Why bother getting married anymore??

FutureSpartan

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Mar 17, 2007
Messages
317
Reaction score
14
A-Unit said:
This is the problem with these forums in many cases.

1) You're hypocrites. You wouldn't be here were it not for procreation, which most notably occurs under the auspices of a "marriage."

2) Stop using absolutes. They don't apply. Nothing is anything. Kids aren't little ****s and marriages don't suck -- the laws that APPLY to marriage do and possibly the two people ENTERING marriages do, but it's an objective institution that occurs at the Legal, Spiritual, and Religious level.

3) You can espouse facts all you like. Many of you are below 22 (i.e still in College), so at best, you're input into marriage is resigned to "statistics" and a very limited opinion, worth about a grain of salt.

4) Nothing is perfect. At some point, the scales will tip in favor of marriage. For most people, being single through the 20's and 30's is a better choice, but having such a negative view of human interaction severely impacts your own mentality.

----------------------------

Why you get married...

1. Your religion supports it, so the over-arching "rules" in your household are RELIGIOUS, I.e. woman is subservient to her man and places the value of society SECONDARY. This is a major point for religious types to marry and why the state fears a strong religious base, because religious people don't abide by anything but their own rules. Only by merging religion and state OR dissolving it, can you weaken the power base. But religious people have morals which supercede the system under which they operate.

2. You don't need a TITLE, but want to be with the woman/man you are with forever and see it as some sort of expression or celebration. I don't care if you elope, at least you are making a definite statement to one another.

3. Because you want children. While the laws that our country has to protect children and marriages are quite punitive, they are in place for the protection of the oft-screwed race.

4. Insert More...

----------------------------------------------

Many of you are displaying your negativity and ignorance.

Fact: Throughout history women have been 2nd only to slaves in terms of persecution and subjugation (women slaves were the worst, even pre-dating early America circa 1800's).

Fact: Women are EQUALLY screwed, or more so, in divorces. While women CAN earn as much as a man, they probably won't. They don't normally go for the degrees men do, often settling as administrators or teachers.

Men want their cake and to eat it too. I have been here for years and most men are their own worst enemies. They want to spin lots of plates, **** lots of girls (often without protection), and not have any repercussions or social obligations. They don't get women. They chase a women who says one thing and does another, banging their heads against a wall for a woman who doesn't return the affection or attention.

They also get locked into logical absolutes, whereby they try to plan out reality, not realizing they are shapping reality with their perspective and expectations OF reality. You think a bad outcome, you get a bad outcome because your actions are based on a bad outcome, thus, you do all the things necessary to MAKE the outcome bad.

Marry, don't marry. it doesn't matter. I'm not married. I've had many friends marry. I'd rather see MORE constructive talk about how marriage or ltr relationships can be made BETTER, than whining like so many ANTI-marriage websites do. Such people aren't fun to be around because they ***** and complain, rather than do anything. Also, they're the kind of guy who will **** some or many girls and probably NOT pay for the kids he sires.

This is breeding a nation, a world, of irresponsible people who won't care for their ilk, hides behind laws to screw one another, which only doubly screws the kids they had. Even a BAD marriage is likely better than NO marriage or the absence of parents.

Like I said, good or bad, NONE of you would be here without some couple hooking up and hopefully they'd stayed together for YOUR sake. If they didn't, then I'm sorry. I witness first hand how a single mother raises her children vs. a young family. I also see how kids fare without both parents being present consistent.

If you are banging, you better get your headstraight. Nothing is 100% protection and if you have a child as a result, you have a HUGE obligation to that new life to do the best by it. Such threads are hardly constructive to new guys and most of these posts get raving reviews without really any great support.
Don't act like you can just lump anyone who is against the notion of marriage into the whole "bitter, negative, womanizing, irresponsible" douche archetype.

I am not bitter or a crappy person to be around...in fact people enjoy my company and I leave heavy topics like these to my family.

No I am not banging many girls or spinning any plates...been with the same girl for over a year now and I love and respect her.

No I am not irresponsible...I use condoms and my gf is on the pill. My parents have made it clear that if i get a girl pregnant I am going to raise the child. No abortions, no adoptions.

So what now?? Am I still the evil guy here because I see marriage as a raw deal? Yeah sure, maybe the laws and attitudes towards marriage will change and I may reconsider way down the line...I will give you that.

