Women who flake

[jophil28]

I recall Anti-Dump once told Master of the Universe (guy who wrote the DJ Boot Camp), "you were dead in the water when she walked up and gave you her number. Interested women do not volunteer their numbers." A lot of people laughed at him for that, but he turned out to be right, and I think the old guy knew what he was talking about.

I am lost . Why would any woman VOLUNTEER her number is she were not interested?
Maybe I am having a slow day.

 

[guru1000]

I recall Anti-Dump once told Master of the Universe (guy who wrote the DJ Boot Camp), "you were dead in the water when she walked up and gave you her number. Interested women do not volunteer their numbers." A lot of people laughed at him for that, but he turned out to be right, and I think the old guy knew what he was talking about.

I was in a lounge a couple weeks ago. As I was leaving a girl volunteered her number.

The following week, I called her and invited her over. We had sex.

 

[Mr. Me]

I am lost . Why would any woman VOLUNTEER her number is she were not interested?

A woman may give you her number when you've overstayed your "welcome" and she wants to get rid of you.

 

[jophil28]

A woman may give you her number when you've overstayed your "welcome" and she wants to get rid of you.

That is totally fukked !
A woman who is giving a guy her number is saying." Contact me, I want to see more of you. "
So you are saying that a woman is saying "contact me " to a guy that has stayed too long and she wants to go away ?

NO wonder women have relationship problems?

 

[Jitterbug]

That is totally fukked !
A woman who is giving a guy her number is saying." Contact me, I want to see more of you. "
So you are saying that a woman is saying "contact me " to a guy that has stayed too long and she wants to go away ?

NO wonder women have relationship problems?

It's actually a pretty common thing among young women these days. You're dealing with different age groups so I guess you haven't come across them much. There are two reasons they do it:

1: To get rid of the guy (it's silly and doesn't make any sense, but hey, it's women)

And

2: When the guy calls or texts her, she won't response, but will laugh with her mates at the poor bloke, telling them his oh so pathetic attempt at picking her up that night and how she had to give him her number to be free of him. It's their favourite thing to discuss when in a group. The more often they have guys calling them like that while they're out together, the more "respect" (and jealousy) they get from the rest of the group.

In fact when I was on the train to work this morning, I heard this exact conversation from two young females sitting in front of me. They were loud and seemed pretty proud about that too.

I've got a few numbers from flakes like those, but I stuck to my 2-calls-max rule and didn't assume that they had high IL just because they gave me their numbers.

It's a new kind of attention wh0ring.

 

[AgonyUncle]

Its always amazing how a flake will say that she was too busy to answer a call or return one the same day. I dont know anyone that busy. Sorry, but a student or employee says she has been too busy to call you back is talking ****. I have never been so busy with studies or work that I could not spare 5 minutes for someone I wanted to talk to, either at that moment or later on when I had a gap. When you like someone, you look forward to speaking to them. Hell, work is rarely going to be a priority.

Either women work twice as hard as men, manage their time poorly or everyone is buying into those lame excuses way to often.

 

[Phyzzle]

There is another reason why this might happen: she was looking for a one-night stand. She was giving the digits hoping you would escalate right away, and if you don't, she sobers up the next day, and says, "never mind."

Come to think of it, I did have two relationships start where the women volunteered her number. But months later they expressed "surprise" over the fact that I had asked for her number - which is not what happened.

So interested women DO volunteer their numbers, they just don't REMEMBER doing it. The interaction can't be her fault. Basically, I would say that you shouldn't be surprised when a woman who aggressively expresses a massive interest in you doesn't return your calls. That seems to be common.

 

[STR8UP]

2: When the guy calls or texts her, she won't response, but will laugh with her mates at the poor bloke, telling them his oh so pathetic attempt at picking her up that night and how she had to give him her number to be free of him. It's their favourite thing to discuss when in a group. The more often they have guys calling them like that while they're out together, the more "respect" (and jealousy) they get from the rest of the group.

This isn't limited to chicks in their 20. I watch my lady friends who are in their 30's do it as well. 'Look at that everyone. Stalker boy just sent me ANOTHER text, hehe!"

Fact is, women DO give out their number if they aren't interested, even unsolicited. Sometimes it's legit, most of the time it isn't. Just gotta follow up if YOU are interested and don't accept any wishy washy behavior.

