When in doubt....DO NOTHING

[Victory Unlimited]

Yo Str8up,


In general, I suppose either approach strategy example you gave "could" work on most women to varying degrees. So I'm not in a position to say which way is either right or wrong. But for me, here is my current take on wishy-washy women who make wishy-washy plans:

Life is short. And the older I get, the more I tend to become more aware of it. And as a result, I tend to take a more DECISIVE approach about as many things as possible these days----ESPECIALLY women.

Women who don't FOLLOW THROUGH with definite plans that they have made with me, I immediately consider guilty of low, stagnant, or falling interest level. And if I feel that I have demonstrated enough value and generated enough attraction with the woman in question (to the best of my ability), then I become more RUTHLESS in my screening processes with them.

I am of the opinion that if the woman in question is NOT that man's wife, or is NOT EVEN that man's Long Term Girlfriend, and he is finding himself spending more than 5 minutes wracking his brain trying to figure out what the hell that woman is thinking about--------then he's strained his brain for 4 minutes TOO LONG.

Everybody you allow into your social inner circle (your PERSONAL life) will either reveal themselves to be either an ally or an enemy-----very few people that you CHOOSE to spend time with will REMAIN neutral for very long. So the sooner you can gather the evidence to determine which side they're on, the sooner you can treat them accordingly.

SOME women see nothing wrong with putting our ass in "limbo", and will ALWAYS do it as long as we continue to allow it. Their indecisiveness is a WEAPON that they use to disarm us and keep us off balance.

That's why I tend to use the "weapon" of DECISIVENESS to cut through the bullshyt and to bring these issues to the forefront-----causing these types of women to drop their woman-ese and/or covert communication style. And when placed in THIS scenario, they are FORCED to either "step up", or "step off".

Again, TIME is short. And I have things to DO.

And I try to CONSTANTLY remind myself that placing myself in a position where women can cast my life into LIMBO is not in my best interest.

This is the Victory Unlimited way. But to each his own...


March on.

 

[aliasguy]

Yo Str8up,


In general, I suppose either approach strategy example you gave "could" work on most women to varying degrees. So I'm not in a position to say which way is either right or wrong. But for me, here is my current take on wishy-washy women who make wishy-washy plans:

Life is short. And the older I get, the more I tend to become more aware of it. And as a result, I tend to take a more DECISIVE approach about as many things as possible these days----ESPECIALLY women.

Women who don't FOLLOW THROUGH with definite plans that they have made with me, I immediately consider guilty of low, stagnant, or falling interest level. And if I feel that I have demonstrated enough value and generated enough attraction with the woman in question (to the best of my ability), then I become more RUTHLESS in my screening processes with them.

I am of the opinion that if the woman in question is NOT that man's wife, or is NOT EVEN that man's Long Term Girlfriend, and he is finding himself spending more than 5 minutes wracking his brain trying to figure out what the hell that woman is thinking about--------then he's strained his brain for 4 minutes TOO LONG.

Everybody you allow into your social inner circle (your PERSONAL life) will either reveal themselves to be either an ally or an enemy-----very few people that you CHOOSE to spend time with will REMAIN neutral for very long. So the sooner you can gather the evidence to determine which side they're on, the sooner you can treat them accordingly.

SOME women see nothing wrong with putting our ass in "limbo", and will ALWAYS do it as long as we continue to allow it. Their indecisiveness is a WEAPON that they use to disarm us and keep us off balance.

That's why I tend to use the "weapon" of DECISIVENESS to cut through the bullshyt and to bring these issues to the forefront-----causing these types of women to drop their woman-ese and/or covert communication style. And when placed in THIS scenario, they are FORCED to either "step up", or "step off".

Again, TIME is short. And I have things to DO.

And I try to CONSTANTLY remind myself that placing myself in a position where women can cast my life into LIMBO is not in my best interest.

This is the Victory Unlimited way. But to each his own...


March on.

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VU---


I agree COMPLETELY with all you've written here.


But it still sucks when they waste your time. Even that ONE time.

I immediately "screen" out the offenders, too. but it still p*sses me off.


