I picked out a female therapist years ago, and in one session my wife admitted to neglecting my needs, but she claimed she didn't know why. My wife eventually dropped out of counseling because she thought the therapist sided with me, and she refuses to see her again despite the fact that she knows us better than anyone else. The female therapist was the first one who saw the texts that my wife had been sending and receiving, and she bluntly told me that it wasn't just playful sexting, rather they either already had sex or they were about to have it. It was nice to have a female tell me she was in the wrong and that she was lucky to have me.
I think the bottom line is that I have to look at what kind of a person I've become because of her: angry, upset, paranoid, etc. The last 2+ years have been a living hell on me and I've taken it out on myself by drinking, not taking care of myself, etc. I understand relationships are work, and I've always invested time in ours by reading books and articles, thinking of creative and imaginitive ideas, etc, but it shouldn't be an uphill battle for years.
If anything I'm hoping she's going to come to her senses and realize that it's over and that it's time to move on in an amicable manner. A female friend of mine who knows us well told me that it's apparent that I've already made up my mind even though "we're working on things". It wasn't like a one night stand for her, and the level of dishonesty and neglect is staggering. Not only that, but she's done nothing the last 6 weeks since I found the 50+ bra pics that she sent male #1. If I were in her shoes I'd be going above and beyond to prove that the relationship was worth saving, but I guess that's just not in her. I agree that she has a lot of psych issues, but she manages to compartmentalize things in her life, and she's been successful as far as her career. The female therapist even said that my wife doesn't see me in a sexual way anymore, rather she sees me at a domestic partner or roomate.
We had sex a few times over the last few weeks, but it was only because I insisted upon it. It was the usual with me being the giver, but she seemed to enjoy it. I thought we still had a connection, but of course the next day I'm flooded with mental images of the texts and pictures she sent him as well as thoughts of what they did when they were together. I don't think I'll ever be abe to block that out as long as I'm with her.