"You are attractive, but you are too old"

[white sox bill]

Originally posted by Wyldfire
First, let me say this...God help ANY guy or ANY age who mistreats my daughter. When anyone hurts a child of mine I am meaner than a gut shot grizzly protecting her cubs.

Secondly...my daughter won't tolerate being cheated on, abused, lied to or mistreated. And even if she found herself in that kind of situation, I'd not allow it to go on. It comes down to being a protective parent. If that means that I would have to be a biotch...then so be it. My kids come first and no one hurts them without then having to deal with me.

Lastly...my daughter is genuinely disgusted by the idea of a significantly older man. That's not going to change. It's not just a matter of her not preferring older men...she's repulsed by older men chasing girls her age. I know her well, and it's highly unlikely she'll ever have anything to do with a man more than 5 years older than she is.

This isn't a matter of me interferring in something she wants...it's a simple case of me stating emphatically that if a man she doesn't want chasing her bugs her...he won't do it for very long.

Nor would I ever wish that on her or anyone...Theres not enough broadband width for me to list the things I've done a 180 degree turn from when I was 19 until now. As I asked "Hypothetically " would you support your daughters decsion to date a much older man far fetched as it is?

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by white sox bill
Nor would I ever wish that on her or anyone...Theres not enough broadband width for me to list the things I've done a 180 degree turn from when I was 19 until now. As I asked "Hypothetically " would you support your daughters decsion to date a much older man far fetched as it is?

I've already posted that I wouldn't support that. It's against my personal values. Aside from the values aspect of it...why on earth would I want any child of mine with someone 20 years older than they are? When they would be 30-40, the older person would be 50-60 years old with health problems and possibly close to death. I want my kids to enjoy their adult years, not spend them having to play nursemaid to a senior citizen.

 

[white sox bill]

Originally posted by Wyldfire
I've already posted that I wouldn't support that. It's against my personal values. Aside from the values aspect of it...why on earth would I want any child of mine with someone 20 years older than they are? When they would be 30-40, the older person would be 50-60 years old with health problems and possibly close to death. I want my kids to enjoy their adult years, not spend them having to play nursemaid to a senior citizen.

In a perfect world, yes, the age difference alone would dictate who is in a wheelchair and who isn't...however in this imperfect world, its not a sure bet anymore that someone 25 years younger is in better shape or even healthier than a much older person. I know personally of several father/son where the father is WAY ahead of Jr. not only in health but fitness and the mind.

I supported one of my best friends preference for dating African American man who are considerably older than herself. And why not? She's old enough to decide herself, this one gentleman treats her like gold and is as decent as any. My love for her is unconditional regardless of who she chooses. Not that you would comprimse your love for your daughter should the one in a million ever happen Wyldfire.

But hey, we are all different..

 

[MindOverMatter]

white sox, if you had a 18-20 yr old daughter, and one of your friends who was 45 was hooking up with her, would you allow it?

 

[white sox bill]

Originally posted by MindOverMatter
white sox, if you had a 18-20 yr old daughter, and one of your friends who was 45 was hooking up with her, would you allow it?

Since I don't have any kids, its a bit hard to be objective...I've already stated that. 25 years difference when the one is 20 yrs old would be hard for me to swallow. 30 and a 55 yr old may be different. I know what you mean, the maturity difference is overwhelming. I myself would NEVER do it for reason above. Would drive me nuts with all the emotional issues and all

 

[Wyldfire]

If you aren't a parent you can't understand just how incensed you would be if a man your age was trying to get into your still teenage daughter's pants. Even if it was your best friend and you thought the world of the guy....you WOULD want to maim him.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by white sox bill
In a perfect world, yes, the age difference alone would dictate who is in a wheelchair and who isn't...however in this imperfect world, its not a sure bet anymore that someone 25 years younger is in better shape or even healthier than a much older person. I know personally of several father/son where the father is WAY ahead of Jr. not only in health but fitness and the mind.

I supported one of my best friends preference for dating African American man who are considerably older than herself. And why not? She's old enough to decide herself, this one gentleman treats her like gold and is as decent as any. My love for her is unconditional regardless of who she chooses. Not that you would comprimse your love for your daughter should the one in a million ever happen Wyldfire.


But hey, we are all different..

There won't ever be a "one in a million" much older man in my daughter's life because she has the exact same values that I have. She is repulsed, disgusted and grossed out by the mention of a much older man with a much younger girl. Nothing will be compromised....she has the same thoughts on this issue that I do and she is just as stubborn as I am.