But my desire to not get married is not stemmed in any deep-rooted negativity or ignorance, as you claim. In fact, guys that do harbor these feelings are least likely to get married anyways cause no woman in her right mind would settle for that kind of attitude.

And whether I choose to have kids or not is my own damn perogative. I should not feel obligated to sire a child just because "my parents did"

Go ahead and get married if you want...don't let my "bitterness" or "ignorance" or "negativity" stop you if thats what you truly desire. Heck, I am going to be a groomsman at my best friends wedding and I won't be stopping him at all. I wish him a long and happy marriage.

But I know the odds are not in his favor and all I was trying to do was point that out. Sue me.
 

Jitterbug

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 12, 2008
Messages
3,218
Reaction score
142
FutureSpartan said:
Don't act like you can just lump anyone who is against the notion of marriage into the whole "bitter, negative, womanizing, irresponsible" douche archetype.
Nice eh? Men are using the same female shaming tactics on other men.

A-Unit said:
1) You're hypocrites. You wouldn't be here were it not for procreation, which most notably occurs under the auspices of a "marriage."
My parents who've had a successful 32 years relationship (27 years marriage) told me not to get married (at least until the law is sorted out). I guess I'll have to be a hypocrite, according to you, out of filial obedience.
 

A-Unit

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 6, 2004
Messages
1,516
Reaction score
44
Re:

It ain't shaming and I am generalizing and throwing a massive blanket across every guy I know. But so be it. I don't really care.

Guys these days don't have the sacks to man up and approach women; they want to have their cake and eat it, too.

YES, I get it. The laws blow. ONLY IF YOU FAIL and more so if you find an UNFAIR woman.

Do you guys actually know the divorce rights of both parties in a marriage, or are you generalizing for the sake of reaffirming your own reality and glad-handing every bro that agrees with you?

Do you know divorced, non-divorced and married couples?

As was said before, most of the websites dedicated to "Romantic or Seduction Forums" often are by those seeking to exploit numerous women for their own romantic benefit (which often leads to increased rates of disease and/or pregnancy) OR have not been in a relationship or not been in a Healthy one.

Again, the same people suggesting I'm FOR or AGAINST and taking it personally, are the same ones blanketing statements as absolutes that you can't marry.

I think most guys, particularly at such sites as SS, live in some fantasy land as if they will be perpetual playboys, using the native tongue of the community until the day they die as secret lingo granting access to pvssy forever.

-------------------------

Marriage is a RAW deal if you do it for THE WRONG REASONS OR you entered it with a FAIL woman. No, it doesn't always screw the man. It can easily screw both parties, particularly because of the emotional fall-out. Despite what the "internet" says, I've yet to see a real screwjob of a MAN, but have seen numerous screwjobs to women. Yes, women.

I ain't saying this as a defense, but as someone who not only had personal experiences with Females who got the short-end of the stick, but also a person who professionally witnessed women get the short-end of stick (I work on the fringe of the divorce industry).

For those it WORKS for...there's nothing different. Women can continue a man's assets at his death without much legal red tape. They do get tax breaks and health insurance benefits (funny how homosexual couples are really pressing this).

It's when it ENDS, that it envitably sucks. Yet, marriage has been around for eons -- the laws which invade the sanctity of it have not. Perhaps you marry in a different state or country. But the problem ain't MARRIAGE -- it's people, society, and such negative, user perspectives as I see pervading men today.

Like I said, they don't sack up. They whine. They aren't persisting through problems or grouping up as a community of men, but one-upping each other according to Darwin's theories of evolution. They use women and almost feel like it's ok to vindictively "get back at women" because of how society has altered man and woman. As I referenced, women have been persecuted and subjugated badly for 100's of years. Men can't claim that screwing, yet women aren't screwing men over because of that. But men are.

A sexually promiscuous society isn't a good thing. Our kids are growing up dumber, leaving procreation and continuance of society in the hands of either the lame and stupid who have numerous kids OR the elite (again, a generalization, but not 100% guaranteed). Moreover, people are emotionally phucked up. Kids don't have the proper grounding in sexuality and you often hear reports of girls blowing 14 year old boys in grade schools. More porn, more stripping, more hooking than ever. It's dismantled sex from a mutual act or union into of just...Motions (mtv just had a show on porn addiction, for instance).

Agree. Disagree. Whatever. I've seen it. The responses are the same. I agree with how str8up views the legal aspects of marriage, but there are methods to navigate that trap. What gets me are guys who want to bang lots of girls and not do the right thing. You want the "playboy" lifestyle with no risk. It ain't happening, yet these pua websites make a KILLING on selling you that junk. As if that lifestyle is a better route.

