Why are some men just better at life

[Pandora]

Have you guys ever met a another guy who seems to have it all. Im talking about he just seems to have the looks, the success, and the girls. Its very rare but every now and then we meet sumone or we know that one guy who just seems to have a ridiculous list of accomplishments. For the vast majority of us getting to that stage takes a lot of work. We have to try very hard to stay in shape, work hard at getting good with chicks, work very hard at being successful in what we do. The guys who have all of this what are they doing differently. Is it purely genetic or do they just have that much more discipline in life than we do. Again, most people in life are part of the middle range of the bell curve but we all have that one friend who just seems to have it all. Are they really just better than you? It may seem like a weird question but I think every man asks himself this at one point in his life. I want to know why? Is it superior genetics or are they just that disciplined? I mean guys like Michael Crichton (Jurassic Park), did more at the age of 30 than most do in a lifetime. I cant imagine anyone having this much discipline in life, they gotta have sum advantage, or no its just discipline??…what do you guys think.

 

[Pandora]

And dont get me wrong im a moderately successful guy. Having a nice car, a nice crib, a decent job and a chick or 2 is not what i am talking about. Even though getting these and keeping this is hard work in itself. Im talkin about the rare dudes that are on another level. Dont misconstrue this as some type of low self esteem rant. I just wanna know what we can learn from these dudes if anything. I have a hard time believing they just have this much discipline. Sh** half of us cant even keep a new years resolution yet these guys are writing books, making movies, discovering stuff, like its nothing lol.

 

[Falcon25]

genes, family wealth, throughout history this has happened, from ancient Rome to modern day U.S. Sometimes you are just born with it.

 

[Jitterbug]

I have a friend who's like that. A 10 in terms of looks (he kinda looks like a prettier version of James Dean), son of a 10 father and a 10 mother. Wealthy family, so he doesn't have to do much work. He pursues his passions, lives his life like a happy-go-lucky adventurer, has a beautiful house on a paradise tropical island. Very charming & smart guy, plus a great dancer, ladies just fall all over themselves like dominoes. I've seen exceptionally hot girls - the type that other guys don't even dare to look at, and the DJs here have to be on top of their game to get - stop him on the streets just to find an excuse to touch & talk to him. Great friend to have too.

He's got all the genetic aces on his side.

He's not a hugely successful & famous guy, but his life is a cakewalk in heaven to many of us.

 

[Poonani Maker]

I think, that, if you, all you need is love. JUST like that Beetles song "All you need is Love, love." I sh!t you not, that's all ANYONE really needs in this life. And that means love yourself. If you can't tear up at the death of someone, close to you or Not close to you, or someone in pain/suffering. If you can't tear up at the face of your girlfriend, or just a friendly person you've just met, you're not in a state of love. You can be loving just by having watched a movie that tears you up out of happiness, not necessarily sadness. Love, combined with True deep connected emotion, will bring out the Real you. People gravitate toward that man. TV takes away love. Commercials (radio/TV are FAKE). Anything Fake you should ignore or avoid at all times. Just seek out and be loving. If you've ever heard "This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine" then that's what I'm talking about. Don't ever let anyone snuff your light out man.

Love can mold you into who you REALLY are. Fvck who other people are. I mean, love them, but don't necessarily try to BE like them. That's Fake, and won't stand up when the tide (or adversity) comes in.

 

[Jitterbug]

I mentioned the one with the genetic aces earlier.

As for those who don't have such luck at birth, have a read:

http://artofmanliness.com/2010/02/08/the-world-belongs-to-those-who-hustle/

 

[Slickster]

As Jitterbugs link says it's all about hustling through life.

I guarantee that these guys you speak of aren't toiling around on the internet for hours everyday.

 

[Jitterbug]

I find that it's impossible to teach people hard work / hustling / resilience, whatever you want to call it. Everyone wants to know the shortcuts, the X factor, the secrets, while ignoring the simple, correct answer that they don't want to hear.

We have to try very hard to stay in shape, work hard at getting good with chicks, work very hard at being successful in what we do. The guys who have all of this what are they doing differently.

