What do you think of this man's wife hating his gaming hobby?

[MatureDJ]

Gaming, as in video games, not gambling as a lot of pro-gambling folks like to call it.

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/...s_all_his_free_time_playing_online_games.html

My husband and I married a few years ago after just months of knowing each other. I have never once doubted our decision to marry, and on the whole, we are exceptionally happy. He is my perfect partner and an ideal father for our daughter—but, of course, there's a but. During our very brief courtship, there is one habit he intentionally hid from me—online gaming. Apparently, he didn't want me to think him nerdy. When he first disclosed this after the honeymoon, I thought it was funny and cute. A couple years later, I'm bitter—we have routine marital disagreements, but this is the only issue we ever fight about. He spends several hours a week (10-20) playing these online games! Every time we fight about it, he'll cut back or promise to stop ... but within a week or two, it's back to at least a couple of hours every day. This is a man who has quit smoking and quit his pseudo-addiction to energy drinks, but can't (or won't) quit online gaming. I can't imagine life without him, but this is making me miserable. I'm not willing to leave him over it; how can I get him to stop or change my own attitude to accept it? (For clarification, I have no suspicions of any online infidelity—it just bothers me that he spends his leisure time gaming instead of reading a book, watching TV with me, etc.)

My opinion:

This is partly an attention hoar issue, as the wife doesn't like the idea of him giving his energy and attention to his hobby - but as she doesn't seem to have a problem with him reading books, it seems to be more that this. She probably does not like the idea that he is getting *excitement* from his gaming, since she feels that she should be the sole source for his excitement - and as well, probably does not like the idea of her husband having a "geeky" hobby that makes his sexual market value less in the eyes of other women, which thus makes her self-worth less.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

From Compatibility:

You see, whenever a Man engages in any leisure activity, passion, hobby, etc. that doesn’t directly benefit his wife / GF it’s always perceived as a waste of time. If she cannot realize a tangible result that benefits her – or by way of her, the potential “family” or the “relationship” – your effort is pointless and frivolous in contrast to engaging her, entertaining her or relating with her. Again we see the hypergamous feminine imperative of girl-world. If it’s not directly benefiting women, it’s not benefiting humanity in general.

That said, you can stretch this association quite a bit. If you enjoy playing basketball after work with friends or hitting the gym, there is a benefit to her – your improved health, better looks, less fat, etc. so the “hobby” is more tolerable. There is a kind of hierarchy of leisure activities, hobbies, passions, etc. that women rank based on how it relates to themselves and the social perceptions that are associated with it. You could even make the case that playing X-Box helps you decompress after a hard day at work, but this is less tolerable than something that has tangible benefits or at least the association of benefits for a woman. You have to learn how to mediate this in an LTR. It’s actually a fantastic opportunity to maintain the frame within a relationship if you have the wherewithal to endure her protests. I have a LOT of passions and interests that I enjoy. Some directly benefit my wife, others don’t, but the moment I give one up, I surrender and that’s the moment she loses respect for my authority as a Man. I fully acknowledge there are interests I have that Mrs. Tomassi is casually indifferent to or outright despises, but were I to acquiesce with “OK honey, you win, I’ll stop it with such and such”, I lose prominence.

 

[visions]

From Compatibility:

excellent write up. men and women are not supposed to have the same hobbies. they are two different sexes with very different interests. imagine men and women doing the same things in prehistoric times

 

[glass half full]

I learned this years ago. My wife didn't want me to have any hobbies, besides her, and her hobbies. And you know what? Like a duma$$ I did what she wanted, thinking it would get me "approval" and "brownie points". And as we all know from experience, nothing could be farther than the truth. I will never allow a woman to own me again. Didn't get more sex or anything out of it.

 

[Burroughs]

In times past men would punch the sh!t out of a wife then flush her head in the toilet for questioning his motives and daring to utter a word against him


But today the courts are too powerful and men are too faggotized to do this.

some call it *progress*

those people are faggots

 

[Down Low]

So! LiveFreeX's Chinese wonder wife finally cracked!

 

[user43770]

In times past men would punch the sh!t out of a wife then flush her head in the toilet for questioning his motives and daring to utter a word against him


But today the courts are too powerful and men are too faggotized to do this.

some call it *progress*

those people are faggots

haha

 

[backbreaker]

I somewhat have this issue with my wife in regards to me still going to AA/NA meetings 4-5 days a week.

It may sound silly but you have to understand my wife met me when I was 3 years clean, she's never associated me with drug addiction, so in her mind even though I can tell her and even though she believes I am am smart enough to not waste time doing things I don't need to be doing, every once in a while she will throw a hissy fit "why do you have to go tonight stay home, etc". The irony being, and i Know this fully, is that if i actually listened to her, ****ed up, went back there, blew the money I have in the bank account, sold her car and my car, racked up all type of debt, stopped going to the gym and stopped working, she'd say "why did you stop going to the meetings"

that's a woman for you.

