Wife goes to Club/Bar

[cordoncordon]

The best thing to do to straighten this crap out is to do a 180. Do the opposite of what you usually do. If you're suffocating her, STOP! If you're controlling her, STOP! If you're too nice and letting her walk on you, STOP and do the opposite. If she gets angry, and you're pacifying her, STOP and do the opposite. IF you shrug off bad behavior, STOP and sit her as s down and tell her what you think. If you're always home, get a hobby and stay busy. If your never home, start spending some time at home. If you're spending too much time together, start spending some time apart. If you're not together enough, start doing some date nights.

Fear is a powerful motivator. If you do anything motivated by fear, it's the wrong thing to do. If it's something you're scared to do, then it may be the right thing to do.

She's thinking 2 things about you.

1. I know Traveler, and he's not much of mystery.
2. He'll never change (predictable).

Stop walking on eggshells. Don't let her do you wrong because if you do, then you're doing yourself wrong, and she won't respect that at all.

Otherwise known as the George Coztanza approach.

 

[tick37]

Otherwise known as the George Coztanza approach.

Yea, if you don't have any dignity and you really want to work it out, but I wouldn't. I didn't because I went through something similar to this with my ex wife. One more month, and I can finally divorce her sorry ass.

 

[DJ_Traveler]

Last night, I decided to go to my wife’s school campus to observe her behavior.
I studied her campus map, and I positioned myself so that I could see her walk from her first class to her second class which is the class where Josh is.

She went from her first class to her second class just on time as she had a midterm in her first class which means she could not have had the time to talk to Josh before the start of the her second class.
Now, because her second class is long, she always gets a 15 minute break about half way through her class.

My assumption was that she would be talking to Josh since she must know him well by now as she spent about 7 hours in his company.
If something happened last Thursday, I would imagine that Josh and my wife would go away from the rest of the students to talk in private.

Around 8:20pm, her class went on break, and she was the first one out the door looking like she was on her way to the bathroom. About three minutes later, my phone started ringing and it was my wife. From what I could see, it looked like a guy was trying to follow and talk to her, but instead she ignored him and went further away from him (could have been Josh). As I am about to end the conversation she revealed that her teacher made a comment about receiving an email asking her if her class ended early. Her teacher was really worried as she thought someone might be planning to attack one of her students.

For the records, I sent an email to her teacher with some bogus yahoo account that I had just made up.
After my wife break was over, I had to leave since I needed to go and pick up the baby from my mother.

After my wife’s second class was over, she called and told me that she knew that it must have been me who sent the email to her teacher. She said that her teacher was really worried, so she told the teacher that it was probably her husband who sent the email, and she revealed what happned last Thursday to her teacher. Her teacher told my wife that what she did was wrong and that she can understand why her husband would email her to verify that her class did end early.

Once my wife got home, she told me that when the teacher made the comment about the email that Josh was acting dumb in the class. She also told me that he tried to talk to her and that he didn’t really care how last Thursday could affect the marriage. After that my wife said that maybe I was right that Josh probably had an agenda and that if I wanted to she would be cool with me beating him up.
My wife also said that she told some of her friends what happend last Thursday and that all of them said that what she did was wrong.

Finally, my wife agreed that she cheated on an emotional level by disrespecting me by going out clubbing with another guy.

One last thing, I have continued to check my wife phone calls and emails, but there is no trace of Josh.

Once again, thank you to all of you for listening and participating in this thread.

 

[Phyzzle]

Dammit, you don't tell people, like the teacher, that your spying on your wife. That defeats the whole point. If you're going to do it, just do it.

Everything else looks fine, though.

 

[frivolousz21]

I hope it works out for you.

 

[Latinoman]

DJ_Traveller, it is about building that trust again. Some women (especially very young ones) get a wake up call and they learn once they realize they might actually lose their husbands.

Beside all the warning and advice we gave you...I will like to add that taking her out from time to time (and finding a sitter for the baby) might be a very good idea. It will benefit YOU as it will give you a break from things...and will benefit her.

My ex-wife was younger than yours...when we first had the kids...and I always managed to go out once or twice a month. And I was not even making a fraction of what I'm making now. It is about showing her that you can be FIRM (when it comes to Respect)...but you can also be VERY FAIR and that you CARE for her.

You are young too...enjoy that youth and hers.

