When they ask "Why haven't you ever been married?"

[STR8UP]

I go this question again last night. The chick finds out I'm 34 and wonders why I've never been married.

I hate that freakin' question! It's like you have to justify yourself if you choose to be single.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by STR8UP
I go this question again last night. The chick finds out I'm 34 and wonders why I've never been married.

I hate that freakin' question! It's like you have to justify yourself if you choose to be single.

"Because I won't marry a woman for the sake of complying to societal norms. Most people who do without the consideration that such a commitment is due. The current divorce rate says volumes about this. By the way, why do you ask?"

Get use to the question, it's one of many "sh1t tests" that women use to qualify a guy. Notice that my answer puts the need to qualify back on them.

 

[STR8UP]

Re: Re: When they ask "Why haven't you ever been married?"

Originally posted by Francisco d'Anconia
"Because I won't marry a woman for the sake of complying to societal norms. Most people who do without the consideration that such a commitment is due. The current divorce rate says volumes about this. By the way, why do you ask?"

Get use to the question, it's one of many "sh1t tests" that women use to qualify a guy. Notice that my answer puts the need to qualify back on them.

Good comeback.

She was a TALKER so I pretty much let her answer her own question...lol.

I know it's always one of the first questions a chick who is interested in you is gonna ask when they find out you are in your mid 30's. It might help if I moved my age bar up a couple of notches....I seem to get hooked up with these younger girls. Most of them are still in la-la land when it comes to having a realistic view of relationships.

 

[Cesare Cardinali]

If you get this question than generally it's a good thing. She's interested in you and thinks you're a catch.

I would not answer with what Francisco suggests because it will just turn a chick off. Just smile and say "well, because I haven't found Mrs. Right, but we I am in the process of interviewing potential candidates"...and smile.

Cesare Cardinali

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by Cesare Cardinali
If you get this question than generally it's a good thing. She's interested in you and thinks you're a catch.

Although your comeback is pretty good, you've probably never actually asked women why they ask that question have you? You're obviously thinking like a guy as to why she's asking the question.

If you ask women, sure they'll tell you it's because they are interested but the main reason is that they want to know what's wrong with you and why no woman has captured your attention. Most guys will answer with some AFC bull saying that "they just haven't found the right woman" or some other cliche answer. Most women will hear that as "he's just another looser" and will lower her IL by a good 25 points.

I've found that women that ask this early on (first or second date), they are primarily qualifying you. The ones that don't ask even after several dates tend to have a good understanding that you are a good catch (if you haven't landed into the LJBF zone) and won't need to ask outright. It could also be that more experienced women would not ask that particular type of question.

 

[Cesare Cardinali]

Most women will hear that as "he's just another looser" and will lower her IL by a good 25 points.

25 points? haha... How can you tell that dude? Some guys I think take this IL thing a little too far.

Seriously though, I really don't care why the ask. If I'm interested in her than my response will be geared towards seducing her as opposed to figuring this stuff out. Also, from a seduction standpoint, it is probably better to be divorced at 38 than never married by 38. It shows the chicks that you are not scared of commitment and can take the plunge.

Finally, there's the whole question of "if you're so great why are you still single" which is a valid point whether it's a guy asking about a woman or vice versa. So your best responses in my view are supposed to deflect the issue while still maintaining your high status.

Cesare Cardinali

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by Cesare Cardinali
25 points? haha... How can you tell that dude? Some guys I think take this IL thing a little too far.

Seriously though, I really don't care why the ask. If I'm interested in her than my response will be geared towards seducing her as opposed to figuring this stuff out. Also, from a seduction standpoint, it is probably better to be divorced at 38 than never married by 38. It shows the chicks that you are not scared of commitment and can take the plunge.

Finally, there's the whole question of "if you're so great why are you still single" which is a valid point whether it's a guy asking about a woman or vice versa. So your best responses in my view are supposed to deflect the issue while still maintaining your high status.

Cesare Cardinali

I see the whole point thing like this, they're either interested (51-100 points) or not (less than 50 points). Knowing that a question like this can easily put a guy into the LJBF zone says enough.