Is there a way to "pre-screen"?

That is, can you TELL, with any degree of certainty, which women are more likely to flake? My experience says "no." I can't put my finger on any defining characteristics of a flake kinda chick. I'm always surprised by it.


What does everyone think?

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[Victory Unlimited]

Yo AliasGuy,


I'm not sure yet if there's any way to adequately "pre-screen" women in a manner where we are GUARRANTEED that they will NEVER waste our time by flaking on us. The only thing I have found is that we can only minimize this by choosing NOT to lie to ourselves, and then try to read what may be her true interest level in us as EARLY as possible.

Any "hemming and hawing", or any "hesitations" when answering our questions or accepting our invitations are usually noticeable signs that her interest in us is NOT where we would like it to be. Other than that, it would appear that the best strategy is to just have no firmly relying faith in a woman's words OR ACTIONS until she's repeated them consistently over TIME.

I know it sucks, but many are so good at "acting" that it's extremely hard to tell which ones are gonna turn out to be "frosted flakes"------and this is simply because we usually DON'T have enough knowledge of the personality or character flaws of these women IN THE BEGINNING.

Unless someone else here has a better solution, all I can suggest that we do is to always take a self-defense posture and...ARMOR UP.

Because a blow that you have already braced for will generally hurt "just a little less" than one you have naively failed to anticipate at all.


Peace...one day.

 

[BLebowski]

I absolutely agree with what you are saying, however.....when a chick talks about getting together AND WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO DO WHEN YOU GET TOGETHER all week, is it too far a stretch to assume it's a done deal? I mean, the first time it was face to face. What am I supposed to do? Get up real close to her face and say "SO YOU MEAN SATURDAY? THIS SATURDAY? AND WE ARE GOING TO DEFINITELY GOING TO GET TOGETHER, RIGHT?"

It isn't really clear from your post whether you have a real interest in this girl but I imagine you do. If not...why are you getting riled up about it? It seemed like too far a stretch with this one. And you don't need to get into her face in a creepy, controlling fashion about definitely getting together.

What's wrong with a simple confirmation? 'Hey you know what, let's get together Sat at place XYZ at so-and-so hour'. Puts the ball in her court and if she flakes, she's the one having to do damage control (provided she has a real interest) .. or you can next her.

I don't really see why this has to be difficult.

I guess I should have learned my lesson with the one chick I was banging awhile back. Stupid b!tch called me NO LESS than five times one night over the course of an hour or two saying she was on her way to my house (which was walking distance, BTW). I waited up till 2:30 and the b!tch FINALLY calls and says she headed home. I was like, uh WHAT THE FUKKK? I could have been in bed sleeping an hour ago beeotch......

I actually had to laugh a bit when I read this, not in a laughing at you way mind you. You simply should've switched off the phone or text her after a while that you were going out yourself or go to bed, whatever your plans were. Instead, you waited like a little puppy dog and got a bit riled up inside.

As for your original question, doing nothing in this case might've been the best thing, I'm not sure. Problem is that when you start 'DJ'ing you start to see ****tests IN EVERYTHING and seeing you're a more experienced DJ than me, that doesn't really go away. Maybe I'd probably done something along the lines of...

'Go ahead, make plans, I'll call you blabla, will this work'.
'No it won't work since I'll have other plans (ed: DUH). Are you in or are you out?'

Perhaps my view is too simplistic (and perhaps naive), but I'm past games playing, I'm getting too old for that ****. Just state what you want and if the other isn't clear, just lead.

 

[drmeathead]

in the OP a simple "gotcha" works welll. if she asks if ur mad pull a woman trick and say should i be. if she wants to make plans she will text u later taking it as a yes. if she doesnt text you in time and u do other stuff tell her she said she wasnt sure

 

[grinder]

Maybe she throws a sh!t test at you, and you aren't quite sure how to react.

When in doubt.....DO NOTHING

Agree or disagree?

What do you think?

I think the concept of taking no action when you are uncertain is one of those universals that apply to many things.

I see some differing opinion on exactly what others would have done in THIS case.