 

[STR8UP]

There is another reason why this might happen: she was looking for a one-night stand. She was giving the digits hoping you would escalate right away, and if you don't, she sobers up the next day, and says, "never mind."

Good point. I have a feeling that I have been a "victim" of this once of twice myself.

 

[Mr. Me]

There is no reason to completely write a flaky woman off.

You don't "scold" her.

You don't say "I'm never gonna talk to that b!tch again!"

You simply step back and reassess.

Then, if you feel like it, in a few weeks hit her up and say, "Hey, I'm going to XXXXXXXX tonight. You should meet US there at 10". Then go to XXXXXX and hang out with your friends and have a good time without expecting her to show, even if she agrees to. If she does, great. If not, you are out nothing.

Thanks for the tip, Str8up! I don't take flaking personally, fact is, I don't take a lot of what women do OR say personally, I think it reflects more about them then it could ever could me. I rarely scold. I just drop them if it's bad. If it's correctable, I just tell them what's acceptable and what's not. But this one I haven't even dated yet, except for being with her a few hours the night we met.

Normally, if they never call back and I've tried a few different times to reach them, I stop. But this one did text back, so here's my reasoning: I don't know if she just wants attention and intends to string me along as one of many and OTOH, I don't know if she's somewhat interested and wants to see me. So there's only one way to find out.

I'll call her later and if I get her in, I'll go for a date and gauge it from there. If I get her VM, I'll leave one message for her to tell me when's a good time to call. Then we'll see if she cooperates or not.

let her get validation for her parking....not for her social value and certainly not from you

Ha, ha, ha! Well... the only validation I guess she can get from me at this stage is that I'm returning her call/text... but a day later. I'll bet not too many guys wouldn't have jumped to call her back within moments of her texting them. So my aim is to be different than all the other guys. I'm not one of the drones. People notice it. Works for me. In fact, it's kind of the same approach Anti-Dump preached.

Jophil, I see "dating" as a funnel. At the top, we're continually getting phone numbers in. Then as it goes along, at the beginning, we deal with the flakes. The ones that don't flake we get dates with. Then we gauge if they're into us or not, watch for flags, and see if we like them too. There's a ton of weeding out that happens at the beginning stages. But then at the other end of funnel, maybe one or two or three will eventually pop out as worthwhile having around.

 

[Nelford]

The first time a girl flake on me I toss her number and the funny thing about the whole situation was she called me a month later and took me out to dinner and payed the tab. This was a year ago and she still calls. Keep collecting numbers and sealing deals. Every girl is not for you, so she may have done you a favor.

 

[Juando]

There is another reason why this might happen: she was looking for a one-night stand. She was giving the digits hoping you would escalate right away, and if you don't, she sobers up the next day, and says, "never mind."

This drives me nuts because my personality is more methodical, I like to take my time up to a point. I like consistency.

Makes me think that I should be looking for the broom closet to seal the deal while the hormones are raging. Sorta kidding, but sorta not...

And yeah, forget about the age-related flakiness theory; I took a break from 20s and 30s to give a couple of 40's women the honor of my interest- just as bad if not worse. And I coached a friend of mine for his Valentine date with a 50s woman who was sizzling for the date- and she totally flaked, said she stayed up too late, tired....

I guess it's like fishing, all those bites you had that were so real you could taste it, but just not meant to be...

My main plate flirted with an attempted flake last wknd but she fell back into line when I tried to cut her off with a "ok, then talk to you later"- she came running, went through the motions of being "mad", then apologized. Phew.

 

[JackPrescott]

That is totally fukked !
A woman who is giving a guy her number is saying." Contact me, I want to see more of you. "
So you are saying that a woman is saying "contact me " to a guy that has stayed too long and she wants to go away ?

NO wonder women have relationship problems?

I have had a woman give me her number, only to have her flake when I invited her out for a quick ****tail. I dont get this at all, other than she loves for people to text her, but has little interst in any kind of interaction. Except with certain "mateable" males.

 

[guru1000]

Let me share this SCENARIO as it fits perfectly in this thread.

I went on a first date with this HB8 on Wednesday .

I opened her up immediately.

Her: I have gone on 15 dates in the last 2 months
ME: And?
Her : They were not my type
ME: And what is your type?
Her: HE has to be at least a 7 but he has to be at his best behavior.

