Wives Disrespecting Husbands

[STR8UP]

Last weekend my biz partner and I were going to go out for awhile on Saturday night.

About 11pm I get a call from a number I don't recognize. It was my buddy's wife. She said she was coming downtown with another friend of mines wife, and they wanted to know if they could stop by before they headed out. I agreed.

Just so you understand, I live downtown. I walk to the clubs a few blocks away. So it isn't unusual for people to stop by my place on the way out to pre-game. So I didn't think too much of it when she asked if they could stop by.

We ended up hitting a couple of places with them that night. I went to grab some food later and left the three of them to head back.

Everything was fine until the other day when my buddy started asking questions about that night. He wasn't in the slightest bit pissed at me or my biz partner, but it seems his wife had lied to him about that night and he was trying to get clarification. I told him what happened (she called me up asking if she could park in the garage at my complex and stop by before they went out and that I had no idea that he didn't know what was up) and he was cool about it all.

Anyway, he was saying something about how women try to pull sh!t like this all the time, but if the situation were exactly the opposite (the husband goes out with the wife's friends without her even knowing until after the fact) how the wife would be livid, and for good reason.

I suppose I should have just lied to her and told her that I was already out or something, but I know my buddies are both cool and I didn't put much thought into it at the time.

I've just seen this kind of thing all too often with women. Happened with my last LTR. She absolutely could not understand why I would think it was inappropriate for her to be hanging out with some guy I didn't even know at 3am. And I honestly believe that SHE believed she was doing nothing wrong. Amazing.

Anyone else?

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Str8Up,
Big Johnson always has a lot of wisdom (Hard Won no doubt) in his posts,I agree with him......we all consciously or not take on board the values system of those around us.....I am sorry for your friend,she is obviously restless,If he gives her something to think about by going on a Holiday or Cruise somewhere different it might shake her out of it....I had the same problem with my last Wife,she jumped the fence not with a guy,but with a pair of Lesbians....That started with an obsessive interest in Yoga.

 

[STR8UP]

Some people do this. Try to surround yourself with better people.

So who is at fault here, the liar or the guy who chooses to stay with her?

Both valid points.

As far as them being "good" people...well....the husbands are decent guys. One of the wives is a little on the crazy side, the other one is a bad wife, hands down. He's a total AFC over her. We have all tried to talk him into getting out but he holds on for dear life.

So my friends aren't really the issue here, it is their wives, and I don't make it a habit of hanging out with them alone.

I dunno, I have just seen quite a trend with women across the board over the past few years. It's like even when they are in relationships they pay no mind to boundaries and could care less about repercussions. Kind of like the thieves I get on camera stealing from me. A dozen security cameras looking at you from every corner of the building, and you still pass counterfeit bills and try to walk out the front door with merchandise. Makes no sense to me, but then again people these days don't seem to have much sense in general.

 

[Aenigma]

Makes perfect sense to me Str8up. You just need to think about it from a binary completely self-centered point of view- and the pieces will all fall into place.

The woman thinks:

1. Do I want to do this?/Does this benefit me?
2. Will their be any serious reprocussions from doing this- or will he just ***** and moan for a bit (at most) before things go back to the status quo?

Most women think the answers are no and yes, respectively, to number 2; which is why they do what they do. They think they can do whatever they want and men will just take it- since their only other option is dumping them/divorce (the only statistically signifigant reprocussion); and they dont think that will happen since:

1. Most men don't want to break up a relationship/marriage over "trivial" things (thats how she'll frame her lack of respect- as you over-reacting to something trivial)
2. Women think that they're SOOO precious and speicial that they'll never get dumped (which is they're shocked when it happens- incidentally)
3. They rightly peg most men as spinleless symps.

Read the followin article to get an idea od the mindset of the avereage western woman- if it seems like an extreme example keep in mind that the only thing thats extreme is the women's beauty- which allows them to get the rich men in the first place, On the inside, theyre the same as their less beautiful breatherin- who are just as amoral and completely slef centered and would do the same thing if they had the opportunity....... wait what am I saying? They do them- theyre just different in scale due to the money involved.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/...en-the-money-goes-so-does-the-toxic-wife.html

 

[KarmaSutra]

So who is at fault here, the liar or the guy who chooses to stay with her?