The first question I would ask is “How well do you know each other?” This determines your response.

If she knows you well then you really can’t play the indifference card if she KNOWS her behavior pisses you off, it’s insincere to not be direct. In this case Jophill’s advice hits it, just be totally honest and lay it out there.

But, if you do not know each other well then you did the right thing.

Me personally, exactly what I would do is the same thing. And when she inevitably follows up with you in the next few days I would take her call/message and just play with her and assume all is well, that you know she is still into you.

Personally, it is very critical to let go of this event, again, because it’s so very early in the game. Totally different rules than when in an established relationship.

 

[ketostix]

Jophil has a point about calling out and punishing bad behavior. But in a date flaking situation I'm not sure that it will give you an advantage over doing nothing. You have to know why she's flaking. Most people assume she's not interested (and went out with another guy) and/or it's a test. Well I think it is a test but it may not be because she's not interested.

Str8up is this the "ASD girl'? I think a lot of times the girl gets cold feet because she's knows if she goes ahead with the meet up, she'll end up having sex. So she gets all worried and even scared. This is ASD. Women know they want to have sex but another part of their mind doesn't. Women can't make up their minds. This is why I'm not a fan of insinuating sexual intent before a meet up. It might seem silly but if you make it very uncertain that you intend to have sex in the meetup and there's no pressure it calms their nervousness and makes her the one that has to wonder if she'll be getting lucky or not.

So why I'm saying calling her out might be worse than doing nothing is because calling her out just validates her suspicions and anxiety that it's a pressure date for sex basically. Doing nothing eliminates all that. I'm not saying doing nothing is the bet possible response, but it's the least risky one based on the information.

I honestly think it was a mistake to ask her if she was coming buy then say to her "..should I make other plans." I know the rational behind it, but you basically gave her an out and you eliminated your options to how you could respond when replied, "..make plans, and I'll call you.., will that work?" Her saying she wasn't "sure if she was coming" and her ?, "Will that work?" were tests. The only real option you had at this point other than doing nothing and not a bad one at that was to say, "No it won't if I have to make other plans". Then she would have to decide how she would respond to that.

 

[penkitten]

i agree with the whole "when in doubt - do nothing"
because i believe that when you are in doubt and you just press on and do something in the heat of the moment, it usually is not thought through and is the wrong thing to have done.
by doing nothing, you have time to think things over, and you look cooler in the process. you also do not mess up by jumping the gun on things.

good thread.

 

[STR8UP]

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VU---


I agree COMPLETELY with all you've written here.


But it still sucks when they waste your time. Even that ONE time.

I immediately "screen" out the offenders, too. but it still p*sses me off.


Is there a way to "pre-screen"?

That is, can you TELL, with any degree of certainty, which women are more likely to flake? My experience says "no." I can't put my finger on any defining characteristics of a flake kinda chick. I'm always surprised by it.


What does everyone think?

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Pre screen? Pretty much impossible.

Wednesday of this past week I couldn't have envisioned her canceling anything with me. I thought the interest level was there. But in the early stages you gotta feel them out one step at a time. Pay attention to their actions. This is strike one. I say two strikes actively. and MAYBE a third strike if she initiates, but never go beyond that.

It's unreasonable to jump the gun so soon as much as your instincts tell you to be careful. You never know what could be the REAL reason, and the only way to feel it out, unfortunately, is to give another chance for her to redeem herself.

 

[STR8UP]

It isn't really clear from your post whether you have a real interest in this girl but I imagine you do. If not...why are you getting riled up about it?

Real interest? Moreso than most of the girls I have met over the past year or two.

And I'm not getting riled up about it. I was DISAPPOINTED, and that could have been prevented by following my own rule of not having expectations (didn't think it mattered with this chick), but it's not that big of a deal. Just using it as an opportunity to discuss the action vs. inaction thing.

What's wrong with a simple confirmation? 'Hey you know what, let's get together Sat at place XYZ at so-and-so hour'. Puts the ball in her court and if she flakes, she's the one having to do damage control (provided she has a real interest) .. or you can next her.

