What's REALLY to stop her from cheating?

[OpenMind]

JB, reverse the title of your post to "what's REALLY to stop me from cheating" and you might not be as worried if this relationship you have with her is as important to her and is it to you.. just my 2 cents.. good luck!

 

[Black Bahindian]

JB,

I'm glad that your prepared for the worst, if that may come.

I'm still a bit of a newbie to this sort of thing, but here's a suggestion, just food for thought. She leaves on Saturday right? Well, the night before she leaves, maybe you should give her the most intense sex she has ever got from you. Leave her body shaking form earth-shattering orgasms. After that intense night, she probably be pleading for your pinga.

But if worst, comes to worst, you can NEXT her, and still leave on a good note.

Once again, this is only just a suggestion, so try not to flame me

 

[myfriendblu]

Originally posted by jbbrain
Thanks for your advice, but I think (and Im not in denial) its completely irrelevant in my situation and in most situations. A girl cant have guy friends? Are u serious? What if she was friends with the guy (as in my case) for years before they decided to sleep together?

Think what you want, but you will get burned. NOPE, A girl can't have guy friends. Why? Because either,

1. He wants to sleep with her
2. She wants to sleep with him
3. Both

Its the same for every situation. EVERY. Your girl is NOT special. She is not different. All girls think, act and behave under pretty much the same rules. Think your girl is "special" is ignorant. Trust me. She was friends with you first and then slept with you right? Of course. Who is to say that she won't do the same with some new guy friend she meets, or current guy friend. She was dating someone else while she was friends with you right? Just think, one of those current guy friends she has is like a "relief pitcher"...just waiting in the bullpen, to be called up when you screw up, like a shadow over your shoulder. The day things go sour, guess who she will inevitably turn to. Yup. The guy friend. Hey, find out the hard way if you must.

 

[jbbrain]

That's ridiculous.

And how COULD I EVER GET BURNED?? Read my first reply to your initial statement. I win no matter what (not saying there are any losers..only her if she fvcks up)

Dude, if shyt goes sour, I hope we go our respective places. She can go with whoever she wants. I might even end up with a girl who's been ONLY my friend while I've been with ewa.

I'm trying hard, but I really (and no offense) don't see your line of reasoning blu. It's irrational, unrealistic and based on fear.

Sometimes you just gotta go with the flow, and if shyt ends up different to what you would have liked, you gotta jump ship.

But here's a piece of advice to you:

Give credit where credit is due and don't jump to any conclusions based on assumptions that are HIGHLY ARBITRARY.

Thanks for posting.

 

[drixsa]

Originally posted by jbbrain
Tha't the type of insight I wanted. Constructive! Good! That's all I wanted

the question becomes why do you still need this kind of advice?-Something to think about.


Originally posted by myfriendblu
I don't like this chik at all, Im getting REALLY bad vibes from this situation. Im willing to bet she is 22 or younger right? WHY OH WHY ARE YOU GUYS GETTING INTO LTR'S WITH GIRLS UNDER 25? Girls at that age are to immature to handle a LTR.

What makes 25 different from 22, or 22 from 18? Some girls are mature enough at 18 while other are still immature at 25.

I'd more likely say that MEN, not woman are less likely to be able to handle a relationship let alone a woman.

Anyway, back to your question. NO, I don't trust her for a second, and I would NEXT her. Why? First off,

1. A girl should not have guy friends. There is no such thing.

2. A girl should not have guy friends she hangs out with

3. A girl should not have a guy friend that she used to screw

4. A girl should not be hanging out with a guy friend that she used to screw.

So since when are males and females not allowed to be friends? Would I be wrong in thinking that you may have gotten burned by this situation in the past?

1+2.There is such a thing as guy friends, espically for females. Many females have and want friends, that are male, that they are not attracted to. I think you are thinking along the lines that women and men act the same in this given situation. Most men look for female friends that he can later bring to bed, while females look for a male friends to offer them a good time not allways relating to sex.

3+4. This is an independant judgement call on the individual's behalf. She probably doesn't realize his intentions, if they even are his intentions(which they are probably his and not heres).

This is a recipe for disaster. NEXT her ASAP. She is to young for a LTR (so are you), she is a long distance relationship, she is breaking every rule about guy friends. I GUARANTEE if the situation was flipped around and it was YOU hanging out with a really hot ex that you used to screw while she was away, she would be hella jealous. NEXT, or I GUARANTEE you will get burned.

yes blu she may be braking your own personal rules that you, abide to, but most normal people do not even see as a big deal. This is a long distance relationship, for what a month? If either of you cannot handle not cheating then yes you should break up.