Shaming? Go get a clue, pvssy. If you can read and critically think, I was doing none of that.


A-unit
 

Phenomenal One

Don Juan
Joined
Jan 16, 2009
Messages
179
Reaction score
8
Location
Long Island, New York
You think a bad outcome, you get a bad outcome because your actions are based on a bad outcome, thus, you do all the things necessary to MAKE the outcome bad.
it's the whole do good thing and good thing will happen to you.

i've been in multiple situations were i should've been dead or severely hurt.
i've also been in situations were i tought of the worst outcome. made actions based on that outcome and nothing happened.

this law of attraction garbage seems to rear it's head when something bad happens.

Many of you are below 22 (i.e still in College), so at best, you're
input into marriage is resigned to "statistics" and a very limited opinion, worth about a grain of salt.
i laughed at this one.
i don't think being older gives you instant knowledge about the world.

But the problem ain't MARRIAGE -- it's people, society, and such negative, user perspectives as I see pervading men today.
stupid people think they know everything and can do anthing they want because there's always someone to come to the rescue.
people do things because THEY CAN.
no one has to take responsibility for themselves these days.

What gets me are guys who want to bang lots of girls and not do
the right thing. You want the "playboy" lifestyle with no risk.
and what would you consider the right thing ?
Everything a person does comes with risk and nothing is set in stone.
even members here think that risk and uncertainty don't exist when your married or in a relationship, and that's why it's so easy for them to get hurt.
 

ElChoclo

Master Don Juan
Joined
Dec 6, 2005
Messages
593
Reaction score
11
Location
Sydney
You might consider this;

1 In many Western countries people who live together have the same legal rights as those who marry.

2 The laws in those countries are designed to provide social welfare directly from the man to the woman, sometimes via the government, but always directly as well. The mythology used to justify this, is that you made a "commitment" to some woman ie married her, and therefore you owe her a lifetime of payments.

3 Because cash is more transferrable than physical services, the exchange goes in one direction only.

4 Due to anti male sexism, women get first call on the children, and they use them to blackmail the men.

5 A man spends his whole life being indoctrinated to accept his role as an earner and provider for a family. Then he is told to keep doing it, but there is no family as a payoff. Result, natural resentment, destruction of his value system. A feeling of being ripped off.

6 The system is constructed by fools, who were voted for by other fools, so it can't be changed. Not for a long time.

7 The only small protest which can be made is to say "Your institution is a fake, I reject it."

When society breaks its social contract with you all you do is either refuse to sign that contract or find a way to get punitive damages. You won't get punitive damages, so don't sign.
 

STR8UP

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 10, 2002
Messages
6,911
Reaction score
123
ElChoclo said:
You might consider this;

1 In many Western countries people who live together have the same legal rights as those who marry.

2 The laws in those countries are designed to provide social welfare directly from the man to the woman, sometimes via the government, but always directly as well. The mythology used to justify this, is that you made a "commitment" to some woman ie married her, and therefore you owe her a lifetime of payments.

3 Because cash is more transferrable than physical services, the exchange goes in one direction only.

4 Due to anti male sexism, women get first call on the children, and they use them to blackmail the men.

5 A man spends his whole life being indoctrinated to accept his role as an earner and provider for a family. Then he is told to keep doing it, but there is no family as a payoff. Result, natural resentment, destruction of his value system. A feeling of being ripped off.

6 The system is constructed by fools, who were voted for by other fools, so it can't be changed. Not for a long time.

7 The only small protest which can be made is to say "Your institution is a fake, I reject it."

When society breaks its social contract with you all you do is either refuse to sign that contract or find a way to get punitive damages. You won't get punitive damages, so don't sign.
I hear that.

I could pick apart the institution of marriage for days but some people have such strong emotional ties to the whole romantic concept (and that's what it comes down to) that no amount of reason will ever allow them to fully comprehend the ramifications.

It's always the same story.....you try to throw some logic and reason into the equation and cite a few *gasp* statistics and the second it threatens anyone's fantasy you get called every shaming word in the book. Bitter, resentful, absolutist, etc.

I think I'm done with this thread.
 