See, that's a great point.

If I would have ASSUMED THE SALE, as any good salesman should, I would have asked her WHEN we are getting together instead of IF. That would have let her know that I expected her to follow through with plans instead of opening the door for wishy washy iffy quasi "if I feel like it" stuff.

I actually had to laugh a bit when I read this, not in a laughing at you way mind you. You simply should've switched off the phone or text her after a while that you were going out yourself or go to bed, whatever your plans were. Instead, you waited like a little puppy dog and got a bit riled up inside.

But to have a chick go that far THEN cancel? I wasn't waiting like a puppy dog (although that's how it felt when she didnt show) I was expecting someone to follow through with what they said.

'Go ahead, make plans, I'll call you blabla, will this work'.
'No it won't work since I'll have other plans (ed: DUH). Are you in or are you out?'

That was the other option, and maybe I should have made it more clear by going that direction. It's just kind of a risky move, and i wasn't going to spend any time thinking about whether or not it was the right move, so I took the more sure thing.

 

[Tazman]

I don't let on, but it's SO weird. What is the mindset? I understand a "better offer," and I accept that those happen, and I'm ok with that, but why not just TELL me "no"? Why wait 'till the last minute? Or even, as STR*UP wrote above, PAST the last minute, with multiple calls, saying "Gimme a little more time," and then, finally, NOTHING?

I've come to realize that expecting anything "direct" from women in situations like these is asking too much (when they don't share an equal amount of interest). When someone has a vested interest in you they make sure you aren't in "doubt" unless they want to keep you on the backburner in case something else of higher priority doesn't pan out.

Sometimes it's just straight up disrespect because they're used to having their asses kissed.

 

[guru1000]

Correct me if I am wrong!

Is the goal here to PROTECT THE EGO or BANG HER or SEE IF SHE IS LTR MATERIAL??

PROTECTING THE EGO this early in the game breeds insecurity. It's what a woman does because she fears rejection. It's the same as to never cold approach fearing rejection. If you are not in a LTR with the girl, then protecting the ego is counter-productive to the goal. You must risk rejection to reap the benefits. Alot of guys in this forum are at this stage before banging the girl and that is a self-defeating attitude.

Next is to "BANG HER". This i think is STR*UP's goal with this one. Ego put aside, this girl needs to be gamed. Being that you might have only had 1 date and never banged her , i think "not responding" wasn't appropriate. You can't ganji a girl you dont have a hook in. She could care less about you, there is no TRACK RECORD. You need to have history with someone for WALKING AWAY to have power. With no history, silence means nothing. Remember the goal is to bang her. This means game. If she never calls you again, you lost. If you call her after this, you look WEAK. The only shot you have is for her to call you. That is a 1 out of 3. This a GAME. To GAME means PUA approach. That means keeping the communication alive regardless of response. While gaming "Not responding" works well when the girl says something of high IL, not low. She created a "Challenge" and you didn't know how to respond. That's fine. But this is true test of GAMING theory. I say GANJI will never work at the GAME stage.

Last, SEEING IF SHE IS LTR MATERIAL. If this is your goal, then I think NOT RESPONDING was your best option. She is unreliable and already showed lack of integrity. At this point, you would walk away. She would have to seriously prove herself different for you to even consider continuing communication.

We are all in different stages of our lives. Let's have perspective and maturity to know which stage we are in.

 

[STR8UP]

The first question I would ask is “How well do you know each other?” This determines your response.

If she knows you well then you really can’t play the indifference card if she KNOWS her behavior pisses you off, it’s insincere to not be direct. In this case Jophill’s advice hits it, just be totally honest and lay it out there.

But, if you do not know each other well then you did the right thing.

I agree....it depends upon the stage of the relationship you are in at a given time.

I've known her for about a year, but only been around her a few times up until recently.

So basically I don't know her "well", but we have a mutual friend as well as the LENGTH of time I have known her so it's not like I met her on the street two weeks ago, if that makes sense.