I gotta go with Guru on this one. This guy knows his old lady is full of sh!t and instead of confronting her he interrogates you guys?

It's a delay and it will give her time to come up with a bullsh!t excuse enough to satisfy him.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Aenigma,
So grateful for the article.

 

[Nutz]

Last weekend my biz partner and I were going to go out for awhile on Saturday night.

About 11pm I get a call from a number I don't recognize. It was my buddy's wife. She said she was coming downtown with another friend of mines wife, and they wanted to know if they could stop by before they headed out. I agreed.

Just so you understand, I live downtown. I walk to the clubs a few blocks away. So it isn't unusual for people to stop by my place on the way out to pre-game. So I didn't think too much of it when she asked if they could stop by.

We ended up hitting a couple of places with them that night. I went to grab some food later and left the three of them to head back.

Everything was fine until the other day when my buddy started asking questions about that night. He wasn't in the slightest bit pissed at me or my biz partner, but it seems his wife had lied to him about that night and he was trying to get clarification. I told him what happened (she called me up asking if she could park in the garage at my complex and stop by before they went out and that I had no idea that he didn't know what was up) and he was cool about it all.

Anyway, he was saying something about how women try to pull sh!t like this all the time, but if the situation were exactly the opposite (the husband goes out with the wife's friends without her even knowing until after the fact) how the wife would be livid, and for good reason.

I suppose I should have just lied to her and told her that I was already out or something, but I know my buddies are both cool and I didn't put much thought into it at the time.

I've just seen this kind of thing all too often with women. Happened with my last LTR. She absolutely could not understand why I would think it was inappropriate for her to be hanging out with some guy I didn't even know at 3am. And I honestly believe that SHE believed she was doing nothing wrong. Amazing.

Anyone else?

This reminds me of something I read the other day about women needing to be protected from themselves. Now that women have all this sexual liberty they're running amok with it and not being personally responsible for their actions. They have no concept of what's acceptable and what's not because feminists have forced us to give women wide leeway due to past repression. Now they're just going crazy with the inappropriate behavior and you get them going stuff like the OP said, or worse.

http://www.realclearpolitics.com/articles/2008/07/save_the_males.html

Even famed feminist Germaine Greer, as Parker notes, admitted that the sexual revolution was a lie. "Permissiveness happened," Greer said, "and that's no better than repressiveness, because women are still being manipulated by men." Parker's main disagreement with Greer is that "women, if they are manipulated by men, are having their share of the fun without taking any of the responsibility." Anyone who has spent a lot of time with young women, however, can tell you that the "fun" quickly turns into anguish. "Really, when you look at it, hookup culture is gravy for guys," Laura Sessions Stepp, the author of "Unhooked: How Young Women Pursue Sex, Delay Love and Lose at Both," recently told the New York Times. "So how much are we winning?"

"It's not fashionable to question women's decisions," Parker notes. In fact, these days, it's not fashionable to judge anything at all, which may be one of the roots of our problems. This will likely mean that "Save the Males"--which, despite occasional stumbles, is a smart, funny, and engaging read--will make some people cranky. "This book was harder to write than I had expected," Parker concludes, "for reasons that are probably apparent by now: Everything in it could be restated as an argument for saving females."

The only thing I don't agree with is the comment about men manipulating women. Other than that I think they hit the nail on the head.

 

[STR8UP]

I gotta go with Guru on this one. This guy knows his old lady is full of sh!t and instead of confronting her he interrogates you guys?

It's a delay and it will give her time to come up with a bullsh!t excuse enough to satisfy him.

He already had her bullsh!t side to the story. He was coming to me to get the truth so he could call her out on her behavior. This is one guy. The other guy lets his wife walk all over him, but he wasn't the one who asked a bunch of questions.

 

[speed dawg]

I think men are 50% of the problem, and women the other 50%. Men put up with this crap, and women do it because they can get away with it. Many women can't think enough on their own to make the correct decisions. This sh1t is logic and morality, you have to consciously make good decisions. Take me for instance, I am married, but I still want to fvck other chicks, but I CONSCIOUSLY choose not to. In essence, I chose a relationship over being single. We all are human, and all of us, even girls, think about having sex with other people outside our relationships. We just don't act on those urges.