It could be this simple: they're working even harder than we do!

Take strength training for example. I'm working my arse off (some threads in H&F could show this) to gain strength and achieve a good body. Compared to people in my social circle and the average folks in society, I'm a hardcore freak. None of them ever thinks of working out with such poundage. Most just want to exercise a little, like a 30 days, 60 days or 90 days program, lose that bit of gut (which they always grow back for obvious reasons), and are never willing to go the hard way. If I only know these guys then I'd think that I train hard enough. However, there is this local gym where I live where there are 50 odd people working out way harder than me. Some of their routines make me wanna cry or hide under the bed. Obviously these guys look better and are way stronger than me. And yet there are people who train even harder and are stronger than them!

Your average person has such an amazing ability to ignore the effect of hard work and concentrate on the X factor, the secret shortcut that the successful person has apparently hidden from others. For example, I've been dancing for 3 years and have improved so quickly that I've been in a semi-pro troupe for a year and I'm very good at drawing new crowds to our school. It always looks like I'm learning moves very easily and making them look good without much effort. However, I'm not a natural at all. I started out as a clumsy, music-deaf, unbalanced guy who had to work hard to be good at my passion. I get people going up to me asking me to teach them how to be good. I told them exactly what I did. They dismissed it (because it's too much work) and just said that I'm a natural, or that it's because of my genes / race, & they can't learn it my way. I, on the other hand, am always meeting other dancers who work harder and smarter than I am, and unsurprisingly, they're also better dancers.

P.S: as Slickster pointed out, I think I'm also guilty of fvcking around too much on the Internet, while I could've used that time to work harder & smarter towards my goals.

 

[squirrels]

I'd say being able to find the right balance between thought and action is a big part of it.

 

[jonwon]

A strong man makes his own luck!

That is the simple formula, if he has it all it's because he was willing to walk the walk.

No man who is succesful has it fall into his lap, unless it is coming from is parents, i.e a famous parent and he is hanging of there coat tails.

Normal, everyday guys earn success through hard work, effort and commitment, what they don't do is assume people simply have it better, at some stage they said " I like that, I'm going to achieve it ", and they did, through hard work and commitment.

No mans genes are good enough to give him a ripped look, no mans genes are good enough to put money in the bank (money making does not come with a standard variable, for example really stupid people make a lot of money, genes dont come into play). No man with 10 looks keeps those looks by doing nothing, one has to shave, watch what they eat, keep a life and health balance and improve or maintain those looks, even then ugly guys can look fly, smart and trendy and get the looks, i.e ripped.

No man is born to know how to play a musical instrument, no man knows from birth how to buy a car, no man knows from his genes how to manipulate market trends and no man from birth has a pick of a female haram, unless he has high social value through his hard work and commitment.


If the man is better and is at a better place in life, he may have had an helping hand, but you better believe is is there mainly through hard work!

It is always rich seeing guys who have little motivation try to rationalize the success of others, for example a rich guy; he must be lucky! What they do not question is the path the rich guy took, they just assume, because they lack the for-sight of the Rich guy and instead of worrying about others, that Rich guy, made the effort and put in the commitment.

A man should have no limit, keep pushing, even if that man works in Mcdonalds, he should be pushing to be a supervisor, then an asstant manager, before he knows it he could be an area manager with assistants saying 'Boy was he lucky", where ever you are, a man has to spot opportunities and have the balls to take them.

 

[st_99]

I've seen guys that get HB 8-10's left and right and are completely miserable.

I've seen guys that have a ton of cash, over a million in worth, completely miserable.

I've seen guys with great looks, completely miserable.

The point I'm getting at is I think the OP's question is flawed. You truly do not know the mental/emotional quality of somebody's life simply by looking at what they have weather its a big house, hot chick or both.

