What would you do if your wife...

[Sigh]

Scenario: Your wife tells you that a guy at work has been hitting on her very hard, and even proposed that they have sex at work and keep it a secret.

How would you proceed?

If the first thing you'd do is ask her to tell you his name: She says she won't tell you because she doesn't want you to confront him. Now what would you do?

 

[squirrels]

If she's telling you this, but still doesn't want you involved, then she's probably attention-wh0ring...getting off on him being so persistent and getting off on you being jealous. If she REALLY wanted him to stop, she has recourse. She could easily talk to HR or her supervisor.

Call this for what it is...a BS head-game.

 

[jophil28]

If she's telling you this, but still doesn't want you involved, then she's probably attention-wh0ring...getting off on him being so persistent and getting off on you being jealous. If she REALLY wanted him to stop, she has recourse. She could easily talk to HR or her supervisor.

Call this for what it is...a BS head-game.

Agreed !

 

[drak_ool]

If she REALLY wanted him to stop, she has recourse.

+1

In this day and age, women have so many ways to stop sexual harassment at work (at least in America). She could:

1. talk to him to tell him it is inapropriate and to threaten to go to a supervisor next time he harasses her

2. talk to a male colleague to ask him to explain to the guy his behavior is inapropriate.

3. talk to her supervisor directly

4. go up the corporate ladder and talk directly to her "main" boss or the head of HR.

Given the many choices she has to stop this behavior before it even becomes an issue (and before she has to bring it up with you), you should ask yourself why is she not doing anything about it? Also ask yourself this: how long has this guy been flirting with her (let's call it what it is) before he actually asked her to fvck him? Because no one in 21st century corporate america is just gonna approach a woman at work and point blank ask her to fvck.

Your main issue at this point is why is your wife acting like an attention wh0re while flirting with guys at her work? Sounds like she is lacking something in the relationship

 

[jophil28]

Women's mindgames get so fukking tiring when you get to my age .
A few couple years ago I had the misfortune of dating a hot woman with a personality disorder (BPD, as I later discovered -thanks to the info here on MM) . She was in her late 40's at the time .
SHe told me that she had two long time friends ( a married couple ) who she visited frequently for dinners and get-togethers.
She complained to me that the husband had often made a point of sitting next to her ( my g/f) at the dinner table and getting busy with his hands.
She claimed that at one time he bailed her up in the bathroom and said," I am gonna have you soon."

When I asked her why she did not just ask him to stop, she went silent. I then asked her why she did not say something to the wife. She replied that she felt that the wife would not believe her and even take the husband's side.
MY final question was, " How long has this been going on with you and the husband ?"
She answered ," Oh, about twenty years ."

Beware the professional AW, gentlemen.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Sigh,
When Squirrels and Jophil agree,perhaps you should listen.....Does the Wolf growl before he strikes?....No!...She is an attention whoore.

 

[Sigh]

Your problem here is quite large......if it has gotten to this point, I would say she has lost some attraction for you and things are doing a slow slide into the abyss.

You're quite right. This happened to me about 3 years ago. We are now getting divorced. This was the first crack in the marriage that I noticed, and just wanted to know what my course of action should have been. I didn't really know how to react so I just let it go. This just resulted in more and more disrespect for me and ultimately her going to Canada to **** a guy she met on the internet while I'm left depressed and suicidal.

I'm pulling out of it now and trying to better myself and my life. I just don't want to ever repeat the same mistakes.

 

[Desert Fox]

Start saving up money. Start withdrawing all your savings and putting it into some secret account or burying it in a safe place.

Then file for divorce and leave this b1tch. Unfortunately you picked a wh0re for a wife, bad choice, but you need to start planning now long term. String her along and ask her if she wants you to speak to the guy. If not just say, "well I guess its ok as long as he doesn't act on it, but the second he tries anything TELL ME OKAY!!!" and she will say, "okay! "

but secretly you will be saving up while youer playing dumb and just waiting to pull the plug on this unsuspecting b1tch.

let us know how it goes man.

 

[Desert Fox]

oh SH1T man, wow I guess she already raped you of your dignity and everything. meh

 

[SoldMySoul]

Dear Sigh,
When Squirrels and Jophil agree,perhaps you should listen.....Does the Wolf growl before he strikes?....No!...She is an attention whoore.

