keto, honestly now...why is it that the vast majority of your posts include insults directed at me? I don't pander to either gender and my advice is the same as several of the older, more rational men on this site. There are plenty of times when I have been far harsher on the female than any of the guys here have been. Ask memphis what I told him about the girl that was trying to get knocked up and trap him into marrying her. Only one guy picked up on it and the rest were giving him total sh*t advice encouraging him to keep her. If the girl sounds decent and has a point I encourage people to work it out if it can be worked out. I offer ways to do that because there is virtually no decent advice on this site to help guys with LTRs...and that is my area of expertise. There are a lot of relationship problems posted on here that CAN be resolved by using the proper tools and methods. "Nexting" all the time is the easy way out and doesn't teach anyone a darm thing about maintaining a relationship. So, although my advice is a bit different...it's only because I'm presenting options for the guys who don't want to quit at every little problem. It's good for people to get more in depth advice than "Next". It gives them choices and ultimately more power.
What does she mean?
- Thread starter BigFoot
- Start date
He doesn't have to end this relationship to get a grip on his own issues. The problem he described isn't severe enough where he has to do that. From what I've read he sounds more like he's gotten complacent and lazy than it sounds like he's being an "AFC". Two entirely different issues.Originally posted by frivolousz21
NO..no..no!
thats not wrong..the reason we are advocating the next is because he is ovbviously an AFC.
unfortunitely for you..you are not a MAN..you do not know exactly how we feel..and why we know what we know..and why we know this is best for this MAN.
He isnt just AFC because she has got to him.and he has no dominance over the relationship.
he has no dominance over his life, nor does he control his emotions in a manner that helps him.
He should take a break with her..and immediately start improving his quality of life..and the exspectations he has for himself.
after he does this..they can try to get back together..but I can GUARENTEE YOU..HE will want to keep pushing himself to new hieghts without her!
I agree with Wyldfire here: where did I say anything about alot of drama, mistrust, disrespect? You're reading more into the situation (from your own experience I assume) than I've said.Firstly, you need to break this cycle of drama, mistrust and disrespect...
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MacDiddy
Master Don Juan
Maybe so... but ifbigfoot wrote:
I agree with Wyldfire here: where did I say anything about alot of drama, mistrust, disrespect? You're reading more into the situation (from your own experience I assume) than I've said.
fighting and arguing, seeing other men and then coming back to you, or complaining that you're not adventurous...
if any of the above isn't a form of drama or disprespect... then maybe my standards are too high.....
As you have said... your relationship is about to expire... you already sound like your defeated. Putting this in context, her complaint that you are not adventursome isn't some casual comment whereby a little bit of spice is going to make everything nice... Don't get offended by I just don't see in you the fire to make this relationship work anyway!!!
Its not easy for an AFC to next... he'll stick in the relationship till she throws him out on his belly...Wyld wrote:
"Nexting" all the time is the easy way out and doesn't teach anyone a darm thing about maintaining a relationship.
Nexting is choice!!!! Thats why it was invented... to give us guys power and choice.....I don't know why us guys can see the paradigm for what it is and you don't?It's good for people to get more in depth advice than "Next". It gives them choices and ultimately more power.
Your advice is better of in a forum where AFCs can be AFCs and get advice on keeping the chick thru copious amounts of compromise and AFCish supplication as they do on Dr. Phil's Show.... I'm not saying it doesn't work, but it's not what this site would like to advocate...
MacDiddy...you're missing a crucial part of the advice I am giving him. If this girl is telling him he's too predictible, and he admits he is...then that is a problem he NEEDS to address. He needs to do that FOR HIMSELF, NOT for her. The other part that you aren't considering is that experience in dealing with the opposite sex in a variety of situations leads to wisdom, knowledge and growth as a person. Nexting so fast cheats you out of many of those very valuable experiences and lessons. Obviously, if things get to a point where a person is a wreck because of something going wrong in a relationship, then it most certainly calls for drastic measures. That is not where BigFoot is at. He doesn't sound miserable or like he is a wreck or suffering horribly from what is going on in his relationship. If anything, he seems a bit confused. It's times like those that are best for learning, gaining wisdom and experience. That is why I'm advising him to see if he can resolve this. If it works...then he has learned something and gained something. If it doesn't work, then he still learns something and loses nothing that he wouldn't have lost anyway. If he just bails he learns nothing. Sometimes you need to take a closer look at the pros and cons of things before making a decision...especially if you want to get the most out of things in life.
Just because a woman listens to you and acts interested in what you say doesn't mean she really is. She might just be acting polite, while silently wishing that the date would hurry up and end, or that you would go away... and never come back.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.
