jbbrain
Master Don Juan
I might as well have used a "Help me out cuz I havent got a clue about this one" title for this thread, because this is honestly the way I feel at this point AGAIN in my relationship with my girlfriend..but alas..many of you might remember my last post with that exact title. Regardless, I may even be more dumbfounded and confused than I ever felt before with her. Some of the fuys who helped me out last time-Jake Steed, Cyrano, even Prose-you may feel you have a good grasp on what type of girl I'm currently dating, so if youre around to check out this thread, feel free to enlighten me with your knowledge and overall more vast experience in the land of the LTR-(In the end, ther answer to this whole thread may as well be: "You're young, your girlfriend is young, both of you are immature to a certain extent, you're not ready for a relationship..what are you doing? Get out and have fun!"
We'll see. Anyways, keep in mind this is goign to be a lengthy post, but I'll try my best to make it as entertaining and substantive as possible. Bare with me...let's get through this together!
So, in a thread I entitled "Never sell yourself short with your girl" I wrote several weeks back, I basically outlined my then current thoughts and feelings about my relationship with my polish chick. The post actually came out in response to a thread Drixsa started, outlining things everyone should keep in mind if one is to have a successful relationship. One tip he outlined was "A girl who doesn't initiate ideas, dates or conversations with you is a waste of time". The bells went ringing along in my head. I read that, and that phrase just seemed to make sense. And it made me wonder.. Again (like I've stated before), I have no qualms about being "The Man" in the relationship, being the one in control, setting up the dates, making the plans, overall putting in the effort to keep things interesting etc., BUT, I was honest with myself, and I asked my myself as directly as I could if I could ever stand being with a girl who's basically as exciting as a donkey. I came up with a strong "negatory". I got some flack for that thread. Guys like Player Supreme expressed his ideals that the man should always be the one to impress his lady and be the one to always take the initiative for things such as dates, ideas, presents, sex etc. I understand that although he may have lived HIS life that way, that isn't a life for me. I can stimulate as well as anyone, but I expect to be stiumlated right back. Again, I can fully appreciate my status as a man in any relationship, but these are the 2000's, and I expect and demand reciprocity from my girlfriend to keep things exciting. I wanted a "giver" and although my girl was super nice and sweet and attentive, I believe her history of being a "beauty queen" her whole life has only allowed her to get by without having to make sacrifices and truly putting in the effort to make things fun for both her guy and her relationships (keep in mind, I know this is not UNCOMMON). Well, I decided that shyt wasn't going to fly with me, and to be honest with everyone here, I was wicked wicked bored with her, and her behaviour..I was thinking about wanting out...
..I was a bit resentful because i felt my efforts weren't being recognized and appreciated, so 1 week before Valntine's Day, I called her up saying that we needed to talk and I went over to her place with the full intent of breaking things off with her. I just wasn't happy in the relationship at the moment in time, so why fool myself pretending I was? I thought if I wasn't happy now, Why shouldn't I go back to being single, having sex with tons of girls and just being happy and free. I felt I deserved the best, and felt I wasn't getting it. So that's fine. The mistake I made about this whole thing was that I had just assumed she felt kinda the same way about the relationship, that things weren't goign that great..In essence, i felt that my goign over to her place and breaking it off would be the easiest thing in the world. At that moment, I really felt I didn't need to "talk to her about it" beforehand and be communicative like any good boyfriend would be. I was ready to just end it right then and there, fully expecting she was one the same page I was on. Why do eachother any disservices? Why waste time? There's a whole life to be had out there! Surely she felt the same way too!