If those wives knew their husbands would not put up with this crap, they wouldn't do it. And it's probably some jealousy on the men's part that drives them to do this. I would really hate getting lied to.

I remember when I used to be this way. Good thing I wasn't married when it happened. I bet these guys saw the signs before their marriage, they just chose to ignore them.

 

[Nutz]

I think men are 50% of the problem, and women the other 50%. Men put up with this crap, and women do it because they can get away with it. Many women can't think enough on their own to make the correct decisions. This sh1t is logic and morality, you have to consciously make good decisions. Take me for instance, I am married, but I still want to fvck other chicks, but I CONSCIOUSLY choose not to. In essence, I chose a relationship over being single. We all are human, and all of us, even girls, think about having sex with other people outside our relationships. We just don't act on those urges.

If those wives knew their husbands would not put up with this crap, they wouldn't do it. And it's probably some jealousy on the men's part that drives them to do this. I would really hate getting lied to.

I remember when I used to be this way. Good thing I wasn't married when it happened. I bet these guys saw the signs before their marriage, they just chose to ignore them.

Reminds me about something I read the other day about women and men having different inherent values which lead to the conclusion that honor, loyalty, and similar "values" where way more male oriented due to their inherent logical premise, hence women had little use for them and why they behave differently. I don't agree with all of it, but it's an interesting concept.

 

[thedeparted]

This reminds me of something I read the other day about women needing to be protected from themselves. Now that women have all this sexual liberty they're running amok with it and not being personally responsible for their actions. They have no concept of what's acceptable and what's not because feminists have forced us to give women wide leeway due to past repression. Now they're just going crazy with the inappropriate behavior and you get them going stuff like the OP said, or worse.

Yes, this is EXACTLY correct. Women can officially do WHATEVER they want. And men are not allowed to respond. We cannot call them out on it or we are "insecure jealous stalkers". And if we're married we cannot end the marriage because then she'll take the house, kids, and bank accounts. The situation is that women can do whatever they want and the only thing men can do is leave -- before they are married.

What I don't understand is HOW things got this way. When in American history did the people vote on a law that said, "Women can do whatever they want and men will have to sit there and take it."? When did we pass a law saying that a husband must maintain his ex-wife's lifestyle indefinitely? When did Congress stand up and vote that women can be total ho's from age 15 to 35 and they are still entitled to an expensive wedding, honeymoon, house, car, and lifestyle, as though they were a virginal princess?

As much as we want to believe in the strength of an individual man, no man is an island. We are part of a system that controls us. And as long as we accept the system we are going to get the sh-t end of the deal. It is almost impossible to have a satisfying LTR in America today b/c the system corrupts the behavior of most women to the point that they are not bearable b/c they answer to nobody and lie to themselves. And that is something that not even an excellent DJ can change.

 

[Mr.Positive]

Yes, this is EXACTLY correct. Women can officially do WHATEVER they want. And men are not allowed to respond. We cannot call them out on it or we are "insecure jealous stalkers". And if we're married we cannot end the marriage because then she'll take the house, kids, and bank accounts. The situation is that women can do whatever they want and the only thing men can do is leave -- before they are married.

What I don't understand is HOW things got this way. When in American history did the people vote on a law that said, "Women can do whatever they want and men will have to sit there and take it."? When did we pass a law saying that a husband must maintain his ex-wife's lifestyle indefinitely? When did Congress stand up and vote that women can be total ho's from age 15 to 35 and they are still entitled to an expensive wedding, honeymoon, house, car, and lifestyle, as though they were a virginal princess?

As much as we want to believe in the strength of an individual man, no man is an island. We are part of a system that controls us. And as long as we accept the system we are going to get the sh-t end of the deal. It is almost impossible to have a satisfying LTR in America today b/c the system corrupts the behavior of most women to the point that they are not bearable b/c they answer to nobody and lie to themselves. And that is something that not even an excellent DJ can change.

Great post Departed. All good questions, it's the system...that needs to be changed.

I think it started when feminism switched from gaining equal rights, to focusing on gaining power. From there, it's just been one big snowball increasing showing that women are favored as being the 'better' sex, in the eyes of the laws today.

I also think there's got to be a tipping point, where it just becomes so obvious to the world that men are getting more and more oppressed.

