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Why are Some Guys So Against Cold Approach/Daygame

Bingo-Player

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you really can't negotiate attraction. No 'game' tricks actually work. That's why the industry moved on from mysterymethod and stuff lol.
Negging and using NLP lines and whatever else one thinks of as super advanced manipulation will only 'work' on girls who already thought you were attractive. (thus did it really 'work'?)
Game is simply approaching a girl, flirting adn seeing if shes into you or not. At every level
I agree there are some attitudes & behaviours linked to "game" that help with general male/female attraction but largely i don't see "game" as being able to conquer attraction , it can however definitely help to sustain it

Sometimes you just have to accept she's just not that into you and you will end up wasting precious time and energy trying to change that
 

characternote

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I agree there are some attitudes & behaviours linked to "game" that help with general male/female attraction but largely i don't see "game" as being able to conquer attraction , it can however definitely help to sustain it

Sometimes you just have to accept she's just not that into you and you will end up wasting precious time and energy trying to change that
I completely agree. I don't consider myself a 'game denier' at all! I just feel like it's not what it's sold as. It's marketed to gullible desperate guys as something that it's not, and never could be. ('say this, behave like this and you can force a girl to be sexually attracted to you')
I mean, if a girl is approached by a guy she thinks is handsome, and he has really bad 'game', his chances of banging her reduce quite a lot. That's how i would never deny game (But it's a sliding scale. If she thinks you are 10/10 hot, then it doesn't matter. I have a German friend who proves this. Male model good looks but zero game. Doesn't stop girls wanting to rip his clothes off when they meet him lol. But most guys, even fairly good looking guys won't have that luxury. They'll need to not bore her to death etc)
But if you open a girl and she's just not remotely attracted to you on a physical level, no 'game' is gonna cut any ice. It wasn't his fault or a failure in his 'seduction'. People give themselves WAY too much credit when they talk of seduction lol
Infields prove this nicely
 
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Fruitbat

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If you're known as a compulsive liar then you're obviously a terrible failure of a Dark Triad. Successful manipulation is predicated on being believable.

You know who the biggest dark triads of all are when it comes and machiavelli and narcassism personality traits? Women.

The essence of Game is being able to communicate with women on their level. This is all subcommunication, indirect, mystery and manipulation. This is what women want and it's impossible to deny it.
Just reflecting on this. I know 2 dark triads in my workplace. One is incompetent but extremely machievialian. The other is more narcisstic but highly competent. The former is an abject failure, the latter highly successful.

My analysis is that as Jordan Peterson says, the hierarchy is primarily a competence hierarchy. Things like intelligence andconscientiousness are still the biggest predictors of success (and therefore power generally) but dark triad comes into it when you’re already at the top and competing.

dark triad alone isn’t enough.

Most deadbeat ex cons are dark triad, you have to be highly competent and intelligent first.
 

B80

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I don't think you can be a successful dark triad without intelligence and competence. I would say that intelligence and competence alone does not breed true success with women if it's bluepill - because then it becomes transactional. Plenty of intelligent and competent people succeed within the matrix (financially and socially) but cannot figure out how to turn women on.
Interesting read this debate. @Pan87, out of interest, are there any books, podcasts etc you recommend around the subject you're discussing? I know you have to approach, get experience etc but would be useful to do some reading/learning when doing other stuff at home.
 

Bingo-Player

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Who said you approach women randomly and awkwardly? Obviously, that's not attractive.
But at its core that is what " day game /cold approach" is .... some chick is going about her day to day business and some random guy approaches her and starts talking about some random crap

like i said you would need to be incredibly conversational / charismatic and confident to be able to make that scenario natural and as you put it "attractive"

Vast majority of guys will not be able to do this

Don't get me wrong night /club approach is completely different beast , alcohol is involved , approach is usually welcomed and women are usually receptive knock yourself out
 

characternote

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Basically this.
There really aren't any secret powerful tactics to MAKE a girl wanna bang you. That's just marketing
So all 'daygame' is, is basically 'living' and when you see a cute girl, you try your luck. Talk to her, flirt and see if she's interested
Your success rate depends on how good looking she thinks you are andhow suitable the environment and culture are to cold approach

This is "just be yourself, bro, and good things will happen" advice. Probably the most bluepill advice you could ever give a person. It's also a very passive and feminine perspective.

