Wife goes to Club/Bar

[iqqi]

Actually from the beginning I have said, that her coming in a 5 was the big deal. So get that right. Thanks.

 

[iqqi]

Quite honestly, your Friday night behavior repulsed me and sex was the LAST thing I wanted from you. So, make not mistake and believe this sexual encounter has ANYTHING to do with your disrespect toward me". By saying that, you are making it clear that her behavior is one that borderline destroyed the marriage. She HAS to realize that. And then tell her, "Listen, if you want to go to the movies or dinner with your female friends...that's fine. But what you did last Friday was disrespectful to me and to yourself. I know things are not going well...but I promise you that things will get better. However, I can not work on this UNLESS you show that you respect me and are willing to sacrifice as much as I am. We have a child...let's focus on that child. I am more than happy you are going to school too. But if it comes between school, work, and party? It will be school or work. Your choice.".

I think that is gold, too.

I'd change it to say:

But what you did last Friday was disrespectful to me and to yourself, and to OUR MARRIAGE.

 

[Faded Image]

DJ Traveler,

Why did she decide to call Josh after you left the house for a walk with you daughter?

Her story will change more and more over the next couple of days. She also so conveniently calls Josh when you're never around.

 

[Latinoman]

I think that is gold, too.

I'd change it to say:

But what you did last Friday was disrespectful to me and to yourself, and to OUR MARRIAGE.

Most definetaly add "our marriage".

 

[Latinoman]

Yea I agree with cordoncordon there too.

It's not weakness or caving to stay and try to work things out. She made a mistake but you where also partly responsible for this mistake. Now you have to sort it out for yourself, her and the kid.

I don't think you should persue if she cheated physically or not because if you want to save your family then it can do you no good. You have to get counselling or at least talk about why she did what she did - leave it at going out when you where left at home because honestly this is probably all that happened. This won't be hard as she'll be looking to pass some of the blame on to you however once this is done though she has to be clear that she went about it the wrong way and that she broke your trust (the lies) and that it seriously could put your marriage at risk if it happens again (her disrespecting you). In future you have to be more receptive to her needs too so this doesn't happen again.

I know you want to say "But I work and don't cheat and therefore I do my part" however in the west women (even single mothers) have more options so they won't stay if they're unhappy - it's harder holding on to a western woman than in other countries. People here might not like that fact but it is a fact and we have to live with it however NEVER hand her your balls either, it's about balance and that's the problem... most people take sides depending on their experiences and bias so while their advice isn't wrong it's probably incomplete.

However Dude, why did you have sex with her so soon? It should have been up to her to work for your forgiveness and love. Don't give it away as easy as that because then she won't value it. Bloody penis making the decisions again.

Three points:

1- It is NOT his fault that she behaved the way she did. She could have shown anger or disappointment...and that would have been more than enough to get his attention. But acting like a *****?

2- Westerner women have more options. But...here is the difference...she is a SINGLE mother...with a 5-month-old baby...that is working on her degree and does NOT work. It seems to me that if she wants to finish her degree, it is to her advantage to be in the marriage. If the marriage disolve, she will have to work...she might have to quit school or take one-class at the time...and she will need a baby sitter.

3- Although, I agree that he should be receptive of her needs...let's be honest here. She is going to school FULL TIME and does not work. He works FULL TIME...and when he comes from work...he watches and care for the baby. Many women in her situation are forced to either work or stay home. This one can at least finish her education.

Finally...he did not have to marry her. He did. He is making sure she finishes her school too. And he is taking care of that child. What more do we have to ask from him?

I do agree that maybe getting a sitter once a month is not a bad idea. Even once every two months. But...this girl must realize that her PARTY nights are over. The sooner she realizes that...the better. That's life and it is the one she choose.

 

[frivolousz21]

Marriage counseling would work if she admitted her dalliance. She won't do that so it's a moot point.

Brother Traveler and you girls/sissy marys/bleeding heart optimists need to realize when the jig is up.

Tha last damned thing this guy needs is to succumb to her idiocy and be her man at home.

