Woman with questions

[reset]

I get shit tested all of the time. I'm almost to the point where I don't even care if it is a test or not. I'm going to do what I think is right or what I want.

That's good. Either way you're going to come out ahead. It helps when you see it coming.

 

[reset]

I definitely wouldn't throw a woman away on a shit test though. I don't think they even realize they are doing it.

I agree. I guess it's the disconnect between what I actually experience, and what I read from guys who have more experience than me. I think the tests in the beginning are a way of testing you for strength. At least that's what I sense when it happens to me.

I don't think it follows that they have no interest, which is kind of a dominant theme here.

 

[Allaia]

I have another question - do men test women?

I have known a few who did and also, from what my friends have told me. Some of them did in such a way to see if the woman is worth pursuing. When it comes to women, most play hard to get and test men too. I wonder if men are the same?

As much as men say that women are confused species, the men I have met are as confused as my own gender.

 

[Jitterbug]

I have another question - do men test women?

Of course we do. Sometimes, while women are busy testing us & playing hard to get, they don't realise that we're using that very chance to test them at the same time.

The **** test says as much about the one being tested as it does about the one doing the testing.

 

[jophil28]

. I think the tests in the beginning are a way of testing you for strength. At least that's what I sense when it happens to me.

I don't think it follows that they have no interest, which is kind of a dominant theme here.

"Sh!t tests" as they are commonly called can be divided to three types which are connected , but which appear at different points in a relationship.
THis is how I see them-

The first type is "Who is he" .
This type of test is designed to unearth as much info about you quickly.
To say that this test is about her testing for "strength " is a narrow view.
Your so-called strength is NOT the primary factor of her initial interset. . You "suitability" to be her mate is what she sets out to determine as soon as possible and strength is but one of a myriad qualites that she wants to see demonstrated...I see this initial testing period as her "auditioning your mate-ability" ( just made that word up ). She is "checking you out"...
Tests like these are reasonable within this context and given the setting of two people dating regularly for a few months.

THe second type of test emerges soon into the relationship and can overlap in time with the first type. This second type is what I call " Who's running this show?" THis is when strength testing enters the game. SHe wiil set up various tests to determine where your limits of tolerance are and how much room she has to push and prod . She is testing your limits and boundaries exactly like children test their parents. She want to know how much freedom she has and what her restrictions will be, and how much of her BS your will accept.. Your expectations of her behavior are flushed out and she pushes to feel you push back.
In my opinion these tests are NOT legitimate tests and should not be tolerated. Instead of pushing and prodding, she has the option to gather this information by patiently observing your responses to events as they occur spontaneously over time ...The jealousy card, flirting with other guys, out of character "flaking", being difficult and snooty for no reason are common examples.
The "testing" procedures in this type involves her creating "setups" and introducing unneccesary mind games,
Any man who tolerates this is on a slippery slope indeed. The more a man tolerates the more she tests.

The third type of so-called "tests" are not really tests as such but are confused as such.These appear after several months have elapsed and the realtionship has taken root.
These are the 'faked-up dramatics' designed to focus all of your time energy and attention on HER. THis is the drama queen at work (overt or covert ) and in full flight (and there is one in MOST women).

This is what I call " The drama parade"..
She is regularly unavailable, or prefers her G/fs to you every second weekend , BUT demands that you never even speak to another woman.. She is critical and nitpicking BUT never seems to really involve herself in resolving any difficulties between you. You feel as if she is steering the relationship onto the rocks and you are struggling to maintain the equilibrium of the relationship.. SHe becomes more and more "unstable" and her behavior is just bewildering and you have to suspend belief to remain stable.
.
If you dump her or walk away, she comes after you in a week or two and "fukks you back" into the game that goes right back into the nutzone within a few days. You are on a treadmill of crazy sex and crazier behavior as she becomes more and more emotionally distant. And all you want is that sweet sexy china doll that you first met who now seems to have turned into Lucifer's Head Coach.. She picks fights -blames you for every tiny blip on her radar and starts talking about how you two are "incompatible" ..The inevitable happens..
She walks away in haughty contempt, but still plays you right to the last, or you manage to grab hold or your last remaining atrophied half testicle ...and limp out of this murk..
Every one of us NEEDS to be with ONE of these monsters to KNOW what damage they cause, and enjoy creating..