Life is entirely down to you actively forging your own path, and often brutally manipulating your way to your goals.
How is what I said any different from what you say below, though? As you say (and as I said) you open, try to get her to hook, and you flirt a little.

And as you say ' You only proceed through these stages if she's attracted '. Again, I agree. What about that do you think is 'actively forging your path and 'manipulating' her? I mean what you wrote could also be called 'Just be yourself bro and good things will happen' advice if mine was, no? (since we said the same thing)




Approach with a reason that has nothing to do with her beauty or you finding her attractive. Complementing her beauty gives all your power away. Approach with a comment on her fashion choice if she's wearing something unique. Other approaches could be commenting on her mood, or what she might be up to - always preface it with something like "I saw you walking here just now and I noticed..(launch into your comment)". First step is how she respond to your opener, and proceed from there if she's receptive. You keep making comments and observations until she hooks on something or starts giving you information about herself - this is a buying signal. Your comments can be anything from her accent, her mood, or what she looks like i.e. "You look like you know how to dance, you've got a dancer's physique". Dancing is subconsciously sexual so it's good area to lead her mind to.

Once she hooks and gives you information e.g. "Actually, I love dancing. But I'm not a professional. Tehehe" then that's your greenlight to proceed to building some rapport, giving her a bit of information about yourself and then flirting with her. Flirting can be done through push/pull statements (but this has to be very calibrated), body language and light kino like touching the back of her elbow when you're emphasizing something you're saying. The power of touch is very lethal if you do it the right way.

You only proceed through these stages if she's attracted, and a girl makes it pretty obvious when she's attracted.

Once you've done these things then you could either try for an insta date by suggesting she accompany you to coffee (you were already getting a coffee and she can come along - never ask her "Would you like to get a coffee with me?"). If you don't want to insta-date her then you can either leave her with your card James Bond style, or take her number.
 

soulforge

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I really enjoy day/game cold approach.. I pick & choose to approach the girls who I find the most attractive, rather than sending a message to some girl online who doesn't even care to even read your message.

Having the NUTS to approach a woman on its own is an achievement, where most guys stay at home, play video games & jerk off.

Yes the rejection part is a bitter pill to swallow, however after the first 7-8-9 rejections, it's just water off a ducks back.

You cannot simply rely on dating apps to meet woman.. Guys need to tap into ever resource available to meet woman.

Online, cold approach, social circles, events.. As one of the posters previously said, puzzy isn't going to simply fall at your feet.

A hunter needs to hunt it's prey.. I generally find a couple of shots of vodka before I head out to approach really helps me settle in to the game.
 

Georgepithyou

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Just reflecting on this. I know 2 dark triads in my workplace. One is incompetent but extremely machievialian. The other is more narcisstic but highly competent. The former is an abject failure, the latter highly successful.

My analysis is that as Jordan Peterson says, the hierarchy is primarily a competence hierarchy. Things like intelligence andconscientiousness are still the biggest predictors of success (and therefore power generally) but dark triad comes into it when you’re already at the top and competing.

dark triad alone isn’t enough.

Most deadbeat ex cons are dark triad, you have to be highly competent and intelligent first.
cold approaches always had a very low success rate but the key was to critically mass them. They work less and less as time goes on due to smartphones/social media creating natural barriers between organic interpersonal communication, and also PUA explosion of the 2000s flooding clubs and bars with non naturals doing it badly and making women as a whole less open to approaches.