I am LOL. I never quite heard a girl use the NUMBER system like this one. This girl is one of the few who communicates COVERTLY. So now I am having FUN. I am playing MR.OBJECTIVE AND NONJUDGEMENTAL

Me: Ok so 7 is your baseline. What is your ideal number?
Her: 9. My ex is a 9.
ME: How does the 9 have to treat you?
Her: Any way that he wants as long as he doesn't cheat on me.

Me: Ok so if you meet a 7 and he f*cks up once, he is done. BUT if you meet a 9, he can F*CK up many times and it is OK.

Her: Yes. I went out with this 7 last week. Nice guy.

Me: Did you go on a second date.

Her: Yes, but I flaked on him initially.

Me: Why?

Her: Because my x-bf called me that night so I went to his house. The 7 called me the next day and we made plans and went out another day.

Me: Now would you have flaked on the 9 for your x-bf?

Her: No way!

So you would think this girl is too OPEN, not concerned about her image to me. So she must have low IL.

However, her openness showed HIGH IL with consistent compliments to me.

The next day she texts me 1PM.

Her: "Hey, I had a good time last night".
ME: "Cancel tomorrow's date. We are going out".

Her:" O really. So demanding. I have a dinner date with my friend and her husband, would you like to come. "

Me: "Meet me afterwards, we'll rent a movie"

She had a double date with her friend, husband and date. She was willing to flake on her date to bring me. I counter offered with my place afterwards.

She called me last night 12:30 saying she is home and sorry it took so long. I told her to come over. It snowed 5 inches last night and she lives 30 min away.

She came over and is here now.

This is the NATURE of the BEAST.

Not high quality but nonetheless typical female.

As I always say when a girl has HIGH IL, she never flakes. She will swim through a swamp to meet you.

 

[Latinoman]

lol. Excellent example.

 

[synergy1]

She had a double date with her friend, husband and date. She was willing to flake on her date to bring me. I counter offered with my place afterwards.

She called me last night 12:30 saying she is home and sorry it took so long. I told her to come over. It snowed 5 inches last night and she lives 30 min away.

She came over and is here now.

This is the NATURE of the BEAST.

Not high quality but nonetheless typical female.

As I always say when a girl has HIGH IL, she never flakes. She will swim through a swamp to meet you.

Fascinating example, thanks for sharing. The hard part for guys like myself who are behind the curve so to speak is digesting that this is the way of the world. Its as incorrigible as Newtons laws: Attractive women have options. It has taken , and will take more time and experience to sink in, but it is the naked truth.

I am well aware that highly interesting women will go out of their way to meet you. During the later stages is where I encounter more flaky instances. That said , my question is what threshold do you tolerate flaking? When do you abandon and when do you show sticktuiativeness (sp) and keep moving forward? I would classify dealing with flakes as a weak part of my current system. Currently, I don't tolerate my time being wasted and move on almost immediately.

 

[JackPrescott]

Fascinating example, thanks for sharing. The hard part for guys like myself who are behind the curve so to speak is digesting that this is the way of the world. Its as incorrigible as Newtons laws: Attractive women have options. It has taken , and will take more time and experience to sink in, but it is the naked truth.

I am well aware that highly interesting women will go out of their way to meet you. During the later stages is where I encounter more flaky instances. That said , my question is what threshold do you tolerate flaking? When do you abandon and when do you show sticktuiativeness (sp) and keep moving forward? I would classify dealing with flakes as a weak part of my current system. Currently, I don't tolerate my time being wasted and move on almost immediately.

It all comes down to "Do they want to actually spend some one on one time with you" An ex of mine flaked on our first date, and gave me some BS line, on my ansering machine, the night of the date, that she "couldnt get a sitter" I was so furious, I lost her number on the spot. That was Saturday. Monday AM she called, and I called her on her sh*it. She apologized and accepted a same afternoon date on the spot, and we had amazing sex 5 days later.

A woman I was currently working on had contacted me on MySpace, we spent about 2 weeks trading messages, she asked for my number, and we texted like mad, until I asked her to meet me for a drink. That was flake number one. I called her on it. Then I asked her a second time, and when she flaked again, I lost 90% of my interest in her, and she continued to bother me, until I got "Bottom line" with her, and was told that "all men in her life were now in the Just Friends status" and she "wasnt ready for anything because she is healing" and other typical female garbage/lies. I havent talked to her since.