She has the fvcking nerve to want Traveler to meet the guy who, more than likely, blew his cheese into her. And you think this is just a passable offense?

Only once will I say this:

WAKE UP! THE 'HOR MATRIX HAS YOU!


A new Karmic Law will be written specifically for men in Brother Travelers' shoes.

karma your wisdom is second to none.

I just hope this guy gets a lawyer and is ready to strike if or when this women leaves with the kid.

he will have a hard time if he catches her getting her rocks off with Josh and he wants to leave with the kid..the law protects the mom

 

[Latinoman]

Listen, I am not advocating for him to "Next" her as they have a baby together and he will need SOLID evidence to "Next" (divorce) her.

But he needs to be very clear to her about what he finds disrespectful and about his expectations in the marriage. And he has to be serious. In my case, my girl has to RESPECT me...and make sure she does not contribute into others DISRESPECTING me. Furthermore, the duties as a mother and wife MUST be satisfied. From my end, I will PROVIDE and PROTECT. I will also be FAIR.

I strongly believe women should be self-sufficient and educated. That's fairness.

I also believe that the woman should be responsible for finding a very good baby-sitter and I would be responsible for finding a night-out-place for fun. I would work for a one-night a month...under the understanding that it will be done as long other things are not sacrificed.

Because the trust issue was literally destroyed...I will make sure she is aware of that. That she is aware of my coldness. And that she is aware that I have no issues walking out. She sacrificed her party-nights and I sacrifice my liberty to phuck whoever I want.

I would NOT forgive cheating. If she cheated on me...the marriage is over. Perhaps not immediatelly as I don't make emotional decisions...but certainly when I gather enough evidence to cut her out completely from any alimony and possibly from caring from the child (unless I decide she should have sole custody of the child).

In my fairness...I will be there for her when it comes to her dad. In fact, it would be a matter of calling the old-man or going to his place so he can see the baby. That's a CLEAR indication of being there for her.

But she MUST get that "party girl" out of her mind. The same way you MUST get the "phuck a bunch of girls" out of your mind. That's the sacrifice you two made in marriage.

If you show your strength and communicate that strenght by shown fairness...and by showing well placed anger...and by showing to her that there is light at the end of the tunel (she finishes her degree, gets a good enough job that will allow her to ALSO work and make enough $$$ to have a baby sitter)...she will look forward to things.

Remember, she is young and needs your leadership as an Alpha man. A man that she can respect.

But she MUST know that if she pulls that stunt again...the marriage would be over. And that does not mean you will get an immediate divorce either. It will mean that you she would become nothing to you. And that it would be a matter of time before a divorce comes. But you cannot tell her directly this...you have to tell her this covertly. Because the thing is...when things did not go her way...she reverted into acting like a DRUNK SLU_T. What is going to happen when she has more independence (e.g. degree) and things don't go her way?

 

[Latinoman]

On the Josh issue...

If she asks you to meet him...simply tell her that you have NO desire to meet him or anyone that contributes toward he being DISrespected.

Then look at her eyes and ask her: "Did you phuck him?"

She will obviously say "NO way!"

You: "Well...I have no way of knowing that. All I know is that you got angry at me for a trivial reason and then went to a bar/dance-club with him...got drunk on his nickel...and spent the night at his place. Then came here at 5 am with an attitude."

She: "I did not cheat."

You: "Good. You see? If my wife ever cheats on me...I will divorce her and take the child. And if she cheats on me and I find out 5 or 10 years later...well, I will then divorce her and take the child 5 or 10 years later. And that's why I know you don't cheated on me...because you know what the price of cheating is. Having said that, you already know my expectations when it comes to respect and you making sure you don't contribute to others disrespecting me."

"So...I rather not meet Josh. I don't want him to make the mistake to think I'm a 'weak' man. A mistake he might make because of your contribution to the erroneous perception that I will tolerate disrespect."

 

[Latinoman]

Latinoman.

1) Nothing is isolated. It's obvious now from what he said that she did give him every opportunity to change and I knew that before because it was obvious from the age of the wife and the circumstances with the kid etc.

