What do you say when she asks about your weekend?

[WestCoaster]

Great post by Maximus, subtlty is the key. But trust me on this, of all the so-called "techniques" out there, being seen with another woman, or even heard about being with another woman is a sure-fire way to increase interest level. It has a very high success rate.

Yes, get your own life and hobbies, blah, blah, blah ... there's six million posts on this site about that and I agree with it all. I'd start working on a new hobby next week ... women still don't want to hear about it that much. The new gal or heard-about-gal will spark the interest. Happens every freaking time.

You can lift weights, work out, read great books, etc. ... I do all that stuff, and some women think those interests are kind of fun. Many don't. All I know is when I walk into a coffee shop or a bar with another woman, other women start looking at me. If I'm the same guy walking in the same places alone, they're not as interested. It's just the way it is, and if you have 5 million hobbies, still the one thing they're most interested about is which other women are interested in you.

Don't ask me to explain it, I don't understand it. I just know it's real.

 

[DJDamage]

I don't know if mentioning that you are seeing someone else is a good idea right off the bat.

Case in point: At my job one day this chick who I know walked up to me and ask me:

Her: Hey Damage, I got something to tell you??!!

Me: What is it??!!

Her: There is a girl at work who told me not to say her name but she really likes you and wants to know what is your dating situation?!

Me: (thinking about this for like 2 seconds) well my dating situation is that I am seeing someone non-exclusively.

Her: Non-exculsively?? What does that mean??

Me: It means what it means, I am seeing someone but I am not exclusive.

Her: Ok I will tell her and she will let you know herself if she is interested.

Me: alright, cool.

Its been 2 months since I had that conversation and nothing came from it, so I assumed she got turned off by the competition. At the time my deicision to say non exclusive was as a result of not knowing who the girl is (I still have no clue) so I didn't want to be in a situation where I had to reject a fugly girl if that were the case. If it were a HB then I would consider tapping her because this job I use only to pay for school and I could easily replace it.

DJD

 

[So Many Ways]

A lot of info here. I learned something reading Westcoaster's posts.

 

[rock-star_brian]

I agree..a little white lie never hurt. Embellish what ever you do to make it seem grander. Remember we want to build and breed social proof. Girls want out of the mundane and and into the excitment. By adding another girl into your story will only add to the intrigue factor that she will have to experience with you for herself.

 

[WestCoaster]

Correct Damage

I think you handled that well, and you do have to be flexible. But if the gal is just testing the waters and the guy isn't serious, it's in his interest to hint at his social life. When I've been Mr. Righteous and chivalrous, it hasn't done squat for me. Whenever I've been seen or heard of with another gal, it's sparked interest.

One gal I was dating off and on really has taken me for granted and I'm pretty much done with her, but I have one last little thing for her: I'm showing up at her little art exhibit with a friend of mine ... who happens to be a "9" but she's married. Bless her soul, I didn't even have to tell her the drill, she said her husband is working that day and we should go to the art show and that she'd "take off her wedding ring" when we walk by the gal. I didn't even prompt that ... but she knew I was getting dissed of late, she's a friend I've known for five years and I've helped her and now she's helping me. Her hubby even thinks it's hilarious.

Watch the sparks fly ... I'm not lying or anything. Just showing up, saying hi, introduing my friend to her, smiling, and leaving. Hey, I was played a bit, shoe is gonna be on the other foot in a few weeks. No harm, no foul.

Maybe one of these days I'll grow up ... but not until this deed is done.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I don't get it... It's better to lie about having an interesting social life than to actually have one? Are you guys serious?

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

I'm on vacation this week, but I'm lurking,...

I'd agree with about 90% of what WEST's been pointing out thus far - women aren't interested in what your passtimes are, only insofar as they directly relate to them. And herein lies the danger of men conjuring up false interests to better identify with a particular woman. When you fabricate some adventurous story about your weekend in an effort to prompt a potential woman's IL, you play to her frame. In effect you are changing aspects of your personality in an attempt to create attraction. I should also add that this operates under the common myth that similarities and commonalities are essential to attraction which is patently false. These elements are a part of compatibility NOT attraction. In other words women don't sit around with a tally sheet and say, "Joe is into skiing, surfing and rafting, but Tim is into skiing, surfing, rafting AND bicycling, so I'll opt for him instead.

