What does she mean?

[BigFoot]

Excellent point MacDiddy, and you could very well be correct. Don't forget I did say I thought the relationship was coming to an end. The quality of the feedback has been excellent.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Originally posted by BigFoot
Unfortunately, I think I'm at the end of a relationship I've had for some time. But she said something yesterday that I don't understand: I'm not "adventuresome" enough? It's possible she used the wrong word here, but any idea what she means?

This is to say that she wants a more risk-taking man and not one who is so predictable!! Throw her off by wearing a purple tie with an orange suit!!

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by Paradox
She wants her hair pulled while he spanks her. Right Wyld?





I have to agree with Wyld here. This is the solution.

Something like that...yes. He's too predictible and she's bored with the relationship. He can nip this in the bud easily by simply not being so predictible. This is a very, very easy one to handle.

 

[becker]

I hate this sort of B.S. Man, I'm relatively predictable, to a certain extent, but I certainly don't follow the crowd. I'm not doing this for the sake of a girl, I absolutely hate that garbage.

If a girl has issues with getting bored and crap like that, it just means she's too immature to handle anything serious with you, and there's not a lot you can do about it without essentially changing the person that you are to accomodate her, and even then, the end is not worth the crazy amount of effort that will take.

Imagine you're some goody-good guy, and you tried to become all bad-a$$. Well, first off, it would be very unnatural and people would see right through it, and second, you're not going to be who you want to be.

I think it's just so much easier to just not have women in your life sometimes, and if they come, great, but if not, well life goes on.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by becker
I hate this sort of B.S. Man, I'm relatively predictable, to a certain extent, but I certainly don't follow the crowd. I'm not doing this for the sake of a girl, I absolutely hate that garbage.

If a girl has issues with getting bored and crap like that, it just means she's too immature to handle anything serious with you, and there's not a lot you can do about it without essentially changing the person that you are to accomodate her, and even then, the end is not worth the crazy amount of effort that will take.

Imagine you're some goody-good guy, and you tried to become all bad-a$$. Well, first off, it would be very unnatural and people would see right through it, and second, you're not going to be who you want to be.

I think it's just so much easier to just not have women in your life sometimes, and if they come, great, but if not, well life goes on.

becker...let's say your girlfriend doesn't really like sex very much and before she got involved with you she had only had sex once a month with her past boyfriends, because that was all she wanted to do it. Obviously, you would want to have sex more than once a month, right? By your rationalition it would be fine for her to refuse to adjust things to better suit your happiness in the relationship. This is the same kind of thing. She wants a little more variety and new experiences in her life, which she is entitled to. She wants him to make more of an effort to share new experiences and variety with her. These are things that you MUST do in a relationship if you want it to last. You have to make the effort to grow WITH each other instead of growing apart if you want it to work. And honestly...this really is such a minor thing to do...and VERY easy. He wouldn't be changing WHO he is...he would simply be broadening his experiences and being more willing to try new things...which would actually be good for him and anyone else on the planet. It's good to enrich your life by trying new things and stepping outside of what is familiar and comfortable once in awhile.

 

[becker]

Originally posted by Wyldfire
becker...let's say your girlfriend doesn't really like sex very much and before she got involved with you she had only had sex once a month with her past boyfriends, because that was all she wanted to do it. Obviously, you would want to have sex more than once a month, right? By your rationalition it would be fine for her to refuse to adjust things to better suit your happiness in the relationship. This is the same kind of thing. She wants a little more variety and new experiences in her life, which she is entitled to. She wants him to make more of an effort to share new experiences and variety with her. These are things that you MUST do in a relationship if you want it to last. You have to make the effort to grow WITH each other instead of growing apart if you want it to work. And honestly...this really is such a minor thing to do...and VERY easy. He wouldn't be changing WHO he is...he would simply be broadening his experiences and being more willing to try new things...which would actually be good for him and anyone else on the planet. It's good to enrich your life by trying new things and stepping outside of what is familiar and comfortable once in awhile.

Wyldfire, well put, and point taken. I think my point was that it just seems to make me not want to be around women because my last relationship was one in which I was open to doing new things, but she seemed to expect me to come up with stuff everyday to do that was new and exciting, which was a bit much. When I refused, she just sort of took off and lost interest. If that's what it's going to take for most women, then I'm in trouble.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Originally posted by Wyldfire
She wants a little more variety and new experiences in her life, which she is entitled to. She wants him to make more of an effort to share new experiences and variety with her. These are things that you MUST do in a relationship if you want it to last.

