Why are Some Guys So Against Cold Approach/Daygame

[soulforge]

I really enjoy day/game cold approach.. I pick & choose to approach the girls who I find the most attractive, rather than sending a message to some girl online who doesn't even care to even read your message.

Having the NUTS to approach a woman on its own is an achievement, where most guys stay at home, play video games & jerk off.

Yes the rejection part is a bitter pill to swallow, however after the first 7-8-9 rejections, it's just water off a ducks back.

You cannot simply rely on dating apps to meet woman.. Guys need to tap into ever resource available to meet woman.

Online, cold approach, social circles, events.. As one of the posters previously said, puzzy isn't going to simply fall at your feet.

A hunter needs to hunt it's prey.. I generally find a couple of shots of vodka before I head out to approach really helps me settle in to the game.

 

[Georgepithyou]

Just reflecting on this. I know 2 dark triads in my workplace. One is incompetent but extremely machievialian. The other is more narcisstic but highly competent. The former is an abject failure, the latter highly successful.

My analysis is that as Jordan Peterson says, the hierarchy is primarily a competence hierarchy. Things like intelligence andconscientiousness are still the biggest predictors of success (and therefore power generally) but dark triad comes into it when you’re already at the top and competing.

dark triad alone isn’t enough.

Most deadbeat ex cons are dark triad, you have to be highly competent and intelligent first.

cold approaches always had a very low success rate but the key was to critically mass them. They work less and less as time goes on due to smartphones/social media creating natural barriers between organic interpersonal communication, and also PUA explosion of the 2000s flooding clubs and bars with non naturals doing it badly and making women as a whole less open to approaches.

1. You’ll get better with more practice.
2. The point of CA is not always to close right away but often to create opportunities to close later (generate leads).
3. CA works better for casual sex than relationships as women need more social proof for relationship attraction than for raw sexual interaction that they believe can be kept discreet.
4. As with all things the key is to be attractive. If you have done this well, women will signal openness to CA and make it more like a Tepid Approach. If you have done you job with attractiveness very well and know how to put yourself in the right situations, women will CA you.

 

[Serenity]

I think that keeping your social life and your relationship life entirely separate is entirely prudent. It's like banging people that you work with. It needlessly introduces complications and toxic group influences.

Friendships / Relationships/ Workplace need to be kept entirely separate.

I keep my friends well away from any girl I'm associating with. You can't talk freely with other men when your woman is around. You have to censor yourself and "first rule of fight club = never talk about fight club" etc.

You have to manage your woman's perception of you at all times. Social Circles and workplace relationships introduce too many variables that are outside your control.

Workplace I can agree on, but not the rest of my social life. It's easier to replace friends than to replace a job.

If you're discreet there will less likely be drama. If whoever you fvck talks, causes drama and your friends participate in that drama against you when you have done nothing that could be considered deceptive then they were sh!t friends all along. Just ditch them and find better friends. Cool guys don't buy into the drama caused by women.

I would never desire any relationship where I have to conceal a lot of who I am and play two entirely different images towards different people. If a chick has issues with how I am with my friends she can fvck off, if a friend has issues with how I am with my chick they can fvck off. You can walk around on eggshells if you like to not upset anyone or you can weed out the troublemakers. I prefer taking out the trash and being free to unapologetically being the man that I am.

I don't try to manage women's perception of me. No matter how much you think you can do it, you can't ever truly control that anyways. It also leaves you vulnerable to being found out to not be who they think you are, a small mistake here and there in your facade can bring it all crashing down upon you. I don't put up a facade, most people seem to like me and moreso for being genuine. Some do not, but I don't aim to please everyone so I don't care. They perceive me the way they perceive me, if they have a negative perception of me then I'm more than happy to exclude them from MY life.

 

[Serenity]

It's not about walking on eggshells. It's about maintaining respect, boundaries and power. It's almost exactly the same as a parent/child relationship.

If you invite her into all aspects of your life and set no boundaries, then she will start to see herself as equal to you as she becomes very familiar with all aspects of your life. It's like parents who let their kids stay up late and watch mature films with them. This failure to set boundaries and maintain respect and power leads to unruly children, and unruly women in a relationship context.