Luthor Rex

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jul 16, 2006
Messages
1,051
Reaction score
55
Age
48
Location
the great beyond
A-Unit said:
Fact: Throughout history women have been 2nd only to slaves in terms of persecution and subjugation (women slaves were the worst, even pre-dating early America circa 1800's).
FALSE. Women have been property owners at least as far back as ancient Sparta. Yes, the "this is Sparta" people. Leaders of 'Stoicism', effectively the "state religion" of the Roman Republic and Empire for centuries, promoted the education of women and their general good treatment.

Historical examples could go on and on, but the fact is: don't swallow feminist propaganda whole, read actual history and you'll see that liberty for women (and everyone) has had it's ups and downs. There wasn't some great emancipation a generation or two ago.

That being said, if I ever get married, I am sicking a P.I. for a full background check on the beotch.
 

azanon

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 8, 2006
Messages
2,292
Reaction score
41
Marriage isn't for everyone. This thread seems to support this truth which has been truth since before all of you were born. Its apparently is for the best poster on this forum though, so take that into account.

Lets do a which is better, cake or pie next, ok? I vote cake.
 

piranha45

Master Don Juan
Joined
Mar 17, 2005
Messages
973
Reaction score
38
fuzzx said:
I have a christian friend who brings up a very good point about abortion(I'm not christian btw). He says the Jesus will never return because most likely he's a fetus lying in a dumpster somewhere.
oh that is classic. some day when the opportunity presents itself i shall recite it for the entertainment of all.



azanon ur a cake and pie newb, i bet u dont even know nothing about cakes and pies. french silk pie is great. those little blueberry pies they sell in the wal-mart bakery are great. hot apple pie with ice cream is AWESOME.

pies dont have frosting. frosting sucks. EVERYONE knows this. Everyone except... azanon! omfg. plain vanilla cake (plain= no frosting) is ok. plain vanilla cake with a sliver of strawberry substance running through it can be be good, depending on what substance its actually made out of. plain vanilla cake with those little rainbow dots running through them are ok. chocolate cake is always meh. chocolate cake with chocolate syrup running through it is gross. yellow cake is.... seriously i dont even know why they make yellow cake. ice cream cake CAN be pretty good if the ice cream doesnt suck, but most of the time it does suck. and you always have to weed out some nasty frosting from ice cream cake anyway, so thats points off from ice cream cake.


in conclusion, pies beat the !@#%$ out of cakes. SO THERE U GO CAKE AND PIE WANNABE-BALLER AZANON, word to yo motha.
 
U

user43770

Guest
piranha45, you're obviously a rookie to the cake game. Everybody knows that Devil's food cake is the best form of sustenance on earth. A-Unit takes a bite before each of his essay-length posts.
 

Cableguy

Don Juan
Joined
Aug 23, 2006
Messages
183
Reaction score
5
Hair pie FTW.
 

Kupid Diggs

Don Juan
Joined
May 5, 2008
Messages
116
Reaction score
10
Location
Japan
This thread is very a entertaining read for me. Granted I'm only 22 years old, the thought a marriage scares the hell out of me. One thing I do know is that one day I want to bring kids in this world. I want to carry on my family name. I'm trying to decide if I want to go the married route or maybe I could just find 3-4 women to have my children. I wouldn't live with these women, but I would "take care of them" and my children. I would provide them with financial support and I would be able to visit my kids whenever I wanted to. Crazy thought huh?

One thing I do consider. How many women would be down with taking a Lie Detector Test before getting married to prove that their love is real ?
 

piranha45

Master Don Juan
Joined
Mar 17, 2005
Messages
973
Reaction score
38
"lie detectors" are an ineffective pseudo-science-based tool. all they do is measure bodily signs that can indicate stress. the polygrapher then subjectively (and arbitrarily) uses the machine's readings to "judge" whether the person is being honest or not.

the polygraph test relies entirely on the test subject's fear and ignorance of the machine and the man behind it, in order to TRY and be effective. and its not effective. I've taken two and have done a ton of research on them. google it yourself. they're often not any better than witchcraft at trying to get the truth.

so throw that idea out the door. furthermore, even if there was an easy way to determine a person's true thoughts about you, you'd only be able to measure them at that exact time. who's to say they don't lose interest in you later on?

everything else you've said is also youthful idealistic ignorance-born gibberish that wouldn't work out the way you want it to.
 

ketostix

Banned
Joined
Feb 10, 2005
Messages
3,871
Reaction score
55
azanon said:
Marriage isn't for everyone. This thread seems to support this truth which has been truth since before all of you were born. Its apparently is for the best poster on this forum though, so take that into account.

