a long time, so the shock is not as necessary for me

 

[AEDonny]

Day4..

I am a new member here, I created this account for the sake of keeping my NC. I read lots of your replies and you guys seem to do great, keep it up!

Anyway, this is not the first time we break up, (I'm 25 she's 22), the first time was painful like you wouldn't believe, I think this time is easier because well, I'm getting to know her moves and childish games. she was expecting me to call her first but I didn't. yesterday she called me twice and I didn't answer. to be honest, I miss her a lot but I don't feel like talking to her. I don't want to hate her though

We have been together for a year now. last time we broke up for a weak for something she did, she then called me crying, saying that she's sorry and didn't actually do anything wrong and saying it was all just a simple misunderstanding. I believed her because I wanted to. that was 4 months ago.

Since then, we've been happy and things were more than great! I can't think of a better match for me. She is loving and nice, I just loved her more than any other girl I ever met! she loved me too and always said she would never leave me and begged me not to leave her.
Anyway, a week ago we had a simple fight, then said I should leave her alone and get out of her life. I mean, she's a girl right? girls talk like that even if they don't mean it. but this time she did! she meant it and I know that for a fact. I tried to fix things but couldn't.. she left me and never replied my messages! I think she planned the whole thing and started the fight just to break up with me because it's insignificantly ridiculous and we had much bigger fights before but didn't make us breakup! however, I never contacted her again.

I know I am just angry now and there will be days when I miss her a lot. but right now I don't feel like talking to her anyway, I hope she finds someone better and stop calling me.

sorry for the long story, It's been on my chest for a while and needed to let it out.

 

[Shootin4Dreams]

It has been exactly 3 weeks of real no contact. I broke down bawling last night crying why didnt she care it was very spooky for me. Think I am starting to get where I went to mentally going to see therpaist one more time and I have been hitting gym I now weigh 189 I am overweight my new goal is hopefully in the 160s. Wish me the best.

 

[datjug]

Day 13.

She ended the flair a few months ago but I was still hung up because it was not a clean ending (very open-ended). So for three months I tried to repair things, but probably alienated her more by doing so. Chemistry started off great but worn off shortly after and I questioned myself why everyday. She never told me the exact reason, but I think I found my answer here; as one of the poster precisely pointed out - obsession is never attractive. At this point I just know initiating contact is not an option.

My situation is a little different and I'm sure a lot of people will chew me out on this. Finding new plate is not an option (trust me). This fling basically fell onto my lap, I was weak and couldn't say no. Feelings ran deeper than it should and things got complicated. In the end I was the only casualty. Going through withdrawal while maintaining sanity at home is a real emotional torment. I was able to identify a lot of the root causes from this thread and I just want to thank everyone who contributed. Every time I get the itch I will just read this to reinvigorate my promise.

 

[BorisMoris]

I'm back. Day 2.
I wrote a long post saying that NC was causing me hassle.
Long story short she started cosying up to me sending pics of her p!ssy etc, we got flirting and she arranged to see me Fri and Sat. (unknown to me at the time her **** buddy had called her a slut and ignored her for 2 weeks)
As im about to meet her Friday she tells me he suddenly called her for the first time in 2 weeks, she still comes over and I give her good licking, but she goes to uni in morning, then suddenly cancels the saturday - doesnt take a genius to work out why she cancelled.

Anyway, now doing nc properly, deleted het number,blocked for calls and texts, deleted everything to do with her.

Lesson learned: Once they turn renegade, they will always be like that.
Attention seeking ***** !!!!!!

 

[kevin123]

hey there
its been 2 weeks since i've started nc.its all going well with me but just one question pops up in my head every single time i.e how to make the conversation going after nc.for eg.my 1st text after nc would be "hey do remember we went to (abc) place?can you tell me which way is it?i'm planning to take my friend there but am confused about which way is it!!" and her reply probably would be "bla bla bla" is the way bjt what do i do after that?how do i keep the conv.going?

 

[dustmuffin]

hey there
its been 2 weeks since i've started nc.its all going well with me but just one question pops up in my head every single time i.e how to make the conversation going after nc.for eg.my 1st text after nc would be "hey do remember we went to (abc) place?can you tell me which way is it?i'm planning to take my friend there but am confused about which way is it!!" and her reply probably would be "bla bla bla" is the way bjt what do i do after that?how do i keep the conv.going?

Don't contact her ever...
Let her contact you

 

[datjug]

Day 16

The memories of her are becoming hazy over days, but for reason unknown they were exceptionally profound today. Tried to shut it out as best as I can but these god dam memories scream loudly in the background. Feels pretty awful.

She is a relationship veteran so these NC rules are simply childplays for her. Although I have not formally announced NC I'm sure she expected this card to be played at some point. There was no bad blood that ended us, but I have no desire to reinitiate contact, because nothing constructive will come out of it. On the other hand even if she contact me, it won't translate to anything either. Perhaps it is this helpless realization that nothing can be done to restore the harmony and intimacy we once shared has led to today's depression.