  1. You’ll get better with more practice.
  2. The point of CA is not always to close right away but often to create opportunities to close later (generate leads).
  3. CA works better for casual sex than relationships as women need more social proof for relationship attraction than for raw sexual interaction that they believe can be kept discreet.
  4. As with all things the key is to be attractive. If you have done this well, women will signal openness to CA and make it more like a Tepid Approach. If you have done you job with attractiveness very well and know how to put yourself in the right situations, women will CA you.
 

Serenity

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I think that keeping your social life and your relationship life entirely separate is entirely prudent. It's like banging people that you work with. It needlessly introduces complications and toxic group influences.

Friendships / Relationships/ Workplace need to be kept entirely separate.

I keep my friends well away from any girl I'm associating with. You can't talk freely with other men when your woman is around. You have to censor yourself and "first rule of fight club = never talk about fight club" etc.

You have to manage your woman's perception of you at all times. Social Circles and workplace relationships introduce too many variables that are outside your control.
Workplace I can agree on, but not the rest of my social life. It's easier to replace friends than to replace a job.

If you're discreet there will less likely be drama. If whoever you fvck talks, causes drama and your friends participate in that drama against you when you have done nothing that could be considered deceptive then they were sh!t friends all along. Just ditch them and find better friends. Cool guys don't buy into the drama caused by women.

I would never desire any relationship where I have to conceal a lot of who I am and play two entirely different images towards different people. If a chick has issues with how I am with my friends she can fvck off, if a friend has issues with how I am with my chick they can fvck off. You can walk around on eggshells if you like to not upset anyone or you can weed out the troublemakers. I prefer taking out the trash and being free to unapologetically being the man that I am.

I don't try to manage women's perception of me. No matter how much you think you can do it, you can't ever truly control that anyways. It also leaves you vulnerable to being found out to not be who they think you are, a small mistake here and there in your facade can bring it all crashing down upon you. I don't put up a facade, most people seem to like me and moreso for being genuine. Some do not, but I don't aim to please everyone so I don't care. They perceive me the way they perceive me, if they have a negative perception of me then I'm more than happy to exclude them from MY life.
 

Serenity

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It's not about walking on eggshells. It's about maintaining respect, boundaries and power. It's almost exactly the same as a parent/child relationship.

If you invite her into all aspects of your life and set no boundaries, then she will start to see herself as equal to you as she becomes very familiar with all aspects of your life. It's like parents who let their kids stay up late and watch mature films with them. This failure to set boundaries and maintain respect and power leads to unruly children, and unruly women in a relationship context.

You need to maintain large areas of your life that are completely independent of your woman. If she knows everything, knows all you're sh1t, you let her hang with your friends (who then become her friends) then it all becomes very predictable and boring for her over time and slowly but surely that honeymoon period passion dies.
The problem isn't women seeing themselves as equals, the problems arise if they consider themselves as superior and start stepping on my toes. That's where my boundary go, I expect to receive the same respect that is given and if that stops being true then they're out.

It's not my fvcking job to entertain women at all times, I don't like high maintenance women. Any woman who requires all that hassle you're talking about to stay interested is of no use to me. Your methods are sucking up to women just to keep them interested, if I really had to keep up a charade like that I'd rather remain single.

My way isn't absent of boundaries and respect, it is in fact exactly what I'm talking about. I don't play the BS game of micromanaging my relationships between different people. They can do as they want so long as they're not causing me trouble and if they do try to cause me trouble that's when I enforce my boundaries.

I don't need to maintain a large area of my life independent and away from my woman. I desire the most hassle free relationship experience possible and the only way to do that is to screen thoroughly. I do so by exposing who I am, if she still stays and doesn't cause me any pain then she's good.

The difference between you and me is that you're trying to be what you think women desire, I look at what I desire in a woman.
 

Modern Man Advice

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Cold approach is the best way to meet women outside of social circles, most guys here do not have a social circle that gives them a variety new women.

Outside of Cold approach, what alternatives does a man really have? OLD? Nightgame (which is impossible if you have a 9-5 job and live outside of the downtown area).

