When they ask "Why haven't you ever been married?"

[STR8UP]

Originally posted by Cesare Cardinali
Dude, they are all freaky bisexual chicks that want to party. Even the ones looking for marriage and stuff. It all depends on the guy they meet and the circumstances of how they meet him. For instance, all kinds of "marriage material" chicks go wild and crazy when they're on spring break vacation, etc.

This one likes chicks and isn't afraid to show it. If I can turn this into a fukk buddy situation I'm MONEY.

She is one of a group of chicks that hangs out with my buddy's g/f (or whatever their status is) who are ALL into guys and girls and not ashamed to show it. I have pictures last night of chicks toungeing each other down, hands down each other's pants, eating chicken nuggets out of each other's cleaveage, YOU NAME IT! Last night him and I had the misfortune of being stuck with four girls al night. Tough life! I'll email you a couple of the pics!

My buddys tells me every time we hang out that "you REALLY need to fukk that girl" like he knows something I don't. Lol....yea....he knows that if I hook it up it's a sexual goldmine!

If ever you get barraged by two many questions that you feel like it's an inquisition, just use some charm and say "curiosity curiosity, we'll get to that later. How about another drink?" Always lead the conversation dude.

Haha, funny you should say that. She rode with me to the parties we visited and I don't think she took two breaths the whole time, cause she was so busy asking me questions and telling me about herself. As a matter of fact I eventually made a comment as to her asking a lot of questions. SHe said, "You can tell me to shut up anytime if I get annoying". I told her I would let her know when she hit that point, and she cracked up. She asked me, "What do you do for a living, cause you got a hot car and I hear you have an unbelieveable condo". I told her, "As little as possible". She just kept diggin'!

But you bring up a good point. What you're talking about is "comfort building" which is a distinction that you've got to make between "attraction building". Mystery talks alot about this. So if you jump into "comfort building" too fast then you'll scare chicks away. They'll see you as "too serious" and rushing things, etc.

Fortunately I already have the attraction part down with this one.

I met her during the breakup with my ex. A group of us went to a club and she and I were flirting like third graders all night bumping into each other and stuff. By the end of the night I had her eating out of my hand (literally....I was feeding her peanuts in the car!)

I like meeting chicks this way cause you can just cut loose and act all goofy. No serious talk BS. You get to know them more on a physical and non-verbal level. This works wonders for me. I'm sure that's what attracted her to me in the first place.

So I have that working for me. That's why I was kind of taken by surprise when she bombarded me when we were alone in the car. Like she was bursting with curiousity. I guess this would be the "comfort building" you are referring to. Kind of good for me too...now that I feel like I know her on more than a superficial level it's easier for me to take it up a few notches.

 

[STR8UP]

Originally posted by Cesare Cardinali
This chick sounds great man. She was ready to barter. You should have answered, "sure I'll be your b*tch in 5 minutes as long as you give me a back rub". Get her committed to you and she'll be yours. Plus, all the other dudes would see this chick giving you a 5 minute back rub and they'll be blown out and won't have the nerve to try to steal her away from you.

Yea, we have had this little flirty thing going on since we met. I bump into her quite often downtown partying and she always makes it a point to see me and flag me down WAY before I see her.

Too bad she isn't physically my type. I'm attracted to her enough for sex but thats about it. Plus I would like to see if I can get any mileage out of the bisexual thing......my last bisexual g/f was a DUD in that department.

Also too bad that her ex b/f showed up at this party cause if he hadn't been there I think I would have had it in the bag. Hopefully there will be a next time. I doubt that I blew it cause even though she was sorta kinda there with me and it was kind of implied that I would be getting some I played it cool as I usually do with her. I'll keep you posted

 

[Bonhomme]

"Why are you asking?" is good.

I don't, as a rule, tell women whether or not I've ever been married, and they don't ask. If someone does ask, I'm inclined to ask why they're asking, and if they still press for it, simply tell them the truth: the combination of circumstances and the person I'm dating has never been right, and I would never want to get married unless I really mean it, unlike so many serial marriers who are out there, which the divorce rates can attest to. I also might toss in a comment that men have a lot more to lose by a marriage going wrong.

