Why why why

[logicallefty]

HB I have been seeing for the past month. Playing the busy card. I know she is pretty busy cuz she does work 2 jobs. But she keeps calling me telling me how much she really wants to see me and how great I am bla bla bla. She is so sorry we haven't went out she is just busy. Then we schedule something and she cancels last minute. This just happed for the 3rd time in 3 weeks and I just told her I was done and that maybe we could hook up again in several months when she found some time. I feel great, like a burden is relieved.

I just wish I knew why women do this crap? OK if your not interested quit telling me flat out that you are and then not backing it up with a date..

Women are so god dammed flakey, how the hell did we as humans ever reproduce enough to get this far? lol

 

[Vulpine]

This just happed for the 3rd time in 3 weeks

Fool me once, shame on you.

Fool me twice, shame on me.

:kick:
That happens once. ONCE... then it's cut contact time until she comes back on her hands and knees and begs forgiveness for being a dumbass.

"I'm too busy" Translation: "You aren't worth my time, but I like the attention and the boost my ego gets from leading you on."

"I've got two jobs" Translation: "I've got an excuse for my excuse."


Actions, not words.
:kick:

You're all riled up about chicks being flakey and stupid, etc. You do it to yourself, man, and have only yourself to blame. You've got all the knowledge here, maybe you've even read it, but it's just not sinking in, is it? Go back and review some of your posts: the same "I know the stuff, but don't bother applying it. I'd rather just get riled."

Come on, man. Use your brain. If she wasn't getting laid elsewhere, do you think she would have blown you off 3 times? You actually HELPED her string you along... "Ok, yeah, fine, uh-huh, sure, I know, I really want to hang out with you sometime, too."


You think you feel great now? You would have felt "greater" 2 weeks ago when you diverted your attention elsewhere and bedded someone who was actually interested LAST WEEK. Oops.

 

[logicallefty]

Thank you Vulpine your reply was good..

I think I have a pretty good understanding of the concepts here and don't completely fubar applying them, but I know I am far from the perfect DJ. This did rile me, you are completely accurate there.

She tells me that she is so busy that she hadn't been out on a date with anyone before me in over a year. I have a hard time believing that given that she is prolly a HB7-8. The two jobs excuse bought her some leway but after she whined on my voicemail last night saying she was sorry she hadnt had time but she COULD go out Thursday night (tonight), the only night she had free in a long while.. Then I voicemailed her around 10am today and said "great but only for 2 hours between 5 and 7, I have other plans later in the evening", which I really did. Then she voicemailed me back around 3 today and said "something came up I wont be able to meet tonight after all"..

Enough was enough, so I emailed her and said I was tired of her words and actions not being in sync and that maybe we could try again in a few months.

So right now at least I will know where I stand with her. Either she will, like you said, come begging back.. Or, never contact me again..

Either way, there will be closure, which is what I really need more than anything..

 

[Wyldfire]

If you want a lot of attention and time from a girl then you really should not get involved with women who don't have a lot of time to give you. She has two jobs and most likely more going on in her life than only you. You should not have gotten involved with her at all if her lifestyle was not a good match for what your expectations are.

 

[Sinistar]

logicallefty,

If you had more irons in the fire you never would have reached this state - right?

Here's what I just read. You desired her more than she desired you. She had (or should I say you yielded) the power. And now it hurts [or insert whatever words best describe your feelings right about now].

I bring up the plate theory thing because you had only known each other a month - way, way, way too short a time to be dwelling exclusively on her. Had you been entertaining a few more HB's, you never would have tolerated her "flakiness' past once - right?

As for her excuses, hey it's what women do and why they do it is irrelevant because it's just what they do. Hearing BS/words like being too busy, working two jobs and even not having been on a date fora year is just that - words, words, words. So stop hanging on what they say.

When in this situation, ask yourself this. What if my 1 month HB working two jobs and hasn't had any free time in over a year happened to be approached by some hollywood / sports dude. Would she give him the same excuse or would she *find* the time? You know the answer to that - right?

This whole thing is about your time - NOT HERS! Any other view or approach (IMHO) is just a form of male supplication and beta thinking with a bunch of rationalization and justification thrown in for good measure. I'll even speculate that had you had this mindset (ie frame) from the start she never would have flaked on you - no matter how busy she really is.

Enough was enough, so I emailed her and said I was tired of her words and actions not being in sync and that maybe we could try again in a few months.

...next time, just skip this part. You've just confirmed to her that you are not a prize (in your her mind and yours!) and you've even went so far as to say you're willing to wait for her (whether you meant to or not). That should knock her current desire/IL of 28 down to about 2.

 

[st_99]

I've dealt with a HB like this.. once you learn to detach your emotions you'll be able to have fun with the whole situation (especially with an AW). I just play right back. I let them do all the calling and sound enthusiastic about getting together... then she'll call out of the blue to go get a drink or something (probably when she's bored) and I'll ignore her call and get back to her a couple days later with some lame bs excuse. Then I'll send her a message saying I was thinking about her or something cheesy like that and then wash, rinse, repeat.. its fun and when you confuse the sh$t out of them, they have are hard time letting go because they cant figure you out...