In other words, do I think the ball is still rolling? Yea, as long as she didn't happen to stumble upon a BBD in the past few days. It isn't like a chick I met off the street where we might never see each other again if I don't take the initiative to keep contact.

Me personally, exactly what I would do is the same thing. And when she inevitably follows up with you in the next few days I would take her call/message and just play with her and assume all is well, that you know she is still into you.

Personally, it is very critical to let go of this event, again, because it’s so very early in the game. Totally different rules than when in an established relationship.

I agree.

No reason to cry over spilled milk, even though we can probably all agree that it's at least a little bit rude and irritating.

Like I said, you gotta give the benefit of the doubt at least the first time around. And if you get emotional about it, regardless of whether or not it was an overt sh!t test, it TURNS INTO a sh!t test, and you get a big fat "F". These kinds of situations call for you to be a MAN, cause it's so easy to come off as WOMANISH if you let emotions come into play.

 

[Colossus]

"Go ahead and make plans and I will call you if I'm able to meet up with you, will this work?"

I could smell either a sh!t test or possibly me being put on a back burner. Probably the latter. Actually, probably both.

Yeah that's an indirect blowoff. She said that so she wouldnt have to feel guilty about making her own other plans (which were probably brewing already) and backing out. It never ceases to amaze me how women will go to great lengths to avoid a direct, straightforward NO.

This may be a bit sexist, and im totally generalizing, but there is a difference between a MAN promise and a GIRL promise. A MAN promise means "ill do it, even if I have to make sacrifices." A girl promise basically means "i'll do it, unless something better comes up or i change my mind." They'll rationalize it later.

Granted, she never promised you anything, but it illustrates my point.

I can smell a blowoff a mile away. Anytime I get some ambiguous 'offer' or explaination I treat it like the event or metting in question is NOT going to happen.

 

[STR8UP]

Jophil has a point about calling out and punishing bad behavior. But in a date flaking situation I'm not sure that it will give you an advantage over doing nothing.

As grinder said, it depends upon the status of the relationship.

If your long term g/f pulls some unexplainable sh!t, you gotta deal with it a different way. But if you've only been out a couple of times......different story.

Str8up is this the "ASD girl'? I think a lot of times the girl gets cold feet because she's knows if she goes ahead with the meet up, she'll end up having sex. So she gets all worried and even scared. This is ASD. Women know they want to have sex but another part of their mind doesn't. Women can't make up their minds. This is why I'm not a fan of insinuating sexual intent before a meet up. It might seem silly but if you make it very uncertain that you intend to have sex in the meetup and there's no pressure it calms their nervousness and makes her the one that has to wonder if she'll be getting lucky or not.

Yes, same chick.

That thought did cross my mind, although i always keep in mind Rollo's sage advice when it comes to this sort of thing.

This would be the "magical #3" as far as how many times she's been in my bed.

To be 100% honest, all signs point to her having the potential for a better offer, and if that's the case, it isn't good, cause I'm not gonna play those games. My time is too precious. I'll let it slide this time, but it will only make me scrutinize her actions even more from this point on out. She's on "probation".

I honestly think it was a mistake to ask her if she was coming buy then say to her "..should I make other plans."

I didn't ask her if I should make other plans, I told her I was going to if she wasn't coming by. In hindsight I should have assumed we were on, which would have put her in the position of having to defend her actions, instead of asking a question which left everything open and gave me no foothold to hold an expectation over her head. Basically what I did was hand her a "get out of jail free" card.

From now on I'm going to stop taking for granted that we are both on the same page when it comes to making plans, and make it 100% clear that i am setting time aside and i expect her to do the same. And when it comes to the time we are supposed to get together, I won't get my panties in a wad if there is an issue on her end, but i will make sure she understands that I DID expect her to follow through.

I know the rational behind it, but you basically gave her an out and you eliminated your options to how you could respond when replied, "..make plans, and I'll call you.., will that work?" Her saying she wasn't "sure if she was coming" and her ?, "Will that work?" were tests. The only real option you had at this point other than doing nothing and not a bad one at that was to say, "No it won't if I have to make other plans". Then she would have to decide how she would respond to that.