Originally posted by Black Bahindian
She leaves on Saturday right? Well, the night before she leaves, maybe you should give her the most intense sex she has ever got from you. Leave her body shaking form earth-shattering orgasms. After that intense night, she probably be pleading for your pinga.

Interesting idea but if thats the only thing that would keep her from cheating, then it'd be worth it to let her go, besides the best sex after 2-3 weeks means close to nothing.


Originally posted by myfriendblu
Think what you want, but you will get burned. NOPE, A girl can't have guy friends. Why? Because either,

1. He wants to sleep with her
2. She wants to sleep with him
3. Both

you automatically asume that this girl has no choice to give into this guy. Have there not been girls that you have had sex with in the past, that could try as hard as they wanted and you still would stay no to them, espically if you were in a relationship that you wanted to stay in?

Its the same for every situation. EVERY. Your girl is NOT special. She is not different. All girls think, act and behave under pretty much the same rules. Think your girl is "special" is ignorant. Trust me. She was friends with you first and then slept with you right? Of course. Who is to say that she won't do the same with some new guy friend she meets, or current guy friend.

first off, this girl has to be special or else he wouldn't be with her in the first place( id like to hope Mr. Brain)

2nd, Blu, your mindset will never lead you anywhere good. Assuming that all woman are the same, or are all B*tches may help you get laid in the beggining but it is an emtpy way to live. The truth is that is woman are all the same then men are as well.

3rd, no two people think the same thats the beauty of meeting new people, starting new relationships etc. This isn't some video game.

4th, ofcourse its possible that she will cheat, but hopefully Mr. Brain took a good amount of time to look at her and to decide if she was worthwhile and suitable to be his G-F (e.g. that she would not cheat)



[/B]She was dating someone else while she was friends with you right? Just think, one of those current guy friends she has is like a "relief pitcher"...just waiting in the bullpen, to be called up when you screw up, like a shadow over your shoulder. The day things go sour, guess who she will inevitably turn to. Yup. The guy friend. Hey, find out the hard way if you must. [/B]

you definatley were burned. So blu, lets say you are dating some girl, and this awsome one comes along? theres mutual interest, you decide that she is better for you than the girl you are seeing?

would you settle for 2nd place and stay in the relationship?

 

[Black Bahindian]

JB, your situation reminds me too much of that Biz Markie song, "Just a Friend" except that you already know what could happen.

 

[jbbrain]

read this blu..time for a reality check.

good points drix

 

[prosemont]

JB, despite your protestations, you have doubts else you wouldn't be posting. We've all been with women who we trust implicitly, the question wouldn't even enter our minds.

To answer your questions, first, though: there is no way you'll ever know for sure whether she's cheated, short of a polygraph, and not even then.

Re her chance of cheating, I'd say there is some chance. Why? Because YOU think there is some chance.

So, let's examine what may be causing your doubts:

1. You mentioned you dated her 1.5 months before the summer. No one has picked up on this little morsel. 1.5 months is a LONG TIME! Yet, she didn't ask for exclusivity then and try to sew up your relationship before the summer. In fact, she didn't care enough about you over the summer to care if you were stucking some chick and, in fact, she fvcked "her friend."

Moreover, there is now precedent for her seeing you, then fvcking the friend. This is a fact. Again, she didn't sew up the relationship with you, but rather, fvcked the friend. That might be telling your brain something about her interest in you and her interest in the friend.

2. It then took you from start of Sept until start of Nov for her to get exclusivity from you. That's an even LONGER time. So, in short, you've dated this woman more than 3.5 months before she's asked exclusivity. Does that tell you something about her true interest level (hate to sound DocLovish here)? And, then it's not even exclusive! It's "more exclusive." Is that like being a little pregnant? She's either stated that she wants to be exclusive with you or you can assume that you are not exclusive and she's free to ride her "friend's" xmas pony over break. Btw, guys from Jersey have game. (haha, j/k).

So, which is it? Exclusive or no?

3. She keeps harping about hating cheaters. Shakespeare would say she doth protest too much. Someone who is not inclined to cheat doesn't keep bringing it up or, if they do, they've been burnt in the past and may just cheat first as a purely defensive mechanism.

So, in short, you have doubts. Try to figure out why you have doubts when "this is the most trustworthy woman you've ever been with" blah blah blah.

Perhaps your doubts are unfounded. But then again, when your gut is telling you to have doubts which yours is clearly doing here, listen to your gut.

Good luck.

 

[DankNuggs]

Alright, let me get the facts straight...She told you about how she was screwing her good friend last summer.....


There is no good way to handle this...I would just put it out of your mind and have fun over break...Brace yourself for the fact that she may cheat...but don't let your insecurities run yuor life...