Lets do a which is better, cake or pie next, ok? I vote cake.
I was wondering when one of the married guys, the few that there are here, would chime in on this thread. What I think the debate is about, some people would prefer cake (marriage) but see that the cake is being tainted, contaminated and poisoned.

My argument was, no doubt the cake is being contaminated but so is the pie (singlehood). And what I saw in this thread among other things is marriage's pitfalls were being hyped up and it's benefits being downplayed, while singlehood's pitfalls were downplayed and the benefits hyped up. There's a lot of things that can't be predicted. Not everyone would necessarily be better off by intentionally remaining single or waiting until some advanced age before getting married. It's like they see marriage is messed up and wishfully believe you can completely beat the system and have a wonderful life perpetually playing the field.


One of what I think is a flimsy absolute often recited on here is that you should never marry in your 20's. I disagree with that absolute. Many women that are marrige material are getting married by their mid-20's, often to someone they met in their early 20's. A 30-something year-old guy is not going to be her usual choice. I only know of about 2 married guys on here, and as far as I know they met or married their wives while in their 20's. Where are these mythical 30-40+ year-olds marrying 22 year-old girls that aren't foreign? You won't find many.
 
Joined
Mar 2, 2009
Messages
361
Reaction score
7
does anyone here know any one who has gotten married between 5 and 10 years ago, and is still HAPPILY married?
 

STR8UP

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 10, 2002
Messages
6,911
Reaction score
123
Still a lot of weak, weak justifications in this thread.

This isn't about marriage vs. staying single, it's about the numerous dangers and lack of benefits of marriage.

In this entire thread there has yet to be one person list one real, tangible benefit, yet everyone can agree that there are plenty of drawbacks.

Society in general cheerleads marriage without warning men of ANY of the drawbacks. We are taught that it is the "right thing to do". If threads like these scare the hell out of guys I think men as a whole will be better off because it isn't going to make most guys swear it off but it will make them think twice.
 

Raikojo17

Banned
Joined
Oct 22, 2006
Messages
982
Reaction score
5
STR8UP said:
Still a lot of weak, weak justifications in this thread.

This isn't about marriage vs. staying single, it's about the numerous dangers and lack of benefits of marriage.

In this entire thread there has yet to be one person list one real, tangible benefit, yet everyone can agree that there are plenty of drawbacks.

Society in general cheerleads marriage without warning men of ANY of the drawbacks. We are taught that it is the "right thing to do". If threads like these scare the hell out of guys I think men as a whole will be better off because it isn't going to make most guys swear it off but it will make them think twice.

Maybe you can't find any "Tangible" benefits because there frankly aren't any.

It's like saying "what's the point of having a best friend?" i don't get anything tangible from it.


Because the benefits are more than just their for their uses. Someone made a list already of some benefits

But no one online is going to change your opinion with a huge list of benefits. your own experience will govern how you feel about it. so therefore i try to change no one's views. i just state mine

I would never marry a chick because of what she could do for me. doing so is a sure fire way to divorce city, and also little more than reverse gold digging.

And i hate this Victim attitude on here. It's like Men are under attack or something, when like A-unit said, woman more often than not end up getting screwed in divorces as well.

In my opinion, messed up Laws are not something i'd consider to be a benefit of staying single

because they way i see it, why drive my car if people die from accidents every couple of seconds?

Why be black if one in ten of my brothers is in Jail?

Why go to the bank? it could get robbed.

Why holler at that chick? she has about a 70% chance of rejecting me

Because those things are the absolute, but merely a possibility, and i'm not gonna let chance scare me away from a woman i enjoy and would like to be with if we so choose to get married.

ever heard of expecting something to go bad and it usually does?

well if i marry a chick and i go into it thinking "man this broad might divorce me and get me for half of what i'm worth." then that doesn't sound like a chick i would want to marry anyway. and you two will more than likely end up getting divorced

no one knows what will happen. and i am a very optimistic person in general

but i know one thing, nothing is easy or given. and i won't let things like that stop me from doing something i want to do
 

Luthor Rex

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jul 16, 2006
Messages
1,051
Reaction score
55
Age
48
Location
the great beyond
Marriage, marriage, marriage...