You need to maintain large areas of your life that are completely independent of your woman. If she knows everything, knows all you're sh1t, you let her hang with your friends (who then become her friends) then it all becomes very predictable and boring for her over time and slowly but surely that honeymoon period passion dies.

The problem isn't women seeing themselves as equals, the problems arise if they consider themselves as superior and start stepping on my toes. That's where my boundary go, I expect to receive the same respect that is given and if that stops being true then they're out.

It's not my fvcking job to entertain women at all times, I don't like high maintenance women. Any woman who requires all that hassle you're talking about to stay interested is of no use to me. Your methods are sucking up to women just to keep them interested, if I really had to keep up a charade like that I'd rather remain single.

My way isn't absent of boundaries and respect, it is in fact exactly what I'm talking about. I don't play the BS game of micromanaging my relationships between different people. They can do as they want so long as they're not causing me trouble and if they do try to cause me trouble that's when I enforce my boundaries.

I don't need to maintain a large area of my life independent and away from my woman. I desire the most hassle free relationship experience possible and the only way to do that is to screen thoroughly. I do so by exposing who I am, if she still stays and doesn't cause me any pain then she's good.

The difference between you and me is that you're trying to be what you think women desire, I look at what I desire in a woman.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

Cold approach is the best way to meet women outside of social circles, most guys here do not have a social circle that gives them a variety new women.

Outside of Cold approach, what alternatives does a man really have? OLD? Nightgame (which is impossible if you have a 9-5 job and live outside of the downtown area).

A woman is not going to fall out of the sky unto your lap, you need to go out and approach women.

Because some guys prefer to build a false sense of confidence by "picking up" and roping a girl from the comfort of their couch and phones? I don't know, beats me really.

To each his own ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Modern Man Advice

 

[MatureDJ]

Cold approach is the best way to meet women outside of social circles, most guys here do not have a social circle that gives them a variety new women.

Outside of Cold approach, what alternatives does a man really have? OLD? Nightgame (which is impossible if you have a 9-5 job and live outside of the downtown area).

I'll give you an analogy: men who always strike out at baseball tend to not like baseball.

A woman is not going to fall out of the sky unto your lap, you need to go out and approach women.

Well, she might at a strip club when the DJ announces 2 for 1.

 

[MatureDJ]

What most guys will discover is that if you're well-calibrated and look decent then the vast majority of women will be happy to have a conversation with you, and then blow you off with "I have a boyfriend" or some other auto-reject line women use. .

I can remember from my college days, some chick being the conversation aggressor (she was cute but a little chunky ), and then out of nowhere she blurts out, "... my boyfriend ..."; it's like she wanted men to try to hit her up so that she could use this line.

 

[MatureDJ]

“Daygame” to me just speaks of a basement ridden incel who needs to psych up and dress up and rehearse for what just should be what you do every day.

I sure hope no man does this every day:

 

[MatureDJ]

Well I must have Down’s syndrome then. Or maybe I just prefer the easy route.

Down's Syndrome women can marry a normie.

Account Suspended

 

[SargeMaximus]

Down's Syndrome women can marry a normie.

Account Suspended

I don’t think this kind of thing is healthy in the pua community. Years ago the thing was hard cases like me were suspected of autism. I actually got myself professionally tested for autism because of that, but a lot of guys just live with the insecurity of “maybe I’m damaged”. Hardly empowering like pua used to be before all this sh!t

 

[Hamurabimbi]

I’ve never tried CA/DG but much respect to those who have. I always planned to give it a go, but never got around to doing it.

 

[corrector]

You value something more if you have to work hard for it too.

Personally, getting laid from apps is very easy for me - it's my go-to Plan B. However, I value women I meet off of apps far less than a hard fought daygame lay.

This means you have a chad-tier experience of cold approach and old. I could probably have one too if I lose enough weight to have better facial definition.

 

[Serenity]

What I've noticed is that all girls fall into that natural state if they are highly attracted to you.

The way I see it is that a woman isn't her normal self when infatuated or as you call it "highly attracted". Almost nobody are their normal selves in that state of mind. You can't properly judge a woman's true character when her mind is clouded by that rush of emotion, who she is when that inevitably subsides is what matters. A good way to figure this out early is to see how she treats others around her who she's not infatuated with.