I was dead wrong. Of course we WEREN'T ON THE SAME PAGE. Of course she had no idea that I was so unhappy in the relationship. Of course she had to think everything was goign GREAT. As you can imagine, our discrepancies in how we thought "we" were going, led to a marr of confusion, tears on her part, accusations, finger pointing etc. She was so shocked and couldn't believe I was actually doing what she thought I was doing. The end result was that something I thought I was goign to be easy and painless to do ended up being very complicated and sensitive, all because I had assumed we were feeling the same way and didn't really feel any the need to be communicative at all prior to the breakup session. Well, the funny thing is, once I actually started talking about it, and being open with what i expect from my relationships, and not keeping it bottled inside, the more I felt that this was just another issue in our relationship that could be overcome. Thus, the mandate for my talk with her, initially being to break up, slowly transitioned to a "Let's try to work this out" type deal. The truth was, I still really liked this girl, and I was super wrong for at least not giving her the benefit of the doubt about my issues with her, and instead jumping the proverbial "gun" and breaking up with her intead of just trying to talk things through. I learned a valuable lesson from that point on, and that is to never assume that eveyone thinks the same way you do. Never assume that if you have a problem or issue with something, that everyone else does too. Nobody on this earth is a mindreader, often ppl are ignorant about things until they are enlightened and shown otherwise, most probably by another person. So...we finished up with some delicious make up sex, and again I had naively thought that the issues were dealt with ie. She now knows that with me at least, both us will have to learn to perhaps take eachother less for granted and strive for new heights in excitement, spontaniety and overall fun. I expressed that this will only work if we're both commited and we both thought it was worth it. She was desperate to patch things up, and i was happy to have my gf back..all was well until...
A couple days later, she felt absolutely betrayed. I thought it was "all good", and all the meanwhile, the next couple days after our talk, she was doing nothing was thinking about our talk, worrying and feeling absolutely betrayed that i would actually try to break up with her without even having the decency a talk about what was bothering me first. The more i thought about it, the more I didn't blame her. She would call me up 2-3 times in the next few days, crying, pleading with me, begging for answers about how I could ever do such a thing. All i could say to her how much of a mistake I made , and that i was super sorry that she felt betrayed, but that I promised I would never betray her like that again, and that I wouldn't be so fukkin passive aggressive with her in the future-ie. If I had problems with her, I would let her know. Valentine's day came around on the 14th, and I know she still felt like shyt about what had happened, so i decided that all my banter and my verbal apologies (i didn't over do it, I just said what I thougt was appropriate) weren't going to make any diifference. I know actions often speak alot louder than words, so i decided to plan ahead and make a super nice valentines day for her. I mean, A LOT OF EFFORT. Turns out, she was probbaly still resentful from the before and decided to act very unusually and completely out of character-Moody, bytchy, demanding: Like a little brat princess. Even after all I had done for her. I didn't put two and two together and realize that she was probbaly only going through her own passive aggressive episode with me then and would eventually get over it.
We'll see. Anyways, keep in mind this is goign to be a lengthy post, but I'll try my best to make it as entertaining and substantive as possible. Bare with me...let's get through this together!
So, in a thread I entitled "Never sell yourself short with your girl" I wrote several weeks back, I basically outlined my then current thoughts and feelings about my relationship with my polish chick. The post actually came out in response to a thread Drixsa started, outlining things everyone should keep in mind if one is to have a successful relationship. One tip he outlined was "A girl who doesn't initiate ideas, dates or conversations with you is a waste of time". The bells went ringing along in my head. I read that, and that phrase just seemed to make sense. And it made me wonder.. Again (like I've stated before), I have no qualms about being "The Man" in the relationship, being the one in control, setting up the dates, making the plans, overall putting in the effort to keep things interesting etc., BUT, I was honest with myself, and I asked my myself as directly as I could if I could ever stand being with a girl who's basically as exciting as a donkey. I came up with a strong "negatory". I got some flack for that thread. Guys like Player Supreme expressed his ideals that the man should always be the one to impress his lady and be the one to always take the initiative for things such as dates, ideas, presents, sex etc. I understand that although he may have lived HIS life that way, that isn't a life for me. I can stimulate as well as anyone, but I expect to be stiumlated right back. Again, I can fully appreciate my status as a man in any relationship, but these are the 2000's, and I expect and demand reciprocity from my girlfriend to keep things exciting. I wanted a "giver" and although my girl was super nice and sweet and attentive, I believe her history of being a "beauty queen" her whole life has only allowed her to get by without having to make sacrifices and truly putting in the effort to make things fun for both her guy and her relationships (keep in mind, I know this is not UNCOMMON). Well, I decided that shyt wasn't going to fly with me, and to be honest with everyone here, I was wicked wicked bored with her, and her behaviour..I was thinking about wanting out...