The problem that I've heard women complain about especially after "The Game" was published, they can not get guys to talk about anything serious with them on dates. "Guys are too busy trying to be funny," is what they tell me. Some guys are so bad it's obvious that they are avoiding the "tough questions."

They're catching on to that avoidance fellas so be careful about what you try to deflect. Too much C/F can be your downfall if you don't try to balance things out.

 

[STR8UP]

Originally posted by Cesare Cardinali
Also, from a seduction standpoint, it is probably better to be divorced at 38 than never married by 38. It shows the chicks that you are not scared of commitment and can take the plunge.

I agree.

My ex said that me never having been married was a red flag for her. Obviously it wasn't a deal breaker, so I suppose it isn't THAT big of an issue.

I know this chick likes me, but I want no part of a relationship right now so her inquisitions kind of scared me. When I told her I am 34 and she told me she is 24 she said, "So how does that make you feel?"

Yikes.......and I thought she was just a freaky bisexual chick that wanted to get it on with me. That's MY goal here. Good thing her friend really likes me and wants to hook us up. It's always good to have a cheerleading section.

I was gonna try and do her last night but her ex b/f showed up at the party so it threw everything off. Next time I'm gonna just throw down and hope for the best!

 

[penkitten]

in reality it shouldnt be a red flag.
a red flag should be some guy that has been married several times and it never seems like he can keep a relationship working. that would be a red flag on why cant he keep a relationship, why did he divorce so many times. why did he marry if it wasnt scared?

just being a single guy, to me says, "i accept responsibility for myself and have fun without planning a family yet. i have had time to sow my oats and it would take someone really special to make me yearn for any different kind of lifestyle than what i already have."

 

[al77]

Originally posted by Francisco d'Anconia
"Because I won't marry a woman for the sake of complying to societal norms. Most people who do without the consideration that such a commitment is due. The current divorce rate says volumes about this. By the way, why do you ask?"

Get use to the question, it's one of many "sh1t tests" that women use to qualify a guy. Notice that my answer puts the need to qualify back on them.

Thats a perfect answer for a... man.
It is actually too good for a woman: too honest, too long, too intellectual (volumes...current divorce rate...").

This is not what women can undersatnd as a good answer to a simple question (they, women think so).

Here is a couple of No's:
I don't think you should be too honest and immediately tell her everything you think about societal norms. Women actually like societal norms in some ways.
The answer is too long. A women might think "Well.. why he is saying so much? I asked a simple question...aha.. maybe he is stressed with my question? aha.. he is stressed, so prolly he has a problem!" Typical chick logic.
Many women are scared of smart terms and in general anything that resembles a geeky nature: "divorce rate", "volume ..this".

Anyway, my suggestion: the answer should be as simple as was the question.

"Because I'm getting better everyday though the quality of women stays the same." Smile
And immediately ask something that hints at her quality:
"Why do you ask?"
"Do you work out?"
"Have you been married a lot of times?"

Anything that will change the focus from you to her.

 

[STR8UP]

Get use to the question, it's one of many "sh1t tests" that women use to qualify a guy.

Funny thing about this chick is she tried to give me another sh!t test later that night, and then immediately told me that I didn't have to do it if I didn't want to!

She hands me a cup says to me, "Hey can you go outside and get me a beer from the keg?" followed immediately by, "You can say no if you want to, you don't have to be my b!tch." So I said, "no", then she turns and asks my buddy and he goes and gets it for her. Chicks.....

 

[WestCoaster]

Cesare said it right, women oddly think it's better to be divorced than never married. Strange logic and relationships are the only area where this batty thinking would take place.

Think about the logic a little

... Why did you never FAIL, like as in a divorce?

... Let's say you had the same job for a long time, would the thinking be this: Why weren't you fired before? You're not a real worker unless you've been fired!

... Why do you have a good car? Why didn't you have a car that broke down? You never took a chance unless you've had a car that has broken down. (And I've had my share of beater cars.)