But there's a crucial ingredient in this. She has to see you as superior to her for her to maintain her respect for you. It's the best frame to have, and maintaining that superiority is actually quite easy. You just establish a "My way or No way" frame and you don't budge from it.

That's a bit overkill and unsustainable. She doesn't need to see you as superior, but I would agree that she definitely must never regard you as inferior. With your way you maintain your superiority up until the point she packs it up and leaves because she's sick of not having a say in anything. I'm personally not that black and white about it, I'll listen, consider and decide on whether I want to go along or not. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't and sometimes I make a third option that suits us both better. If you constantly shut them down and always do it your way they'll resent you after a while.

The only lasting relationship dynamic where you're superior and regard the woman as inferior is if the woman has very low self-esteem. These types of relationships often come with a ton of other problems that will reveal themselves eventually.

If she doesn't comply then you kick her out. If she comes back compliant then the relationship continues, if not then she's gone forever (but they generally do come back because they can't resist that kind of dominant frame).

Typical unhealthy on and off relationship dynamic. I have a 1-strike policy, if it ever reaches the point that the relationship ends then I'm done with it permanently. I don't backpedal for any reason, if the relationship was terminated it was for a good reason and it stays that way.

The frame is destroyed if you ever compromise on it. Any tiny compromise or concession gives her a green light to push more boundaries.

I disagree, a little compromise now and again shouldn't cause her respect for you to plummet. You can compromise once in a while and other times just say no. If she's the type of woman who thinks the first little compromise means she can start bending you over and fvcking you in the ass, then she's a sh!t woman to begin with. A healthy minded woman will leave you if you either never or always compromise, if you're somewhat balanced yourself then you should be fine.

A woman's job is to test her man's frame from time to time - fitness testing.

Sure, that's fairly normal. You will only fail if you compromise too much, a little bit once in a while is fine.

If he can't hold it then she beta-izes him and dumps him.

She beta-izes him? You can't blame women for that one. As I said, a little compromise is fine. If it ever gets this severe it won't be on her, it will be on him for LETTING HER go that far by moving your own boundaries. You can compromise on things that are within your boundaries, things you're ok with or don't care much one way or the other. You can then still put your foot down if she tries to go too far and if she at that point don't respect you because you have compromised one time previously then clearly she's a sh!t woman.

That's the LTR Game as I see it.

Looks more like MTR in my view, effective enough to work for a while, but too unsustainable for a lasting healthy relationship.

 

[Serenity]

Probably the key reason I like to maintain a completely dominant and superior frame is because I've noticed that it's where the best sex comes from. She works extremely hard to please you, and interestingly it appears to massively turn her on when in complete submission.

Sexual dynamic isn't quite the same as overall relationship dynamic in my experience. I've been with the same woman for 6 years now, married almost 2 years. Sex is wilder than it ever has been. I really didn't even have a choice to not dominate in the bedroom, she was a virgin when we met and I had to teach her the arts. She prefers that I lead, but on the rare occasion there's something she wants to do I'm usually open to that.

Outside the bedroom it's more of a cooperation. I really hate having to decide on every little thing, so I decide on some things and leave some things up to her. Usually I decide on everything big like expensive purchases and such. It's not like one person decides and that overrules whatever the other may have against it, we do discuss things and most of the time reach agreement whether that's to go for it, not go for it or find another solution altogether. She's fairly levelheaded and so am I so it works, a less rational woman would drive me up a fvcking wall though, haha.

In my experience, she only ever becomes resentful if she loses respect. This is what ties into managing her perceptions of you (something we discussed earlier).

First sentence is absolutely true. The second sentence is your way of achieving it, I do it differently. I don't "manage perceptions", that's way too stressful, I manage the people I allow into my life. I do life the way that makes me feel the best (within the realm of possibility of course), I eject the people who upsets that balance. That's not really much to manage because I get rid of those who require a lot of managing to keep around.

Women completely change themselves to mold to the shape of what the man she loves wants her to be. She will remain this way until he no longer turns her on.

