What Woman Need Their Man To Know

[Mr Plow]

Do our women need to let us know of their dark side? Do we need to re-shape our frame of thinking to better understand? How do we connect with this world of our women, the women who have these deep wounds? Should we try to gain some insight into this unknown? Or do we leave this to the therapists.

Look, personally, I wouldn't like to be sitting there doing the "nodding dog" whislt she pours her heart out to me for the good part of the day...

 

[Mad Manic]

Sounds like another classic case of Mr Nice-Guy-Friend-Thats-Always-Been-There-For-Her being an emotional tampon whilst the girl 'pours her heart out' about her jerk ex-bfs etc. that she's been wildly fvcking and been impregnated by for years.

MM

 

[Play the Game]

At the end of this very emotional and intense conversation, she had told me that no one has ever made her cry and then hugged me and told me that I was a good friend.

I couldn't stop laughing after i read that. :crackup:

You got Friend Z-OWNED!!!! Now you need to re-read the DJ bible 10 times and hit at least 2 hood rats.

 

[reset]

What she confinded to you sounds exactly like stories many BPD's have told me when I moderated a forum about it.

Yeah I figured you were the same guy. Seems to me my BPD nightmare ended a lot sooner because of that site.

I recently told a woman I'm friends with that for a long time I've felt that to be in a relationship with a woman I have to take a shovel and beat to death the best parts of who I am.

I have felt this too, and I have also noticed that the less I care or less compassionate I am, the further I am able to go with the girl. But it's still messed up. Because it makes no sense to get rid of the best parts of you. Maybe get rid of the weakest parts of you. The best parts don't go away.

One of the keys to self improvement is self love and if a person truly loves themself are they going to continually reward themselves with damaged women or do they now love and value themselves enough to go after the absolute best that their newfound self love tells them they deserve that being normal women?

This is where I am now and I'm not sure when I'm going to trust women again, I just know I want to move past the bitter stage. One thing I will say about MYSELF and these toxic relationships... is that I got just what I was ready for with the BPD girl. I was more f'ed up inside than I realized, and we were perfect for each other (to play out our little lame-ass co-dependent drama BS). If I was actually ABLE to have a healthy relationship, our little dance would have ended much sooner. So I can't play victim, even though at the time, I hated her and blamed her for everything. I can't be blamed for having no clue what I was doing, but I still stayed in the game (until I totally freezed her out and she fled the scene).

Now I believe I would see a (cruely)manipulating, bytchy woman from a mile away, and that I wouldn't even go down that road now because I'm stronger and know it's not good for me.

The only problem I'm having now is.... that's all I'm used to. Those are the type of girls I'm used to dealing with. I just know I want better and the last thing I want to do is become an emotional tampon ever, ever, ever again, or put up with emasculating behavior. I'm thinking just that, in addition to what you mentioned about self-improvement is going to draw healthier women towards me who actually build me up.

The bitterness is a little off-putting though. I can relate but I hope to see more stories on this board about guys who are having positive, healthy relationships with women. I believe you can do that without "destroying the best parts of yourself".

 

[KontrollerX]

"Yeah I figured you were the same guy. Seems to me my BPD nightmare ended a lot sooner because of that site."

Yep its me in the flesh or text whichever you prefer though it couldn't of been that hard to figure out since I have the same username over there as here. An awesome username which I invented btw lol.

I'm really glad we could help you and I'm a bit surprised you were a poster over there. Must of used a different name than reset or found the place after I left I guess?

Anyway posters from this site actually came over to that board to post which is how I found the DJ board in the first place.

Found the link in one of New Order's posts who apparently must of been a member over here at some point on a different username.

"This is where I am now and I'm not sure when I'm going to trust women again, I just know I want to move past the bitter stage."

Well I'm sure you know this already but its coming to the point that you feel it inside you that helps the most and its this knowledge...

The problem is not women the problem is the Cluster B Personality Disordered.

They are literally an entirely different human being than you or I and thats not said to dehumanize them or insult them its said to explain the fact that they are the predator class of humanity.

What you must do is direct the bitterness not at women in general but at the Cluster B who victimized you as that is where the blame lies but of course you don't hang onto the bitterness if you can help it. You do whatever is in your power to dissipate it whether that being getting therapy, exercising to reduce the stress inducing cortisol levels or as Rollo might say spin some plates. Its like what Kevin Spacey said at the end of American Beauty. "I guess I could be pretty p*ssed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world."