 

[MrLuvr]

I don't know why you guys are going on with this conversation with Wildliar.

She has already stated that she would take the law into her own hands even if her daughter was having a consensual relationship with a much older man.

That is why there are laws in place. To protect society from raging psychos like her.

 

[Bonhomme]

The joy of sex between consenting adults

If you aren't a parent you can't understand just how incensed you would be if a man your age was trying to get into your still teenage daughter's pants.

If I were capable of thinking of sex in such an inherently abusive, joyless way, I just might. But, fortunately, I freed myself from such miserable dogma years ago.

I have no use for "morals" based on stereotypes of any kind, be they Taliban "morals," fundamentalist "Christian" "morals," or hatred of people who are open to sexual love with other consenting adults who happen to differ in age by more than X number of years, whatever X may be.

Such "morals" are very much akin to those of the sadistic inquisitors who rationalized that they were burning "witches" alive "for their own good," to "save their souls from the eternal fires of Hell." But anyone with brain one knows that pure, unadulturated hate was their motive, and jealousy and misery were the seeds of such hate...

Love is love and hate is hate to me, regardless of generational considerations. And anything consenting adults do with each other that makes them happier is good, according to my moral standards. If someone is not mature enough for a sexual relationship, one does not get involved sexually with them. Very simple. And love and predatory behavior are absolutely, unequivocally, mutually exclusive.

Over & out ...

 

[Wyldfire]

Re: The joy of sex between consenting adults

Originally posted by Bonhomme
If I were capable of thinking of sex in such an inherently abusive, joyless way, I just might. But, fortunately, I freed myself from such miserable dogma years ago.

I have no use for "morals" based on stereotypes of any kind, be they Taliban "morals," fundamentalist "Christian" "morals," or hatred of people who are open to sexual love with other consenting adults who happen to differ in age by more than X number of years, whatever X may be.

Such "morals" are very much akin to those of the sadistic inquisitors who rationalized that they were burning "witches" alive "for their own good," to "save their souls from the eternal fires of Hell." But anyone with brain one knows that pure, unadulturated hate was their motive, and jealousy and misery were the seeds of such hate...

Love is love and hate is hate to me, regardless of generational considerations. And anything consenting adults do with each other that makes them happier is good, according to my moral standards. If someone is not mature enough for a sexual relationship, one does not get involved sexually with them. Very simple. And love and predatory behavior are absolutely, unequivocally, mutually exclusive.

Over & out ...

My family isn't religious...so it's not religious morals. It's more like values, you could say. It's not hate...neither my dauther or I hate older men, we just think it's gross for them to chase after still teenage girls. Yes, older men will be attracted to the younger girls, and that's not the issue. The issue is that young girls are naive and easily taken advantage of. And if you listen to the comments made about those girls on this site it is always comments about their bodies and them being young enough to "raise" to be the kind of woman the older guy wants. That IS taking advantage. When a 45 year old man goes after an 18 or 19 year old girl with the intent of a relationship, he's going to marry her quickly, knock her up and tie her down to a life that she might not even be sure she wants for herself at that point. Because he is older and has experienced more in life...there is NO way they can be on an even level psychologically. So let's say that 15 years down the road, the man has a heart attack and dies. The girl never went to college or worked and now she's alone with 2 or 3 kids and can't support them.

The reason I feel it's wrong for much older men to go after young girls is because if they succeed, it prevents those young girls from going to college and learning how to support themselves. I know how tough it is to raise children alone with one income...and I am able to get good jobs. An 18 or 19 year old who hasn't worked much and finds themselves riddled with a bunch of children to raise on their own is going to struggle even worse. They will have missed out on enjoying their youth and will be tied down when they are older with very little means to even survive let alone enjoy themselves.

This isn't about hate or irrational thinking. In fact, it's just the opposite. Young girls have nothing in common with older men. At 18 or 19 girls should be thinking about college and building a career where they can support themselves because most of them will need to do that at some point in life. Preventing them from doing that by tying them down so young robs them of their fun years and handicaps them for their future...even IF they end up choosing an older man.

I have no problem with a much older man pursuing a younger woman who has finished college and gotten herself established somewhat in life...21, 22 and up.

No, I don't think there is anything wrong with sex. That's not what this is about at all. However, if an older guy is taking advantage of a young girl to get sex from her, then that IS wrong. It's the taking advantage issue that doesn't rest well with me. A lot of 18 year olds are still in high school. My son will turn 18 at the beginning of his senior year. Just because a highschooler turns 18 it doesn't change them psychological or mentally or even physically. It doesn't make them smarter, wiser, more mature or less naive.