..I was a bit resentful because i felt my efforts weren't being recognized and appreciated, so 1 week before Valntine's Day, I called her up saying that we needed to talk and I went over to her place with the full intent of breaking things off with her. I just wasn't happy in the relationship at the moment in time, so why fool myself pretending I was? I thought if I wasn't happy now, Why shouldn't I go back to being single, having sex with tons of girls and just being happy and free. I felt I deserved the best, and felt I wasn't getting it. So that's fine. The mistake I made about this whole thing was that I had just assumed she felt kinda the same way about the relationship, that things weren't goign that great..In essence, i felt that my goign over to her place and breaking it off would be the easiest thing in the world. At that moment, I really felt I didn't need to "talk to her about it" beforehand and be communicative like any good boyfriend would be. I was ready to just end it right then and there, fully expecting she was one the same page I was on. Why do eachother any disservices? Why waste time? There's a whole life to be had out there! Surely she felt the same way too!
I was dead wrong. Of course we WEREN'T ON THE SAME PAGE. Of course she had no idea that I was so unhappy in the relationship. Of course she had to think everything was goign GREAT. As you can imagine, our discrepancies in how we thought "we" were going, led to a marr of confusion, tears on her part, accusations, finger pointing etc. She was so shocked and couldn't believe I was actually doing what she thought I was doing. The end result was that something I thought I was goign to be easy and painless to do ended up being very complicated and sensitive, all because I had assumed we were feeling the same way and didn't really feel any the need to be communicative at all prior to the breakup session. Well, the funny thing is, once I actually started talking about it, and being open with what i expect from my relationships, and not keeping it bottled inside, the more I felt that this was just another issue in our relationship that could be overcome. Thus, the mandate for my talk with her, initially being to break up, slowly transitioned to a "Let's try to work this out" type deal. The truth was, I still really liked this girl, and I was super wrong for at least not giving her the benefit of the doubt about my issues with her, and instead jumping the proverbial "gun" and breaking up with her intead of just trying to talk things through. I learned a valuable lesson from that point on, and that is to never assume that eveyone thinks the same way you do. Never assume that if you have a problem or issue with something, that everyone else does too. Nobody on this earth is a mindreader, often ppl are ignorant about things until they are enlightened and shown otherwise, most probably by another person. So...we finished up with some delicious make up sex, and again I had naively thought that the issues were dealt with ie. She now knows that with me at least, both us will have to learn to perhaps take eachother less for granted and strive for new heights in excitement, spontaniety and overall fun. I expressed that this will only work if we're both commited and we both thought it was worth it. She was desperate to patch things up, and i was happy to have my gf back..all was well until...
A couple days later, she felt absolutely betrayed. I thought it was "all good", and all the meanwhile, the next couple days after our talk, she was doing nothing was thinking about our talk, worrying and feeling absolutely betrayed that i would actually try to break up with her without even having the decency a talk about what was bothering me first. The more i thought about it, the more I didn't blame her. She would call me up 2-3 times in the next few days, crying, pleading with me, begging for answers about how I could ever do such a thing. All i could say to her how much of a mistake I made , and that i was super sorry that she felt betrayed, but that I promised I would never betray her like that again, and that I wouldn't be so fukkin passive aggressive with her in the future-ie. If I had problems with her, I would let her know. Valentine's day came around on the 14th, and I know she still felt like shyt about what had happened, so i decided that all my banter and my verbal apologies (i didn't over do it, I just said what I thougt was appropriate) weren't going to make any diifference. I know actions often speak alot louder than words, so i decided to plan ahead and make a super nice valentines day for her. I mean, A LOT OF EFFORT. Turns out, she was probbaly still resentful from the before and decided to act very unusually and completely out of character-Moody, bytchy, demanding: Like a little brat princess. Even after all I had done for her. I didn't put two and two together and realize that she was probbaly only going through her own passive aggressive episode with me then and would eventually get over it.