Strange, crazy, freaking logic, trying to put commitment/divorce in the same categoy. The myth of no commitment is just that, a freaking myth. There is no evidence that men have a lack of commitment more than women.

How about this question for divorced women: "Why did you fail miserably in the most important thing (marriage) in your life? Are you happy that you failed when you promised on the alter "till death do you part?" You didn't die, so did you lie on the alter or are you just a failure, are you terrible at picking mates, or do you treat marriage as something frivolous?"

I would never respond that way, but my logic is much more sane than "one is afraid of commitment if he hasn't failed at a marriage."

And yet another sign of how f-cked up women can be ...

 

[al77]

Originally posted by WestCoaster
Cesare said it right, women oddly think it's better to be divorced than never married. Strange logic and relationships are the only area where this batty thinking would take place.

I guess women's logic here is ok.
What would you say about a 35 y.o. woman who has never been married? Lets assume she has decent\good looks.

1. She has been into her career a lot.
2. Therefore chances are she doesn't really want a family.
3. She has some character flaws (b*tchy etc) that prevented her from getting married.

Something along these line, right?
So if you are looking for LTR material with family potentials, these considerations sure raise some flags for some doubts and further, deeper investigation.

 

[SAYNO]

Originally posted by STR8UP


"You don't have to be my b!tch."

So I said, "no", then she turns and asks my buddy and he goes and gets it for her. Chicks.....

Damn sounds like she didn't leave you too much of a choice!



Sayno'

 

[al77]

Originally posted by STR8UP
She hands me a cup says to me, "Hey can you go outside and get me a beer from the keg?" followed immediately by, "You can say no if you want to, you don't have to be my b!tch."

Maybe she was not sure what type were you?
She hoped you'd say:

"No, this is one of my favorite do-it-yourself projects: you have nice legs and I'll enjoy watching how they move".
She might label you as a player.

But if you just say "no", it is not clear what type are you. She'll test you again if she has a chance.

 

[Cesare Cardinali]

Str8UP wrote:

Yikes.......and I thought she was just a freaky bisexual chick that wanted to get it on with me. That's MY goal here.

Dude, they are all freaky bisexual chicks that want to party. Even the ones looking for marriage and stuff. It all depends on the guy they meet and the circumstances of how they meet him. For instance, all kinds of "marriage material" chicks go wild and crazy when they're on spring break vacation, etc.

I know this chick likes me, but I want no part of a relationship right now so her inquisitions kind of scared me.

Don't write her off just because she's asking "relationship type" questions. If you like her than you can lead the relationship to go in whatever direction you'd want it to go. If ever you get barraged by two many questions that you feel like it's an inquisition, just use some charm and say "curiosity curiosity, we'll get to that later. How about another drink?" Always lead the conversation dude.

Francisco wrote:

The problem that I've heard women complain about especially after "The Game" was published, they can not get guys to talk about anything serious with them on dates. "Guys are too busy trying to be funny," is what they tell me. Some guys are so bad it's obvious that they are avoiding the "tough questions."

I'm sure it's a problem, although I doubt there's any corelation between "The Game" being published and this tendancy. In my view most people don't read all that much and every book or article about "the community" will only be a drop in the bucket compared to all the stuff out there and is simply garbage in garbage out. However, that's a whole other discussion.

But you bring up a good point. What you're talking about is "comfort building" which is a distinction that you've got to make between "attraction building". Mystery talks alot about this. So if you jump into "comfort building" too fast then you'll scare chicks away. They'll see you as "too serious" and rushing things, etc. The easiest example is you meet a chick at a party and she asks "why aren't you married". She doesn't even know you and it's none of her business why you aren't married. If she wants you to open up and contribute that kind of deep information, she'll have to earn it. So at first, your game should be "attract" and one of the weapons in your arsenal should be charm, humour, suaveness, confidence, being a challenge, etc. You get the idea.

Now after you've attracted the chick, she's clearly interested, you've isolated her from the group, you've venue changed to another bar, you're having drinks, "tete a tete", whatever, it's clear to both of you that it's "ON", then by all means, you need to switch to some comfort building, or else you'll just be a goof ball trying to make her laugh all the time.