But horse racing she has no problem with me following she does as well just as much as I do for the most part so that's good. And she's usually too busy with Joe to miss me when I" in the gym as I go in morning. And I'm not a big enough video game guy for it to be an issue. I play but only when there is something I really want to play I just don't play for the sake of playing.

 

[Married Buried]

Give the b!tch a controller and tell her to play. If she refuses, show her the door.

 

[backbreaker]

you know i'm going to take a different stance on this the more i think about it


I'm not going to per say side with the woman but I'm going to look at it from a different angle.

I know guys like this, and I don't think she's doing an accurate job of stating what she is trying to state. It's not the video games, it's the not taking care of everything else.

In other words, I play video games. "There are times when I will paly a game for 4-5 hours a day if i'm really into it. not often but it happens. But only after all my other obligations are met. IFi have to go to the gym I go go the gym if i have to do something with my son I do something wtih my son. IF i promised my wife I"d do soething with her i'd go do something with her. Then when it's my time, I do whatever it is I want to do on my time.

But there are some guys that when it comes to video games, and in reality just **** in general but i've seen this a lot with video games, they just get "stuck". They don't wanna do anything else. I know guys who don't have jobs who wake up and the first thing they do is grab a mountain dew and start playing black ops and play all day long.

I mean, if you come home from work, assuming you have a job, and from 5pm to 9:30 all you are doing is playing video games, that's a problem. Because you have other obligations besides playing video games. It's no different than drinking in the sense that if you have a scotch at the end of the day after you ate dinner and you are chilling with the wife watching TV that's one thing, but if you need to "unwind" by yourself from 5:30 to 11pm every night, that's a problem.


If the guy is the first guy who just has a harmless hobby, takes care of his ****, shows his wife affection but instead of sitting down and watching real housewifes of whatever the **** city with her, than she needs to STFU. But if he's the 2nd guy who gets off work and the only thing he wants to do is play Battlefield 3 online all day long, then that's a problem

 

[visions]

In times past men would punch the sh!t out of a wife then flush her head in the toilet for questioning his motives and daring to utter a word against him


But today the courts are too powerful and men are too faggotized to do this.

some call it *progress*

those people are faggots

lol. your posts are hilarious

 

[muscleman]

Rollo added a nice quote, but Chris Rock was even more succinct. I suggest you download and watch 'Never Scared', a lot of truth in it. I've seen it a few times and one quote stood out from it relating to this:

'Once you get married, she wants to be responsible for ALL your happiness. If she catches you masturbating, she's mad because you're pleasing yourself. I'm responsible for happiness in this household!'

From experience cohabiting with previous girlfriends (and a mild past addiction to online games), I can attest to this 110%.

She's pissed because the attention is not on HER. It's not the game itself, that doesn't have any negative connotations. It's just a game. But the fact that you're choosing a game over her (even if just for a few hours) is blasphemy to the hamster. Or really any activity, though games are the most 'in your face' and because they have the lowest production value, they upset women the most. Couple that with his betaness ('he agreed to quit it and only admitted it after we got married') and you can see where this is going.

Once you accept that women are, BY NATURE, completely, utterly, 100% INCAPABLE of believing that the world doesn't revolve around them, things will be easier to handle.

 

[ive]

From my personal experience, men also get very annoyed and jealous when their girlfriend/partner has a hobby they are not part of and they are not the center of her life. Some men even get jealous of their own children, when the woman is obsessing about them instead of about him.
****, not only even a hobby, my ex-boyfriend was jealous when I had to write my thesis, or had to study for exams. To the point that to indulge him, i worked at home, instead of at the library, so that i'm "with him".


I guess it is just human nature and I guess it is related to maturity. An immature and insecure person needs constant validation from the other and also needs to control the other person. I dont think is so much gender dependent. I do know very happy couples, in which both partners are gamers, by the way. Most have even met each other in some online game...So similarity of interests does help.(at least from my empirical evidence, as I have many friends, who were serious gamers at some stage of their life).

Just to add, gaming is not just for a few hours a week, it is can be a few hours a day...how much time does an average person have to spend with their SO during a day? Not so much, if both people are working..so yes it can be an alienating factor.

backbreaker - you are cool

 

[LiveFreeX]

So! LiveFreeX's Chinese wonder wife finally cracked!

Not mine.

Games SHE is currently playing: Bad Piggies and Cat War for android. She has been going to town on the Android games lately.

If you want to game you have to be upfront about your hobbies with your wife before you tie the knot.