All my friends say time with heal, and I will find peace. I wish that day comes sooner.

 

[kevin123]

Don't contact her ever...
Let her contact you

what if she doesnt contact me?now dont tell me that if she misses you she will contact you and of she doesnt its time to move on.most of the posts in google say that "they surely miss you during nc but they might not msg you at first as they have to seem consistent with their decision,it doesnt matter who initiates contact at first".and it has been said by many relationship experts.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Fvck a no contact. Block the bvtch completely. Rid her out of your life for good!

 

[Losmi_bgd]

Day 4
I did start my NC even before finding this place and reading what experiences guys had ...i must say i recognize myself a lots among the stories i read, a bit combined though...so here it is, my story...what i actually did was something i would never go for and would be horribly judgemental on guys who are doing it. I was dating a girl who i met as prostitute, and our first night we spent as client and hooker, as we met in night club. We had awesome crazy night and the next day we were like kind of "dating". Well, don't get me wrong i was really sexualy attracted to her and i found justification to do that only to get laid a lot but not being forced to pay. Day after day after day and we became a couple. And i seem to forget what she is in fact, a low moral person who cares of nothing but herself. I even doubted she's was keepling some clientele on FB and chatted with them over FB MSG but I never allowed to go more then just a doubts. She never added a single picture of me on her fb profile neither have mentioned me for about 2 years we've been together. I was not bothered with it as much i am now when i think of everything. I am 38 years and this is my 4th long relationship and I manage to be unwise and allowed all of this to happen. So after almost 2 years I got the new job in other country so i left ahead first by muself with plan to bring her over. Its been a year and she's been nothing more then playing me allalong, until she finally dumped me! But she did it only after i announced to her the wedding date which was 1 month ahead. (we had to be married for her visa) Of course no explanation one day she started being not interested and started to ignore me etc classic. And i was going mad, really mad and now after 4 days no contact i still go nuts every once in a while during the day....reading the posts here did made me calm though. Write later must catch train home aaa...

 

[datjug]

Day 19. Reset.

Threw me a breadcrumb a few days ago. I was wise enough to ignore it, but knew I had to reply eventually. Matter of fact it felt great throughout those 3 days when I shat on the crumb, knowing she reached out yet I did not entertain.

That all goes by the wayside now. Shot a quick reply saying I'm good and been busy, and the only reaction it drew was a simple acknowledgement. No effort in continuing the conversation nor salvaging the situation. Yup, feels pretty dumb now.

I have read so many posts mentioning breadcrumbs are mainly for ego boosting and such, but honest to god I have never believed in it. Most people in my social circle are fairly normal, and they don't need such ploy to build on their confidence. On top of it all I really did not think she is the type of people that practices these jedi mind tricks; at least not based on the image she portrayed in front of me.

Lesson learned.

Day 1.

 

[Airstryke]

Day 3.

I stumbled across this site a couple of days after she blindsided me with the "I'm not ready for a relationship" line. We had been together for 3 months and everything seemed great. Met through a work friend after she noticed me making the rounds at the office. I guess that's the frustrating thing about all of this...SHE was the one that initiated things. Once we started talking, I knew I was hooked.

It's crazy because we never had one fight or argument. The relationship was respectful, fun, and invigorating. I think that's why I'm so torn up about it. It would've been so much easier if there had been a concrete reason to call things off. Now it's over. Out of the blue. She told me it was due to her not fully healing from her failed marriage but she left him 2 and a half years ago. How long does it take to heal from something like that? And why would she chase me to start with if she wasn't ready?

I can't get my mind off of her. We sent a few messages back and forth during the week (she cut the cord on Tuesday) and then she went to hang out with relatives and said she'd "think things over" and reply when she got back which was yesterday. I tried to explain to her how these connections don't come up often and to not be scared of something great. As of today, it's been 3 days since she sent that last reply and I haven't said anything since. I'm beginning to think she may not reply at all. If so, I guess I'll just have to take that as my answer and move on. It's really painful when you find someone that you really feel something for and that you're genuinely excited about only to have it blow up just as fast as it began...

 

[Wisconsin144]

hey there
its been 2 weeks since i've started nc.its all going well with me but just one question pops up in my head every single time i.e how to make the conversation going after nc.for eg.my 1st text after nc would be "hey do remember we went to (abc) place?can you tell me which way is it?i'm planning to take my friend there but am confused about which way is it!!" and her reply probably would be "bla bla bla" is the way bjt what do i do after that?how do i keep the conv.going?

You don't, no contact means no contact, trust me, I was in your situation months ago, lost the girl who I thought was the girl of my dreams, now almost seven months later, I'm in a three month long relationship with a girl I am proud to say I love, and truly loves me back. Stay away from your ex, if she comes back on her own so be it, otherwise, better yourself. And give zero ****s about her.