Would you LTR a single Mommy?

[myfriendblu]

Re: Re: Re: hehehe, I believe....

Originally posted by Sexy_Malibu
\\but there are also reasons why someone else might want to do it...

\

Really? Give me ONE GOOD reason why one would date a single mom over a girl without kids.

 

[hitop]

Are you guys done? To date a single mom or not, that is the question. First, you have to look for reason why as to the reason she is without a husband or boyfriend. Is she the typical modern basket-case girl who used her ex as a sperm donor? If she is, run for the hills.

Lastly, I don't mind being tied for 1st, but don't ever think I'll accept being in 2nd place.

 

[The Great Obnarticus]

I know several women who are single mothers, all of them are pretty much attention whóres in some manner. I'll elabourate on the two worst.

One of them I've known from highshool. She's 22, and has slept with 15+ guys since she was 16, and has a two yearold daughter. She has no plans to settle down, and openly refers to the men as potential notches in her belt. She asked a friend of hers and mine last month if he wanted to move in with her, as he was looking for a new place. He declined on the grounds that he knew he'd become a defacto babysitter. He knew she wouldn't expect or demand it of him, but it'd simply turn out that way.

The next woman is(okay, was) a close friend of my brother. She has a four yearold son and literally dumps him on any friend of hers so she can go out partying all night. She is almost a perfect example of a histrionic personality disorder, that Jester outlined already. She essentially text messaged my brother while drunk one night and packed a shít at him, behaving in a manner that wasn't unlike a child, all because he was too busy to spend time with her. He doesn't even talk to her now, and rightly so.

Now it seems to me that both these women completely missed the point of being a parent. Either that or they're past caring and their children are little more than baggage that they're obligated to carry.

Call me prejudiced, but I've come to believe that all or most single mothers have essentially failed at life. They're women, and they have the last word on getting pregnant in the first place, and aborting their pregnancy if they're unable to say no or use contraceptives. If they choose to be single mothers, then they absolutely must live up to that choice. The ones I know unfortunately don't.

Oh, and I nearly forgot... I'd never date one for the above reasons.

I'm a newcomer to all this. Please be gentle.

 

[ZeeOwl]

Oops, should have included my "I'm genralizing here. All generalisations have exceptions" disclaimer to that post too.

Originally posted by myfriendblu
Dude your nuts

That's funny. It's exactly what one of my single mom ex's said to me when I starting dating her (she had 5 kids).

A. They do? I know A LOT of single moms who wish they NEVER had that kid in the first place and would take it back if they could. I be willing to bet that most single moms under 25 feel that way

That is true in some cases. I did say that you have to qualify her first... I'm not talking about a girl who got herself pregnant at 15, and is now stuck with a kid. I'm talking about a woman with children who was in a LTR, and is now single. Don't know about the under 25 crowd. The ones I've dated went from 29 to 51.

B. No way. If anything, there less mature. A mature person would've used birth control or waited to get married to have kids

See point A.

C. LOL ridiculous. There WAY F'IN LESS FLEXIBLE. They can't go anywhere or do jack squat without a sitter. there whole f'in world revolves around there kid.

I'm talking about psycological flexibility, not "let's go partying whenever we feel like it" flexibility. The world doesn't revolve around their kid, it revolves around their family. Which includes you if you did your homework right. Of course, you gotta want to be part of their family.

D. I have found single moms to be more giving..affectionate? its a toss up

I'm relating my personal experience. Your mileage may vary...

E. Thats not by choice. They have a MUCH SMALLER pool of men to chose from so they HAVE to be less superficial. A single mom is NOT going to get the creme of the crop DJ's.

I'm not talking about that type of superficial. I'm talking about the "my life revolves around hair, makeup, jewellery, shopping, my friends, the gym, cars, partying" type. But I do agree that a single mom will also be less picky and stuck up. Which IMHO makes her more fun to be with and better LTR material.

