Why Girls Like Assh*les (From an ex-Stripper)

[bigneil]

I couldn't believe it but last night in the wee hours in bed, I happened upon the Holy Grail for the DJ community. The woman I love, who is starting to fall for me, came right out and said it: "Girls like assh*les". Then she explained why.

She said "I don't mean it in a cliche way, we don't like *******s, I mean that girls want a guy who doesn't care. Who won't try and be all touchy-feely, who won't try to kiss them or lead them to the room. Let HER initiate EVERYTHING and SHE WILL." This is coming from a girl who used to be paid to let men initiate (she quit). The point is, having a girl initiate a single kiss is more meaningful (to her) than having sex initiated by the man.

I'm practically stoic in my approach. You guys know I don't do kino. But she was basically pointing out that if a man initiates anything, it spoils it for her. That is, taking her hand (let her take yours), kissing her (let her kiss you), taking her to your room (let her ask you to), whipping it out (let her take it out).

These are portrayed as Alpha behavior, but they are only Alpha when you don't want her! And she has 100 guys to choose from so they can't all lead her.

By acting like you couldn't care less about any of these things happening (the way you would if she were a fat girl), she will initiate. That makes the difference between great sex (for her and thus indirectly you) and just sex.

This isn't about picking up girls, this is about managing the girl you're already having sex with.

She then said there is so much she has to explain but that she can't say it in person. She said she has to write it by hand, in cursive (but that it's good). She wants me to get it perfect and she's going to tell me how (and I'll share). She is brilliant.

When I pried for a hint, she said a girl doesn't want the guy to act like the traditional girl who wants to be held where all the girl wants is sex. That's what happens in relationships when the woman starts to pull away, the guy clings and the male/female role is reversed (why she dumped me in April). I didn't realize how initiating anything physically, even if she submits to it, is not the same experience for her. It feels like smothering.

"A girl wants to WORK for it" she said.

 

[TonyBaloney]

I think your are perilously close to the edge again with this one Neil.

A word to the wise - This statement, when seen with hindsight, in the future: "The woman I love, who is starting to fall for me" reveals the honey trap that youve fallen back into..........

All I can say to you, o wise one, is spin plates, DO NOT TELL HER YOU LOVE HER, and when your plate rack is full, DISAPPEAR ON HER.

She has demonstarted she is no good Neil. Dont be sucker punched again by her.

 

[HeadLightsOn]

I'm sorry but I cannot agree with this. Of course there are times when a woman wants to initiate, to lead, and to basically dominate proceedings. But all or even most women are not like that.

In your case neil, could I suggest that the type of woman you are dealing with here - an ex stripper - is USED to men oogling her, wanting her, leading her etc. So it seems natural to me that she would want the opposite.

I would definitely not use what she said as gospel across the board for most women.

 

[JohnChops]

Be passive is what you described..... Yah I can't agree with this either. Men are leaders, we don't wait for a women to initiate anything.... We take what were after and if we want to kiss her we do it. No waiting sh1t. Loves fvcking with your head ..... Hardcore.

 

[BPH]

I strongly disagree with this. If a hot girl were left to initiate she would simply move on to a guy who would.

 

[MisterD]

Consider the source here. An ex stripper. A woman who was groped on a nightly basis by creepy men. Of course she would be anti-kino. Strippers are damaged goods. Anything they say is unique to them and does not reflect the views of normal, mentally stable women.

 

[perseverance]

This forum is full of contradictory advice. :crackup:

 

[Purefilth]

the idea of kino is to let her initiate that too, you just have to escalate it

 

[Mike32ct]

The woman only initiates things when she has extremely high IL.

What is a guy to do the other 99% of the time?

 

[El_matador]

IMHO, I just think that the fact that she is or was a stripper changes everything that she says.

If I were dating a stripper or show girl, I would let her initiate everything and have the I don't give a duck attitude.

 

[pdx1138]

I agree with what everyone else has said.

And it does make sense.... coming from a stripper, where options are endless.

 

[nismo-4]

The woman only initiates things when she has extremely high IL.

What is a guy to do the other 99% of the time?

I agree with this. The other 99% of the time the guy HAS to make a move. What's he gonna do? Hope and pray that by some chance of luck she'll make the first move? I think not.