With all the talk about marriage I thought I would link up some articles about what people who are researching marriage have found. This comes from Rutgers University:

The Top Ten Myths of Marriage
David Popenoe

1. Marriage benefits men much more than women.

Contrary to earlier and widely publicized reports, recent research finds men and women to benefit about equally from marriage, although in different ways. Both men and women live longer, happier, healthier and wealthier lives when they are married. Husbands typically gain greater health benefits while wives gain greater financial advantages.1 [Source]

2. Having children typically brings a married couple closer together and increases marital happiness.

Many studies have shown that the arrival of the first baby commonly has the effect of pushing the mother and father farther apart, and bringing stress to the marriage. However, couples with children have a slightly lower rate of divorce than childless couples.2 [Sources]

3. The keys to long-term marital success are good luck and romantic love.

Rather than luck and love, the most common reasons couples give for their long-term marital success are commitment and companionship. They define their marriage as a creation that has taken hard work, dedication and commitment (to each other and to the institution of marriage). The happiest couples are friends who share lives and are compatible in interests and values.3 [Sources]

4. The more educated a woman becomes, the lower are her chances of getting married.

A recent study based on marriage rates in the mid-1990s concluded that today’s women college graduates are more likely to marry than their non-college peers, despite their older age at first marriage. This is a change from the past, when women with more education were less likely to marry.4 [Sources]

5. Couples who live together before marriage, and are thus able to test how well suited they are for each other, have more satisfying and longer-lasting marriages than couples who do not.

Many studies have found that those who live together before marriage have less satisfying marriages and a considerably higher chance of eventually breaking up. One reason is that people who cohabit may be more skittish of commitment and more likely to call it quits when problems arise. But in addition, the very act of living together may lead to attitudes that make happy marriages more difficult. The findings of one recent study, for example, suggest "there may be less motivation for cohabiting partners to develop their conflict resolution and support skills." (One important exception: cohabiting couples who are already planning to marry each other in the near future have just as good a chance at staying together as couples who don’t live together before marriage).5 [Sources]

6. People can’t be expected to stay in a marriage for a lifetime as they did in the past because we live so much longer today.

Unless our comparison goes back a hundred years, there is no basis for this belief. The enormous increase in longevity is due mainly to a steep reduction in infant mortality. And while adults today can expect to live a little longer than their grandparents, they also marry at a later age. The life span of a typical, divorce-free marriage, therefore, has not changed much in the past fifty years. Also, many couples call it quits long before they get to a significant anniversary: half of all divorces take place by the seventh year of a marriage. 6 [Sources]

7. Marrying puts a woman at greater risk of domestic violence than if she remains single.

Contrary to the proposition that for men "a marriage license is a hitting license," a large body of research shows that being unmarried—and especially living with a man outside of marriage—is associated with a considerably higher risk of domestic violence for women. One reason for this finding is that married women may significantly underreport domestic violence. Further, women are less likely to marry and more likely to divorce a man who is violent. Yet it is probably also the case that married men are less likely to commit domestic violence because they are more invested in their wives’ wellbeing, and more integrated into the extended family and community. These social forces seem to help check men’s violent behavior.7 [Sources]

8. Married people have less satisfying sex lives, and less sex, than single people.

According to a large-scale national study, married people have both more and better sex than do their unmarried counterparts. Not only do they have sex more often but they enjoy it more, both physically and emotionally.8 [Sources]

9. Cohabitation is just like marriage, but without "the piece of paper."

Cohabitation typically does not bring the benefits—in physical health, wealth, and emotional wellbeing—that marriage does. In terms of these benefits cohabitants in the United States more closely resemble singles than married couples. This is due, in part, to the fact that cohabitants tend not to be as committed as married couples, and they are more oriented toward their own personal autonomy and less to the wellbeing of their partner.9 [Sources]

10. Because of the high divorce rate, which weeds out the unhappy marriages, people who stay married have happier marriages than people did in the past when everyone stuck it out, no matter how bad the marriage.

According to what people have reported in several large national surveys, the general level of happiness in marriages has not increased and probably has declined slightly. Some studies have found in recent marriages, compared to those of twenty or thirty years ago, significantly more work-related stress, more marital conflict and less marital interaction.
http://marriage.rutgers.edu/Publications/pubmyths of marriage.htm
 

Luthor Rex

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jul 16, 2006
Messages
1,051
Reaction score
55
Age
48
Location
the great beyond
Ten Important Research Findings on Marriage and Choosing a Marriage Partner

-Helpful Facts for Young Adults-



1. Marrying as a teenager is the highest known risk factor for divorce.

People who marry in their teens are two to three times more likely to divorce than people who marry in their twenties or older.