"Having it all" is relative

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Discipline must serve a function. Discipline for discipline's sake is just masochism; the purpose is to change behavior and internalize that behavior to the point that it becomes autonomous. It literally becomes who you are. I'm at the gym at 5:30am every morning Monday thru Friday (Saturday I sleep a bit longer) and people go "damn, you're really disciplined." Actually I'm not 'disciplined' at all, it's just what I do, and what I've done for almost 20 years. There was a time when it was 'discipline', but now it's as natural as taking a shower in the morning.

What is more valuable, to have resources, or to be resourceful? I would much rather partner with a man who's capacity for imagination, innovation and improvisation, in any endeavor, has consistently proven to be useful than any guy who happened into a wealth of resources. The world is full of talented people who never realized their potential because they weren't resourceful.

 

[zekko]

It could be this simple: they're working even harder than we do!

I would never underestimate an ethic of discipline and hard work.

However, it's quite possible luck plays a big factor for some of these guys. They may have caught an important break or two that made all the difference for them. They may have been interested and studied in a field that happened to take off (as opposed to dying off) that paid big dividends for them. They may have happened to live in just the right area for that interest or apprenticed in just the right place.

And if you're talking about looks, you can't take genes out of the picture. If your talking about your attitude and work ethic, the way you are raised can have a huge impact on that. Some families have figured out the keys to success and wealth and pass that on to their children, making sure they go into medicine or law or whatever. I think we all know families like that.

So when you're talking about these particular guys, I think it's probably a case of all the stars lining up for them. Which is not to say they don't work hard, I'm sure most of them do. But it's not enough to work hard, you have to work hard in the right areas, and in an efficient way. To work in the right area for success requires foresight, luck, or both.

 

[Colossus]

Working in the medical world I occasionally meet people like this. We call them "prolific". Most doctors obviously are very successful, especially at a top 5 academic hospital; but even in an environment like this there are still outliers.

There is a staff echocardiologist my friend works with. This guy has well over 100 publications, and he is maybe 35. That is almost unheard of...scientific publications take time to produce. Not only that, but he is an elite marathon runner---his Boston marathon time was better than Lance Armstrong!

You talk to guys like this and you realize that their list of accomplishments goes all the way back to high school. They have been achieving their whole life. It's not like one day they decided to be great---working is just who they are. Perfect test scores, Ivy League medical school, Ivy League residency, attendings at prestigious hospitals, publications, awards, etc, etc.

There is something in the way they DO things that makes them different. Yes, they are very, very smart; but they also have insane work ethics and focal abilities.

Good looks are just part of your cards---you kinda have them or you don't. But they still require upkeep. I think the strength training example is great. I am not naturally a strong guy. I've been training for almost 8 years. But if I were to go to a commercial gym I would easily be in the top 2 or 3 strongest guys if not the strongest. Guys see that and they think I'm a freak or have insane training methods....but I dont. I just work hard and smart and consistently. Strength comes in small increments and you get what you put in. At my gym I'm a strong guy but not even close to being the strongest---there are guys with years more experience than me and *maybe* 1 or 2 with excellent genetics.

Discipline, by nature, is uncomfortable. It is not enjoyable at the time but painful. But if you can endure that then it will produce a harvest for you, and it will become just a normal part of your life.

 

[Pandora]

Great post jonwon and on the surface i agree with you but that's not how it is a lot of the time. You tend to find out in life that alot of people that are extremely successful at something don't have to work extremely hard at it. Yes they have a reasonable amount of work ethic but nothing too insane. For instance in college/high school the smartest people were the people that didn't study all that much. They just got the concepts. Even on the high school football team the best athletes were not the most hardworking. They did a reasonable amount but nothing too insane. For example look at Allen Iverson. There are people who work 3 times harder than him but don't even come close. The guy doesnt even go to practice!http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=frsId3goYYE. This is typical of athletics. It really is a misconception that super accomplished people really work that much harder than the rest of us. Its the guys that don't have that inherent ability that you see working hard as heck. Most of the really brilliant professors esp math professors, that stuff comes natural to them.

Colossus this is exactly the type of person im talking about.

here is a staff echocardiologist my friend works with. This guy has well over 100 publications, and he is maybe 35. That is almost unheard of...scientific publications take time to produce. Not only that, but he is an elite marathon runner---his Boston marathon time was better than Lance Armstrong!