F. stable in what means? There WAY LESS stable financially and emotionally because of the kid.

Financially, maybe. But then I'm not very materialistic myself, so I don't mind. Emotionally, no way. They have kids, remember? You can't raise kids if you're always off on some crazy ego trip.

Again, I'm relating my personal experience. Your mileage may vary.

 

[bp1974]

I don't have any kids, and as this thread is about LTR's rather than just dating, I want my first experience of raising a child to be with my own kid, not someone else's.

Would I date a single mother? Sure, so long as it was just a shortterm thing.

If I already had kids, then I wouldn't mind an LTR with a woman with kids herself.

 

[stevey_2000]

been there done that!!,

personally i think that dating a single mother is irratating because they have so much time on their hands (young mothers i'm talking about) and spend most of their time ringing us up and nattering about stupidly boring things.

would never go back tho :-(

 

[Blaaaaat]

No ****ing way!

 

[Templeton]

Originally posted by stevey_2000
been there done that!!,

personally i think that dating a single mother is irratating because they have so much time on their hands (young mothers i'm talking about) and spend most of their time ringing us up and nattering about stupidly boring things.

would never go back tho :-(

Exactly Stevey. Damaged goods lol. Good to see you back mate.

 

[stevey_2000]

cheers templeton mate!,

also this particular girl was likened to posh spice, very nice looking but knew many, shall we put it, 'dangerous people' knocking on the door (even sometimes while i 'on the job') which was frustrating but these people would smash her door in if she didn't answer it, needless to say, i only stayed with her for sex when i needed it until i found someone better.

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

Originally posted by drixsa
so NO LTR unless you wanna be Giovanni Casanova

Hey, there's nothing wrong with being Giovanni Casanova. I enjoy it very much, actually.

Now, let's talk about single mothers for a minute. I used to be one of the loudest voices against single mothers on this forum. I'd had some really bad experiences with single mothers and so I used to warn guys... stay away from them.

I changed my mind after I started dating a girl named Sandie. When we first started talking to each other and seeing each other, I didn't know she had a kid. By the time I found out, I didn't care. She had already shown herself to be a really great girl, kid or no kid.

Eventually, we decided to stop seeing each other, although we remain good friends. By that time, I had realized that single mothers were not inherently bad.

As many know, the girl I'm engaged to has a daughter. She has everything I wanted in a girl; she's smart, nice, funny, and beautiful. She also has a daughter; that was a bonus.

As for not being #1, I don't really think that matters. I think that if you get married and have kids at any point, your kids are going to come first no matter what anyway. But I certainly don't feel neglected, or as if I'm not loved. I think it all comes down to this: I'm secure enough to not feel jealous of a 2-year-old.

I don't see this little girl as a problem, or an obstacle, or an "issue" that I have to "deal with". She is part of the total package; you can't love the mother and not the kid in an LTR.

Bottom line: this single mother has been far greater than most of the "regular" single girls I've been in relationships with and/or have dated, and this relationship has been far greater than any I've ever been in. I highly recommend it, if you can find the right single mother.

 

[Rahul]

Why go for damaged goods when there are a ton of fresh spring chickens out there?

Besides, the single mother will ALWAYS want you to be the father of her child, regardless of what they say, they are searching for someone to replace the looser that the got knocked up from and then realized that they couldn't change.

 

[myfriendblu]

Originally posted by The Great Obnarticus

I'm a newcomer to all this. Please be gentle.

LOL with that post I say your on your way
Nice post

 

[Sexy_Malibu]

A. They do? I know A LOT of single moms who wish they NEVER had that kid in the first place and would take it back if they could. I be willing to bet that most single moms under 25 feel that way

I think you're really wrong about this one blu. I doubt there are too many mothers out there of any age who wish they'd never had kids. I may not have been planning to have my child, but it has been one of the best things to ever happen to me.