While she may be entitled to variety and new experiences, Becker is not obliged in any way to give all that to her. Why doesn't she go out and look for adventure instead of b1tching to her boyfriend to bring adventure to her?

If you're looking for a more steady LTR type of relationship, these girls are not for you. That is what Becker is realizing right now. One shoe does NOT fit all. It's as simple as that.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by becker
Wyldfire, well put, and point taken. I think my point was that it just seems to make me not want to be around women because my last relationship was one in which I was open to doing new things, but she seemed to expect me to come up with stuff everyday to do that was new and exciting, which was a bit much. When I refused, she just sort of took off and lost interest. If that's what it's going to take for most women, then I'm in trouble.

becker, your situation sounds a bit different than the one we're discussing here. Your ex sounds more like a girl who thought you were supposed to entertain her all of the time. No one is going to be able to accomodate her whims, no matter how hard they try. This case, though, sounds more like they've fallen into a bit of a relationship rut and she wants to add a little interest and newness to things. It doesn't sound like she wants to be entertained, but rather is trying to get her boyfriend to try new things once in awhile. Whole different ball of wax...

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by TillTheEndOfTime
While she may be entitled to variety and new experiences, Becker is not obliged in any way to give all that to her. Why doesn't she go out and look for adventure instead of b1tching to her boyfriend to bring adventure to her?

If you're looking for a more steady LTR type of relationship, these girls are not for you. That is what Becker is realizing right now. One shoe does NOT fit all. It's as simple as that.

becker is talking about a whole different kind of situation than the guy who started the thread is talking about. The guy who started the thread gave enough information about his situation that shows very clearly that his girlfriend isn't being demanding or unreasonable...she just wants him to be open to trying new things and be a bit less predictible. becker's girlfriend wanted someone to entertain her...totally different situation.

And no, a boyfriend doesn't have to share new experiences with his girlfriend...but if he shows no interest in what she's doing and isn't willing to try to share in any of the things she wants to do then he's a pretty sucky boyfriend. I mean, isn't the whole point of having a LTR based on caring about a person enough to actually want to spend time with them and do things together? If a guy wants to be a bump on a log or couch potato and shows no interest or doesn't share any experiences with his girlfriend she's going to kick his a$$ to the curb for someone with a freaking pulse...and rightly so.

 

[BigFoot]

He can nip this in the bud easily by simply not being so predictible. This is a very, very easy one to handle.

So Wyldfire (and PRL) you think I can make a change here by not being so predictble.....It may be too late, but it would be worth a try. Can you give me examples of how to not be so predictible?
Wearing something different in clothes is a specific action suggested, but I wonder if that really gets to the issue.

And in being less predictible I have to keep this in mind:

No amount of change in you is going to do it... She'll just see you as trying too hard!! Your suplicating and being AFC.. thats unattractive...

 

[BigFoot]

This is to say that she wants a more risk-taking man and not one who is so predictable!!

'more risk-taking man' is very perceptive. This does sound like her. What creates this perception in a female (other than the Harley motorcyle image) It is, after all, mostly a perception (magic, romance) on their part I believe.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by BigFoot
So Wyldfire (and PRL) you think I can make a change here by not being so predictble.....It may be too late, but it would be worth a try. Can you give me examples of how to not be so predictible?
Wearing something different in clothes is a specific action suggested, but I wonder if that really gets to the issue.

And in being less predictible I have to keep this in mind:

Bigfoot...you shouldn't have to "work" at simply being open to new experiences such as trying new kinds of food, going new places and trying something new. This really isn't a big deal at all. A good place to start would be in the sex department. Men think about sex constantly and I'm quite certain you can think of something in that area. Hell, just come up behind her while she's doing the dishes, undress her, throw her a$$ up on the counter and do the deed right there. Well, be a little more playful then just "wham bam, thank you ma'am", but I'm sure you get the idea. Next time you go out to eat try someplace new where neither of you have been. Keep an eye out for events in your area that might be interesting that you wouldn't normally bother with...and go. Don't just look at it as something you're doing to make her happy...instead look at it as something you're doing for YOU, to enrich YOUR life and broaden your own experiences. If you look at it that way it won't seem forced, fake or like you're trying too hard...and it WILL have a positive impact on your relationship.

 

[BigFoot]

I understand Wyldfire. There was more of that when we first went out - yes, it has gotten too predictible.

 

[ketostix]

Originally posted by MacDiddy
I'm really surprised by the quality of feedback on this thread... It sucks...

