What does she mean?

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by MacDiddy
This relationship will end!!!!....You're not alone....just look at the countless post on this forum... not once have I seen a happy ever after ending....

You still hold out hope for something that is soo fundamentally flawed... Lets face it... you don't have the personality nor balls to tame someone like her and give her happiness.... You're only hangin on because she is all you got at the moment and vice versa.

You might see a happy ending once in awhile if all of you didn't screech "NEXT" every time a little speed bump pops up.

Anything worthwhile requires a little bit of effort to get. I mean...if you go to college and just sit on your butt and don't participate in your classes or do any work you fail the class. Relationships are much the same way. If you sit on your butt and don't put any effort into it, it's going to fail. It sounds like he's been doing a little more butt-sitting than he should. All he has to do is get up off his butt more often and that will fix this little problem he's having. Telling him to dump the girl in this situation is just ridiculous and totally irrational. If this is the major problem in his relationship then he's doing pretty damn well with it overall.

 

[ketostix]

Originally posted by BigFoot
Update:
Since my post, we had a big fight and I basically walked out on her with the mind to forget about her. When I did that, she seemed very upset that I might leave (she actually held on to me so I couldn't leave for a while). I did leave but we talked about things Monday.

Don't underestimate the contribution of you walking out had on her changing her attitude. It could be faulty attribution to assume you need to be a more adventerous person to please this gf. Challenge is what's likely need. Like Macdiddy said this relationship might ultimately fail, but that's why you should keep an eye on your exit plan with another girl.

 

[bp1974]

Re: Re: What does she mean?

Originally posted by Royal Elite
She means you are not the great, confident guy she knows You can be. Go out there in life with her show her she is right about the person hiding underneath.

Bingo. If you're not being the best you can be, if you're settling for the easy life, you will have a nagging and unhappy woman on your hands.

Look at it this way. The woman you are with is a barometer. Whens he's unhappy with you, it's because you're settling for less than you can be, and she knows it. You're not fooling anybody. This is how it works between a man and a woman - you will be tested and tested and tested again. She wants you to fulfil the potential she sees in you.

This is what women do when they want to love a man, and when they see him being lazy, trying to fool the world into accepting secondbest from him, they are miserable and they leave.

 

[MacDiddy]

You might see a happy ending once in awhile if all of you didn't screech "NEXT" every time a little speed bump pops up

Wyld: you just don't get it do you... He hasn't just hit a speed bump.... he's been hog tied and dragged along a road full of pot holes... He's suffered enough..I mean why torture the poor guy anymore... Either you must have a high threshold for pain or you just don't know what us guys want (or do not want)

You need to take a "Next" Appreciation course because you do not fully understand that nexting is where us DJ's derive alot of our power from....

Rather than believing that fairy tales still exist, you should just accept that a guy can get what he wants quicker and easier by moving on.....

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by MacDiddy
Wyld: you just don't get it do you... He hasn't just hit a speed bump.... he's been hog tied and dragged along a road full of pot holes... He's suffered enough..I mean why torture the poor guy anymore... Either you must have a high threshold for pain or you just don't know what us guys want (or do not want)

You need to take a "Next" Appreciation course because you do not fully understand that nexting is where us DJ's derive alot of our power from....

Rather than believing that fairy tales still exist, you should just accept that a guy can get what he wants quicker and easier by moving on.....

The fact that he's with her in the first place is a pretty good indicator that he likes her and wants a relationship with her. He's already said that he wants it to work. The issue is so minor that it is easy to fix. He wants to fix it. So why are you so hell bent on him "nexting" her?

 

[MacDiddy]

The issue is so minor that it is easy to fix.

The only thing minor is your understanding of dead-end relationships...

Take one of yours for instance... you hang in there for all those suffering years coz of your never say die attitude to relationships...What a waste....

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by MacDiddy
The only thing minor is your understanding of dead-end relationships...

Take one of yours for instance... you hang in there for all those suffering years coz of your never say die attitude to relationships...What a waste....

lol...you must be referring to my marriage. I stayed to try to make it work because I have children.