 

[Mazeman11]

When there is a possibility for a girl to flake on you, immediately make backup plans and stick to them if she flakes. When girls have flaked on me in the past, I went out or hung out with friends and made jokes about how women behave.

Flaking overall sucks but there are degrees to watch out for. If you agree to meet someone at a certain time, you drive 30 miles and she doesn't show up, she must be seriously messed up to pull off something like that. But if you have a date and she cancels, brush it off, go to the gym, park, concert, show, bar, anything at all to forget about it.

The reason why I don't burn bridges or react to flaking in front of women (unless the flaking resulted in major time wasting or damage) is because I have had initially women play games like that with me and eventually fell in love with me.

It will not work every time, but looking back I was doing all the right things and didn't even realize it. I showed confidence and indifference, showed interest but not desperation, showed value but did not seek approval.

Years ago this great looking girl drove me crazy and she did a lot of things to brush me off, I had a gut feeling that she liked me but was doing her best not to like me for some reason. I remained persistent and it turned to be the best relationship I've ever had. I asked her later on what happened to make her change her mind. She told me she didn't change her mind, she had always liked me but was afraid to get involved emotionally, and that she simply couldn't resist me because I seemed so genuine and most important, persistent.

Obviously this does not apply to all situation, it's our job as men to explore all opportunities. Sometime you get what you want and sometimes you don't. Doesn't mean you did something wrong or there is something wrong with you.

 

[Mr. Me]

Her:" O really. So demanding. I have a dinner date with my friend and her husband, would you like to come. "

She had a double date with her friend, husband and date. She was willing to flake on her date to bring me.

Not to rain on your parade, but, from what you quoted her saying, sounds to me as if she meant "dinner date" meaning she had a date to do dinner with her friend and her friend's husband. Doesn't sound like she's saying there was another guy she was going to go with, as on a double date.

Not high quality...

Yep, you could say that again! A gal tells me on a date that she flaked a date because her ex BF booty called her? What a gal! That would be the end of the date for me. Unless I just want to bang her.

Reminds me of a couple of weeks ago when some gal in a bar was hitting on me and she's telling me how it is that she's currently seeing two married guys, and was at that moment standing up some other guy - and I'm thinking "This is supposed to impress me? That you're a sh1tter?" and also thinking how amazed I am that women feel so free to publicly admit about what a disgrace they are, as if it's something admirable or at the very least, they don't think that you may view them as not having integrity?

I guess they don't. I guess enough guys turn a deaf ear for the chance of getting some. You have to sleep with one eye open.

 

[JackPrescott]

When there is a possibility for a girl to flake on you, immediately make backup plans and stick to them if she flakes. When girls have flaked on me in the past, I went out or hung out with friends and made jokes about how women behave.

Flaking overall sucks but there are degrees to watch out for. If you agree to meet someone at a certain time, you drive 30 miles and she doesn't show up, she must be seriously messed up to pull off something like that. But if you have a date and she cancels, brush it off, go to the gym, park, concert, show, bar, anything at all to forget about it.

The reason why I don't burn bridges or react to flaking in front of women (unless the flaking resulted in major time wasting or damage) is because I have had initially women play games like that with me and eventually fell in love with me.

It will not work every time, but looking back I was doing all the right things and didn't even realize it. I showed confidence and indifference, showed interest but not desperation, showed value but did not seek approval.

Years ago this great looking girl drove me crazy and she did a lot of things to brush me off, I had a gut feeling that she liked me but was doing her best not to like me for some reason. I remained persistent and it turned to be the best relationship I've ever had. I asked her later on what happened to make her change her mind. She told me she didn't change her mind, she had always liked me but was afraid to get involved emotionally, and that she simply couldn't resist me because I seemed so genuine and most important, persistent.

Obviously this does not apply to all situation, it's our job as men to explore all opportunities. Sometime you get what you want and sometimes you don't. Doesn't mean you did something wrong or there is something wrong with you.

I like this post. I dont mind persistence, and I certainly have not cut her out of my life completley. She still has my phone number, and is a vague acquaintence if nothing else. I too have a "gut feeling" about her, but I am horrible when it comes to kissing a woman's ass, metaphorically. I somehow feel that me leaving her alone, and dating other women will eventually be the key, if anything is going to go down. It is only a small chance, but it does exist.