 

[Ice Cold]

Originally posted by squirrels
What's to stop her from cheating?

What's to make her cheat in the first place?? You already give her everything she needs in a man.

Don't you?

ROFL

There's no such thing. If she wants an excuse to cheat on you, she'll find something

 

[jbbrain]

1st, thanks for takign the time prosemont, always appreciated.I want to quickly clear some things up

Originally posted by prosemont
JB, despite your protestations, you have doubts else you wouldn't be posting. We've all been with women who we trust implicitly, the question wouldn't even enter our minds.

*I disagree. People who trust get burned all the time. Knowing her, I don't expect taht she'll cheat, but I keep the option ALWAYS THERE. Its not even in the back of my mind. It can easily become a reality, but that doesn't make me worry. What it makes me realize is that sometimes people do stupid things, and taht you should ALWAYS BE PREPARED to deal with the worst. If not, then youre blinding yourself and saving yourself up for big heartache.

To answer your questions, first, though: there is no way you'll ever know for sure whether she's cheated, short of a polygraph, and not even then.

*You could be right, but thuis girl is so innocent and nice, I could not see her NOT telling me. In this way, shes different from 90% (and I hope you dont use this statement against me because you don't know her..just trust me on this one) of the girls out there. She's so NICE and she would FOLD under the guilt. Next issue.

Re her chance of cheating, I'd say there is some chance. Why? Because YOU think there is some chance.

*Like I said before..there is ALWAYS chance. But I believe she is enough into me that she would not entertain this chance.

So, let's examine what may be causing your doubts:

1. You mentioned you dated her 1.5 months before the summer. No one has picked up on this little morsel. 1.5 months is a LONG TIME! Yet, she didn't ask for exclusivity then and try to sew up your relationship before the summer. In fact, she didn't care enough about you over the summer to care if you were stucking some chick and, in fact, she fvcked "her friend."

*Come on man! I was going to Vancouver at the time and then off to hawaii for 3 months. She KNEW I didnt want anything serious, because IT WOULDNT MAKE SENSE. Did I ever mention that she a VERY pragmatic girl? We were dating more for like 1 month CASUALLY and I can honestly say things are definitely a lot more serious now then before the summer. We're goign out now.

Moreover, there is now precedent for her seeing you, then fvcking the friend. This is a fact. Again, she didn't sew up the relationship with you, but rather, fvcked the friend. That might be telling your brain something about her interest in you and her interest in the friend.


*Really, that tells me nothing, but thanks for pointin it out. Like I said, what we had before the summer was really just for fun, not much else. We knew it wouldnt go anywhere "amazuing" mostly because wed be apart for 3 months with a ****in continent in between us!
2. It then took you from start of Sept until end of Nov for her to get exclusivity from you. That's an even LONGER time. So, in short, you've dated this woman a total of 4.5 months before she's asked exclusivity. Does that tell you something about her true interest level (hate to sound DocLovish here)? And, then it's not even exclusive! It's "more exclusive." Is that like being a little pregnant? She's either stated that she wants to be exclusive with you or you can assume that you are not exclusive and she's free to ride her "friend's" xmas pony over break. Btw, guys from Jersey have game. (haha, j/k).

*Maybe I wasn't clear. Anyways. The way it worked was that we were dating from sept. when we started school. At the time, I was fukkin 5 other girls (including her) for the course of about a month and a half when she started bugging me about exclusivity. I made it exclusiove at the BEGINNING of November, not the end. But that was only after I postponed all her incessant nagging (haha) for about 2 weeks.

So, which is it? Exclusive or no?

*It definitely is. It's not assumed. She was bugging me one night about ti and then I turned to her and said "Ewa, be honest with me. Do you really think you can handle being my girlfriend?" Haha, she loved that. She said yeah, told me reasons why and weve been together ever since.

3. She keeps harping about hating cheaters. Shakespeare would say she doth protest too much. Someone who is not inclined to cheat doesn't keep bringing it up or, if they do, they've been burnt in the past and may just cheat first as a purely defensive mechanism.

*I need to clarify here. She doesn't say she HATES cheaters. She never mentions it actually, unless the topic comes up. And when it does, she takes the exact same approach I take about it. We're both Pragmatic about the subject. If you want to cheat, just break up or take a break from your relationship.. I liked hearing that from her. It wasn't a moral thing for her per se, but it made her seem like she really had a level head.

So, in short, you have doubts. Try to figure out why you have doubts when "this is the most trustworthy woman you've ever been with" blah blah blah.