"One thing I will say about MYSELF and these toxic relationships... is that I got just what I was ready for with the BPD girl. I was more f'ed up inside than I realized, and we were perfect for each other (to play out our little lame-ass co-dependent drama BS). If I was actually ABLE to have a healthy relationship, our little dance would have ended much sooner."

Hey definitely.

Another thing is having not much self respect or willing to put up with bad behaviour in an attempt to hold onto what you have (that old scarcity mentality) are also culprits that keep people locked down with these abusers.

"So I can't play victim, even though at the time, I hated her and blamed her for everything. I can't be blamed for having no clue what I was doing, but I still stayed in the game (until I totally freezed her out and she fled the scene)."

Its natural and even normal to have the victim mentality right after being gutted by one of these people but yeah a person shouldn't stay there. Moving into survivor mode then a restart at a new life is the preferred way to go.

"Now I believe I would see a (cruely)manipulating, bytchy woman from a mile away, and that I wouldn't even go down that road now because I'm stronger and know it's not good for me."

Don't worry reset once you've been down the road with a Cluster B you can tell who is one and who isn't one within about 5 minutes of conversation or at least observation of how this person carries themself if its someone you work with or have to interact with regularly. The only exception to this is the top of the food chain of Cluster B that being the anti social personality disordered otherwise known as the sociopath since their masks are so well constructed. Should you ever get involved with one of these it could be unawares but their actions over time will reveal what they are and you can cut them loose accordingly.

"The only problem I'm having now is.... that's all I'm used to. Those are the type of girls I'm used to dealing with. I just know I want better and the last thing I want to do is become an emotional tampon ever, ever, ever again, or put up with emasculating behavior. I'm thinking just that, in addition to what you mentioned about self-improvement is going to draw healthier women towards me who actually build me up."

A great old phrase is "like attracts like."

If you're filling your inner and outer world with positivity and genuine self improvement to the point where you can literally see the "changes coming through" (forty six & 2 by Tool is an awesome song lol) then have no fear you will draw a healthy woman to you.

A tip for you though is you have to so want and fall in love with the idea of the traits of a healthy woman that they become what you now love about women and look for in a mate as opposed to what you previously may of loved and looked for which could of been too much excitement and needless drama that made you feel alive. Whatever it was that you loved in the Cluster B that was bad for you, you need to throw away and become in love with the opposite idea.

That is your ticket out of the hell that is more relationships with such people.

 

[reset]

... I'm a bit surprised you were a poster over there. Must of used a different name than reset or found the place after I left I guess?

Thanks KontrollerX. By the time I found the site I had come from BPD Central, and already had kind of an idea what was going on, but the site you were at was more closely tied with the girl in question/the HPD type. I don't think I ever posted, I do remembering reading many (if not all, it was awhile ago) of your posts and just being like, "right, yeah--that's her. Yup." I realized at that point it was a dead-end, I completely ignored her and acted like she didn't exist and she quit her job (we worked together) and ran away, after months of trying to destroy me. Whew.

Its natural and even normal to have the victim mentality right after being gutted by one of these people but yeah a person shouldn't stay there. Moving into survivor mode then a restart at a new life is the preferred way to go.

Yeah I never gave myself anytime, she left the job, and very very shortly after I started getting the vibes from her replacement (another co-worker-not good) and sort of played out the crap I got from BPD with her, and another girl (co-worker) too. But I moved up a grade, from BPD to just bytch. I never had any down time. Now I have the down time, and all I'm doing is just working on self-development and actually generating feelings of self-worth.

A tip for you though is you have to so want and fall in love with the idea of the traits of a healthy woman that they become what you now love about women and look for in a mate as opposed to what you previously may of loved and looked for which could of been too much excitement and needless drama that made you feel alive. Whatever it was that you loved in the Cluster B that was bad for you, you need to throw away and become in love with the opposite idea.

That is your ticket out of the hell that is more relationships with such people.

Yes, exactly, that's the extra little nugget I was looking for---I've been seeking ways to control women and "defend myself" because my current mindset is woman/predator and me lion-tamer. Now I'm just going to fall in love with healthy traits and make sure that they actually make me FEEL GOOD--because what you said about the needless drama making me feel alive is SPOT ON... and I'm glad I can actually face that in myself. The drama was a drug, with her and the ones after her. I need to get high off GOOD STUFF, not drama and games. Feels good to get this out of my system. :woo:

 

[potato]

"You are wrong, very wrong.