These are my comments about "tests" based on my experiences.

 

[reset]

Of course we do. Sometimes, while women are busy testing us & playing hard to get, they don't realise that we're using that very chance to test them at the same time.

The **** test says as much about the one being tested as it does about the one doing the testing.

I think for them man it's more a case of, hanging back and being relaxed. At some point the test from the girl is going to come, usually when things are going well. So in a way you could say it's a test of the girl too, like how far is she going to take this after I put my foot down.

and thanks for that insight jophil. I guess I was referring more the the second stage.

 

[Latinoman]

Are you saying that before you've slept with her, if you think she's already playing games, you'll just walk away?

I didn't say that. What I meant is that if a woman that is part of my life (e.g. girlfriend) starts using sex as a bargaining tool and consequently start playing game...I will start looking around (e.g. branch swing). Yeah, I will continue sleeping with her, until I find one that does not play games.

 

[reset]

got it.

 

[Latinoman]

I don't believe in shi_t tests. But I do believe that women as well as men have to MAKE sure and do whatever to see if they are with the correct person in a LTR.

I do believe that women should not just sleep with ANY man. That they should be selective and do her own testing. What I don't agree is when sex is withhold for purposes of MANIPULATING a man (e.g. playing games).

Withholding sex to make sure she is with the CORRECT man is okay. There WAY too many losers and so called "PUAs" (e.g. losers) that lie in order to get laid.

It is up to him to demostrate he is in a league of his own and unique. A real DJ.

 

[My Name is Nobody]

I didn't say that. What I meant is that if a woman that is part of my life (e.g. girlfriend) starts using sex as a bargaining tool and consequently start playing game...I will start looking around (e.g. branch swing). Yeah, I will continue sleeping with her, until I find one that does not play games.

Where have you been buddy? You down to take a couple hot brazilians off my hands?

 

[Latinoman]

Where have you been buddy? You down to take a couple hot brazilians off my hands?

Hahahaha. I am cool with the current woman I am seeing. She is giving me way too much sex already.

 

[My Name is Nobody]

Hahahaha. I am cool with the current woman I am seeing. She is giving me way too much sex already.

Too bad man, I need a wing in the worse way! She keeps showing up with her hot friends and I don't know what to do.

 

[Latinoman]

Too bad man, I need a wing in the worse way! She keeps showing up with her hot friends and I don't know what to do.

Phuck both.

 

[My Name is Nobody]

Phuck both.

I haven't made it to that part of the Bible yet.. LOL.. But the thought has crossed my mind.

 

[edger]

I want to know what men really think about ONS and if you did have one, why did you?

Do men really want women who play hard to get? Even if you have been seeing each other for, let's say 2 - 3 years... do you still expect her to pull back now and then?

ONS's, what do I think of them? Nothing. Big f*ckin' deal. I don't look down on women because of it. Why should I?, it doesn't make sense. If you're gonna criticize women for having them, then you might as well criticize men while you're at it as well. I don't play those bullsh*t double standard games, for either gender. Anyhow, I've had a bunch of one nighter's, and I think they're great.

Do men want women who play hard to get? I know I don't. I don't know why any guy would. Might as well not eat for a day, then go watch a bunch of people eat in front of you, while you salivate from the mouth in hunger. It makes no sense. Any woman who play's hard to get, I toss.

And I don't EVER expect a chick to pull back every now and then. Although I know it happens. Referring to it as a "sh*t test" makes sense. And if that happens, I'm prepared on how to handle it.

 

[Jitterbug]

I think men want women who are hard to get, because for a man to deserve a quality woman who's hard to get, he needs to improve himself and becomes the best he can be. Such women don't need to play any game.

However, we don't want a woman who plays hard to get, when she isn't worth it. The chase might be fun, but after we manage to "catch" her, we get a rude shock and go "That's it? What a waste of time!" and turn cold. Or we just don't bother with her at all, if we could see what she really is before committing ourselves to the silly chase.

Many of those women play hard to get, but end up getting seduced anyway and wonder why the guy dumps them after "getting what he wants" or just uses them for sex. That's because that's all they have to offer.

Recently I met this girl who kept saying she's busy and rejected or flaked out on a lot of dates. Eventually I got her out on a few dates, slept with her (she's a starfish - terrible lay) and discovered that she's not at all busy and has a boring life. She just pretended to be, so that she appears hard to get. Needless to say, I dumped her shortly afterwards. She probably whined to her girlfriends afterwards about how guys are just after sex blah blah the usual sh!t.