*I have doubts simply because I need to entertain the worst case scenario. Also, this sitch is a bit different. I mean, I totally trust her and she has actually NEVER GIVEN ME ANY REASONS NOT TO. But sometimes people do stupid shyt, especially when theyre around a friend theyve already slept with before. I know weve been dating only for a short time, and I'm realistic. There's always that chance that she'll cheat. So what? Worse things have happened in the world. I'm not scared. I only wanted to know if anybody had come across a sitch like this. Before I posted, I knew what I had to do, and still do, but its always entertaining to hear stories from other people.

Perhaps your doubts are unfounded. But then again, when your gut is telling you to have doubts which yours is clearly doing here, listen to your gut.

Good luck.

Thanks, I hope I cleared some things up for you dog. Thanks.

 

[jbbrain]

bump this biatch..I was looking for a reply from you in particular prosemont

 

[ShortyBrown]

J,

Mutually agreed exclusivity=relationship.
Timeframe of a few months=casually dating, no matter what the two of you have been through.
I believe that cheating can only be applied to situations where exclusivity has been agreed to, I.E, when you are in a relationship, which isn't really the case here. However if you're only dating each other, I think you're entitled to a degree of loyality.
The other day, you posted that you were off around the globe for a few months without her. Now you're worried that she's gonna do the dirty on ya when she goes home for the weekend.

?????

Continue to enjoy this for now for what it is, and move on with a happy memory of your time with her.

 

[jbbrain]

shorty-

I know I could count on you. 1st off, we ARE GOING OUT. Exclusive relationship. Why do you think I havent been flirting with you this whole time??

haha

anyways. I hate defending myself over a message board, but I wish ppl could see from my first post how im not "worried" about her cheating. I just wanted to know if ppl thought she would. Lets call myself inquisitive.

Worry is for somebody who feels helpless and out of control.

So please understand that we are EXCLUSIVE aka not sleeping with other people, and thus she WOULD be cheating if she fvcked around with that guy back home.

Thanks for replying baby

 

[ShortyBrown]

OK, got that sorted

Look, you're not gonna know for certain, unless something happens, and she gets an attack of the guilts and tells you so. So be cool babe. You're doing your head in over a lot of "maybes".
If it was me personally.....I'd know where my loyalties always and I would never put myself in that situation.
I think that shes
A) either trying in a way to reassure you that nothings going to happen

OR

B) Telling you in a roundabout manner that she's looking at you in a "I just wanna have fun" way.

Continue to enjoy this for now for what it is, and move on with a happy memory of your time with her.

I'm standing by this though

 

[ShortyBrown]

Originally posted by jbbrain
shorty-
Why do you think I havent been flirting with you this whole time??

haha

Is that what they're still calling it over there?
Hee hee.

 

[Eileen]

Lots of negative attitudes about women here.

JB, as a woman, I'll tell you, if what you have said about her being trustworthy is true, you'll not have to worry. If she sees the other bloke at all she'll likely make him ill going on and on about how wonderful you are. Next you'll know he'll be on here crying about a girl that's not interested in him anymore.

Women need more than good sex to be bothered to keep a man around. They need to trust and be trusted. They need intimacy that comes from having their bloke involved in their everyday, sometimes dreary lives. They also like the comfort of a familiar lover.

I don't think you have a thing to worry about.

Cheers!

 

[Big Pappy]

Although I agree with Eileen, I think she brings up an interesting point.

Women need more than good sex to be bothered to keep a man around.

--Eileen


There's a distinction I would like to make. to keep a man around.

I'm sure we all know this to be true. However, our young hero in this adventure isn't worried about this. He's concerned about her keeping the old bf for some extra love for a session or a night.

I do agree with everything you said, however. There's a lot of negative attitude towards the fairer sex. I just try to keep in mind that a lot of these boys/men/jerks/afc/rafc/pua/pimps whatever!
have been done wrong by more than one lady. It takes a while to heal.

Seek first to understand then to be understood
http://www.bcpm.dk/coveyen2.htm

 

[Eileen]

Pappy, I appreciate your input.

It is not just the blokes that suffer when playing the dating game. Many women do as well. More so I think because of the basic differences between men and women. Women being the more emotional of the two creatures especially when it comes to sex.

I apologize if my meaning was missed. The point I was attempting to make was more along the lines of JB not needing to worry. The girl in question will probably drive everyone at home mad talking about him.

I'm a woman Pappy. I know how we can be. Better yet, I know how we think.

 

[jbbrain]

thanks eileen for the input


Like I always said. I trust this girl, and that is one of the major factors of why I'm with her.
I'm not a pessimist in this view, but like I mentioned to prosemont, as a man, i also feel equipped to deal with pretty much any scenario that comes my way.

'cept if she would be pregnant