And a woman won't play hard to get with a guy she has extremely high IL with because she KNOWS that another woman can swoop in claim said man.

 

[Skalioppe]

@bigneil: This rule applies to her and top end females only. As a stripper, she has men throwing themselves at her all the time, sycophants, telling her how amazing she is, feeding that ego, she could have any of them at a snap of her fingers. These type of women want men who don't show any attention - because they aren't used to it.

I've pulled HB8/9s by being in a group of men and being the only man not trying to win favour. Like I couldn't give a **** about her. Am I being a b*stard? No, I'm just being the opposite of most men. - and standing out because of it.

Most women like men to lead, take the initiative, your woman is one of the exceptions - simply because she's a stripper.

I also think you are heading for that clinginess place you were at when you lost her last time, you already seem smitten again. Good luck though, I think in the next few months you'll need it.

 

[bigneil]

I see what you guys are saying. Trust me, she is the opposite of most women.

Most women act all nice and innocent and then they are wild in bed (in my experience). This girl acts all wild and crazy and then she wants it to be extremely gentle in bed (when she's not acting). She's probably been traumatized by being a stripper, in a way. Another factor is she quit drinking, so I'm seeing the real her, probably for the first time.

That said, most of the stuff about men being too clingy and the reversal of the male/female dynamic is pertinent to all relationships. I'm going to try the complete hands-off approach with her and see what happens.

Also, treating her like a fat girl must work - look at how fat girls chase us.

As far as her being the woman I love, that has been a constant. How could you not love a girl who actually gives you the blueprint to her attraction?

 

[dangdang]

JFC, it's becoming harder and harder to establish a baseline around here... Opinions/techniques seem very opposite!

 

[Mike32ct]

Yeah strippers and bartenders and the like are different from most women. You have to ignore the sh@t out of them.

I was at a bar one night with three buddies. One was trying to game the bartender chick hard core. The other two were flirting with her, but less aggressively.

I didn't say a word to her. One is because I'm introverted, and two I just assumed she was taken, and three I figured I had no chance, and four I don't like big egos.

Finally, after the guys were clearly getting nowhere, one of them asked her flat out, "Hypothetically, if you were to hook up with ONE of us, who would it be ?"

She pointed to me and said, "This guy." My jaw dropped.

I didn't know much about the game then, so it made no sense at the time. It does now.

 

[Stagger Lee]

I couldn't believe it but last night in the wee hours in bed, I happened upon the Holy Grail for the DJ community. The woman I love, who is starting to fall for me, came right out and said it: "Girls like assh*les". Then she explained why.

She said "I don't mean it in a cliche way, we don't like *******s, I mean that girls want a guy who doesn't care. Who won't try and be all touchy-feely, who won't try to kiss them or lead them to the room. Let HER initiate EVERYTHING and SHE WILL." This is coming from a girl who used to be paid to let men initiate (she quit). The point is, having a girl initiate a single kiss is more meaningful (to her) than having sex initiated by the man.

But not an assh0le at all, instead indifferent. Being a challenge, mysterious, and not validating her and making her chase his validation. But I have to disagree that women will initiate everything, especially physical escalation. Women hardly initiate anything even if the guy is very good looking and she is highly attracted to him. Even when he is attractive to her, a little indifference and challenge and hold back for a short time maycan increase her interest but he'll still have to escalate. She is just compliant to his initiation and escalation, and only imagines she's the initiator.

I'm practically stoic in my approach. You guys know I don't do kino. But she was basically pointing out that if a man initiates anything, it spoils it for her. That is, taking her hand (let her take yours), kissing her (let her kiss you), taking her to your room (let her ask you to), whipping it out (let her take it out).

I am pretty stoic in my approach too. I don;t usually kino or try to kiss or make out in the venue. This seemed to serve me well. But at some point in I always had to suggest leaving together, then when alone I had to go in for the kiss and escalate physically. All she did was be compliant.

These are portrayed as Alpha behavior, but they are only Alpha when you don't want her! And she has 100 guys to choose from so they can't all lead her.

By acting like you couldn't care less about any of these things happening (the way you would if she were a fat girl), she will initiate. That makes the difference between great sex (for her and thus indirectly you) and just sex.