Someone already put it better than I ever could, you've got to be yourself and live as the person you are... this guy sounds like he just picked the wrong girl. I met a married guy yesterday with a wife and he works all hours of the day and she still *****es at him for playing a few hours of gaming at night. They own a hotel for christ sake. She said " I've been telling him from the day we met, that he's got to grow up and stop playing games and work more to earn money for the family". What a terrible life. I have a friend at home and he games with his kids, he used to be a huge gamer and he setup a LAN at home and he and his 3 kids sit around and play RTS games and racing together. Now to me that would be awesome.

There are a TON of jerk off guys that happen to hate on video games as well. I get it from both sides quite a bit: "Why do you waste your time on those things when you could be out partying it up with us". Is the usual one... or "Haven't you grown up yet, I stopped playing games when I was 12". I feel sorry for these people. In other news my wife and I are going to a Star Wars convention soon... You've just got to pick the right girl for you.

She's pissed because the attention is not on HER

Its woman specific and I think culturally, that is a Western trait. Mine is pretty autonomous. When I want to do my thing, she goes and watches her cartoons, plays her games or whatever. Maybe the key to meeting a nice girl is finding one that has lots of HOBBIES instead of one that has large BOOBIES. I've said it before, I'll say it again, I picked a 'meh' Asian girl because of her personality, not her HB rating.

Also a good way to get around this problem is to integrate your hobbies into your work. I got my boss hooked on League of Legends a few months ago and for the last two months, every hour at work (not spent in class) was spent PWNing N00bs... got paid to play. When I'm between classes I usually pull out my PSP or whatever mobile device I have and get into it. Maybe he just has to find a job that lends itself to filling some free hours with gaming. When I come home at night, usually the last thing I want to look at is a game. When I was in my mid twenties I had a security job where I sat alone for 12 hours doing absolutely nothing except trying to keep myself awake. This was a time before cheap laptops and smartphones but I would setup a GENESIS emulator on an office computer and play all night...that or read from the Dungeons & Dragons 3.5 edition manuals. I wasn't making bank but I was really happy at the end of the night and happy to come into work the next day. When I get a bit older and we have our stuff in full swing, I probably wouldn't mind doing this job again.

That said, my wife is also extremely interested in puzzle and boardgames and when we have a free night, we get together with other couples and play some Settlers of CATAN over a few drinks. Its a nice thing to do and you can also shoot the breeze about your day and unwind. I find MONOPOLY DEAL and CLUE to also be big 'couples' favorites and we love finding other couples who are down with gaming. I'm trying to build my wife up to playing Dungeons & Dragons. She carries a pack of Monopoly Deal with her wherever she goes and the first thing she does when she meets new people is introduce them to the game. My friend's wife picked up on this and they do the exact same thing now.

http://www.boardgamegeek.com/

There are plenty of games here that interest both women and men. You'd be surprised at what women find interesting if someone takes the time to involve them.

 

[pdx1138]

In times past men would punch the sh!t out of a wife then flush her head in the toilet for questioning his motives and daring to utter a word against him

:crackup:


As for the wife hating the guys gaming hobby?

I've seen women say things like that before and it's a HUGE pile of steaming bulls.hit or what I would deem "creating a conflict for no good reason."

A much older co-worker (near retirement) his wife hated him being on the computer just like this lady. He would even
get up way early in the morning before she was up to get his time in so she wouldn't be bothered by it. One time she
woke up early and caught him and got pissed.

I'd put any girlfriend / wife in her place immediately. What I choose to do in MY free time isn't for her to judge, just as I wouldn't judge what she chooses to do or deems productive.

 

[FairShake]

Video Games, along with alcohol/prescription drug abuse and porn obsession, is one of the main things killing men being men today.

Video games should be a rare activity in your life. If you can't make it rare make it never.

 

[FairShake]

I did read the article...she said:

He is my perfect partner and an ideal father for our daughter—but, of course, there's a but. During our very brief courtship, there is one habit he intentionally hid from me—online gaming.

Then wtf? He's a great husband and great dad but you have a problem with him playing video games? That's simply trying to control him.

As a husband and father he should cut it down. As a man he should cut her out.

 

[cordoncordon]

I don't know, if I was a kid and I saw my dad playing on average 2-3 hours of video games a day, I would think that was pretty fawking strange. I can't imagine my dad ever doing such a thing, or myself for that matter. Video games are great for an escape now and then, or a fun time for a night playing with your friends or some other couples. But to do that every day, 1-3 hours a day, as a grown man with family responsibilities? Very strange to me. I would say the guy is addicted.

 

[XR 600]

Very good thread.Ive learned to never appear too happy with anything that doesnt involve the woman.They always hate it eventually.

 

[Burroughs]

Very good thread.Ive learned to never appear too happy with anything that doesnt involve the woman.They always hate it eventually.

So you are a slave to your woman

when she says jump you ask how high? :kick:

thats no way for a man to live sir