Not sure if they were tests, per se, in other words I don't think she was sitting at home going "Well, if he pusses out, that's a big strike against him" I have a feeling she got another offer and was simply weaseling her way out of our plans by taking the free card I gave her and playing it.

Now just because she wasn't testing me to test me doesn't mean that she wasn't JUDGING me, because women will ALWAYS evaluate you based upon how you react to any situation.

 

[STR8UP]

Is the goal here to PROTECT THE EGO or BANG HER or SEE IF SHE IS LTR MATERIAL??

If I have to be straight up honest with myself I would have to say that I don't see an LTR future with her. She's a little older than I like, she smokes (I don't) seems to be SOMEWHAT religious, which I don't particularly care for....you get the picture.

I know I'm chasing unicorns here, but I would really like a CASUAL relationship. Sex, companionship, etc. without the pressure of WHEN or IF we will ever get married and all that crap. I guess for a guy, that's having your cake and eating it too, and how often does that happen?

Next is to "BANG HER". This i think is STR*UP's goal with this one. Ego put aside, this girl needs to be gamed. Being that you might have only had 1 date and never banged her , i think "not responding" wasn't appropriate. You can't ganji a girl you dont have a hook in. She could care less about you, there is no TRACK RECORD. You need to have history with someone for WALKING AWAY to have power. With no history, silence means nothing. Remember the goal is to bang her.

I do agree with what you are saying, but like I said in another post, we have a little more history than if I had just met her on the street last week.

As far as the hook being set....well, I'm relatively sure that I didn't put any slack in the line, so if anything it's just her spinning plates and feeling out her best option, which is fine, but at the same time I'm not going to be "on call".

 

[jophil28]

The assumtion on this board is that women mindfvck you or flake because of their low IL . I believe that this assumption is more a projection on our part rather that a legitimate explanation....WE men would perhaps be more likely to treat a woman with contempt for her time IF our IL in her was low . Therefore our conclusion is that SHE must have low IL in us if she flakes. Pure projection ,fellas. My own experience is that women's bad behavior is habitual rather than circumstancial. In other words a flakey woman is doing "her thing".
I grant you that she is more LIKELY to flake if her IL is low but it is a contributing factor rather that a clear cause. Low IL motivates a badly behaved woman to act worse. It does NOT cause a good woman to act badly. "Flaking" goes to low character or her habitual MO, rather than a clear indicator of her IL in you.
A "good" woman( suitable for an LTR) will not flake without a fair dinkum reason ( that means 'legitimate' in Australia) and will always give you an apology or a counter offer. A bad woman will flake to get the illusion of power and control for herself and will leave you dangling in confusion. It is what she does .
Why does she do this ? Because she CAN- she has gotten away with this behavior in the past, perhaps because AFCs have not bothered to speak up and roast her and have just walked away in hurt silence.

I am NOT suggesting that a man get crazy angry if he is the victim of one of these mindfvckers . I am saying that he needs to coldly tell her ( when she in within range LATER) that her flaking was appaling and that she has blown her chance with him. THEN walk away permanently.
THe timing of this is very much a question of the circumstances in each case.

 

[ketostix]

Well it's easy to assume a girl who shows ASD is automatically disinterested and if she flakes on plans that's more proof of insufficient interest, and you'd be right most of the time. But even if that's so, it doesn't answer the question why her interest is lowering. Basically, if you're only going to deal with girls that show high interest, who make it easy, and that want you, then I think you're eliminating a lot of girls and oportunities that you want. Basically it's saying one can't "game" a girls low interest level higher. I still think a girl can be interested but get anxious about a meetup knowing it will turn sexual, then start testing and flaking.

Str8up, why are you so sure she had a better offer? Why isn't it just as likely the scenario I gave that she is anxious and is flaking and testing and doesn't have other plans?

I didn't ask her if I should make other plans, I told her I was going to if she wasn't coming by. In hindsight I should have assumed we were on, which would have put her in the position of having to defend her actions, instead of asking a question which left everything open and gave me no foothold to hold an expectation over her head. Basically what I did was hand her a "get out of jail free" card.