I'm extremely skeptical of women who behave in this way. They change themselves because of their emotionally hightened state, this only lasts for as long as she's in that state and in the case of infatuation it may last a very long time, but never indefinitely. When that day comes she will revert back to her natural state and if she's not someone you like in her natural state you have wasted your time at best. This means you'll have to work harder to keep her from being her natural self, you're literally fighting her nature and sooner or later nature will win.

I want a woman who initially doesn't need any significant changing to begin with, a woman I can love in her natural state and who will return that love in her natural state. So when that constant barrage of heightened emotion inevitably wears off a deeper and calmer connection takes over. That's where we're at now, the honeymoon phase has long since passed. It's not all day every day anymore, but we get into that zone relatively frequently and that keeps it alive and healthy. In between we get sh!t done that needs to be done to actually function effectively in life, without me having to carry all the load and wear myself out.

I aim for balance, it does not need to be perfect balance in all aspects, some variations are ok. I do like to stay away from any extremes though, I only go to extremes if I'm met with extremes. In the case of women though I prefer one that's like myself, well balanced in most areas, I find those most enjoyable to spend my life with. I stay away from extreme people, they're near impossible to cooperate with. I don't bother trying to dominate them even if I know I could, it's no fun, the smartest thing I can do is deprive them of my most valuable asset, my time.

 

[Serenity]

First up, congrats on marrying a virgin. That should be the baseline requirement for all marriages.

Thanks, I guess, wasn't really a critera for me, it just happened to be so. I'm not personally opposed to having (responsible) casual sex actually, I believe society places too much significance on sex in general.

You are naturally going to have a much easier time running the relationship the way you do because you're her first, and she has nothing to compare you to (which is a great thing!)

On the other hand I do run the risk of her curiosity thinking the grass may be greener on the other side though. That said, I do keep her well fed with high quality grass on this field.

Unfortunately, girls with a sexual past have hit the hypergamy switch and they compare you to past experiences and projected future experiences with other guys.

No doubt many women do this, but I do believe some of them are able to overcome it and enjoy things for what they are now. It's generally a bad (and common) mistake to be mentally stuck in the past and the future, been there, done that, most of the time only pain comes of it.

This is where the maintaining of her respect becomes such a crucial thing. The more c0cks she's had, the more unstable she becomes. And this has a very steep curve too.

On my part this is where heavy screening comes in. Maybe 90%+ fails the tests, but if I don't screen properly I won't find the exceptions. As I said, I can't be bothered to go beyond my natural state to keep a woman interested, not worth the effort IMO.

But in the case of virgins, in my experience, you don't need to worry about maintaining perceptions and respect much at all because you already have it by being her "first." - It's just such a powerful thing to have over a women - being her first time.

Didn't work that well on my first virgin. She used the typical "I'm just not feeling it anymore" breakup, she confused infatuation for love and once it inevitably wore off she thought she lost her love for me. That's what inexperience can do, fortunately my wife understood the difference. So virgins aren't a guaranteed hit and they may still have serious personality defects making them unsuitable for any type of LTR.

 

[forcerecon01]

I'm not against cold approaching. I did it over the internet when America Online was popular back in the 90's early 00's. Got laid more than now lol
'

 

[Georgepithyou]

Thanks, I guess, wasn't really a critera for me, it just happened to be so. I'm not personally opposed to having (responsible) casual sex actually, I believe society places too much significance on sex in general

Your right that our society values sex too much and that is the reason why the price has skyrocketed.I think most times the thrill of the chase is more exciting than the actual outcome, I got into game to improve myself and i used cold approach to build up my confidence/social skills so i can find a better quality woman.

 

[Serenity]

The only downside of maintaining a dominant frame is that she can start to become suffocating. You become a potent drug for her and she's just constantly chasing, constantly wanting to fvck, constantly calling/messaging, needs to be around you all the time etc. When this continues for a year straight I inevitably get tired of it and start to sabotage the relationship so I can get out of it (subconsciously). It usually takes the form of wreckless cheating on my part, getting caught, loss of frame etc. That's when the resentment you wrote about comes in - hell hath no fury like a scorned woman, as they say.

Yeah, this is exactly the situation I intend to counteract. I need my space and don't tolerate needy people, least of all one who I am going to see every day for a very long time. So as I said, your approach to this isn't really sustainable for the long term, it's more like a medium term. That's fine in and of itself, but your cycle doesn't sound particularly healthy.