If that drives a gal away, I'd consider myself lucky for ecsaping the fate of being her next ex-husband, with all the financial ramifications that entails...

 

[Alicorn]

Originally posted by STR8UP
I go this question again last night. The chick finds out I'm 34 and wonders why I've never been married.

I hate that freakin' question! It's like you have to justify yourself if you choose to be single.

"Because I only want to be married once, and I haven't yet met a girl who has convinced me that I would stay married to her."

Hmm... maybe the could be rephrased so that you can qualify the girl somehow...

:cheer:

 

[Ricky]

I have answered that I have come close twice, but I don't like to talk about painful breakups. Then ask her about her experiences briefly before going into the following

Then I'd go into how I believe everyone meets for a reason because there are 5 billion people in the world and we can't meet them all, and how everyone we meet is for a reason. Girls love this. I don't know if it's fate or destiny, but isn't it exciting to know that every person you meet is meant to be there. Have you ever thought about that?

By the way I do believe this.

 

[STR8UP]

Originally posted by Ricky
I have answered that I have come close twice, but I don't like to talk about painful breakups. Then ask her about her experiences briefly before going into the following

Then I'd go into how I believe everyone meets for a reason because there are 5 billion people in the world and we can't meet them all, and how everyone we meet is for a reason. Girls love this. I don't know if it's fate or destiny, but isn't it exciting to know that every person you meet is meant to be there. Have you ever thought about that?

By the way I do believe this.

Although I think that fate and destiny stuff is a load of crap, I know women eat it up, especially the young ones.

I don't play that angle up front (maybe I should!) but at least I don't come right out and say what I really think about it until they are already swooning

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by Ricky
I have answered that I have come close twice, but I don't like to talk about painful breakups. Then ask her about her experiences briefly before going into the following

Then I'd go into how I believe everyone meets for a reason because there are 5 billion people in the world and we can't meet them all, and how everyone we meet is for a reason. Girls love this. I don't know if it's fate or destiny, but isn't it exciting to know that every person you meet is meant to be there. Have you ever thought about that?

By the way I do believe this.

You see, this is the basis for a very good TWO WAY conversation. Ricky's right, women love this. I've found that by doing this a DJ:

• Immediately shows his heightened value by thinking about the "big things"
• Stimulates meaningful conversation with the woman
• Leads directly into having the woman begin to qualify herself instead of you doing all of the work
• Shows you as a challenge, not by being aloof and mysterious, but by laying your cards on the table (without being bitter) and having her step up her game to show her own value.
• Weeds out the weaker women who don't have what it takes to not only step up to the plate but to also hit the long ball.

 

[STR8UP]

Originally posted by Francisco d'Anconia
You see, this is the basis for a very good TWO WAY conversation. Ricky's right, women love this. I've found that by doing this a DJ:

• Immediately shows his heightened value by thinking about the "big things"
• Stimulates meaningful conversation with the woman
• Leads directly into having the woman begin to qualify herself instead of you doing all of the work
• Shows you as a challenge, not by being aloof and mysterious, but by laying your cards on the table (without being bitter) and having her step up her game to show her own value.
• Weeds out the weaker women who don't have what it takes to not only step up to the plate but to also hit the long ball.

I agree.

I just don't think I have the poker face to feed her a load of BS like that!

 

[al77]

Originally posted by Ricky
I have answered that I have come close twice, but I don't like to talk about painful breakups. Then ask her about her experiences briefly before going into the following

Then I'd go into how I believe everyone meets for a reason because there are 5 billion people in the world and we can't meet them all, and how everyone we meet is for a reason. Girls love this. I don't know if it's fate or destiny, but isn't it exciting to know that every person you meet is meant to be there. Have you ever thought about that?
By the way I do believe this.

I really like the second part.
But the first?? "I don't like to talk about painful breakups"...
That negativity will not gain you anything. In general long, logical honest answer will not gain anything here. Shoudl be short IMHO.