That was the only bad relationship I've had, all others have actually been quite good. You're awfully negative about relationships, MacDiddy. I'm guessing you got hurt...but you really shouldn't let your own bad experiences cloud your advice to other people. If I compared everyone else's relationship to my experience with my ex husband my advice would be very negative and bitter. You really need to look at other people's issues objectively and it doesn't really sound like you're doing that. Not trying to start an argument here...just making an observation intended to be helpful.

 

[BigFoot]

Look at it this way. The woman you are with is a barometer. Whens he's unhappy with you, it's because you're settling for less than you can be, and she knows it. You're not fooling anybody. This is how it works between a man and a woman - you will be tested and tested and tested again. She wants you to fulfil the potential she sees in you.

I don't understand what you mean here BP1974. Can you explain further?

 

[BigFoot]

You still hold out hope for something that is soo fundamentally flawed... Lets face it... you don't have the personality nor balls to tame someone like her and give her happiness.... You're only hangin on because she is all you got at the moment and vice versa.

McDiddy, you sound like you're projecting your bitterness about some past relationship into this scenario. The easy and meaningless way out is to 'dump her' - any weak guy can do that. It takes some patience and guts to try to work things out - a truism in relationships and in any challenging encounter in life.

 

[MacDiddy]

McDiddy, you sound like you're projecting your bitterness about some past relationship into this scenario.

On the contrary!!!... I'm projecting every past relationship that has ever been posted on this forum with the same scenario as yours that has ended bitterly... or sweet... the fact is they always end on the chick's terms and she moves on with no problems. The guy however still can't believe what has happened...

It takes a strong guy to "dump" her.... not a weak one as you don't have the heart to do it.... Whether you decide to stick it out in this relationship or not, you need to be in control... you need to lead... but the fact is it is you that is being lead into one drama after another that you never asked for... A DJ doesn't go thru this amount of drama in his lifetime....it's simply a waste of his time... coz he has confidence in himself, coz he has better things to do... coz he has options...You might be constraint by your lack of options...

A girl like her will probably end up with a strong man who can tame those emotional outburst of hers... A man that she looks up to and respects so much that she wouldn't dare get out of line...

you're simply not equiped for it yet... and there is too much history and disrespect in your relationship now that you just can't turn around... maybe if you let her miss you for a few months things might turn around??? have you ever thort of that???

 

[frivolousz21]

from what I have read.

you dont realize this now..but this is a bull**** situation for you.

you are probably not hte man you really want to be deep down.

also if a girl ever left me..she isnt coming back..because the door is shut. unless I ****ed up bad.



if want to make change..read the DJ bible.

if you want to hold on to something that will probably drag you down longer and longer..then do that.

its ur life.

but you can do better...isnt that what she said?

 

[frivolousz21]

McDiddy, you sound like you're projecting your bitterness about some past relationship into this scenario. The easy and meaningless way out is to 'dump her' - any weak guy can do that. It takes some patience and guts to try to work things out - a truism in relationships and in any challenging encounter in life.

thats complete AFC bull****. A strong man is the man who can dumb her move on!

 

[Luveno]

You're not 'adventuresome' enough?

That's ******** for : " I'm bored in this relationship and no longer interested in you. However, I do not want to break your heart and ego by telling you that you are boring/suck in bed/aren't as good looking as I would want my man to be etc."

Drop this girl and move on bro.

 

[MacDiddy]

wyld wrote:
That was the only bad relationship I've had, all others have actually been quite good. You're awfully negative about relationships, MacDiddy. I'm guessing you got hurt...but you really shouldn't let your own bad experiences cloud your advice to other people.

I'm pretty neutral about relationships. I get into them coz I'm wired to find a mate...and it happens and there you go!!! however when doing so I don't jump for joy... I control my emotions... I don't advocate relationships in a positive or negative way.... I advocate the DJ way!!!!

I guess coz you haven't been in a relationship for so so long, you've allowed this dreamy and fairy tale like vision to permeate your thinking... or maybe you didn't try hard enough before and now if and when you get into a relationship... you'll vow to try even harder....