 

[Mr. Me]

Traveler, until you've regained a good measure of trust, I wouldn't trust your wife's account about anything.

For all we know, all this that she told you may be complete and total bullsh!t to put you at ease. Perhaps the reason she walked away from Josh when she was calling you, was because she knew that she was going to tell you "Josh was acting dumb in class" and "it's okay for you to beat him up" and she didn't want him to overhear that or perhaps she didn't want to risk Josh blurting something while she's on the phone to you so that you wouldn't hear him. I find it difficult to believe that your wife, in front of the entire class, would openly admit to the teacher that she went out clubbing with another man, instead of being hush about it when the teacher said she received an email.

In fact, that your wife figured it must've been you suggests that the class did not end early. Had it ended early, then it could've been any person associated with any of the other students who sent that email. But your wife knew it was from you, because you're the only person in the world who was told that the class ended early. That's my guess.

Furthermore, according to your wife's account, after explaining what she did, the teacher did "understand why her husband would email her to verify that her class did end early". That being the case, now that the teacher understood your concern and agreed that what the wife did was a bad thing, did the teacher then follow up with an email back to you verifying that the class ended early?

Going forward, have this rule of thumb: Believe nothing that she says and only half of what you see.

 

[KarmaSutra]

Um,no.

Am I the only one who's bullsh!t detector is blaring? This seems a bit too wrapped up neatly to be taken on the surface.

Me thinks this started with good intentions but has veered way off course into Neverneverland.

It's the mystery email which has me suspicious. Not even Patricia Cornwell could write some sh!t like that.

 

[DonGorgon]

Great thread...

Marriage is obsolete and situations like this are the norm... most people cant even keep an LYR going then they wana go from being players and hos on friday to happily married on monday.... it wont work

 

[ZenGodMod]

Last night, I decided to go to my wife’s school campus to observe her behavior.
I studied her campus map, and I positioned myself so that I could see her walk from her first class to her second class which is the class where Josh is.

She went from her first class to her second class just on time as she had a midterm in her first class which means she could not have had the time to talk to Josh before the start of the her second class.
Now, because her second class is long, she always gets a 15 minute break about half way through her class.

My assumption was that she would be talking to Josh since she must know him well by now as she spent about 7 hours in his company.
If something happened last Thursday, I would imagine that Josh and my wife would go away from the rest of the students to talk in private.

Around 8:20pm, her class went on break, and she was the first one out the door looking like she was on her way to the bathroom. About three minutes later, my phone started ringing and it was my wife. From what I could see, it looked like a guy was trying to follow and talk to her, but instead she ignored him and went further away from him (could have been Josh). As I am about to end the conversation she revealed that her teacher made a comment about receiving an email asking her if her class ended early. Her teacher was really worried as she thought someone might be planning to attack one of her students.

For the records, I sent an email to her teacher with some bogus yahoo account that I had just made up.
After my wife break was over, I had to leave since I needed to go and pick up the baby from my mother.

After my wife’s second class was over, she called and told me that she knew that it must have been me who sent the email to her teacher. She said that her teacher was really worried, so she told the teacher that it was probably her husband who sent the email, and she revealed what happned last Thursday to her teacher. Her teacher told my wife that what she did was wrong and that she can understand why her husband would email her to verify that her class did end early.

Once my wife got home, she told me that when the teacher made the comment about the email that Josh was acting dumb in the class. She also told me that he tried to talk to her and that he didn’t really care how last Thursday could affect the marriage. After that my wife said that maybe I was right that Josh probably had an agenda and that if I wanted to she would be cool with me beating him up.
My wife also said that she told some of her friends what happend last Thursday and that all of them said that what she did was wrong.

Finally, my wife agreed that she cheated on an emotional level by disrespecting me by going out clubbing with another guy.

One last thing, I have continued to check my wife phone calls and emails, but there is no trace of Josh.

Once again, thank you to all of you for listening and participating in this thread.

BUSTED! She cheated on you!...erm on a emotional level...man i'll be damned! How can she disappiont all those posters that assured her adultery.

 

[Cesare Cardinali]

hahahah... dude, whenever a chick vents to her friends and makes her husband look bad to her friends she's disrespecting him and on some level breaking that trust and connection with her husband. Sort of like cheating on an emotional level. As guys though, from an evolutionary perspective, we shouldn't be too bothered by emotional cheating as much as by "parental uncertainty" (i.e. some guy banging your wife, thus placing you the man at risk of having to raise another man's children).