For some, these things might seem like a waste of time but hey, its all about having fun and you might learn a thing or 2 about women..

 

[grinder]

Either way, there will be closure, which is what I really need more than anything..

“Closure”. HA!

I’m not laughing at you, actually I’m laughing at my own situations and others I have seen here.

Since you know the concepts here you do know what is likely to happen when you shut her down, don’t you?

Her IL goes up. She “seems” to come back begging…and then…..boom…her Il goes back down (because, um, she's not really that in to you), and as Wyldfire suggested, she’s got too much else going on, even somebody else (likely, you know).

What if she calls you crying in her saddest little-girl voice? “Why, why, why won’t you call me, return my messages, come see me”. Gets a little more challenging now, doesn’t it?

I think STR8UP has a thread similar to this. Yeah, you can call her on her sh*t and she might get less flakey for a while, but if you look for a pattern you will see the old law of diminishing returns rearing it ugly head.

Yeah, this is a nasty law: the more you put in the less you get out. And the more you put in the more sucked into her reality you get. Vicious cycle.

Hate to be referring back to the bible all the time but you know….”A man with options does not need to ask why”.

 

[Latinoman]

Good post by Sinistar.

 

[Throttle]

...next time, just skip this part. You've just confirmed to her that you are not a prize (in your her mind and yours!) and you've even went so far as to say you're willing to wait for her (whether you meant to or not). That should knock her current desire/IL of 28 down to about 2.

LOL, that should do it! why do insecure guys ALWAYS have to get the last word (usually via email or voice mail)? even when i make a dent with some of my friends, i can't get them un-hooked from this behavior. and when their latest lame-ass pursuit ends with something like this, they tell the story & get to this part, it comes out sounding like triumph??? because, you know, getting the last word is so manly!

 

[violator]

HB I have been seeing for the past month. Playing the busy card. I know she is pretty busy cuz she does work 2 jobs. But she keeps calling me telling me how much she really wants to see me and how great I am bla bla bla. She is so sorry we haven't went out she is just busy. Then we schedule something and she cancels last minute. This just happed for the 3rd time in 3 weeks and I just told her I was done and that maybe we could hook up again in several months when she found some time. I feel great, like a burden is relieved.

I just wish I knew why women do this crap? OK if your not interested quit telling me flat out that you are and then not backing it up with a date..

Women are so god dammed flakey, how the hell did we as humans ever reproduce enough to get this far? lol

She is flaking on you because she knows she has the power by your actions. How? Because your actions are showing that you care for/like her more than she likes you. Women are very keen in sensing whether you like them or not and if you give them an inch they will take a mile. By stringing you along with the promises of dates she is doing two things: 1) she is keeping you around for future use and 2) she is amusing herself with the power she has over you. Right now her IL is quite low and will get even lower if you continue with your beta/supplicative behavior.

The only way you are going to break the cycle of women flaking on you is to just be indifferent and not care of the outcome of the situation. How do you do this? By having so many things going on in your life whether it be hobbies or other women, that you can simply laugh and not care when a woman does stupid **** like that. By emailing her back and showing anger, it only built up her ego and her interest will only have declined because your value in her eyes will have declined. Why do you think women, especially the hot ones are attracted to jerks? Because jerks dont give a fyck and dont go around whining why a certain girl flaked. They just go find another girl and fyck her and they make it known that they are fycking other women.

Just last night an old flame called me wanting to see me, but she never showed. That is fine. I did not analyze trying to figure out why she flaked. Chicks do the analyzing and figuring out. So I ended up going to a club where I hooked up with one of my sisters friends who happens to be hotter than the girl who flaked on me.

When you adopt that type of mindframe, you will be surprised just how many women will come flocking and not of the flakey variety .

 

[white sox bill]

L you got some good advice here...I've been there recently with an ex who promised me sex but never came thru...she's back sexing here ex-husband for time being, so know what I did?

I LJBF'ed her. It blew her away. Thats a line most women give men, so it was like role reversal. I also told her that I was no longer attracted to her but that we can still talk and whatever. She put up this non-chalant "I'm fine with that" but I know she felt rejected and unattractive.

This was a month ago, I've seen her twice since, no real changes yet. But give it time. Her ex is going to prison this yr sometime if he doesn't flee the area, so when he's gone, my $$ is that she will be back knocking on my door.

Maybe LJBF's is an option. It may call her bluff. Good luck and keep us posted!
Bill

 

[logicallefty]

Thanks once again for everybody's feedback here.. Very much appreciated.

She sent me this big long email about how much she cares for me, bla bla bla. I told her I would "give her another chance" but made sure she knew that my hesitation in doing so was strong, so she knows she is on my "s**t list". I also left it up to her to schedule the next meeting. And she did; tomorrow at noon. I haven't even decided if I am going or not. I can feel my IL decreasing. If this keeps up then by tomorrow I may not even want to go. I think I am slowly starting to sink into that "I don't care, I really truely don't" phase.. Don't must of us go through that?