While a relationship is a thing of beauty, I could never envision it to be frought with the amount of drama and fighting you are willing to put up with.... Its easy for you to sit in your armchair and tell this guy to persevere.......NEXT!!! why??? coz a DJ can!!!!

 

[BigFoot]

Well MacDiddy, if you recall, I started the thread saying I thought it was the end of the relationship. So at this point I'm not expecting alot of the relationship, but I'm willing to put some effort into it if it seems
worthwhile. Leaving her alone for a couple months is a great idea, but I think she'd be calling before then. If you have any other ideas like that , I'd like to hear them.

 

[ketostix]

Bigfoot, even if your relationship "flaws" your gf has an issue with are legitimate, if she was really into you, she wouldn't even see them or care. All were saying is she's the one with the problem not you. Don't change for her, don't supplicate, she needs to change as well. Just be strong (dominate), get what you want out of this girl and be willing to walk away. You can try to change her mood, but don't try to change her mind by getting sucked into her demands and debating them. You were on the right track when you said you need to be unpredictable and exciting. Nexting is the best tool there is for ungrateful nagging women.

Wyldfire could be right and it sounds good, but her advice runs counter to many guys experience, and panders to females. I'd side with collective experience of thousands of guys over some Opra/Dr. Phil style advice.

 

[MacDiddy]

Firstly, you need to break this cycle of drama, mistrust and disrespect... No amount of negotiation, arguments or supplication will do....

in order to do so... you need to create space and time between you and her....She needs to clear her mind of any negative impressions she has of you.... You've done this before and she has come back sweeter and more loving, albeit for a short time, but this short time is where you will see her being in a more receptive and loving state for you to try something different... for you to be more of a man (a DJ)... create attraction and to create dominance over her....

It's likely in your time spent apart that she will try to initiate contact... but you need to be strong and keep it to a minimum... Start chasing other girls... get comfortable in this social interaction... start creating value for yourself... you will need it to build confidence and leverage.... so that you can deal with your gf in the best possible position....

Start reading the DJ bible...

However, with time spent apart you need to be prepared that she might find someone else and tell you to pi$$ off... If that happens, I wouldn't be at all surprised that she is like this and I guess you can count yourself lucky it happens now than later on in marriage...

Its also plausible that in your time spent apart you develop DJ skills that has women of higher value begging to be by your side...

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by MacDiddy
coz he has better things to do...

Actually...no, he doesn't...and THAT is why she said what she did to him. He isn't doing for HIMSELF what he needs to be doing...and it has made him less interesting of a person to not only her, but to ANY women. "Nexting" her is NOT going to fix this problem. You are actually advocating for him to "Next" her for a mistake HE is making and for her noticing it. That IS totally irrational.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by MacDiddy
Firstly, you need to break this cycle of drama, mistrust and disrespect...

Dude...she only told him that he was too predictible. How is that "drama, mistrust and disrespect"? Especially if it's TRUE, as he has admitted it to be.

I don't know what situation is on your mind while you're giving him advice...but it sure as heck isn't the situation he described.

 

[frivolousz21]

Actually...no, he doesn't...and THAT is why she said what she did to him. He isn't doing for HIMSELF what he needs to be doing...and it has made him less interesting of a person to not only her, but to ANY women. "Nexting" her is NOT going to fix this problem. You are actually advocating for him to "Next" her for a mistake HE is making and for her noticing it. That IS totally irrational.

NO..no..no!

thats not wrong..the reason we are advocating the next is because he is ovbviously an AFC.

unfortunitely for you..you are not a MAN..you do not know exactly how we feel..and why we know what we know..and why we know this is best for this MAN.

He isnt just AFC because she has got to him.and he has no dominance over the relationship.

he has no dominance over his life, nor does he control his emotions in a manner that helps him.

He should take a break with her..and immediately start improving his quality of life..and the exspectations he has for himself.


after he does this..they can try to get back together..but I can GUARENTEE YOU..HE will want to keep pushing himself to new hieghts without her!