Would you marry again?

[romangod]

I recently had a conversation with 2 of my best friends. One is going through a divorce with a "B*tch from H*ll" and the other is happily married for over 20 years. The divorcing friend understandably is going to stay away from a LTR as he tries to get his life in order emotionally and financially and swears he's staying single in his latter years. He's 48 and good-looking and has had enough. He wants to concentrate on his kids and digging out of the mess he was left with.

My other friend (46 yrs. old) surprised me. He said if his wife left or died he wouldn't marry again either. Once is enough. I respect him a lot and it made me re-think my position on marriage.


My question is for the married guys: If your marriage ended, especially if you were happy, would you want to try it all over again?


.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I've been a bachelor for the last 10 years and getting married again isn't one of my goals in life. Besides, the woman who I'd consider marrying would believe that a couple wouldn't need to get married in order to be committed to one another.

 

[My Name is Nobody]

I've been a bachelor for the last 10 years and getting married again isn't one of my goals in life. Besides, the woman who I'd consider marrying would believe that a couple wouldn't need to get married in order to be committed to one another.

That sounds like a good philosophy.

 

[joekerr31]

marriage doesn't make life easier. its not some holy grail of happiness. for most people it makes life harder.

the big problem with marriage, as i see it, is that you take 2 individuals who generally speaking aren't that happy, they find each other, fall in love, get married and become each other's source of 'happiness'.

but as time wears on and the novelty wears off, as the honeymoon period comes to an end, you find yourself back with whatever you had to start with prior to these people meeting each other.

so if they were two miserable people, they go back to being miserable.

and they both end up resenting the other person for no longer 'doing it' for them - no longer 'being enough' to make them happy.

whereas peopel who were happy in and of themselves prior to marriage, tend to be fine as the years go on. because when the novelty of the marriage wears off, they still remain 2 individuals who focus on being happy and living life to its fullest.

 

[romangod]

Thanks for your responses, guys.


Personally, I've changed my mind about marriage. I probably wouldn't do it unless I got over my fears and trepidations. I've been single my whole life and the freedom and peace of mind that it brings would be hard to give up. To me, it is an outdated institution with too many land mines to avoid with too little benefits.


I met a good example of it last night at a party. This friend of my brother's wife just left him after 12 years of marriage. I just met this guy but could tell that he was in shock and struggling with the whole situation. He said he never saw it coming and will never do it again. He's a good guy and it left me with the idea that when a man marries he surrenders his freedom to the whims of his partner.

.

 

[paphnuitius]

Been There, done it, have no desire to do it again.

In my thinking, Marriage has only one purpose, and that is the transferral of property and wealth to your spouse and children. The moment you say I Do, you are commited to divide your property.

Once that "I DO" is blurted you are now responsible for your spouses debt, your debt, and don't forgot how much that wedding cost..its going to come out of someone's pocket.

If you leave, you pay. If she leaves.. You Pay. If you have children, You pay.

Thanks; but I'll pass.

You don't have to be owned to be a man !

Keep the platters spinning.

Paphnuitius

 

[romangod]

I agree

In my thinking, Marriage has only one purpose, and that is the transferral of property and wealth to your spouse and children. The moment you say I Do, you are commited to divide your property.

Once that "I DO" is blurted you are now responsible for your spouses debt, your debt, and don't forgot how much that wedding cost..its going to come out of someone's pocket.

If you leave, you pay. If she leaves.. You Pay. If you have children, You pay.

Thanks; but I'll pass.

You don't have to be owned to be a man !

Keep the platters spinning.

Paphnuitius

Good points and I tend to agree with all of them. It seems no matter what the situation the man is going to get shafted one way or another.


.

 

[azanon]

In a heartbeat. However, I would never "try" to do it as stated. Marriage is something you do when you find a woman worth marrying, which should always be a very high standard. However, finding such a person is mitigated by the fact that you only have to do this once and you have a lot of them out there to choose from.

I think the most you can expect though is to make a fair assessment of yourself. I don't mean just looks; i mean your overall package. If you look at yourself and just see an average joe overall, then it isn't overly realistic to expect a lights-out woman to marry you.

Sometimes, people choose really wrong, but more times than not, I usually see parity in the couples that I know. I have a really close friend who complains about his wife to me occasionally and, yes, he has plenty to complain about. But when I look at him critically too, I see just as many problems; not necessarily the same ones. For instance, he complains about her being fat when he doesn't work out at all or play sports. Talk about hypocritical.