A woman is not going to fall out of the sky unto your lap, you need to go out and approach women.
Because some guys prefer to build a false sense of confidence by "picking up" and roping a girl from the comfort of their couch and phones? I don't know, beats me really.

To each his own ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Modern Man Advice
 

MatureDJ

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Cold approach is the best way to meet women outside of social circles, most guys here do not have a social circle that gives them a variety new women.

Outside of Cold approach, what alternatives does a man really have? OLD? Nightgame (which is impossible if you have a 9-5 job and live outside of the downtown area).
I'll give you an analogy: men who always strike out at baseball tend to not like baseball. :rolleyes:
A woman is not going to fall out of the sky unto your lap, you need to go out and approach women.
Well, she might at a strip club when the DJ announces 2 for 1. :D
 

MatureDJ

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What most guys will discover is that if you're well-calibrated and look decent then the vast majority of women will be happy to have a conversation with you, and then blow you off with "I have a boyfriend" or some other auto-reject line women use. .
I can remember from my college days, some chick being the conversation aggressor (she was cute but a little chunky :rolleyes:), and then out of nowhere she blurts out, "... my boyfriend ..."; it's like she wanted men to try to hit her up so that she could use this line.
 

MatureDJ

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“Daygame” to me just speaks of a basement ridden incel who needs to psych up and dress up and rehearse for what just should be what you do every day.
I sure hope no man does this every day: :rolleyes: :eek:

 

SargeMaximus

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Down's Syndrome women can marry a normie. :rolleyes:
I don’t think this kind of thing is healthy in the pua community. Years ago the thing was hard cases like me were suspected of autism. I actually got myself professionally tested for autism because of that, but a lot of guys just live with the insecurity of “maybe I’m damaged”. Hardly empowering like pua used to be before all this sh!t
 

Hamurabimbi

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I’ve never tried CA/DG but much respect to those who have. I always planned to give it a go, but never got around to doing it.
 

corrector

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You value something more if you have to work hard for it too.

Personally, getting laid from apps is very easy for me - it's my go-to Plan B. However, I value women I meet off of apps far less than a hard fought daygame lay.
This means you have a chad-tier experience of cold approach and old. I could probably have one too if I lose enough weight to have better facial definition.
 

Serenity

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What I've noticed is that all girls fall into that natural state if they are highly attracted to you.
The way I see it is that a woman isn't her normal self when infatuated or as you call it "highly attracted". Almost nobody are their normal selves in that state of mind. You can't properly judge a woman's true character when her mind is clouded by that rush of emotion, who she is when that inevitably subsides is what matters. A good way to figure this out early is to see how she treats others around her who she's not infatuated with.

But there's a crucial ingredient in this. She has to see you as superior to her for her to maintain her respect for you. It's the best frame to have, and maintaining that superiority is actually quite easy. You just establish a "My way or No way" frame and you don't budge from it.
That's a bit overkill and unsustainable. She doesn't need to see you as superior, but I would agree that she definitely must never regard you as inferior. With your way you maintain your superiority up until the point she packs it up and leaves because she's sick of not having a say in anything. I'm personally not that black and white about it, I'll listen, consider and decide on whether I want to go along or not. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't and sometimes I make a third option that suits us both better. If you constantly shut them down and always do it your way they'll resent you after a while.

The only lasting relationship dynamic where you're superior and regard the woman as inferior is if the woman has very low self-esteem. These types of relationships often come with a ton of other problems that will reveal themselves eventually.

If she doesn't comply then you kick her out. If she comes back compliant then the relationship continues, if not then she's gone forever (but they generally do come back because they can't resist that kind of dominant frame).
Typical unhealthy on and off relationship dynamic. I have a 1-strike policy, if it ever reaches the point that the relationship ends then I'm done with it permanently. I don't backpedal for any reason, if the relationship was terminated it was for a good reason and it stays that way.