2. The most likely way to find a future marriage partner is through an introduction by family, friends, or acquaintances.

Despite the romantic notion that people meet and fall in love through chance or fate, the evidence suggests that social networks are important in bringing together individuals of similar interests and backgrounds, especially when it comes to selecting a marriage partner. According to a large-scale national survey of sexuality, almost sixty percent of married people were introduced by family, friends, co-workers or other acquaintances.

3. The more similar people are in their values, backgrounds and life goals, the more likely they are to have a successful marriage.

Opposites may attract but they may not live together harmoniously as married couples. People who share common backgrounds and similar social networks are better suited as marriage partners than people who are very different in their backgrounds and networks.

4. Women have a significantly better chance of marrying if they do not become single parents before marrying.

Having a child out of wedlock reduces the chances of ever marrying. Despite the growing numbers of potential marriage partners with children, one study noted, "having children is still one of the least desirable characteristics a potential marriage partner can possess." The only partner characteristic men and women rank as even less desirable than having children is the inability to hold a steady job.

5. Both women and men who are college educated are more likely to marry, and less likely to divorce, than people with lower levels of education.

Despite occasional news stories predicting lifelong singlehood for college-educated women, these predictions have proven false. Though the first generation of college educated women (those who earned baccalaureate degrees in the 1920s) married less frequently than their less well-educated peers, the reverse is true today. College educated women's chances of marrying are better than less well-educated women. However, the growing gender gap in college education may make it more difficult for college women to find similarly well-educated men in the future. This is already a problem for African-American female college graduates, who greatly outnumber African-American male college graduates.

6. Living together before marriage has not proved useful as a "trial marriage."

People who have multiple cohabiting relationships before marriage are more likely to experience marital conflict, marital unhappiness and eventual divorce than people who do not cohabit before marriage. Researchers attribute some but not all of these differences to the differing characteristics of people who cohabit, the so-called "selection effect," rather than to the experience of cohabiting itself. It has been hypothesized that the negative effects of cohabitation on future marital success may diminish as living together becomes a common experience among today's young adults. However, according to one recent study of couples who were married between 1981 and 1997, the negative effects persist among younger cohorts, supporting the view that the cohabitation experience itself contributes to problems in marriage.

7. Marriage helps people to generate income and wealth.

Compared to those who merely live together, people who marry become economically better off. Men become more productive after marriage; they earn between ten and forty percent more than do single men with similar education and job histories. Marital social norms that encourage healthy, productive behavior and wealth accumulation play a role. Some of the greater wealth of married couples results from their more efficient specialization and pooling of resources, and because they save more. Married people also receive more money from family members than the unmarried (including cohabiting couples), probably because families consider marriage more permanent and more binding than a living-together union.

8. People who are married are more likely to have emotionally and physically satisfying sex lives than single people or those who just live together.

Contrary to the popular belief that married sex is boring and infrequent, married people report higher levels of sexual satisfaction than both sexually active singles and cohabiting couples, according to the most comprehensive and recent survey of sexuality. Forty-two percent of wives said that they found sex extremely emotionally and physically satisfying, compared to just 31 percent of single women who had a sex partner. And 48 percent of husbands said sex was extremely satisfying emotionally, compared to just 37 percent of cohabiting men. The higher level of commitment in marriage is probably the reason for the high level of reported sexual satisfaction; marital commitment contributes to a greater sense of trust and security, less drug and alcohol-infused sex, and more mutual communication between the couple.

9. People who grow up in a family broken by divorce are slightly less likely to marry, and much more likely to divorce when they do marry.

According to one study the divorce risk nearly triples if one marries someone who also comes from a broken home. The increased risk is much lower, however, if the marital partner is someone who grew up in a happy, intact family.