B. No way. If anything, there less mature. A mature person would've used birth control or waited to get married to have kids

First of all, birth control often fails. Secondly, don't you think it's mature to take responsibility for your actions? Although I'm very much pro-choice and I would never condemn anyone for having an abortion, I think it if you are capable of giving your child a good life then it is kind of selfish not to (Of course, there are tons of situations where terminating the pregnancy would be the mature, responsible, unselfish thing to do -- and I'd never judge anyone for that -- but just not being married isn't necessarily always that situation). That's so oldfashioned of you blu... if you think you have to be married to have kids, then why not say you have to be married to have sex in the first place too...

Really? Give me ONE GOOD reason why one would date a single mom over a girl without kids.

Um... would you like me to repeat all the reasons the other guys have given? Sometimes (I know this may be hard for you to understand this) it's not even about reason TO do it or reasons to NOT do it... how about just judging the person for who THEY are, regardless of the fact?

 

[myfriendblu]

Originally posted by Giovanni Casanova
I'm secure enough to not feel jealous of a 2-year-old.

Gio bro,
I don't feel it as an issue of jealousy, maybe more in the line of the kid and his dad being a overall general pain in the as s.

I would say in a MAJORITY of the cases, the baby-daddy, if he is even involved in the kids life(alot aren't, LOL) is usually a total loser. They can be quite the pain in the butt. He is usually the bad boy type that most young unmarried women fall for, and dealing with a bitter baby daddy that doesn't get along with your girlfriend is difficult at best.

Then theres the kid. oooohhh boy . Let me attest to this. Kids are NOT all there cracked up to be. not by a long shot. Oh sure, a baby is probably the cuttest little thing on the face of the earth(hey even i have a soft spot ), but dam, they are exhausting. And wait till there teenagers. Remember how you treated your parents? Well, there not gonna be any different. After all the time, money and sacrifice, alot of kids grow up and spend little if any time with there parents. There are SOOO many people i know that have little or no contact with there parents. all that time and money invested for nothing. And lets not forget that its NOT EVEN your kid.

One more thing. Lets say you marry that single momma. Guess what? You split, your gonna end up paying child support for the kid thats NOT EVEN YOURS. if thats not the most bullsh it law in the land since the days when blacks weren't allowed to vote, i don't know what is.

 

[myfriendblu]

Originally posted by Sexy_Malibu

First of all, birth control often fails.

Really. Hmmm, Out of curiousity,
what kind of birth control were YOU on. Not the guy, but YOU. The male condom doesn't count, thats HIS method

What was YOUR method. There are about 10 kinds out there. Which one was it. ?

 

[Sexy_Malibu]

Originally posted by myfriendblu
Really. Hmmm, Out of curiousity,
what kind of birth control were YOU on. Not the guy, but YOU. The male condom doesn't count, thats HIS method

What was YOUR method. There are about 10 kinds out there. Which one was it. ?

First of all... it's not even about me... birth control DOES fail in many cases...

Second of all... are you saying that everyone in the world should always use two or more forms of birth control? What difference does it make if it's HIS method or HER method... you're both having sex together, it's all YOUR methods.

Third, not that it's your business, but... The condom broke, but we didn't stress it because I was on the pill. The funny thing about birth control pills is sometimes you don't realize that it's the wrong hormone level and mix for you until it's too late. Same thing about condoms... a lot of condoms are defective, but you don't ever know you used a defective condom unless it resulted in pregnancy or STDs. And yes, I was very careful about taking them every day at the same time, so I don't want to hear any of that BS about it being my fault.

Truthfully, I feel like if the kid could fight through a condom and bc pills then the kid really wanted to be born.

 

[ZeeOwl]

Originally posted by Sexy_Malibu
Truthfully, I feel like if the kid could fight through a condom and bc pills then the kid really wanted to be born.

No! Please! Now you're starting to sound like my zen ex-girlfriend. (the latest one) Ahhhh!!!!!!

lol

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

Originally posted by myfriendblu
I don't feel it as an issue of jealousy, maybe more in the line of the kid and his dad being a overall general pain in the as s.

I'm talking about the comment/complaint that you wouldn't be NUMBER ONE in her life, that you'd be second place to a child.

Personally, I don't have a problem with the father of this kid because he's not involved and he's not a threat anyway. I know how to deal with people, I don't let guys like that be a pain in the ass.