You are the one that comes on here and talks as if you are the all knowing expert on the issue.Yet repeatedly you have read into what I posted as well as the OP what just isn’t there. It was said that women who were molested as children were damaged goods and should be avoided. My reply was just to state that I have had two girlfriends who were molested as children, one being perhaps the love of my life, and I didn’t find them to be damaged goods at all considering that they had other more defining qualities about them."

You are glossing over your response.

What you said was that people who write these women off as damaged goods ie don't date them as a result of their damaged nature are men who are incapable of understanding women or humanity for that matter and what you said my friend is a crock of sh*t and a subtle attack on the members of this forum community.

You didn't take into account that many of us have unwittingly entered into relationships with just such women and had horrifically awful experiences and are thus speaking from experience when we warn the young guys to avoid the trash and only go after the treasure and to ignore their captain save a ho mentality (a normal woman does not provoke such a response in a man).

So in effect we do understand women and humanity and we now know that there are certain kinds of people who will benefit from and return our love to us ie normal women and others who our love falls through like a sieve never to be returned with anything other than selfishness and betrayel ie damaged women because they cannot help themselves.

We now understand that we must identify what we were with so we can avoid it in the future and find something healthy, something opposite, something that lifts us up as opposed to tears us down.

One of the keys to self improvement is self love and if a person truly loves themself are they going to continually reward themselves with damaged women or do they now love and value themselves enough to go after the absolute best that their newfound self love tells them they deserve that being normal women?

Obviously rescuing these damsels in distress has worked for you for whatever reason so you prop up and pimp out your mindset of hey give the damaged cases a chance, you're not really livin life or understanding it or women until you do.

Well a lot of us have given these damaged cases a chance and many of us unwittingly at that. Others because it was all they could get in their AFC days so they decided to put up with the abuse for the pathetic scraps of intimacy thrown out here and there. Still worse others actively seek these women out to prey on their weaknesses.

Bottom line is you are a product of your experiences as we are of ours.

You had a good time being captain save a ho while the majority of us as well the majority of humanity (that you say we don't understand) experiences an absolute nightmare being the captain of a perpetually sinking ship.

You are not right with what you said about us nor are you right in general about damaged women.

In reality, in your case you simply got lucky.

It happens.

"Your response is to accuse me of predatory behavior. The nut job here is more and more looking to be you."

Hmmm, lets see I advocate guys go after healthy normal minded women for the best chance at a healthy normal relationship while you advocate...

Hey guys go after the crazies!

*Cue Twilight Zone theme*

Yeah somehow I think the term "nutjob" was coined specifically for people such as yourself but you can feel free to apply it to me if it makes you sleep better at night and makes the voices stop.

"On this forum I just don’t understand the hate towards women. It is as if the major consensus is that women just want to control, use, and ruin men. I just don’t see it."

Seek and you shall find.

You are looking for hate where perhaps there is none and the guy's here whose posts you are reading are simply speaking reality as they see it but since you can't fathom that their thoughts have come about as a logical and pure thinking rational conclusion to their life experiences you must assume that their way of thinking has hate as its motivator when nothing could be further from the truth.

You are thinking inside the box.

This site is about thinking outside of it.

"I’ve been with lots of women, as friends and as lovers and not once have I had problems like that with women. I can’t help but wonder if much of the fault lies with the guys here and not the women necessarily being crazies."

And I can't help but think once again you never ran into a Cluster B like so many members of this forum have. You basically lucked out with the crazies you got with and now advocate such women as a form of sharing the wealth.

Realize that you just got lucky if you truly did have good experiences with such people.

Advocating DJ's go after damaged cases is just counterproductive to the self improvement nature of this site.

It worked for you to go after damaged women but most other guys if they followed your advice would be destroyed by such a woman when or if she committed suicide as the result of her problems or harmed herself or something else crazy that you were lucky enough not to experience but could of at any time.

Its far safer advice to tell aspiring DJ's to seek out healthy minded partners for their relationships and leave the damaged goods to the AFC's.

Don't worry potato if you're empathy has brought you here to try and convince us to go after such women because they need love too you need not worry as the AFC hordes and predators will continue to make sure the other side of such women's beds are warm at night.