10. For large segments of the population, the risk of divorce is far below fifty percent.

Although the overall divorce rate in America remains close to fifty percent of all marriages, it has been dropping gradually over the past two decades. Also, the risk of divorce is far below fifty percent for educated people going into their first marriage, and lower still for people who wait to marry at least until their mid-twenties, haven't lived with many different partners prior to marriage, or are strongly religious and marry someone of the same faith.

http://marriage.rutgers.edu/Publications/pubtenthingsyoungadults.htm
 

Luthor Rex

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jul 16, 2006
Messages
1,051
Reaction score
55
Age
48
Location
the great beyond
The Top Ten Myths of Divorce
Discussion of the most common misinformation about divorce
David Popenoe

1 Because people learn from their bad experiences, second marriages tend to be more successful than first marriages.

Although many people who divorce have successful subsequent marriages, the divorce rate of remarriages is in fact higher than that of first marriages.1 [Sources]

2 Living together before marriage is a good way to reduce the chances of eventually divorcing.

Many studies have found that those who live together before marriage have a considerably higher chance of eventually divorcing. The reasons for this are not well understood. In part, the type of people who are willing to cohabit may also be those who are more willing to divorce. There is some evidence that the act of cohabitation itself generates attitudes in people that are more conducive to divorce, for example the attitude that relationships are temporary and easily can be ended.2 [Sources]

3 Divorce may cause problems for many of the children who are affected by it, but by and large these problems are not long lasting and the children recover relatively quickly.

Divorce increases the risk of interpersonal problems in children. There is evidence, both from small qualitative studies and from large-scale, long-term empirical studies, that many of these problems are long lasting. In fact, they may even become worse in adulthood.3 [Sources]

4 Having a child together will help a couple to improve their marital satisfaction and prevent a divorce.

Many studies have shown that the most stressful time in a marriage is after the first child is born. Couples who have a child together have a slightly decreased risk of divorce compared to couples without children, but the decreased risk is far less than it used to be when parents with marital problems were more likely to stay together “for the sake of the children.”4[Sources]

5 Following divorce, the woman’s standard of living plummets by seventy three percent while that of the man’s improves by forty two percent.

This dramatic inequity, one of the most widely publicized statistics from the social sciences, was later found to be based on a faulty calculation. A reanalysis of the data determined that the woman’s loss was twenty seven percent while the man’s gain was ten percent. Irrespective of the magnitude of the differences, the gender gap is real and seems not to have narrowed much in recent decades.5 [Sources]

6 When parents don’t get along, children are better off if their parents divorce than if they stay together.

A recent large-scale, long-term study suggests otherwise. While it found that parents’ marital unhappiness and discord have a broad negative impact on virtually every dimension of their children’s well-being, so does the fact of going through a divorce. In examining the negative impacts on children more closely, the study discovered that it was only the children in very high conflict homes who benefited from the conflict removal that divorce may bring. In lower-conflict marriages that end in divorce—and the study found that perhaps as many as two thirds of the divorces were of this type—the situation of the children was made much worse following a divorce. Based on the findings of this study, therefore, except in the minority of high-conflict marriages it is better for the children if their parents stay together and work out their problems than if they divorce.6 [Sources]

7 Because they are more cautious in entering marital relationships and also have a strong determination to avoid the possibility of divorce, children who grow up in a home broken by divorce tend to have as much success in their own marriages as those from intact homes.

Marriages of the children of divorce actually have a much higher rate of divorce than the marriages of children from intact families. A major reason for this, according to a recent study, is that children learn about marital commitment or permanence by observing their parents. In the children of divorce, the sense of commitment to a lifelong marriage has been undermined.7 [Sources]

8 Following divorce, the children involved are better off in stepfamilies than in single-parent families.

The evidence suggests that stepfamilies are no improvement over single-parent families, even though typically income levels are higher and there is a father figure in the home. Stepfamilies tend to have their own set of problems, including interpersonal conflicts with new parent figures and a very high risk of family breakup.8 [Sources]

9 Being very unhappy at certain points in a marriage is a good sign that the marriage will eventually end in divorce.

All marriages have their ups and downs. Recent research using a large national sample found that eighty six percent of people who were unhappily married in the late 1980s, and stayed with the marriage, indicated when interviewed five years later that they were happier. Indeed, three fifths of the formerly unhappily married couples rated their marriages as either “very happy” or “quite happy.”9 [Sources]

10 It is usually men who initiate divorce proceedings

Two-thirds of all divorces are initiated by women. One recent study found that many of the reasons for this have to do with the nature of our divorce laws. For example, in most states women have a good chance of receiving custody of their children. Because women more strongly want to keep their children with them, in states where there is a presumption of shared custody with the husband the percentage of women who initiate divorces is much lower.10 [Sources] Also, the higher rate of women initiators is probably due to the fact that men are more likely to be "badly behaved." Husbands, for example, are more likely than wives to have problems with drinking, drug abuse, and infidelity.

http://marriage.rutgers.edu/Publications/pubtoptenmyths.htm
 
Top