You meet some people like this in academics and you stand in awe. If you really observe them you will be surprised at how naturally this comes to them. Because it comes naturally they take a liking to it and it no longer becomes work to them. Yes they work hard but they have the inherent aptitude that makes it that much more effective. You should follow that guy and see if he really does work way harder than most other hardworking people. My guess is not really. That guy has exceptional genes man.
Weight training is unique because how hard you work is proportional to a large degree the gains you will see with proper nutrition. In many fields in life the correlation of hard work and gains is not as straightforward as in weight training.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Successful men do not pursue success. Success pursues them. In every instance of an extraordinary individual you can name, I'll show you a person who is devoted to their passion with successes being a byproduct of it.

When I was in college I had an art teacher tell me there were great artists who were born to be so with natural, God-given talent, and there were great artists who love art so much that they devote all of effort to being as good as those for whom it comes naturally. But both become great because the have a passion for art, not greatness.

 

[Pandora]

I guess we all have something that we are just inherently good at. Its called talent. I guess those guys who are very successful at alot of stuff have a lot of talents, and just enough discipline to see maximum results. Imagine if we all actually pursued those things that come to us like a duck in water. Imagine if we actually worked hard at them. We would probably be at the top of our fields.

 

[SoldMySoul]

This reminds me of a discussion my brother and I had not too long ago. I agree to a certain extent that genetics cannot be discounted. If you pair a good looking couple together and they have children, chances are the child will turn out attractive. The old saying goes, " Look a woman's mother and that is how the daughter generally will turn out in looks and attributes." Same goes with IQ. I believe it is mostly inherited. Not to say some cannot educate themselves.

Opportunity plays a big role in things too. When you are knocking on opportunities door you better have your bags packed.

Then there are some men that truly create great things in their life without help and those are the men that I most admire. They improve their lives being an underdog and that says much about them and their character.

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

I think about achievement and success all day long, I see everything I do as walking towards destiny. Comparing yourself to others is an age-old exercise in futility. Caesar is said to have wept at a statue of Alexander, saying "He conquered the entire world by the age of 25, what have I done?"

As Rollo said, success is a by-product of the passion you hold for your chosen field of pursuit. And it is also a reward of faith, and IMHO, the ability to have faith in the unseen is the greatest price you pay to become successful. Without a crystal ball to see into the future, we don't know if our efforts will reap any sort of reward at all; we have to believe that it will, in order to sustain one's soul along the way. So for the man who seeks to achieve things, faith=guts.

It is by no mistake that most achievements boil down to guts, perseverance, and passion.

I am in the faith stage of getting my practice off the ground, and it gets really tough sometimes. I remind myself of how long I dreamed of becoming a financial advisor, and of the many tribulations I went through to get this far. For so long, faith and desire were the only companions I had; at long last, reality begins to conform itself to my will.

We should admire the accomplishments of others, but keep it at that; reserve your mental space to be occupied with your own destiny.

 

[darkstarrr]

genes, family wealth, throughout history this has happened, from ancient Rome to modern day U.S. Sometimes you are just born with it.

Maybe its Mabeline.

Personally, I think a lot "success" is attitude - especially how you react to defeat.

Great thread overall. I agree with Sampsade that a lot of life is the attitude that we carry with us. Its important to be able to find a way to be as optimistic and think positively even in the face of adversity. Unless they're born with it, its difficult for grouches to be 'better at life'.

Doing what makes you happy is an important key to this, in business and pleasure. Kids who are raised in non-abusive, loving and supporting families tend to be more successful because they learn to have an innate higher self worth/esteem. Thats why it is sometimes more difficult for some guys with childhood baggage to adopt the cocky part of C&F.

What's helped me in my life journey is to adopt a way of living that is parallel with an all encompassing self actualization. Business, pleasure, health, etc. Consistently trying to improve myself a little bit here and there to continually be the best man I can be at any given time, under the circumstances.