It really doesn’t matter what I say does it? You’re obviously so caught up in your narrow point of view that everyone else must be wrong or otherwise defective. I guess you are just going to believe what you want to believe and long windingly so.

 

[DonJuan11]

Over the next few days, I thought about our talk.

Do our women need to let us know of their dark side? Do we need to re-shape our frame of thinking to better understand? How do we connect with this world of our women, the women who have these deep wounds? Should we try to gain some insight into this unknown? Or do we leave this to the therapists.

I've never known James Bond to be a therapist.

 

[Luthor Rex]

see, thats the thing, everyone does have issues in their lives. some people have way more issues than others, and some people have way worse issues than others.

The problem I've noticed is that there are a lot of people who seem to fall into the "well everyone has issues so let's be sh!theads 'cuz we're all just gonna die anyway."

It's not about being prefect, it's about making progress. Unfortunately the drama-lovers out there don't want to make progress, they want to wallow in being miserable instead of doing something about it.

Are these people just not aware they are alive? Do they want the unhappy ending??

*sigh*

"Even when your hope is gone / move along / move along / just to make it through."

 

[KontrollerX]

"It really doesn’t matter what I say does it? You’re obviously so caught up in your narrow point of view that everyone else must be wrong or otherwise defective. I guess you are just going to believe what you want to believe and long windingly so."

Nice cowardly evasion instead of answering my post.

Anyway though it doesn't matter.

You clearly have no respect for the views of the members of this forum and want to pimp your lunatic agenda over common sense.

That go for damaged women crap is never gonna fly here so might I suggest you take your advice and AFC mentality over to a place where you'll find contentment and people that share your delusions that place of course being Loveshack.org.

Thank you and have a nice day.

 

[potato]

"It really doesn’t matter what I say does it? You’re obviously so caught up in your narrow point of view that everyone else must be wrong or otherwise defective. I guess you are just going to believe what you want to believe and long windingly so."

Nice cowardly evasion instead of answering my post.

Anyway though it doesn't matter.

You clearly have no respect for the views of the members of this forum and want to pimp your lunatic agenda over common sense.

That go for damaged women crap is never gonna fly here so might I suggest you take your advice and AFC mentality over to a place where you'll find contentment and people that share your delusions that place of course being Loveshack.org.

Thank you and have a nice day.

What, your want me to respond to your asinine accusations that have nothing to do with the reality of the situation. You claim that I have an agenda but all I said was that I had a girlfriend with whom I had a healthy happy relationship with who just happened to have been molested as a child. Thus every woman who was molested as a child is not necessarily damaged goods. Yet, for whatever reason, this doesn’t agree with your point of view so you keep pulling this crap out of you’re a$$ about me being a predator, loser AFC and the other nonsense you keep posting.

I have an idea, why don’t you try to post a well reasoned argument rather than just finding a hundred different ways to insult me. If you react to women the way that you have been reacting to me, then I have little wonder why you have a history of women sh!tting on you.

 

[KontrollerX]

"What, your want me to respond to your asinine accusations that have nothing to do with the reality of the situation. You claim that I have an agenda but all I said was that I had a girlfriend with whom I had a healthy happy relationship with who just happened to have been molested as a child."

Stop with the lying already.

Its getting tiresome.

You came here with an agenda plain and simple and it was laid bare when you told us all that we could never understand women or humanity unless we willingly slum it up with some nutjob once in our lives like you have.

Presumably to be as enlightened as yourself I take it?

My counter argument to your b.s was pretty simple common sense and it basically said that people don't have to have ever dealt with some nutjob woman to understand life or humanity.

They can understand both just fine dealing with only healthy minded people.

You for some reason got all butthurt over your advice being called out for the trash that it is so you went on a big psychoanalysis spree of personal attack posts mixed in with evasions and lies and all the other forms of utter nonsense you could vomit up and yet getting repeatedly owned for all of this trash you keep spouting it expecting a different result.

Definition of insanity?

Yes.

"Thus every woman who was molested as a child is not necessarily damaged goods."

No, just the fact that they were molested makes them damaged goods and as cold as that may sound its just the brutal truth of things.

People who would take a huge unnecessary risk like you would to get involved with one of these people put their emotional well being on the line if she suddenly starts going through a spell where she can't deal with the memory of her molestation and then offs herself.

