What's REALLY to stop her from cheating?

[jbbrain]

I have a new problem. Well, it's not a problem per se, but just something that came to my notice a couple days ago.

So I've been seeing this girl Ewa since the beginning of september, became more exclusive at the start of November. Since, things have been goign great. We share a high interest in eachother, have great sex, laugh a lot (though recently weve been marred with finals)

Anyways, just to let you know. Things ARE ALL GOOD. She's a sweet, honest, catholic girl, who is ALWAYS conveying how much she hates cheating...and I trust her a lot, and thats why I'm with her.

Here's the thing. On saturday, she goes back home to NJ for Xmas. Which is totally fine. She hasnt seen her friends and family for like 4 months so she needs to.

However, one of her really good friends from back home is a guy she was fvcking last summer. For how long, I dont know. Dont care. All I know is that the one guy she hooked up with last summer is a really good friend of hers (thats how nice she is, she would never dream of random hook ups). But for all I know they could have stopped fvcking only because of her coming back to Montreal to study in September.

Now, without stress, both because I dont have time to stress, and because theres really no point, I just REALLY want to know the chances of her either fvcking him again or fooling around. Listen guys, I'm realistic. I know you can't really QUANTIFY this sort of thing, but maybe you guys can help me QUALIFY IT. Has any similar circumstance ever happened to any of you?

Keep in mind guys that I know whatever happens happens. I've come a long way in doing a good job in beating the jealousy bug, so I know how to keep things in perspective and OF COURSE am prepared to carry on with my life regardless of any setback. I know she'll do whatver the hell she wants to do in the end, and if she does go through with cheating, then I'll know what I'll have to do as a man when we see eachother again (granted I KNOW she cheated on me)..I just wanted to know YOUR THOUGHTS ON THE CIRCUMSTANCES.

Anyways, some points to summarize:

-Only been goign out 3 months (plus a month and a half b4 summer)
-This DUDE is one of her GOOD friends. They'll be seeing a lot of eachother, probbaly party tpogether new years, and you JUST KNOW HES GOING TO TRY TO HIT IT AGAIN (if he's anything like me)
-We trust eachother, and she's CRAZY about me, but weirder shyt has certainly happened-That'll be NO SEX for 2 weeks btw. us (aaaaargh, kill me now)

 

[dietzcoi]

My personal opinion is that something bad will definitely happen. It is just human nature, although many may disagree with me.

If they had a relationship which has ended, she has no business being around him. What is with these women who remain "good friends" with people they were romantically or intimately involved with, after the relationship has ended? Especially since the relationship may not have really ended except for distance.

You are right on. The guy will want to fvck her. 100%. So why would she put herself into this position?

Can you stop her from hanging around with this guy? If not there is really nothing you can do. If you really do not like it and she won't stay away from this guy to satisfy you then I guess you have to next her or live with it. I personally would have a hard time knowing my GF was back in her home town hanging around with a guy she likes and who she has already been fvcking. I didn't like it when any of my past GFs would spend time with male "friends" or past BFs. These are women who see nothing wrong with playing around the edge of the fire and then act surprised when they get burned. You may have seen my previous rants on this issue...

Seems like you lose no matter if you do nothing or if you do something (Jealousy). Only you can decide. I guess that is why a lot of guys say you should have more than one girl yourself.....

Dietzcoi

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

why would you expect loyaty from her - it sounds as if you have doubts - listen to yourself. - you must be thinking about it for a reason. Do you possess any special physical or mental qualities that other men don't have that she admires to the extent that you are the last guy she'll have sex with?

She is a good catholic and yet she has sex with you? Huh? That's (catholicism) obviously not a factor in not having sex with this guy since she is not adhereing to the dogma of the church currently.

"If your girl isn't your wife then she is hoing!" - and you are just the next guy in line - I know this requires a long explanation but refer to the post "knock it off!!!!!!!" - it's going on 6 pages long and discusses my statement made above in detail and how you should view and treat these kind of girls.

 

[jbbrain]

I understand your point, but I can't discredit HER..man, they have been like childhood buddies or something. And I dont think they even had a relationship, but were sleeping with eachother.

Anyways, what good will jealousy do me? I have no choice but to go with the flow and wait and see what happens..but one think I KNOW is that unless he has a gf, hes gonna want to hit it up for sure.

What really counts is how she reacts to this.

I prepare fro the worst, but expect the best..i fear thats the only think I can ever do in a situation like this my friend...

 

[drixsa]

Stop b*tching and worrying.

it is out of your hands

it can happen to the best and worst of people

if she has enough feelings and she is a good kind of person that you let yourself get involved with then she probably won't cheat on you.