I'm going to bed now, but this was an interesting discussion.

 

[SW15]

I think it's because cold approach is very difficult to get tangible (ie. sexual) results from.

What most guys will discover is that if you're well-calibrated and look decent then the vast majority of women will be happy to have a conversation with you, and then blow you off with "I have a boyfriend" or some other auto-reject line women use. I can't think of many women at all who have reacted negatively to me approaching them. The worst I ever get is her politely telling me that she has a boyfriend, and in worse situations she just doesn't stop to talk because she's busy and on her way to do something.

Guys who criticize Daygame/Cold Approach haven't had any success from it, so they write it off as a way to cope. Once a guy gets laid for the first time from cold approach then his whole outlook will change.

The biggest issue of all is the grifters on YouTube who pretend that Daygame is easy. It's not easy at all, and it makes men feel like failures for not achieving fast results from it.

Personally, when I started daygame cold approaching back in the day it took me several months and multiple approaches to get a bang out of it. After my first bang, my outlook and vibe changed, and the daygame process became much more enjoyable.

This is close my point of view on non-bar approaching.

Non-bar approaching has the highest barriers to entry.

Most men do not have the internal courage to randomly approach women in a non-bar setting while sober. This is why men participate in co-ed sports leagues as an alternative to bar approaching because the approaches are easier. However, that doesn't guarantee success.

Yes, agree that women have auto-reject lines. I've heard less IHABs in recent years. Women are getting better at the phony auto-reject lines.

 

[SW15]

I actually think most guys get it. Guys don’t have a problem with sex, sex is easy to get in 2021.

The problem is most guys want a woman’s love, respect, admiration, companionship. This is very hard to get in 2021. In 2021, a girl would much sooner take off her clothes to have sex with a man than to pick up a phone and call the same man to see how he is doing.

In my opinion a man would be best served not to commit to any woman. Remember, the sexual market place is deregulated, women are encouraged to sleep around and be happy, the Courts and public opinion always side with the woman and nothing is ever a woman‘s fault.

Why would a man want to legally commit to a depreciating asset when he basically has 0 leverage? For a steady supply of sex at her discretion?

Brutal.

Sex is not easy to get. If it were, sexlessness rates would be lower.

Getting approached by a chick isn't attractive because it's masculine behavior.

Obviously confidence is huge. If a man doesn't believe in himself, then her can't expect her to either.

Expecting to "cross paths" with women is passive behavior. As a man, you have to make it happen.

I have gotten approached by women less than 5 times in my life and I’m in my late 30s. I’d be impressed by it.

Agree on the “cross paths” mentality. As a man, you need to make approaches in your day to day life if you are to “cross paths”.

Approach with a reason that has nothing to do with her beauty or you finding her attractive. Complementing her beauty gives all your power away. Approach with a comment on her fashion choice if she's wearing something unique. Other approaches could be commenting on her mood, or what she might be up to - always preface it with something like "I saw you walking here just now and I noticed..(launch into your comment)". First step is how she respond to your opener, and proceed from there if she's receptive. You keep making comments and observations until she hooks on something or starts giving you information about herself - this is a buying signal. Your comments can be anything from her accent, her mood, or what she looks like i.e. "You look like you know how to dance, you've got a dancer's physique". Dancing is subconsciously sexual so it's good area to lead her mind to.

Once she hooks and gives you information e.g. "Actually, I love dancing. But I'm not a professional. Tehehe" then that's your greenlight to proceed to building some rapport, giving her a bit of information about yourself and then flirting with her. Flirting can be done through push/pull statements (but this has to be very calibrated), body language and light kino like touching the back of her elbow when you're emphasizing something you're saying. The power of touch is very lethal if you do it the right way.

You only proceed through these stages if she's attracted, and a girl makes it pretty obvious when she's attracted.

Once you've done these things then you could either try for an insta date by suggesting she accompany you to coffee (you were already getting a coffee and she can come along - never ask her "Would you like to get a coffee with me?"). If you don't want to insta-date her then you can either leave her with your card James Bond style, or take her number.

Agree with all of this.