 

[TheLadiesMan]

Yes... was married for 12 years. Said I'd never marry again... changed my mind.

Now, if I can just find the right one. One that doesn't drink or smoke.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I don't know fellas. It sounds as if some of you are more focused on the act of getting married and who you marry is just secondary. It's almost like putting the cart in front of the horse. I'd be afraid that focusing on the goal of marriage may cloud the specifics about what type of woman you'd consider marrying.

 

[bigjohnson]

I'd go into it a lot slower and with everything I've learned but I'm not against it in principle. In practice she'd have to be pretty unusual to convince me though. Maybe a slightly corrupted Amish babe ......

 

[STR8UP]

It would take ONE HELL of a woman for me to take that plunge. And I wouldn't do it unless I felt like I had my own sh!t together.

Keep in mind that although neither party is usually "innocent", it is the woman who "becomes unhappy" and files for divorce the vast majority of the time, and it is the woman who benefits most from it.

When a man gets married he might cheat, but he finds sanctuary in his primary relationship and as such puts the blinders on. A woman has her blinders on ONLY as long as she is BLINDED by the aura of new man she has very high interest in, or as long as the man can retain that aura. As soon as this aura is gone her blinders come off and she has her eyes WIDE OPEN for a better deal.

Something to think about.

 

[joekerr31]

marriage is a waste of time if you are in it for YOU. marriage is about US.

so if you are marrying a woman who is always going on and on about what SHE wants, needs, etc. odds are you're in trouble long term.

if you are focused on marrying to simply satisfying YOUR needs, odds are you'll end up in trouble long term.

marriage should be about having found someone that you are highly compatible with, with whom you connect with on an almost non-verbal level, and with whom you approach things from an US perspective.

marriages are falling apart more than before because people more than ever are focused on what they are or are not getting, instead of focusing on what they are or are not contributing to the marriage.

marriages where each spouse understands that to attack the other is the same as attacking yourself - because when you attack your spouse you are attacking your marriage - can do very well and live happily until they die.

 

[reset]

Growing up I thought you were "supposed" to get married and have kids, rasise a family. "Marriage as goal". And it was "supposed" to be that way, because if you looked at another woman with lust in your heart it's adultry. If it's THAT bad, then obviously getting and staying married is VERY IMPORTANT! You could go to hell otherwise.


Now I realize that men are supposed to have sex with lots of different women. And that wanting to be with different women is actually, NORMAL. Not weird or sinful or bad or depraved. It's how we're wired. And I see married women I work with who give me looks and flirt and stuff. I thought that stuff gets turned off when you get married. That all your desire for the opposite sex is supposed to stop.

I think this is where words like "jealousy" and "afc suicide" come from.

Anyway this whole thing confuses me. I thought I wanted a girlfriend and to get married because I wouldn't be lonely and I'd be "normal". When I first read about plate spinning I thought it was wrong and stupid and that we were all meant for one other person. That MAY be true. I don't know. I don't even know what my expectations are right now.

Just date and have fun I guess. Maybe that should be my goal. I wonder if it sounds "meaningful enough" lol.

 

[bigjohnson]

Growing up I thought you were "supposed" to get married and have kids, rasise a family. "Marriage as goal".

I'm pretty sure that's wrong, marriage is a means to an end, not the end goal itself. I do believe that a stable marriage is the optimal solution for raising a healthy family of well adjusted childern.

Now I realize that men are supposed to have sex with lots of different women.

I'm not sure this is correct either, it seems like a self serving rationalization to me,.

 

[romangod]

Thanks for the great responses. It's really got me thinking................ Don't do it! *lol*


.

 

[DJDamage]

Here is a nice little essay worth reading:

http://menforjustice.net/cms/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=22&Itemid=49

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Thanks for the great responses. It's really got me thinking................ Don't do it! *lol*


.

Or at least if you do plan to do it, don't do it like everyone else; it doesn't seem to work so well.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I'm pretty sure that's wrong, marriage is a means to an end, not the end goal itself. I do believe that a stable marriage is the optimal solution for raising a healthy family of well adjusted childern.

Which brings up a really good question, is the purpose of marriage ultimately is for the sake of baring and raising children in a cohesive and stable environment?

 

[romangod]

marriage doesn't make life easier. its not some holy grail of happiness. for most people it makes life harder.

Exactly! It seems like many marry out of a fear of loneliness and when they realize that they are lonelier and unhappier by marrying for the wrong reasons it's usually too late to get out of the mine field. The chickens come home to roost.


.