Bigfoot's problem is that his gf does not view him as a long term prospect anymore... She wants to find someone else and just string him along for companionship till she does.. while using such excuses as
"I'm confused" or
"your not adventursome"
to mask her her current behaviour...

You've allowed her to jump the fence and comeback home... she knows how to do it now and she'll wait till the grass is greener on the other side before she goes again and she won't be coming back...

No amount of change in you is going to do it... She'll just see you as trying too hard!! Your suplicating and being AFC.. thats unattractive... If I was you, I'd be less concerned about her and start making plans for yourself... Start seeing other woman... and give her the "I'm confused" line too.... Start creating value in her eyes by being more or a man... in charge of his life... by being someone she looks up to.

Many moons ago, as one of my relationships was almost at an end, my gf told me I was too h0rny... As a desperate AFC, I tried anything to hold on to her and that included being less sexual... seriously.... how stupid was that!!!!
She told me she was confused as a pretext to start seeing someone else...

Anyway... your now acting like a wife who needs to go buy lingerie to impress her man.... This supplicative behaviour only works on a man... not a woman...

I think this is gold. Think about that Bigfoot. You said she already left you once. You should've just considered her no more than a Fvck Buddy when she came back.

You can try it Wyldfire's way (the pro-female, AFC way) and for all your efforts mostly likely end up getting dumped, or you can preemptively strike and pull back. You need a backup plan... start looking for other women. Next her, then you'll be the prize not her.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by BigFoot
I understand Wyldfire. There was more of that when we first went out - yes, it has gotten too predictible.

Sounds like you've hit the "comfort zone", and in order to keep a relationship alive when you get into a rut is to keep things as fresh and new as you can...not just for the person you're with, but for yourself, too.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by ketostix
I think this is gold. Think about that Bigfoot. You said she already left you once. You should've just considered her no more than a Fvck Buddy when she came back.

You can try it Wyldfire's way (the pro-female, AFC way) and for all your efforts mostly likely end up getting dumped, or you can preemptively strike and pull back. You need a backup plan... start looking for other women. Next her, then you'll be the prize not her.

Jesus Christ keto...is there even ONE of your 29 posts where you aren't biotching about me? You're whining worse than a woman...

 

[BigFoot]

I hear you Keto. I haven't discarded that
interpretation. Give me examples of how I should proceed with her then, according to your line of thinking.

 

[becker]

Originally posted by Wyldfire
Sounds like you've hit the "comfort zone", and in order to keep a relationship alive when you get into a rut is to keep things as fresh and new as you can...not just for the person you're with, but for yourself, too.

I mean, is there any way to just keep the relationship alive and just be in the comfort zone? If not, I'm going to be an eternal bachelor, because I'm just not going to make that much of an effort. I just don't find it necessary for me to enjoy life.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Originally posted by becker
I mean, is there any way to just keep the relationship alive and just be in the comfort zone? If not, I'm going to be an eternal bachelor, because I'm just not going to make that much of an effort. I just don't find it necessary for me to enjoy life.

Not all woman are whiney, selfish people. You're not going to be a eternal bachelor. You will find a woman who is content with a NORMAL life and does not live in a fantasy world where something new and exciting has to happen every day. Don't worry. It looks like you're looking for a serious relationship built on substance. For this you will need a woman of substance. Yes it takes time and it's not easy, but eventually it will come. There is nothing wrong with you.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by becker
I mean, is there any way to just keep the relationship alive and just be in the comfort zone? If not, I'm going to be an eternal bachelor, because I'm just not going to make that much of an effort. I just don't find it necessary for me to enjoy life.

lol...growing as a person is something everyone should be doing throughout their life, whether in a LTR or not. Yes, some relationships last in the comfort zone with either one or both of the people getting and staying lazy about maintaining it. They aren't usually happy, though. If a man neglects his relationship the woman is liable to gain a lot of weight and lost interest in sex. It's not a lot of work to be an interesting person who is constantly growing and learning new things or trying out a variety of hobbies. I can't imagine anyone NOT wanting to do those kinds of things FOR THEMSELVES anyhow. I mean, it sounds like you don't want to do your share to keep a woman attracted to you...like you just expect that she should always be. Life doesn't work that way. Would you want to stay with a woman who gained 100 lbs, never had sex with you and was only interested in herself? Of course not...so why would a woman want to stay with a guy who treats her like just some chick who cooks, cleans, makes babies and a warm piece of meat to get off into when he's horny? If you want a good relationship that is happy and fulfilling you can't be lazy. You don't have to bend over backwards and devote your entire existence to entertaining her...but you cannot get away with being lazy.