I guess the first part is better from Alicorn:

"Because I only want to be married once, and I haven't yet met a girl who has convinced me that I would stay married to her."

Then include 5 billion people story and the answer will be perfect.

 

[WestCoaster]

Good post Ricky, nice reply.

I would say as always, accentuate the positive like every good DJ does. All kinds of positive replies like, "I think in marriage one has to have an emotional/spiritual/physical connection and finding that is rare. I'm seeking that ... and I don't settle."

Or, "I enjoy being single and playing the field." (Remember, women love elusive guys and try harder to capture them. Doesn't make sense, but they do.)

Always take the positive, the woe is me crap won't fly. Most of my (miserably married friends) envy my freedom. Friend of mine just had his first kid with a b-tchy wife whom he should've dumped years ago. He's agonzing. Another one of his friends had his first kid and told my friend, "Makes me want to bail."

I don't necessarily agree with that, but you get the idea.

True DJ's are proud of their lives, married or not, and no illogical woman should be able to knock you off your post. You're the prize, not her ... take the positive angle.

 

[Ricky]

Actually you guys are right. So to reframe the first part.

I forgot that I also sometimes say this (and it's good for me to remember because this sounds better)

I also have said something about like this before:
"Everyone looks back at a past relationship and remembers just how they ended, but I look at them for all the good parts and also feel very fortunate to have met some really incredible beautiful, smart, talented women in my life. And if I had gotten married, I would have missed out on some of them."

NOW THIS IS GOOD, because it puts out there that you have dated some high status women before and also spins a good light about past relationships, thus showing you aren't carrying baggage or are bitter towards women (like our 23 year old poster claims we are).

I have said this before, and the girl would respond with "I hadn't thought of it that way, some of my boyfriends were jerks, but there really were some good moments, it's a better way of looking at things"

In fact, if we all looked at our past relationships and the good that we had, maybe we could get over our cases of oneitis (damn I think I'm healing myself!)

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by Ricky
...In fact, if we all looked at our past relationships and the good that we had, maybe we could get over our cases of oneitis (damn I think I'm healing myself!)

Eeeeeeevil demons of past girlfriends come OUT-TAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!

 

[STR8UP]

Originally posted by Ricky
NOW THIS IS GOOD, because it puts out there that you have dated some high status women before and also spins a good light about past relationships, thus showing you aren't carrying baggage or are bitter towards women (like our 23 year old poster claims we are).

I try my best to project that my past relationships have for the most part improved my life, each in it's own way. Even when I'm fresh out of a relationship and still wanting to strangle the b!tch. Negativity gets you NOWHERE.

 

[WestCoaster]

Ricky, you're evolving into a good DJ. I like your stuff.

So true on marriage keeping one from meeting some great women, though I admit I wouldn't mind the every day stuff of marriage and not having to go out and always find women. The hunt can get old.

The last couple years I've tried harder to look back on my previous relationships that are part of my past and helped me develop as a person. Instead of taking the "she's a beyotch" angle as I often have (and sometimes still do), I've looked at each woman as a small gift in my life. Like Christmas gifts, some can be great, some not so great, but they are gifts.

There's a great article or post on this site somewhere that says in most relationships there comes a time when they must end. The one that doesn't is the one whom you marry, but most relationships are destined to end. It's part of the process. I've spun my wheels for a few months when a relationship was tailing off. For example, we break up in May when we should've broken up in January.

Look at your past relationships as experiences you needed -- some good, some bad.

Good stuff Ricky, keep it coming.

 

[DoubleA]

Why make it so much harder than it has to be? Elaborate if needed. But speak from a financial stand point.

Just tell them you weren't ready. Elaborate if needed. But speak from a financial stand point.

I mean we should be making sure that these women are of quality before we satisfy their curiosity. I'm 32. I here it from my family. It used to kinda urk me, but if they knew how much times I played "Dissapearing fingers" with chicks who came thru the crib, they'd call me a freak or something. Which too me doesn't feel nice having your Uncle call you that. Weird.