 

[jonwon]

HB I have been seeing for the past month. Playing the busy card. I know she is pretty busy cuz she does work 2 jobs. But she keeps calling me telling me how much she really wants to see me and how great I am bla bla bla. She is so sorry we haven't went out she is just busy. Then we schedule something and she cancels last minute. This just happed for the 3rd time in 3 weeks and I just told her I was done and that maybe we could hook up again in several months when she found some time. I feel great, like a burden is relieved.

I just wish I knew why women do this crap? OK if your not interested quit telling me flat out that you are and then not backing it up with a date..

Women are so god dammed flakey, how the hell did we as humans ever reproduce enough to get this far? lol

dont worry bud it happens to all of us.

I am in contact with a women from online, man she was fine, just my type of women.

But she as turned into a flake so measure her interest to be not that high, yeh i get texts now and again but nothing substantial.


look one as to man up and say fuc* it this is too much like hard work and accept maybe she was not that into you, hey dont worry dude i am going through the same thing, its a good job i have others to fall back on but i could have almost seen myself becoming a bf to this chick, i am glad i found out her true interest before it got any more!

Dont worry take it as a nice confidence booster and sarge onto the next women, this one sounds like she is tossing you scraps!

I hate scraps!

cant help reflecting on some doc love advice in these situations and measure your interest v hers, it seems your is in the 80's and hers is hovering around the 45-50 zone, i say move on!

But it depends on how much your interest is in this women, one as to try to seperate that interest lvl and step away from oneselve to see a clearer picture! its hard but do-able!

i would give her one more chance on that email! but i dont hold any hopes she seems to lioke the attention more then .......... well we have all been down this road so hey welcome to the club dude............. now if she still keeps playing her games well i think you know what to do!

 

[white sox bill]

Logic have you given it to her yet?

 

[violator]

Thanks once again for everybody's feedback here.. Very much appreciated.

She sent me this big long email about how much she cares for me, bla bla bla. I told her I would "give her another chance" but made sure she knew that my hesitation in doing so was strong, so she knows she is on my "s**t list". I also left it up to her to schedule the next meeting. And she did; tomorrow at noon. I haven't even decided if I am going or not. I can feel my IL decreasing. If this keeps up then by tomorrow I may not even want to go. I think I am slowly starting to sink into that "I don't care, I really truely don't" phase.. Don't must of us go through that?

I have received the "I care for you" line more than once with nothing to show for it.

Remember if her actions dont match her words, then she is just pulling your chain or throwing you scraps to keep you around for as long as possible.

If I were you, I would not even show up assuming she will which I kind of suspect she wont.

 

[logicallefty]

Well, I went ahead and met her for lunch today. It went well. Got a nice goodbye kiss and she even invited me to a wedding in a few weeks.. I told her I'd get back to her.

Her birthday is later this week, unfortunately.. I am having problems deciding if it's too early to do something at all, or if I do do something, just what.. I guarantee it won't be much but I am having trouble deciding.. All I told her for now was "If I dont see you, happy birthday, I have a bag of depends I meant to bring you but I forgot, old fart!" :-D

I really wish it could go somewhere with this chick, but by guard is UBER high now and it will be for a while..

 

[violator]

Well, I went ahead and met her for lunch today. It went well. Got a nice goodbye kiss and she even invited me to a wedding in a few weeks.. I told her I'd get back to her.

Her birthday is later this week, unfortunately.. I am having problems deciding if it's too early to do something at all, or if I do do something, just what.. I guarantee it won't be much but I am having trouble deciding.. All I told her for now was "If I dont see you, happy birthday, I have a bag of depends I meant to bring you but I forgot, old fart!" :-D

I really wish it could go somewhere with this chick, but by guard is UBER high now and it will be for a while..

I sense there were no sparks when you finally grabbed a date with her.

It seems to me that she is just throwing you a bone to maintain interest on your part.

Not trying to rain on your parade, but you need to protect your heart.

 

[JustDoItAlways]

When a chick is too busy to even get together for a date, how does that make her "date material" or "girlfriend material."

Her interest level is irrelevant. That just makes her "undateable" and, by definition, a waste of time and effort.

 

[Metro3pilot]

Amen " JustDoItAlways "

It's not that easy to see when you're inside looking out .... but damn if you can't spot that **** in a minute when you're outside looking in ...

To the poster ...hey man, have fun, not to rain on your parade having been in your situation ... you think I would have learned after the first 10 or 11 times it's happened, a mans EGO is a biyatch .....

don't invest in this that much ...you have her where you want her " it's
a complete illusion and temporary at best "

move on my brother it aint worth it

:rockon:

 

[Last Man Standing]

Here is the rule!!!!! Ask a girl ONCE - if she says "No"" and you and her don't come up with an alternative date/plan then don't call her again!!! An interested girl will make an attempt to see you within one week under normal circumstances excluding illness or death!!!