Her behavior was UNexcusable. Sorry, but going to a bar and grind another men...and get drunk...and spent the night at another man's home is NOT acceptable.

2)Women still have options even in her circumstances. The laws are so unfair now and women know it.

What options does she have other than being used as a sex tool? Can she find a man that can take her and her child and then pay for her COLLEGE degree? The answer is NO. He, as a 29-year-old man, with a job has MORE options than she does at 23 with a 5-month-year-old baby.

3)Since when are women logical, I'm not disputing the rights and wrongs, what has that got to do with women. She won't have looked at it from his perspective and that's why he has to play nice and show understanding to soften her up and then make her aware of what she did wrong and his perspective. He also has to do this without equivacation (this is where he has to be strong). She will be left with that image, not that he caved but that he was in control.

Lack of logic does not excuse people from acting like sluts and DISrespectful. And he does not have to be "understanding" and "soften her up". All he has to do is show her that there are some things that he will not tolerate. Plain and simple.

Sure, he must be fair...but her actions should not be what trigger that fairness. It should be her COMMUNICATION skills. IF he start acting all soft and nice and understanding...she will associate her bad behavior as the thing that trigger his softness and understanding. She MUST realize that what that bad behavior triggered was MIStrust...potential damage of marriage...and anger.

And what triggers his softness and understanding is her ability to communicate with him. Heck, she can be ANGRY and SCREAM her frustration...and that is more than acceptable. But going out to a bar and grind another man and getting drunk and going to the other man home? That is TOTALLY unacceptable. He must make sure that behavior does NOT trigger ANYTHING possitive from him.

The guy is a good guy and the girl is probably too. She made a mistake because life overwhelmed her. It shouldn't ruin their marriage.

I am not saying she is a bad person. Many of the married women I phucked in the past were great moms and good people too. But terrible wives. Cheating ruin marriages. Disrespect CAN ruin a marriage, and in this case the ONLY evidence is disrespect...so he must make it clear.

I do agree though that her partying days are over and she has to be clear about that. Once a month at most, it's time for her to grow up.

Exactly. And perhaps another night a month to go out to the movies or dinner with her girlfriends. And he does the same with his boys.

 

[frivolousz21]

Latinoman.

1) Nothing is isolated. It's obvious now from what he said that she did give him every opportunity to change and I knew that before because it was obvious from the age of the wife and the circumstances with the kid etc.

2)Women still have options even in her circumstances. The laws are so unfair now and women know it.

3)Since when are women logical, I'm not disputing the rights and wrongs, what has that got to do with women. She won't have looked at it from his perspective and that's why he has to play nice and show understanding to soften her up and then make her aware of what she did wrong and his perspective. He also has to do this without equivacation (this is where he has to be strong). She will be left with that image, not that he caved but that he was in control.

The guy is a good guy and the girl is probably too. She made a mistake because life overwhelmed her. It shouldn't ruin their marriage.

I do agree though that her partying days are over and she has to be clear about that. Once a month at most, it's time for her to grow up.

ur so full of it


thats not a mistake..thats complete bs.

yea its a big mistake to go out with male classmates, get hammered, regardless of what physical things they did, then are to drunk to drive, then 1.5 hours later conviently come home....while your husband is with the child.

yea sure...23 years old not 15.

its just a little mistake.


then again easy from you to say since your a 31 year old male who has a 22 yr old gf that asks permission before she goes out.

and you just happen to show up at sosauve.net at 31 years old with no reason to be here...I wonder which user here you are....or if your just some fat girl getting her kicks here


stop trolling get ur fix somewhere else.

 

[cordoncordon]

I think that pretty much all that can be said has been said here until we get some more info from DJ traveler. Right now we just seem to be going around in circles.

 

[frivolousz21]

I think that pretty much all that can be said has been said here until we get some more info from DJ traveler. Right now we just seem to be going around in circles.

the guy needs to try to work it out...

id suggest marriage counseling and maybe then the ultimate truth will come out.


but I would advise he seeks a lawyer and puts some money away for a possible custody battle.