As for the child, I don't see her as a pain in the ass. If you have that sort of view on kids, then yeah, stay the hell away from single mothers. And don't have any kids of your own, for that matter. But I personally think she's a great kid and I enjoy being around her.

I would say in a MAJORITY of the cases, the baby-daddy, if he is even involved in the kids life(alot aren't, LOL) is usually a total loser. They can be quite the pain in the butt. He is usually the bad boy type that most young unmarried women fall for, and dealing with a bitter baby daddy that doesn't get along with your girlfriend is difficult at best.

First off, in my case the guy is rarely around. But even in situations where the guy is around, it's not too bad. People are only as big of a problem as you let them be. I don't get too worked up about that sort of thing. And he's not worth getting worked up over... in a battle of wits, he's got a spear and I've got a nuke. There's no way he'd be dumb enough to try to go after me physically, and he's just too insignificant to really think about too much.

Then theres the kid. oooohhh boy . Let me attest to this. Kids are NOT all there cracked up to be. not by a long shot. Oh sure, a baby is probably the cuttest little thing on the face of the earth(hey even i have a soft spot ), but dam, they are exhausting. And wait till there teenagers. Remember how you treated your parents? Well, there not gonna be any different. After all the time, money and sacrifice, alot of kids grow up and spend little if any time with there parents. There are SOOO many people i know that have little or no contact with there parents. all that time and money invested for nothing. And lets not forget that its NOT EVEN your kid.

Well, let me attest to this... this particular kid is great. I don't care if she's mine or not, I treat her as though she is. Sometimes she can really try my patience, but she is absolutely worth it and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

One more thing. Lets say you marry that single momma. Guess what? You split, your gonna end up paying child support for the kid thats NOT EVEN YOURS. if thats not the most bullsh it law in the land since the days when blacks weren't allowed to vote, i don't know what is.

You really, seriously need to pull your head out of your ass. You clearly have no idea what you're talking about. Let me fill you in on what the law says. The only way in which I would have to pay child support in the event of a divorce is if I adopt the child. Since that isn't happening, it isn't a problem.

Seriously, that's probably one of the most ignorant things I've ever heard.

 

[myfriendblu]

Originally posted by Sexy_Malibu
Second of all... are you saying that everyone in the world should always use two or more forms of birth control? What difference does it make if it's HIS method or HER method... you're both having sex together, it's all YOUR methods.

Its makes a big difference whos method it is. Why? A majority of the time its a MAN using birth control(condom). ALL sexually active females should be on some sort of birth control. there are ten kinds. take your pick.

I love it how girls always leave the birth control up to the man. Condom this and condom that. How bout you get off your lazy as s and get your own birth control as well, this way we don't have to just rely on condoms.

One more thing - If the condom broke, why didn't you go to the hospital and get the morning after pill?

By the way, most people in the world(look at that mess in Africa) don't even use one form, nonetheless two.

 

[Sexy_Malibu]

Originally posted by Giovanni Casanova
You really, seriously need to pull your head out of your ass. You clearly have no idea what you're talking about. Let me fill you in on what the law says. The only way in which I would have to pay child support in the event of a divorce is if I adopt the child. Since that isn't happening, it isn't a problem.

Seriously, that's probably one of the most ignorant things I've ever heard.

Giovanni you have to remember that you're discussing single mothers with a guy who has proclaimed that he will never date one... so what the **** does he really know on the subject in the first place?

Also, I don't know if blu has ever dated a single mom or not... but he's made it pretty clear he would NEVER LTR one. So... if he has had ONS or whatever with one, those particular single mothers might not necessarily have the qualities of the ones you know... because obviously ONSing someone and LTRing somene is totally different and you see a different side of that person. So I really don't think blu CAN make judgements on the subject because he really has no info on the subject. He can have his opinions on it, but he can't ever really state "fact". He won't date them and that's fine and I'm sure somewhere there are tons of single moms saying "Thank you GOD!"