I'm glad to see that you're able to differentiate the advice that's based on what you've posted from the rest. Wyldfire is definitely on the right track here - you're girlfriend has noticed you being less than you are capable of in terms of doing new things. Which is another way of saying that you aren't embracing all life has to offer as fully as you might.Originally posted by BigFoot
I don't understand what you mean here BP1974. Can you explain further?
Women pick up on this stuff, it's like they're designed to notice when their man is just coasting, taking the easy route or behaving in less than his best ways. And they will let you know. This is why one of men's biggest complaints is that the woman they're with is trying to 'change' them. The men who complain about this are being weak, childish and generally lazy. Let's face it, as guys, we know when we could be doing better. We know when we're coasting, when we're afraid to try something new, and we often don't like it when someone points it out to us. Hence "She's trying to change me! Dumb biotch!! Who does she think she is?? NEXT!!". But this response is immature, and is entirely missing the point. Don't look at what she's saying, look at the message. The words aren't necessarily important.
For example:
"Why don't we go out anymore?!" could be a number of things. It could be "You've arranged your life in a way that doesn't leave time to do things for yourself or your family". It could be " You're being lazy - is this how the rest of your life is going to pan out?."
What could you be doing better in your life?
When a woman is totally yours, she will be your measure of how you're doing in the world. Treat her as such. A messenger. Sometimes like in your case she gives you a very direct message, which is good because you have information to work with. Other times she won't have words, all she'll have is feelings. She'll be unhappy with you and won't be able to tell you why. These are tricky. It's easy to lose your temper with her but this is the weak response. The strong response is to ask yourself, "What could I be doing better?".
Now before I get panned, I'm not saying we should take note of everything any female tells us about ourselves and change ourselves to fit. I'm saying that when we find a woman to love, who lets us know she loves us, and who we trust as our partner, listen to what she says when she's unhappy or telling you you're not measuring up in some way, work out what the message is, and do something better. Women are never happy settling for second best from their men. As men, it's our job to take it in our strides, not get all bent out of shape, and accept, however hard it is, that we could be doing much, much better than most of us are.
When you are being the best that you can be, you will know, because your woman will shine, and she will be completely yours.
cactus3178
Senior Don Juan
5 pages on this, huh?
All is not lost, but your obviously treading on thin ice. If she thinks your not adventureous (or whatever she said), become less predictable. Do things out of the ordinary. Take off for the weekend with her. Announce it on Friday night after you get the car packed. If you don't do anything on the weekdays, start. Do what you have to do, because, believe me, if your boring her, you'll bore the next one too.
NO girl out there wants somebody they can predict 100% of the time. Be spontaneous.
And to some of you saying it's over...that may be...but IMO, it's saveable. You have to put in some effort to keep a relationship alive, it doesn't just keep itself afloat with no effort...if that was the case, we'd all be happily damn married.
You get what you put in, if something's not working, fix it. If she still wants to go after you do so/it's too late/whatever, f*cking NEXT her ass and get on.
All is not lost, but your obviously treading on thin ice. If she thinks your not adventureous (or whatever she said), become less predictable. Do things out of the ordinary. Take off for the weekend with her. Announce it on Friday night after you get the car packed. If you don't do anything on the weekdays, start. Do what you have to do, because, believe me, if your boring her, you'll bore the next one too.
NO girl out there wants somebody they can predict 100% of the time. Be spontaneous.
And to some of you saying it's over...that may be...but IMO, it's saveable. You have to put in some effort to keep a relationship alive, it doesn't just keep itself afloat with no effort...if that was the case, we'd all be happily damn married.
You get what you put in, if something's not working, fix it. If she still wants to go after you do so/it's too late/whatever, f*cking NEXT her ass and get on.
Faded Image
Senior Don Juan
It means that she's could possibly jump on the next best thing smoken'.
Disappear for a couple of days or blow her off when she needs you the most. Don't ask her where the relationship is going, disappearing for a couple of days asks that question without you asking her at all. (think about it)
Hopefully her interest level hasn't dropped to the point where she can care less how suave you start to become.
One other thing, she might have already met someone who drives her to that thrilling edge that's M.I.A. in your relationship.
If all else fail, break up with her before she breaks up with you.
Disappear for a couple of days or blow her off when she needs you the most. Don't ask her where the relationship is going, disappearing for a couple of days asks that question without you asking her at all. (think about it)
Hopefully her interest level hasn't dropped to the point where she can care less how suave you start to become.
One other thing, she might have already met someone who drives her to that thrilling edge that's M.I.A. in your relationship.
If all else fail, break up with her before she breaks up with you.
Do not be too easy. If you are too easy to get, she will not want you. If you are too easy to keep, she will lose interest in you. If you are too easy to control, she will not respect you.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.
MacDiddy
Master Don Juan
So how about an update Bigfoot??
Can't believe this has been almost 2 years ago..
Can't believe this has been almost 2 years ago..