Then all you've got for your time and effort is a dead girlfriend, a load of grief, and a ton of shame for even allowing this type of person in your life. Shame not because the girl was a bad person of course but shame because you made a stupid fvcking risky decision and now you're paying for it.

Thus DJ's are well advised to avoid the damaged goods to avoid a high risk scenario but you go ahead playing the good samaritan and seeking these people out for relationships pretending your honorable if that makes you happy.

No one here ever told you to stop but no one here is going to validate your decisions as good either.

"Yet, for whatever reason, this doesn’t agree with your point of view so you keep pulling this crap out of you’re a$$ about me being a predator, loser AFC and the other nonsense you keep posting."

The way I see it these things are in all probability exactly what you are.

Going through your post history reveals all you seem to do on this site is subtley troll it and try to undermine the well thought out beliefs of the membership here. We get it you don't like the site or its message so why not leave and go to a forum that caters to your AFC bullsh*t ideals and be happy?

The reason you don't leave is the same reason no trolls do until they are banned.

You enjoy fvcking with people.

"I have an idea, why don’t you try to post a well reasoned argument rather than just finding a hundred different ways to insult me. If you react to women the way that you have been reacting to me, then I have little wonder why you have a history of women sh!tting on you."

Ooh there's another brilliant retort there Freud but the difference between you and I is I met my sickos unaware of what they were while you actively sought these people out to prey on em.

Question: Whose fvcked in the head now?

Answer: You.

And for the record the only women that have treated me horribly have been the sickos.

All the normal chicks have been great.

Nice try though.

 

[potato]

...the well thought out beliefs of the membership here.

So it is a religion. Explains a lot.

 

[KontrollerX]

Unlike a religion our beliefs can be changed when presented with a new and better idea.

Sorry but yours doesn't qualify.

Try again when you think of something new and actually productive, safe and healthy for people.

As it stands though I am officially done feeding your need for attention.

You are now on ignore.

"Plop goes his head, straight down into the sand."

Edit: No.

Plop is the sound of you making another sh*t post with no substance.

 

[potato]

Plop goes his head, straight down into the sand.

 

[iqqi]

Plop goes his head, straight down into the sand.

Save your breath. Its like grade school here, and they have cliques, too, haha. It is pretty easy to see what is an insult, what is a viewpoint, and what is a twisting of words. You don't always have to stand your ground with some of these guys, it isn't even worth it. State your piece, counter it once or twice, and then who cares. Whoever is reading it hopefully has a mind of their own to digest it all, and to see what you are saying.

Arguing back and forth with grade schoolers is silly. Unless they are actually making a point, based on what you actually said, then it is all irrelevant.

 

[TheHumanist]

I tried reading closely, its too confusing, and currently I'm too tired of reading deeply to read something else so deeply currently. However, I got the idea of the thread and I wish to state this.

Be careful of comming to thinking of women sharing their "darker" side (note I'm saying darker, not dark). I'm sure you remember times when times are stressful that you begin to vent it out to a friend, or perhaps the friend (male and females) shared their own story. Many times it more like they are talking to themselves in reflection than talking to the listener. Do not forget the line between a friend who need to say something and the tampon. Even normal (or even above normal) women have issues, they once in a while might have something to say about it.

That said, blueblue's story of that woman, sounds like she been through a lot lately, but she also have a lot of baggage she carries too. There are women with much less, and it is in the individual best interest to go find them. I am not sure she could be categorize with the above. However, I think it could be dangerous to generally apply that every time a women open up something like she is always just trying to manipulate.

BTW - Thank you PK for quoting it, though it seems the thread have been moved out here now.

 

[penkitten]

The problem I've noticed is that there are a lot of people who seem to fall into the "well everyone has issues so let's be sh!theads 'cuz we're all just gonna die anyway."

It's not about being prefect, it's about making progress. Unfortunately the drama-lovers out there don't want to make progress, they want to wallow in being miserable instead of doing something about it.

Are these people just not aware they are alive? Do they want the unhappy ending??

*sigh*

"Even when your hope is gone / move along / move along / just to make it through."

exactly!!
some people want to "blame" everything on something else.
no one willing to take responsibility...

i love that song.

 

[ValleyDJing]

RUN Forest RUN!

:crackup:

^ Best, advice, ever...next to the piece I'm about to give you.

Quit trying to figure women out!! They can't even f---ing figure themselves out!