$hit.... all three of you guys are solid posters nonetheless!! This behavior Sigh's wifey is exhibiting should really come to no surprise these days. No offense Sigh, but you are probably thinking, "My wife would never cheat on me." That is where you really are vulnerable because you have your head in the clouds and out of nowhere you find bad stuff is going on.

The wife should have kept that garbage to herself!!!! When I was married and had women hitting on me there was NO WAY in hell I was going home and telling my ex about it! No sir!!!!!!!

I agree with all that have chimed in on this and OP..... please watch your six because this could be a precursor to what is about to come or what has already been happening!

 

[jophil28]

This story is an example of the emotional selfishness of some women.

In this case she was willing to play a head game with her HUSBAND, for her own cheap entertainment, and play it right in the core of their relationship.
A couple's sexual intimacy is sacrocant by agreement - deliberately creating threats to it for her amusement is appalling.
As others have said, she had several options available to her at the office to halt this in its' tracks if she really wanted it to stop ( if it existed at all ).

Some women are just unfit to be in adult relationships.

I have a question for the OP - before you married her, did you ever see or experience any mindgames by her which involved other guys? Any heavy flirting with others, any cheating with a male "friend", any attempts to get you to jump though hoops . Perhaps she set up a rivalry between you and another guy, or told you some stories from her past which included some details of her relationships with other guys...?

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

That's rough man.

The best thing to do is regroup, and get out as quickly, and painlessly (emotionally and financially) as possible.

Most guys appreciate the value of doing approaches for "practice" but few people realize the value of "nexting" for "practice."

This is an unfortunate example of someone who (apparently) had no trouble getting into a relationship, but not sure how to get out. No exit strategy, as it were.

To the OP, if you realize your mistakes, and take a step back and learn from them , and use them as points to improve yourself, you won't likely repeat them.

Even if you are in a happy relationship, you've got to remind her that you have no problem walking at any time.

This can be done many ways. For example if you are out together, say at the mall, and she happens to wander into a purse store, don't follow her. Keep on walking and force her to find you. Let her know you won't follow her. She must follow you. No lectures, only behavior.

Also, make it a point to find any excuse to talk to attractive women in front of her. Salespeople, clerks, cashiers, etc.

Let her know, through your normal behavior, that you have no problem walking, and no problem striking up conversations with females.

Let her imagination do the rest.

Done correctly, when some goof at work tries to talk to her, instead of thinking "Wow! Attention!" she'll think "Sh*t, I'd better be careful, I could lose my boyfriend/husband over this."

The danger of you disappearing and finding somebody you judge to be better than her has always got to be in the forefront of her mind.

Hang in there OP, you'll be fine. You've got the right attitude.

 

[backbreaker]

this brings up a very good point.

i think every man should have an "exit strategy". I have one. if **** hit the fan i know exactly what steps i am going to take.

nothing is worse then being with someone that you know doesn't want to be with you and there isn't anything you can do about it beucase you don't know what to do.

 

[Fantasy]

I don't know, man. I was in a LTR not too long ago when my ex was telling me that another guy was hitting on her at work. The guy and I knew each other but didn't know her and I were together. I figured it was a head game and attention seeking as well. I told her that if she really wanted him to stop he would, and I didn't play the game.

Well, a couple of months later, I discovered that they were talking on the phone a lot...even late night.


So this situation may not be so simple. She could be telling you to cover her tracks so she could have a cover story unless things got a bit more touchy feely at work and you found out or she could be attention seeking and testing you to see how you react.

Since this is your wife, if it was me, I would demand that she tell the guy that she is happily married and if he continues, she will report him. This way you will have your bases covered. If you say nothing, she may think that she can get away with flirtatious behavior or even worse. If you make the above demand, she will probably respect you for being protective of your marriage. This isn't some chic you are dating but it's your wife, right?
This is likely a sign that she feels insecure in the marriage or that there are problems in the marriage. A happily married woman would not do this unless she was truly being bothered by the advances and just was being open with you which I doubt.