So at that point you need to talk about why you're not married, etc. Even then though, I would never say something like "Because I won't marry a woman for the sake of complying to societal norms. Most people who do without the consideration that such a commitment is due. The current divorce rate says volumes about this".

This sounds like you're a dorky sociology professor (not that there's anything wrong with being one) but it's not a very seductive or powerfull answer. That answer basically says that you've got a chip on your shoulder about marriage and more importantly (from a seduction standpoint) is that you've never opened up and allowed yourself to fall madly and passionately in love.

If you are passionately in love, then who cares about the divorce rate and "societal norms"? For a chick to swoon over you, she's gotta feel like you're a romantic and passionate guy, someone worthy of her swooning. Ironically, the more easily you can display the fact that you swoon over chicks (like say a Casanova or a Bill Clinton LOL) the more chicks will want to swoon over you. But it's a different kind of swooning than an AFC kind....

Case in point, would James Bond answer a chick like the sociology professor?

A better answer, (once you've gone past the attraction phase where a C&F answer would be best) would be some sort of romantic answer. Some soulmate crap or whatever, Something that will make a girl feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Obviously, the truth for you (and for me actually) is the sociology professor answer, but a chick will hear that and roll her eyes.

Cesare Cardinali

 

[Cesare Cardinali]

Str8UP wrote:

Hey can you go outside and get me a beer from the keg?" followed immediately by, "You can say no if you want to, you don't have to be my b!tch." So I said, "no", then she turns and asks my buddy and he goes and gets it for her.

This chick sounds great man. She was ready to barter. You should have answered, "sure I'll be your b*tch in 5 minutes as long as you give me a back rub". Get her committed to you and she'll be yours. Plus, all the other dudes would see this chick giving you a 5 minute back rub and they'll be blown out and won't have the nerve to try to steal her away from you.

 

[al77]

Originally posted by Cesare Cardinali
say "curiosity curiosity, we'll get to that later. How about another drink?" Always lead the conversation dude.

Case in point, would James Bond answer a chick like the sociology professor?

A better answer, (once you've gone past the attraction phase where a C&F answer would be best) would be some sort of romantic answer. Some soulmate crap or whatever, Something that will make a girl feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Obviously, the truth for you (and for me actually) is the sociology professor answer, but a chick will hear that and roll her eyes.

I agree with your analysis. But lets get practical, what do you suggest to say?
"we'll get to that later, how about a drink?"
Call me dumb but thats not really romantic, thats beating around the bush or avoidance of the answer.

I suggest to focus on quality:
"Because I'm getting better everyday though the quality of women cannot catch up/stays the same. <Smile> Why do you ask?"

A bit aggressive\rude, but heck if she is interested she'll bear with you.


""sure I'll be your b*tch in 5 minutes as long as you give me a back rub""

This is a percfect one!

 

[Cesare Cardinali]

Hey dude,

Call me dumb but thats not really romantic, thats beating around the bush or avoidance of the answer.

Good point and I thought I addressed, but I guess it wasn't clear.

I think the romantic stuff should only be done when you're building comfort. At first you're building attraction, and I think it's best to be aloof, mysterious, leading, funny, charming, etc.

So if she asks this stuff right off the bat (which I got the impression is what she did) then I'd answer with something like I outlined above.

Once you're clearly into each other (after a few hours or a few dates or whatever), then you'd swith into some romantic stuff.

 

[al77]

Originally posted by Cesare Cardinali

Good point and I thought I addressed, but I guess it wasn't clear.

So if she asks this stuff right off the bat (which I got the impression is what she did) then I'd answer with something like I outlined above.

I agree about romantic stuff.
.. outlined above where? All I found was "curiosity.. How about a another drink?"

I am jus a bit confused by what you are saying.
Even if she asks right off the bat this still seems avoidance. I don't care, but she does: for her "avoidance" means
"aha, he's got problems here!"
Why would anyone want to convey this message?