Marriage can only exist when two parties want to be married. Hell I bet there are more successful common law marriages then conventional.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

I have to concur with FRANSISCO on this one; it is a test and one that's unique to the older DJ. However I think there are two ways of passing this test.

I wholeheartedly agree that the phase shift from attraction to comfort building should be the primary goal, but forestalling a sh!test like this in the early stages of attraction and holding over to comfort and rapport presents a problem. You have to pass the test when it's presented or run the risk of having IL drop.

I think FRANSISCO analyzed the covert message of the test fairly accurately - if she's asked the question she's qualifying you for potential intimacy which is a good sign, but the filtering process is on at this point. Depending on her age she may also have reservations about becoming involved (to whatever degree) with a man 7 to 10 years her senior for the first time.

RICKY exploits one avenue and holds true to Mystery Method by going the 'Chick Crack' route. A guy could very easily paint a convincingly romantic, sappy image of himself as an "I guess ther right one hasn't come along" the stars haven't aligned for me yet older, but eligible guy. And this could be effective with younger, more naive girls if you crafted your response in such a way that you come off as sincere and not AFC.

Alternatively, you could go the route that FRANSISCO proposed that qualifies you from a different 'mature' angle. While I wouldn't site anything about societal norms, you can qualify yourself by offering that you've been busy all these years 'building your empire'. For example you might respond with:

"Well I really haven't given it much thought since I've been so busy with my {business, art, medical internship, real estate ventures, investments, etc.}. I suppose that's been my life for a while now."

This is the 'passionate life' response. It serves the function of shaping her perception of you as 'involved in your passionate pursuits.' Essentially your passions are your former wife or the other woman for which she'll have to compete for your attentions. A younger woman asking this question of an older guy is expecting him to have a certain degree success and maturity that surpasses the younger men seeking her intimacy. While not outright lying, you can exagherate the truth depending on the circumstance.

While I do think the Chick Crack method runs the risk of being percieved as AFC, in either case I do agree that turning the question back on the woman is essential. She wants to talk about it and in doing so you send the covert message back that you're mature enough to know why she asked when you say, "Why do you ask?"

 

[WestCoaster]

I would agree probably on common law marriages being as successful. Also, there is no evidence that big elaborate weddings pay off in successful marriages. Two of my friends eloped and have good marriages; most of my friends who forked it out for a huge wedding are miserably married or divorced.

There are a lot of myths about marriage. I would say about 20 percent are happy. Fifty percent end in divorce, another 30 percent are fairly unhappy. Most of my friends are married, I would say 20 percent happily, 20 percent THINK they're happy but have bought into the married AFC routine ("she's the boss ... ha, ha! ... crap like that), and the other 50-60 percent are looking at divorce.

So you could tell a gal you have better odds playing the craps tables at Vegas!

 

[STR8UP]

Originally posted by Rollo Tomassi
I wholeheartedly agree that the phase shift from attraction to comfort building should be the primary goal, but forestalling a sh!test like this in the early stages of attraction and holding over to comfort and rapport presents a problem. You have to pass the test when it's presented or run the risk of having IL drop.

Like I said, this chick was talking a mile a minute and from what I remembered she somewhat answered her own question. I think I started to answer with something like, "Well, I have had the opportunity several times" (showing myself as being desirable) "but..." Then she interrupts me and says "But you have to make sure it's the right one!" And then without taking a breath she is asking me what I do for a living, where I'm originally from, educational baackground, etc. I tried to keep it light but this chick was a talker!

I doubt I lost any points that night (aside maybe from not grabbing her and planting a fat one on her lips promptly at midnite ). I think she has been pretty interested from the day we met when I teased her like a schoolgirl all night. I'm getting in pretty tight with her group of friends so the opportunity should present itself again soon.

 

[white sox bill]

Wasn't too many yrs ago, maybe 3, when I bedded down with a 29 yr old, I was 43, and she said the fact that I was this "muscular hunk" that was unmarried at my age that made me the ultimate challenge. Just my 2 cents...

 

[Bonhomme]

... chuckling with sinister mirth @ white sox bill's comment ...