This is the whole science behind "sperm wars" whereby men have evolved sperm that not only impregnates a woman, but some sperm that are actually "blockers" and "killers" who's purpose is to fight other men's sperm. And of course since sperm only stays alive 72 hours, that is a clue that evolutionary speaking, women were having sex with many men when they were ovulating in order to get pregnant by the most alpha of the lot (the one who's sperm beats the others and gets to the prize).

So what's my point? I wouldn't suggest being happy about emotional cheating, but I certainly wouldn't equate it with read deal physical cheating. And in order to keep his wife in line, the O/P needs to display that he is more alpha than Josh or hundred's of other "Josh's" out there that are constantly going to be trying to bang his wife until she reaches menopause.

Cesare Cardinali

 

[ketostix]

You know what Traveler, not that I would believe everything a woman says I actually believe the story. I find it totally pluasible that a college lecturer would mention the email. How else would your wife know the email was sent? I also totally believe that your wife would get the opinion on her behavior from the teacher and some of her classmates. That's what women do gabe and gossip and get everyone's opinion about everything. What I find surprising is that the teacher and everyone else told her she was wrong. On the other hand maybe I'm not so surprised since you're the husband so they're really siding against this Josh guy.

I think she probably hooked up with Josh, but now, especially since everyone told her it was wrong to have even hung out with Josh like that, she's turned against Josh and projected her bad behavior all on to him. So if there's a good sign here it is a good sign that while she slipped up with this Josh she seems to emotionally be connected to you.

 

[Nighthawk]

IMO there's a 57% chance that all she did with Josh was enjoy some flirting and talking and ****-teasing, with half a mind to branch swing or just have some of his **** in the future if he was a better option and you let it slide like an AFC, which you didn't.

But the offer to let you beat up Josh? Another red flag I'm afraid.

 

[BobFuest]

i say let it go. its too late to do anything and your going to very soon make things worse. thats it. its all over now one way or another. maybe she really had the intention of cheating but realized how stupid a b1tch she really is. who knows? the main this is you played your cards and she played hers and you need to go back to concentrating on your marriage and your kid. the situation is over, whether she did or didnt do anything. lesson learned all around.:yawn:

 

[tick37]

Dude, you emailed your wife's teacher with a bogus account? It looks like there is more to this story than you're telling us. You're obsessive, and I bet you're suffocating the sh1t out of her.

 

[kingwilliam]

No offense, but actually conducting such an extreme investigation seems overly obsessive.

Maybe you should ask yourself if you even want to be with a woman with whom you must spy on in order to trust..........................wow

 

[hithard]

It’s past that stage of taking josh aside and having a chat after you had a talk to the wife.Unless you need total confirmation, I wouldn’t flog a dead horse or prolong the drama any more. You played your hand so leave it at that. Put a cap on your anger resign yourself that your wife has cheated one way or another and start working out the issues.

The whole "you can beat Josh up" is a red flag imo and has been said a million times before in the same situation by women. Trust me its nothing new.

Don't become the drama

 

[CGE333]

Yeah the "you can beat up Josh" line is ridiculous. Attention *****s love to have men fighting over them and it is really not worth it. Besides, how is beating him up going to change anything. It is your wife that may or may not have cheated on you, not Josh. If your women was completely committed, it would have never got this far.

I am committed to my wife and last night in a store a woman (very attractive) struck up a conversation with me. Her intentions were obvious to me. I quickly ejected, as I am not the kind of person to play those games. Believe me, if I was single, I'd have been all over it.

Even if your wife did not "cheat" on you in a physical sense, she was still lying to you- what does she have to hide? And no offense, but she obviously has some mental issues if she was talking about how everyone would be better if she were dead. That is not something that people say, unless they have a screw loose. You are playing with a woman here who has very low self esteem and at times low or wavering interest in you. A guy finding here desirable (Josh) was a boost to her self esteem and hence was of interest to her.

 

[Faded Image]

This was a good thread but now it and it has me and makes me want to :kick: because obviously your wife is an :cheer: which leads me to believe that you are :crazy:

 

[hithard]

so what was the end result to this epic saga???