The "hard to get" or "being a challenge" thing has to be genuine. If you fake it, prepare to accept the consequences.

 

[Allaia]

I think men want women who are hard to get, because for a man to deserve a quality woman who's hard to get, he needs to improve himself and becomes the best he can be. Such women don't need to play any game.

However, we don't want a woman who plays hard to get, when she isn't worth it. The chase might be fun, but after we manage to "catch" her, we get a rude shock and go "That's it? What a waste of time!" and turn cold. Or we just don't bother with her at all, if we could see what she really is before committing ourselves to the silly chase.

Many of those women play hard to get, but end up getting seduced anyway and wonder why the guy dumps them after "getting what he wants" or just uses them for sex. That's because that's all they have to offer.

Recently I met this girl who kept saying she's busy and rejected or flaked out on a lot of dates. Eventually I got her out on a few dates, slept with her (she's a starfish - terrible lay) and discovered that she's not at all busy and has a boring life. She just pretended to be, so that she appears hard to get. Needless to say, I dumped her shortly afterwards. She probably whined to her girlfriends afterwards about how guys are just after sex blah blah the usual sh!t.

The "hard to get" or "being a challenge" thing has to be genuine. If you fake it, prepare to accept the consequences.

Thank you, Jitterbug!

I know some of my friends who play hard to get. That's the thing that I don't get about some women.

I really like your post and the first 2 paragraphs are how I thought men would/wouldn't want.

 

[afrojiggles]

the babes can play day one or two but more girly games are unwaranted if they are a bore, personally i sniff the shyt outa them within five minutes of meeting them, soo i dont waste my valuable time

 

[ketostix]

I think men want women who are hard to get, because for a man to deserve a quality woman who's hard to get, he needs to improve himself and becomes the best he can be. Such women don't need to play any game.

However, we don't want a woman who plays hard to get, when she isn't worth it. The chase might be fun, but after we manage to "catch" her, we get a rude shock and go "That's it? What a waste of time!" and turn cold. Or we just don't bother with her at all, if we could see what she really is before committing ourselves to the silly chase.

Many of those women play hard to get, but end up getting seduced anyway and wonder why the guy dumps them after "getting what he wants" or just uses them for sex. That's because that's all they have to offer.

Recently I met this girl who kept saying she's busy and rejected or flaked out on a lot of dates. Eventually I got her out on a few dates, slept with her (she's a starfish - terrible lay) and discovered that she's not at all busy and has a boring life. She just pretended to be, so that she appears hard to get. Needless to say, I dumped her shortly afterwards. She probably whined to her girlfriends afterwards about how guys are just after sex blah blah the usual sh!t.

The "hard to get" or "being a challenge" thing has to be genuine. If you fake it, prepare to accept the consequences.

This was post is so right on the mark. I totally agree. There's nothing worse than a woman playing hard to get, just to find out she wasn't really hard to get (she was sleeping around with other guys anyway) or just wasn't worth getting in general. Your post needs to be stickied over at LS. It should be taped to Trialbyfire, she is nuts with hard to get games. Reps.

 

[edger]

Recently I met this girl who kept saying she's busy and rejected or flaked out on a lot of dates. Eventually I got her out on a few dates, slept with her (she's a starfish - terrible lay) and discovered that she's not at all busy and has a boring life. She just pretended to be, so that she appears hard to get. Needless to say, I dumped her shortly afterwards. She probably whined to her girlfriends afterwards about how guys are just after sex blah blah the usual sh!t.

Now I've gotta ask you why you put up with this? The girl flaked out on you numerous times, made excuses not to hang out, and you still "hung on" to her. Why? Did it not ever cross your mind during all this that, "Hmm, perhaps she's not interested?" If you thought she was interested in you, what made you think that? I know I would've thought she wasn't interested, and tossed her. I would've tossed her by the second time she pulled the bullsh*t(first time I give them the benefit of the doubt). I mean obviously it turns out afterall, she was somewhat interested(not totally, otherwise she would've let you f*ck her by the first or second hang out in my opinion), because she let you f*ck her, but I'd like to know what made you hang on to her if she was behaving the way she was?