As a parent, you can't help but wonder what on earth a 45 year old would have in common with your teenager. You still see them as a kid, you know they don't have their sh*t together and are concerned about how they are going to get by in life. You want them to go to college and get an education so they can support themselves. By the time you have kids that age you have figured out how important that education really is in life. Since you know your kid needs to find their way in life and plan for their future, learn to take care of themselves...if you see someone your age or older pursuing them you know that they can't have your child's best interests at heart because if they did they would not be pursuing them at that age in the first place.

There you have it...nothing about religion or hysterical thinking. It's all quite logical and rational. Kids that age should be furthering their education and getting themselves together as an adult...not getting involved with someone old enough to be their parent who wants to mold them into who they want rather than letting the kid figure out who and what they want to be on their own.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by MrLuvr
I don't know why you guys are going on with this conversation with Wildliar.

She has already stated that she would take the law into her own hands even if her daughter was having a consensual relationship with a much older man.

That is why there are laws in place. To protect society from raging psychos like her.

No I didn't...I said if someone raped, molested, assulted or committed a crime against one of my kids I could kill that person easily and feel no remorse at all.

My daughter will NEVER consent to a relationship with a much older man because she thinks any older man chasing her is perverted and gross. So, there is no way an older man chasing after her would be consensual. I never said I would break the law in that kind of situation...only that I'd make his life miserable until he left her alone.

And both whitesox bill and Bonhomme are quite capable of having discussions with women whom they may or may not disagree with.

 

[white sox bill]

I think the real context of this discusion should be "maturity difference" as opposed to "age difference. Wyldfire makes good points...with all due respect to one of previous posters, I don't see a "pycho" in her. Just a Mother who has strong convictions regarding her daughters...as far as her actually pulling the trigger, or pushing the knife in, I would hope she wouldn't do it, she may threaten to, but that is a knee jerk reaction we all have from time to time.

Lets face it, a 18-21 yr old girls don't have the maturity to be in a one on one w/someone say my age. When I was 31, I dated an 18 year old for approx 18 months. Her parents were a bit leary at first, but once they go to know me I was in like flint. They treated my like a family member but...that age difference bit us many times...like I would be the oldest one at parties...she would want to watch MTV and I wanted to watch CNN...I was in mood for reading and she wanted to listen to music..etc. It ended because of the age/maturity difference. Now some 15 yrs later, she married a guy older than me. They met when she was about 27 and done w/college. Totally different circumstances.

To take it one step farther, these guys that get, tie down and marry these gals right out of high school are setting themselves up for heartbreak...after a few years of marriage, the now 20 some female begins to look around at other guys, or sees her single gf's going out and having fun and realize that she missed her "dating yrs" and regrets it. Soon, an affair starts and then divorce court. I've seen it first hand.

Wyldfire IIRC I saw your pic at some point right?I assume your daughter would be attractive as you (the apple doesn't fall far from the tree right ...I likely would find your daughter attractive, but would NOT be attracted to her, in part because I know she would be in no way attracted to me. As I stated before, once I determine a female is NOT interested in me, its NEXT!! In the friend zone now which is fine. Peace!

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by white sox bill
I think the real context of this discusion should be "maturity difference" as opposed to "age difference. Wyldfire makes good points...with all due respect to one of previous posters, I don't see a "pycho" in her. Just a Mother who has strong convictions regarding her daughters...as far as her actually pulling the trigger, or pushing the knife in, I would hope she wouldn't do it, she may threaten to, but that is a knee jerk reaction we all have from time to time.

Lets face it, a 18-21 yr old girls don't have the maturity to be in a one on one w/someone say my age. When I was 31, I dated an 18 year old for approx 18 months. Her parents were a bit leary at first, but once they go to know me I was in like flint. They treated my like a family member but...that age difference bit us many times...like I would be the oldest one at parties...she would want to watch MTV and I wanted to watch CNN...I was in mood for reading and she wanted to listen to music..etc. It ended because of the age/maturity difference. Now some 15 yrs later, she married a guy older than me. They met when she was about 27 and done w/college. Totally different circumstances.

To take it one step farther, these guys that get, tie down and marry these gals right out of high school are setting themselves up for heartbreak...after a few years of marriage, the now 20 some female begins to look around at other guys, or sees her single gf's going out and having fun and realize that she missed her "dating yrs" and regrets it. Soon, an affair starts and then divorce court. I've seen it first hand.