You didn't ask her if you should make other plans directly but you did ask if you should make other plans. But anyway you get my point, you should've assumed the sell, i.e., "WHEN (or what time) are you coming over.." and then you gave her an out. Had you said WHEN and not IF it probably would've changed the whole situation. You actually had her agreement to buy (meet up Sat.) anyway. And then I think jophil's advice might be good. But since you had a different dynamic going, you were left with his option really. You only had the option to tell her no to calling you later after you made plans or the option to do nothing. I prefer the latter.

So I'm kind of in agreement with Jophil, I don't assume her flaking was because interest was low. And even if it was that ignores why it is low and doesn't answer if or how to raise it. I'm just not sure if his advice calling her out on her behavior is the best way or not..because he basically says walk away permenantly. And if that's your move then doing nothing would be more powerful IMO.

 

[STR8UP]

The assumtion on this board is that women mindfvck you or flake because of their low IL . I believe that this assumption is more a projection on our part rather that a legitimate explanation....WE men would perhaps be more likely to treat a woman with contempt for her time IF our IL in her was low . Therefore our conclusion is that SHE must have low IL in us if she flakes. Pure projection ,fellas. My own experience is that women's bad behavior is habitual rather than circumstancial. In other words a flakey woman is doing "her thing".

This could be another discussion altogether.

The little story about the one calling me several times giving me a play by play and flaking at the last second.....I could have sworn her IL was high. When we were together she had those gaga eyes. You know, you can just tell when a chick is into you. But that didn't stop her from being the biggest flake EVER.

Another chick I know has liked me for a long time. Her interest is apparent. She's another one who flakes all the time. I mean, I'm not interested in her, so it's a little different, but it pisses me off sometimes nonetheless.

So I see where you're coming from.

I don't know this chick well enough to know her pattern, so I can't say for certain whats up, but judging by her actions her IL was fairly high so your theory just might apply.

 

[STR8UP]

Well it's easy to assume a girl who shows ASD is automatically disinterested and if she flakes on plans that's more proof of insufficient interest, and you'd be right most of the time. But even if that's so, it doesn't answer the question why her interest is lowering. Basically, if you're only going to deal with girls that show high interest, who make it easy, and that want you, then I think you're eliminating a lot of girls and oportunities that you want. Basically it's saying one can't "game" a girls low interest level higher. I still think a girl can be interested but get anxious about a meetup knowing it will turn sexual, then start testing and flaking.

Dealing with chicks who make it easy is the sh!t.

But I feel ya. You aren't doing yourself any favors by ducking out before you've given something a chance.

Str8up, why are you so sure she had a better offer? Why isn't it just as likely the scenario I gave that she is anxious and is flaking and testing and doesn't have other plans?

My spidey sense tells me so.

Do you really think that's a STRONG possibility?

I think it's possible that it could have something to do with the "third date expectations", and as much as I would like to believe this, I can't look past the possibility that someone else made her an offer. She might have even been waiting for some guy to ask her out and he finally did when he saw that she became less interested when I came around. It's VERY possible.

I will never forget one time when i was 21ish and i was sort of seeing this chick who had just gotten a divorce. I think it was even after she had LJBF'ed me, but she had tickets to one of the theme parks and asked me if i wanted to go. I said "Sure" and i was all excited, right up until the day or so before when she called me up and told me that the guy she had initially asked at first said he couldn't go but then had a change of plans. You can probably guess how that ended. I felt like a chump with a capital "C". Although I did respect her for her honesty...

I just know that for a chick to go from being excited to come and spend the night with me on WEDNESDAY to "I'm finishing up a few things so i don't know if i can make it but i will call you if i can" on Saturday there has to be a pretty damn good reason for it.

Then no call the next day? No counter offer? Sounds fishy to me.

If I don't hear from her this week sometime I will give it one more chance by initiating contact, cause i know how chicks can be. Even the five calls in a night flake said she never called cause she thought the guy should be doing it, even though she was always enthusiastic when I was the one initiating contact.