I still think that many women do not initiate anything. They show signs of compliance.

This isn't about picking up girls, this is about managing the girl you're already having sex with.

You probably should've put this qualification at the begining lol. I won't say that managing a girl you are with isn't different from the initial pick up. But I will say that women vary in how much they initiate in relationships no matter what a guy does or doesn't do. What may be true for this girl, isn;t necessarily true universally for other girls.

She then said there is so much she has to explain but that she can't say it in person. She said she has to write it by hand, in cursive (but that it's good). She wants me to get it perfect and she's going to tell me how (and I'll share). She is brilliant.

When I pried for a hint, she said a girl doesn't want the guy to act like the traditional girl who wants to be held where all the girl wants is sex. That's what happens in relationships when the woman starts to pull away, the guy clings and the male/female role is reversed (why she dumped me in April). I didn't realize how initiating anything physically, even if she submits to it, is not the same experience for her. It feels like smothering.

"A girl wants to WORK for it" she said.

Well even if this is true for her, which I have my doubts, again it's not necessarily universal. My guess is this just a female thinking she wants one thing but really doesn't want it once she has it. You can test it out and never initiate anything with her over a period time, but I bet what she says won't pan out. I bet she'll rarely initiate sex in reality.

 

[khussa28]

hmm

 

[SoSuave666]

This is incredibly off base, and most definitely wrong. The old addage that you cannot trust a females advice about women is exponentially greater when that female is your "girlfriend." She is also a stripper, so if you believe anything she says to be true you're more gullible than the toad who took the scorpion across the river.

Women want to be led. They WANT to be taken to the point of no return in the bedroom, a relationship, a fvcking conversation about butterflies, it doesn't matter. A woman cannot force herself into getting turned on, it is a reactionary consequence of an alpha male. If you're sitting there on the couch, and you want secks, a woman is much more likely to go along with you and have mind-blowing sex because you initiated it than her suddenly just getting in the mood. Also, no girl wants to really fvck someone. It is their fantasy to BE ****ed, hard.

As stupid as the book is, 50 Shades of Grey provides GREAT insight on what it's like for a woman who is infatuated with a man. He bends her over at will, fvcks her when HE wants, gags her, rips off her clothes, and then leaves. He isn't sitting back waiting for his stripper gf who he is in love with to make a move on him.

You want to have good secks? Be spontaneous, different, non-chalant, in control, charming, good looking, and spontaneous again. It's OK to let a girl initiate secks, and of course they will when they are at PEAK PEAK attraction level. But peak attraction has a lifespan. It can come and go. It's like catching her in the exact right moment during heat. If people only were having sex at these 1-2 days a month of peak sexual interest, we'd all be dead from boredom.

I'm sick of hearing about your stripper love BN, it's one of the reasons I stopped frequenting this site. This chick is trash, doesn't feel you, and is going to leave you. A lot of rubbish on here about how to attract women from people who just simply DON'T KNOW.

You also initiated contact with this hoe after NC right? By her own estimation then, either she wasn't interested enough in you to initiate contact first, OR she is no longer interested in you because you initiated contact first. Either way, she's not interested.

 

[bigneil]

As stupid as the book is, 50 Shades of Grey provides GREAT insight on what it's like for a woman who is infatuated with a man.

I'm sick of hearing about your stripper love BN.

But the EX stripper (not stripper ex) is the one who (last night before f*cking me) told me that I remind her of the lead character from 50 shades of Gray.

Monday night she texted "OMG... I'm reading this book and you and the character are literally the same person... like everything I read I'm like wowwwwww, Neil". We've had 20 dates.

Either way, she's not interested.

Wow. This is the guy who said never to contact her again in March. I'll bet SoSuave666 really is tired of hearing about it because his advice was proven wrong 10 times over.

Breaking NC is ok even if she did lose interest - so long as are you vastly improved - i.e. you lost (now) 40 lb. As soon as she saw that, romance was back. Prior to that, yes, she had lost interest. This wasn't sex for money, she wasn't drunk and she's no longer a stripper. But she's half my age and not even 21. Girls like that are so fickle you can turn them off by using a certain word that is not hip. IMO her advice is worth its weight in gold.