The frame is destroyed if you ever compromise on it. Any tiny compromise or concession gives her a green light to push more boundaries.
I disagree, a little compromise now and again shouldn't cause her respect for you to plummet. You can compromise once in a while and other times just say no. If she's the type of woman who thinks the first little compromise means she can start bending you over and fvcking you in the ass, then she's a sh!t woman to begin with. A healthy minded woman will leave you if you either never or always compromise, if you're somewhat balanced yourself then you should be fine.

A woman's job is to test her man's frame from time to time - fitness testing.
Sure, that's fairly normal. You will only fail if you compromise too much, a little bit once in a while is fine.

If he can't hold it then she beta-izes him and dumps him.
She beta-izes him? You can't blame women for that one. As I said, a little compromise is fine. If it ever gets this severe it won't be on her, it will be on him for LETTING HER go that far by moving your own boundaries. You can compromise on things that are within your boundaries, things you're ok with or don't care much one way or the other. You can then still put your foot down if she tries to go too far and if she at that point don't respect you because you have compromised one time previously then clearly she's a sh!t woman.

That's the LTR Game as I see it.
Looks more like MTR in my view, effective enough to work for a while, but too unsustainable for a lasting healthy relationship.
 

Serenity

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Probably the key reason I like to maintain a completely dominant and superior frame is because I've noticed that it's where the best sex comes from. She works extremely hard to please you, and interestingly it appears to massively turn her on when in complete submission.
Sexual dynamic isn't quite the same as overall relationship dynamic in my experience. I've been with the same woman for 6 years now, married almost 2 years. Sex is wilder than it ever has been. I really didn't even have a choice to not dominate in the bedroom, she was a virgin when we met and I had to teach her the arts. She prefers that I lead, but on the rare occasion there's something she wants to do I'm usually open to that.

Outside the bedroom it's more of a cooperation. I really hate having to decide on every little thing, so I decide on some things and leave some things up to her. Usually I decide on everything big like expensive purchases and such. It's not like one person decides and that overrules whatever the other may have against it, we do discuss things and most of the time reach agreement whether that's to go for it, not go for it or find another solution altogether. She's fairly levelheaded and so am I so it works, a less rational woman would drive me up a fvcking wall though, haha.

In my experience, she only ever becomes resentful if she loses respect. This is what ties into managing her perceptions of you (something we discussed earlier).
First sentence is absolutely true. The second sentence is your way of achieving it, I do it differently. I don't "manage perceptions", that's way too stressful, I manage the people I allow into my life. I do life the way that makes me feel the best (within the realm of possibility of course), I eject the people who upsets that balance. That's not really much to manage because I get rid of those who require a lot of managing to keep around.

Women completely change themselves to mold to the shape of what the man she loves wants her to be. She will remain this way until he no longer turns her on.
I'm extremely skeptical of women who behave in this way. They change themselves because of their emotionally hightened state, this only lasts for as long as she's in that state and in the case of infatuation it may last a very long time, but never indefinitely. When that day comes she will revert back to her natural state and if she's not someone you like in her natural state you have wasted your time at best. This means you'll have to work harder to keep her from being her natural self, you're literally fighting her nature and sooner or later nature will win.

I want a woman who initially doesn't need any significant changing to begin with, a woman I can love in her natural state and who will return that love in her natural state. So when that constant barrage of heightened emotion inevitably wears off a deeper and calmer connection takes over. That's where we're at now, the honeymoon phase has long since passed. It's not all day every day anymore, but we get into that zone relatively frequently and that keeps it alive and healthy. In between we get sh!t done that needs to be done to actually function effectively in life, without me having to carry all the load and wear myself out.

I aim for balance, it does not need to be perfect balance in all aspects, some variations are ok. I do like to stay away from any extremes though, I only go to extremes if I'm met with extremes. In the case of women though I prefer one that's like myself, well balanced in most areas, I find those most enjoyable to spend my life with. I stay away from extreme people, they're near impossible to cooperate with. I don't bother trying to dominate them even if I know I could, it's no fun, the smartest thing I can do is deprive them of my most valuable asset, my time.
 
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