 

[jbbrain]

puertorican,

my doubts do not stem from this girl specifically. Shes the most trustworthy girl Ive ever been involved with (whixch is saying a lot)

What Im talking about are women in general. Women in general when they have a bf backhome yet they are hanging around a good friend of theirs that thye fvcked 3 months prior to.

I have no problem with the girl. Shes proven herself to be loyal.

I have a problem with women in general I guess who are put int these precarious circumstances

 

[jbbrain]

Originally posted by drixsa
Stop b*tching and worrying.

Who the fvck do u take me for "Drixsa". What I'm thinking, and what I posted are a far cry from bytching and worrying. In what part of my post did you miss that I realize its out of my control and that I'm OK with that?

if she has enough feelings and she is a good kind of person that you let yourself get involved with then she probably won't cheat on you.

Tha't the type of insight I wanted. Constructive! Good! That's all I wanted

 

[dietzcoi]

I just have a problem with a woman stating that "he is just a good friend, we just happened to have a physical relationship" or some other such BS.

I may be old fashioned but she does not need to hang around this guy. I ran off just such a guy from my current GF after long discussions with her. She needs to make a decision IF you are going to have a real relationship. SHe needs to hang out with her girlfriends. Are you going to hang out with girls who are "really good friends" and who you were fcking at Christmas? Ask her if she would like you to spend New Years with an old GF who you still really like and who wants to fvck you... see how she likes it!

 

[squirrels]

What's to stop her from cheating?

What's to make her cheat in the first place?? You already give her everything she needs in a man.

Don't you?

 

[myfriendblu]

I don't like this chik at all, Im getting REALLY bad vibes from this situation. Im willing to bet she is 22 or younger right? WHY OH WHY ARE YOU GUYS GETTING INTO LTR'S WITH GIRLS UNDER 25? Girls at that age are to immature to handle a LTR. Anyway, back to your question. NO, I don't trust her for a second, and I would NEXT her. Why? First off,

1. A girl should not have guy friends. There is no such thing.

2. A girl should not have guy friends she hangs out with

3. A girl should not have a guy friend that she used to screw

4. A girl should not be hanging out with a guy friend that she used to screw.

This is a recipe for disaster. NEXT her ASAP. She is to young for a LTR (so are you), she is a long distance relationship, she is breaking every rule about guy friends. I GUARANTEE if the situation was flipped around and it was YOU hanging out with a really hot ex that you used to screw while she was away, she would be hella jealous. NEXT, or I GUARANTEE you will get burned.

 

[NewMan]

Your spending to much energy on this.

Are you going to tell her that she can't hang out with an ex?

She told you about this guy, so if she had any intentions of doing that, she would not have said a thing.

Yeah, the guy will probably want to hit it - but who knows, maybe he's meet another girl? things change.

I don't agree with seeing ex's myself - but in life she will meet many, many guys - probably many of them will be a lot better than her ex.

Point is, are you going to worry about every guy who wants to bang her? you can't wrap her in cotton wool - just let her do her thing - if she cheats, you move on. plain and simple.

 

[jbbrain]

Originally posted by squirrels
What's to stop her from cheating?

What's to make her cheat in the first place?? You already give her everything she needs in a man.

Don't you?

Squirrels. I wouldn't be in a relationship if I didnt feel that way.

Sometimes, people have outside relationships not because theyre unsatisfied with their current primary relationship, but because their outside relationship acts like an "add-on". Sometimes youre horny and you act on that and that doesnt necessarily mean you were looking for something that was missing in your initial relationship. You do it because you just want to.

haha..this is actually something I just read about now from an article in my course pack called "The ethical slut": One of the myths it brings up is that an outside relationship means that your primary realtionship is in shambles or does not provide you with certain necessities, that you have to go looking elsewhere.

Ethical sluts call that being horny and acting on your sexual desires.

 

[jbbrain]

Originally posted by myfriendblu
I don't like this chik at all, Im getting REALLY bad vibes from this situation. Im willing to bet she is 22 or younger right? WHY OH WHY ARE YOU GUYS GETTING INTO LTR'S WITH GIRLS UNDER 25? Girls at that age are to immature to handle a LTR. Anyway, back to your question. NO, I don't trust her for a second, and I would NEXT her. Why? First off,

1. A girl should not have guy friends. There is no such thing.

2. A girl should not have guy friends she hangs out with

3. A girl should not have a guy friend that she used to screw

4. A girl should not be hanging out with a guy friend that she used to screw.

This is a recipe for disaster. NEXT her ASAP. She is to young for a LTR (so are you), she is a long distance relationship, she is breaking every rule about guy friends. I GUARANTEE if the situation was flipped around and it was YOU hanging out with a really hot ex that you used to screw while she was away, she would be hella jealous. NEXT, or I GUARANTEE you will get burned.