Wyldfire IIRC I saw your pic at some point right?I assume your daughter would be attractive as you (the apple doesn't fall far from the tree right ...I likely would find your daughter attractive, but would NOT be attracted to her, in part because I know she would be in no way attracted to me. As I stated before, once I determine a female is NOT interested in me, its NEXT!! In the friend zone now which is fine. Peace!

If someone raped, molested or harmed one of my kids in a similar way...I could definitely pull the trigger if given the opportunity. I think any parent could do that to protect their child. But that's neither here nor there...

Don't mind MrLuvr. He's just sore because at 39 I won't date a 54 year old man. Apparently he thinks I should date men I have no attraction for and have nothing in common with.

It's nice to have someone discussing this subject who actually listens to my points and "gets" where I'm coming from. I hope you stick around...this place desperately needs more of the old members to whip this place back into shape. It's in shambles.

 

[Bonhomme]

Talking about different things

All right, Wyldfyre, I see.

You're talking about something much different than I am. I'm certainly not looking to breed with teenage girls and tie them down to a housewife role (chuckling).

Not that I have any aversion to some safe, no-strings fun with an 18-early 20s gal who just wants to "hook up," as do many college students who have no idea where their careers will take them in a few years. As long as she's on the same page, cool. I'd just have to pack some industrial-strength condoms.

In fact, I don't think it's advisable for people that young to get married, regardless of the age of the other person these days. It's just not the same as a few generations ago, when people typically settled down much earlier, with less education required to get what was then considered a "good" job.

In my case, the main reason I tend to date mostly younger (typically mid 20s to early 30s) women is more a matter of numbers than anything else. Most of the "pool" of available women I encounter are younger. And I don't look much older than them. I can certainly understand why someone would be uncomfortable dating someone who looks like they could be their parent. In fact, I've even had some of my twentysomething friends' parents who are way closer to my age initally assume I went to high school with my friend. I can't think of even one case in which the mother of a gal I dated would look like a more appropriate companion for me than the gal.

What do I have in common with these younger people? Lots! I'm a college radio DJ (disk jockey), keep up with a lot of the latest cultural developments, check out the latest bands, go to lots of artsy events, etc. So most of the unattached people I meet when I go out, and most of the people I relate to in a fashion sense are a bit younger than I am.

Not to say there aren't older who keep up, but the fact is few of them are available, and when they are, it's usually not for long. A really cool, sharp woman in her 30s and 40s with contemporary sensibilities is very much in demand, Hip, sharp, and available twentysomething woman are just far more common.

 

[white sox bill]

Originally posted by Wyldfire
If someone raped, molested or harmed one of my kids in a similar way...I could definitely pull the trigger if given the opportunity. I think any parent could do that to protect their child. But that's neither here nor there...

Don't mind MrLuvr. He's just sore because at 39 I won't date a 54 year old man. Apparently he thinks I should date men I have no attraction for and have nothing in common with.

It's nice to have someone discussing this subject who actually listens to my points and "gets" where I'm coming from. I hope you stick around...this place desperately needs more of the old members to whip this place back into shape. It's in shambles.

I wish you would have put an "er" on the word old...now I'm really depressed LOL!...yes I will be around with all the flakes I have tendency to date, I'll always need advice! LOL!

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by white sox bill
I wish you would have put an "er" on the word old...now I'm really depressed LOL!...yes I will be around with all the flakes I have tendency to date, I'll always need advice! LOL!

I meant "old" in that you have been here for a few years...not that you're old...lol.

 

[scarlettorocker]

Hey Mr Luvr, listen to your mates here and don't sweat it. Some women do like older men. But if you do date them bear in mind that they are young in many other ways too.

I keep an open mind when dating men in their early 20s. I don't expect the great skin and pert butts to make up for the fact that they can be clinging and immature sometimes.

(Maybe if you and I find we can't pull any young hotties we should meet up for coffee...

 

[Ricky]

Not sure if this was mentioned, but notice how 18-21 year old girls from other countries are on average more mature and more willing to date older guys?

I love the US more than anybody and am a jingoistic patriot. But when it comes to women, alot of them aren't as mature, so if you want an 18-21 year old, maybe go for a girl from another country!

They are more mature.

 

[BigDawg]

Originally posted by Ricky
Not sure if this was mentioned, but notice how 18-21 year old girls from other countries are on average more mature and more willing to date older guys?

I love the US more than anybody and am a jingoistic patriot. But when it comes to women, alot of them aren't as mature, so if you want an 18-21 year old, maybe go for a girl from another country!

They are more mature.

Amen, brotha! My experiences have shown me as much.