 

[backbreaker]

women get hit on all the damn time. a good looking woman gets hit on daily. mutliple times a day.

the fact that she is telling you, she's playing games brah. i dont' have to know everryt time someone hits on my woman. id ont' want to know. it's pointless infomration.


a woman is telling you because she wants you to know. you have to ask why she wants you to know now, versus all of the other guys she shots down.

i take my woman to a club, i go to use the men's room i come back and some guy is chating up my girl.. i'm even polite, i don't even bother to intervene because i know she will handle it. good looking women get hit on. or you are with your woman and you walk in the store and she runs into some guy and you say who is that, and she says some guy that won't leave me alone. i keep telling him in not interesting ut he keeps trying. you dont' **** theg uy for keep trying, hell i would lol.


but a woman that comes home and throws it in your face, you have to ask yourself..why? unless it was something unusually irritating about the situtaion like he pulled his **** out or something, she's baiting you man.

 

[Jeffst1980]

Sigh--I'm very sorry to hear about your divorce.

The good news is--you have taken the right attitude: instead of feeling sorry for yourself, you are analyzing the situation to see where you went wrong. This will ensure that you won't make the same mistake again.

Also, remember that if you attract one woman, you can attract MANY. I'm willing to wager that your next girl trumps this one in every way.

If you don't mind, it might be instructive to a lot of us if you can recall any "red flags" you noticed BEFORE you married her. I think one of the great fears in this board is that a seemingly perfect women will pull a complete 180 once she is in a marriage; I'm firmly in the camp that says this is not realistic, and that premonitions of infidelity, etc. are given even within the first year of dating. But, others disagree, and who knows? I could be wrong.

Do you know what her dating history was like before you? Did she have a history of cheating? What was her parents' relationship like? Did she give you reasons to feel jealous or threatened when you were dating? All these questions might give you some insight on how this came about.

The one thing that you should NOT do is blame yourself, or your handling of disrespect. The thing with her co-worker was NOT a s#it test; it was grounds for divorce. You could've handled it perfectly and found yourself in the same situation six months down the line, because she is DEFECTIVE. When a marriage lasts, it's not because the husband is a DJ; it's because the husband and wife are on the same page and WANT to make it last. That means giving up attention whoring, mind games, and constantly pushing boundaries.

Expect to feel bad about this for awhile, but also expect to find a lot of hotter women that won't pull this kind of nonsense in your future.

 

[jophil28]

If you don't mind, it might be instructive to a lot of us if you can recall any "red flags" you noticed BEFORE you married her. I think one of the great fears in this board is that a seemingly perfect women will pull a complete 180 once she is in a marriage; I'm firmly in the camp that says this is not realistic, and that premonitions of infidelity, etc. are given even within the first year of dating. But, others disagree, and who knows? I could be wrong..

You are right - poor quality contenders always tell you - IF YOU LISTEN.

 

[jophil28]

You could've handled it perfectly and found yourself in the same situation six months down the line, because she is DEFECTIVE. When a marriage lasts, it's not because the husband is a DJ; it's because the husband and wife are on the same page and WANT to make it last. That means giving up attention whoring, mind games, and constantly pushing boundaries.
.

Quoted for truth ^^.
No amount of DJ "game" will transform a low quality woman into a devoted wife. That ,unfortunately, is a forum myth.

Women who are successful wives are so because they really WANT to be a co-creator of a successful marriage. And they want to do that more than they want to nag, baitch, whine, cheat, control deceive or play power seeking mindgames .

Choose wisely, men.

 

[Falcon25]

A woman needs three things in her character for her to be a wife and or mother of value and success.

1. loyalty
2. sincerity
3. the will, the drive, or the God given instincts to want to be a mother, wife, and a good person.

NO GAME, NO NOTHING, WILL EVER GIVE YOU A GOOD WIFE IF SHE DOESN'T HAVE THESE THREE QUALITIES.


Granted, a puvvsy of a man can make a wife lose attraction, but then she will just find a quality man, her character will not diminish however. She will be programmed to find a strong man, because she is of strong character. And your weak ass will be wondering why she left. But she will do it with class, integrity, and grace.

Peace.

 

[Drum&Bass]

LOL I get a kick out of some of you guys giving these long winded feminine responses. You expect a woman to just hang around and give her best into a relationship she cares nothing about and is miserable in.

Women don't cheat or play head games with guys that are worth it.

I won't blame your wife or accuse her of being defective. Men Cheat when they are unhappy and women cheat when they are unhappy. The signs of unhappiness were there before but for some crazy reason you thought....staying together would make things all better LOLOLOL

...Your getting a divorce so your original post was a waste of time because it doesn't matter.