Thanks for your advice, but I think (and Im not in denial) its completely irrelevant in my situation and in most situations. A girl cant have guy friends? Are u serious? What if she was friends with the guy (as in my case) for years before they decided to sleep together?

Actually, my gf isnt very jealous at all, which is a GREAT thing. Shed probbaly be rational about my situation and know that she couldnt do ANYTHING (except control her own emotions) about it and probably TRUST ME. Thats the only thing I can do, man. She hasn't done ANYTHING WRONG. Anythign else would both unrealistic and irrational. I relaize I can only get burned by a situation if I let myself get burned by it and I truly believe I have to take the "prepare for the worst but expect the best" route, which I'm currently incorporating into my life. She'll make her choice, and if she chooses to stray, then I'll break up with her and she'll have missed out on a great realtionship with me...and I'll have moved on with my life.

I guess this means I'm in TOTAL CONTROL whatever happens.

ps-But ill let you know what happens blu when she gets back in january. But if she will have cheated than it will have been HER FAULT, and NOT MINE for letting her go home and hang out with a guy she slept with 3 months ago.

 

[JohnJones]

That sounds like a good position to take overall. However, I just have to ask this: why do you assume that if she cheats, you will know about it? If she really likes you, she will hide it from you. I don't know whether I think that is better or worse.

It sounds like your girl is the least likely person to cheat. That said, I have encountered so many woman who have an "understanding" with their college b/f because they are "secure in their feelings." Or who say "what he doesn't know can't hurt him."

 

[DesertsFox]

Ahem

Dude why are u even concerned. Whenever faced with a problem one must take a look at things he can or can not change.

HEre is something that maybe

Probability chart

Case A 20%
She cheats on you and you never know- u never break up and continue banging the **** out of her for the next 4 month until you next her.

Case B 5%
She cheats on you and you find out(she tells her or whatever).
Subcase1- u get over it. 10%
Subcase2- u next the *****. 90%

Case C 50%
She doesnt cheat on you and you live hapile ever after.

Case D 25%
She doesnt cheat on you but you act like a bafoon and **** it all up.

Buts thats just my assesment, make ur own

 

[jbbrain]

thats true jonesy

but her not tellign you know is just another possibility youll have to live with. You can't do anything about something that you don't know about right?

In any case, I'm with her because I think she has high integrity. Meaning, I would EXPECT her to tell me if anything happened. Of course, shyt happens, but I cant be expecting the worst in such situations, because what would the point of the relationship be?

 

[jbbrain]

Re: Ahem

Originally posted by DesertsFox
Dude why are u even concerned. Whenever faced with a problem one must take a look at things he can or can not change.

HEre is something that maybe

Probability chart

Case A 20%
She cheats on you and you never know- u never break up and continue banging the **** out of her for the next 4 month until you next her.

Case B 5%
She cheats on you and you find out(she tells her or whatever).
Subcase1- u get over it. 10%
Subcase2- u next the *****. 90%

Case C 50%
She doesnt cheat on you and you live hapile ever after.

Case D 25%
She doesnt cheat on you but you act like a bafoon and **** it all up.

Buts thats just my assesment, make ur own

nice chart. That has been my point exatly. I'm in contro, the whole way because regardless of whatver happnes, I know Ill be my own happy myself with a full life ahead of me. If she was downright disrespecting me, than I would react, but I can't react on ANYTHING when she hasn't done anything. If I would, I would be acting like your said bafoon. I dont want to fvck this up for nothing.

Thanks for that chart dude.

 

[Anonymous56]

Where in jersey is she from??? I am just curious to see if I may know her some how.

 

[jbbrain]

east brunswick

ps-you keep a good eye out on her if you do

 

[Big Pappy]

1. Take some pleasure in the fact that as problems go, this is a good one to have. I think all you really wanted was some reassurance. Unfortunately, we can't truly provide that. We can tell you that things will turn out the way they will turn out.

Reassurance must come from within you. Your own assessment that you guys are wild for each other should be sufficient for you.

Try not to think about what could happen if all the planets were aligned against you. It really should not matter that much. You're in school, working to improve yourself. As you do this, your standards will rise.

Personally, I think that she will share a friendly "church hug" with the ex after some token exchange of Christmas cards or some small token. They may talk, but you are the man that is making her feel giddy inside.

I'm certain she will be calling you, and you will be calling her, talking slightly dirty, keeping the excitement in your respective heads.


Happy Holidays - go out and celebrate this new affection for this girl.