bigneil said:
But the EX stripper (not stripper ex) is the one who (last night before f*cking me) told me that
I remind her of the lead character from 50 shades of Gray.
Monday night she texted "OMG... I'm reading this book and you and the character are literally the same person... like everything I read I'm like wowwwwww, Neil". We've had 20 dates.
Wow. This is the guy who said never to contact her again in March. I'll bet
SoSuave666 really is tired of hearing about it because his advice was proven wrong 10 times over.
Breaking NC is ok even if she did lose interest - so long as are you vastly improved - i.e. you lost (now) 40 lb. As soon as she saw that, romance was back. Prior to that, yes, she had lost interest. This wasn't sex for money, she wasn't drunk and she's no longer a stripper. But she's half my age and not even 21. Girls like that are so fickle you can turn them off by using a certain word that is not hip. IMO her advice is worth its weight in gold.
Of course I said never contact her again. NC is not a means to re-attract someone. It's a way to move on and meet someone else. You used it as a tool to get someone back. You lose. When she breaks up with you and you go back to her through your own initiation, whether it be 60 days or 60 years, you have dismissed control and are slowly, but surely, going to move back in to a one-sided female dominated relationship. Nothing has changed with you. You are no mentally stronger than you were before. Maybe you got a nice haircut and got your BF down, but your mental state will surely digress back to your previous oneitis state, if it hasn't already. I do not condone NC as a way to get your ex back, but if it ever works it needs to be HER that comes back to YOU, not the other way around. You can't go NC, then go actively trying to get her back because you 'changed' and are 'a better man.' If it sounds needy and stupid to us here at SS, imagine what it's like for a girl who dumped you.
I know your type. You are the older dude in the bar who wears fedoras and suspenders and hits on every single girl with exaggerated pickup lines and just comes off creepy. Now that one girl has finally bitten, you can't give her up. You stick around because hey, you're 40-something and she is 20-something, so it's the best you can do, right? You're only getting older while she is moving into her prime. Your have a pride and an ego, but ultimately I think your diminishing self-worth is going to be your downfall. You probably won't admit it here, but a man who values himself has more options than a stripper.
I'm sure you've got money, probably another girl or two, but none of that really matters to you as much as this stripper--and that's the problem. You place extreme value on anything she says, even when it's something so blatantly untrue. Grow up man, you sure are physically old enough to understand this stuff, but mentally you're pretty far off.
Also, I'm pretty sure you are nothing like Christian Grey. Your neediness seeps through these posts at an alarming level. You don't seem dominant, in control, and non-chalant. You gave this girl control of the emotional part of the relationship when you broke NC, and now you are letting her control the physical aspect of it as well.
Women don't want control, trust me. They don't want to be the one who initiates physical activity because eventually, they will feel inadequate. It's not the same as when you meet a girl and you playfully neg her or ignore her to gain attraction. If you don't eventually take them by the waist, pick their a$$es up, and rail them in the bathroom of that party you're at, she's going to feel undesired. And trust me, someone else will make them feel desired. When it's all said and done, a female's attraction is based on how YOU make HER feel about HERSELF, not how you make her feel about YOU.
But hey, wait around for secks, let her control the dynamics of your physical relationship. I'd love to see how that works out for you. But for Godssakes, don't go throwing this trash around like it's Gospel. This is not the truth, and people should not be subjected to it.