 

[DJDamage]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L2GBUPoB2no

 

[Andromax]

You: "Good. You see? If my wife ever cheats on me...I will divorce her and take the child. And if she cheats on me and I find out 5 or 10 years later...well, I will then divorce her and take the child 5 or 10 years later. And that's why I know you don't cheated on me...because you know what the price of cheating is. Having said that, you already know my expectations when it comes to respect and you making sure you don't contribute to others disrespecting me."

Hell yeah dude.

 

[Andromax]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L2GBUPoB2no

Yeah Clive is the man, only retarded ending in that movie is that he takes that hor back. I've always hated Julia Roberts.
"I treat you like a wh0re?"
"Sometimes...."
"WHY WOULD THAT BE??"

Hahahaha


Back to the OP topic though,

I would hire a P.I. in lieu of following her yourself, if you wanted her scouted.

Pictures say 1,000 words, and if she is hooking up with him, well then they can get the proof.

 

[hithard]

Since you guys think I am caving in. How would you guys handle it with the wife?

Before last thursday, I have to say that my wife and I have always been close. I felt totally comfortable being around my wife like we are one ( I know this sound corny).

Things will never be the same. I still love my wife, but I never thought she could be this dumb to pull something like this. The fact is that I will never know which is just as bad.

DJ your screwed now.Her father being sick gives her more ammo to dodge questions and hang around Josh as she will probably rationalize that he takes her mind off it.All the while making you look second rate on the fun factor.Or you being bundled up in her list of problems that she needs to take time off from.

I think its time to front Josh and ask "what the fluck" at the moment your probably not even on his radar or are viewed as the chump whose wife is giving him more attention then you.

Sneaking around trying to catch them in the act is useless at this stage you don’t need more proof that something aint right. The guilt sex she had with you, was to me was just one more nail in the coffin. Time to stop making excuses and go up and ask him what the "f*ck are you doing with my wife”. You don't need to be nice about it ,this is your wife with whom you have a child with.Watch out for any smooth talk if he is a salesman.

Man up and confront the problem. I’d address the issue with him as she has other stuff going on with her dad and will use that to sob at a moments notice and will turn you even more into the bad guy.

But at all costs make sure you don't buy timeshare from him.

 

[Andromax]

"f*ck are you doing with my wife”. You don't need to be nice about it ,this is your wife with whom you have a child with.Watch out for any smooth talk if he is a salesman.

In a perfect world I wouldn't disagree, but in a court that kind of "heated argument" can be painted as violent tendencies, especially if he starts yelling (and who the fukk wouldn't start yelling at that pos). It's definitely best to not confront that ass-hat.

And more proof is always better.

 

[hithard]

In a perfect world I wouldn't disagree, but in a court that kind of "heated argument" can be painted as violent tendencies, especially if he starts yelling (and who the fukk wouldn't start yelling at that pos). It's definitely best to not confront that ass-hat.

And more proof is always better.

I think its safe to assume he does not want to leave his wife.Which means moving Josh along.

 

[Phyzzle]

I think its safe to assume he does not want to leave his wife.Which means moving Josh along.

That sounds a bit drastic and crazy to me. Does Traveller really want to be the guy who tracks down and threatens strangers who flirt with his wife?

In fact, if you just decide to go all out, simply move somewhere else where she can't attend university, and leave her with the kid all day as a housewife. That's actually not nearly as crazy as going around threatening her classmates or co-workers.

 

[ketostix]

I suspected you were a woman, but this one line confirms it.

Haha Keto....beat you to it this time.

Lol I concur that "Charlie" is a woman. But the only reason you beat me to it is because you logged on today before I did lol.

Also the phone logging just brings more suspicion to what is almost a certainty already. Now it's about more than her just cheating one time, she actually is developing a connection with this Josh. They've been calling each other at least once or more about everyday. I also suspect the other drunk guy that Josh bought a bar ticket for and brought back could of been his roommate but that's really immaterial , because he's Josh's friend either way. Aslo Traveller mentioned she's been giving him red flags previously for at least th last 2 months.