I think it's obvious now...personally. But, more and more laws keep getting passed that blatantly show that people still have their heads in the sand.

At least nowadays, once your eyes are 'open', you realize that we have a lot of freedom still. We just need to make sure to qualify women more, or just have fun with them. Either way, life is what you make it.

Just don't become a victim of the system...

 

[Nutz]

It starts at not getting married until things are on your terms or at least equitable. When you do marry OR live together A) make sure you're not settling, and B) get a legally binging agreement in writing to prevent getting taken to the cleaners if/when the relationship ends. Even prenups are still vulnerable so even then you need to CYA. It's messed up that that's what it's coming to.

 

[Mr. Me]

"So my friends aren't really the issue here, it is their wives,"

It's both.

 

[puma183]

I don't blame str8up's buddy for cross-checking facts with him. It is clear from str8up's independent account of what happened that this is an unloyal and disrespecting woman. The buddy probably already knows/feels this, and hence he went to str8up to get the real facts. I don't blame the buddy one little bit.

The temptation to put the blame for her immoral behavior on him is just a different version of the legally documented sentencing discount on women. When men bisbehave we condemn them, when women misbehave we try to understand them. There is nothing to understand here. She is a lying and dishonest woman pure and simple. And that is probably just the tip of the iceberg.

Hopefully str8up's buddy can take measures the protect himself (health, wealth, and freedom) in the coming years. Because he is going to need them. I wouldn't be surpised if he ends up as yet another dude living under a bridge writing monthly alimony checks to her and her new live-in lover at his old house.

STR8UP : It's time to introduce your buddy to Tom Leykis. If there are any particular episodes you want to send him to get him hooked, you don't have to send the entire 20Meg file .You can use the folllowing url link format (replace the id# of the show you want to share):

http://podcast.971freefm.com/klsx1/887010.mp3

 

[Nutz]

That TL podcast started out talking about the stuff in this thread:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=154077

The full interview:

http://podcast.971freefm.com/klsx1/886957.mp3
http://podcast.971freefm.com/klsx1/886984.mp3
http://podcast.971freefm.com/klsx1/887004.mp3
http://podcast.971freefm.com/klsx1/887010.mp3

 

[STR8UP]

Yes, this is EXACTLY correct. Women can officially do WHATEVER they want. And men are not allowed to respond. We cannot call them out on it or we are "insecure jealous stalkers". And if we're married we cannot end the marriage because then she'll take the house, kids, and bank accounts. The situation is that women can do whatever they want and the only thing men can do is leave -- before they are married.

Our only leverage as men is to hook them emotionally and use the implication of being able to walk at the drop of the hat. Get married and she has your balls in her pocket with the way divorce laws favor women.

 

[puma183]

Our only leverage as men is to hook them emotionally and use the implication of being able to walk at the drop of the hat. Get married and she has your balls in her pocket with the way divorce laws favor women.

So true. I have also been finding that women are a lot more agreeable and "feminine" when they can lose you at a moments notice. The minute you are "in the bag", your value drops.

 

[jophil28]

I've just seen this kind of thing all too often with women. Happened with my last LTR. She absolutely could not understand why I would think it was inappropriate for her to be hanging out with some guy I didn't even know at 3am. And I honestly believe that SHE believed she was doing nothing wrong. Amazing.

Anyone else?

You subscribe to the thinking that women act from a genetic imperative and that evolutionary forces drive their behavior. You said as much in another current thread,and you have promoted this theory many times in the past.
Therefore by logical extension she is powerless to change her ways and you are even more powerless to influence her. This makes you impotent in your relationships and leaves you with the "walk away "option as your ONLY response.

THerefore, when you encounter poor behavior from women I guess you just have to suck it up because nobody can change a damn thing and nobody is accountable except Mother Nature.

 

[jophil28]

The temptation to put the blame for her immoral behavior on him is just a different version of the legally documented sentencing discount on women. When men bisbehave we condemn them, when women misbehave we try to understand them. There is nothing to understand here. She is a lying and dishonest woman pure and simple. And that is probably just the tip of the iceberg.

THat is exactly right. And we condemn her behaviorr because we know that she has choices - one of which was NOT to do what she did.