That said, making a potential woman aware that you are seeing other women is essential in generating IL; how you go about it is the trick. You cannot be OVERT in communicating this to her. In the example given where you OVERTLY say "I went rafting with so and so - she's someone I'm seeing", you are OVERTLY communicating that this person is a current lover or one you're pursuing. Unless your potential target has super high attraction and IL this will only be self-defeating. If you can use subterfuge (not lying) to COVERTLY communicate that there "might" be someone you're also spending you your leisure time with, this mystery makes you a challenge and rachets up her perception of you being a commodity to be competed for. If you can COVERTLY communicate that your attentions are "in demand", she makes the association that you are being competed for with other women. Keeping her guessing and fighting with uncertainty makes you more valuable than the direct confirmation that you are in fact seeing other women that she can concretely put names and faces to.

 

[WestCoaster]

Francisco, you don't understand.

1. It's great to have a good social life.

2. The message isn't that this guy has boring hobbies -- that's the subtext -- the REAL issue is he needs to increase the I.L. of this gal. Talking about skydiving won't do it.

3. As Rollo said, do it covertly, be vague, hint around, make the woman wonder.

4. Going to the mall and bookstores (which I often do) isn't that boring to me, but it might be to another gal. I'm not saying flat out lie like, "I won the lottery." God, just say you and a gal did something, or whatever. You don't have to say, "Susie Smith and I went to the 7 p.m. showing of Mission Impossible III, and at minute 45 of the movie I groped her right breast; and at minute 46 of the movie she moaned." ... Just be vague, but make it known that there are other women on the planet.

5. There comes a time when women have to know there are other women out there. Women compete for guy's who attract other women, that's just the way it is. Might as well play the game, no matter how stupid it is.

 

[rocketman1]

Right on Westcoaster!

Everything westcoaster has said about women being very competitive and actually being more attracted to you if she believes you are seeing other women is a Fact! I recently read an article where studies have been done to see who women are more interested in, a guy who is not seeing any women, or a guy who is already in a relationship with a girl, or is at least casually dating someone. ALL of the women reported that the guy who is already seeing someone is considered more of a catch and they are more interested in him. Just watch the tv show, "Elimidate" where it's 4 girls and 1 guy, my god look at how those women fight with each other for the guy! ****, I mean there are even episodes where girls start beating the crap out of each other, it's unbelieveable! But when it's an episode of 4 guys and 1 girl, the guys are much more civil to each other. Women are actually more competitive than men, when it comes to getting a guy. I have heard lot's of women tell me that. I know for a Fact that when I am seen with another women, be it my sister or niece, women notice me more and make eye contact with me and smile. These same women don't even look at me if I am alone. Bottom line, always have a woman believe you are seeing other women, your value goes up in their eyes!

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Use Absence to Increase Respect and Honor

Too much circulation makes the price go down: The more you are seen and heard from, the more common you appear. If you are already established in a group, temporary withdrawal from it will make you more talked about, even more admired. You must learn when to leave. Create value through scarcity.

 

[WestCoaster]

You could have 500 different hobbies, but no woman and you won't get much interest. You could have a few plates you're spinning and no hobbies and you'll attract women. Right now I'd say I'm in the former part, lots of hobbies, not dating a lot right now. It goes in cycles, the second I start dating, more women come out of the woodwork.

Senior year of college I decided that this 3:1 women to men ratio wasn't going to be the real world when I got out. My last semester I started dating like crazy and women just smelled it that I was feeling good about things. One week I went out with three different women - they all asked me out. That was a first -- and a last.

I was respectful of all of these women, but not acting like anyone was "the one" because I knew they weren't. I was going to move out of town and get a job, so time wasn't on my side. I had to have fun when I could.

Plus, a couple of them saw me with the other ... and when I was with them I hinted that I was out with "Suzy" or whoever last weekend. (I went to a small college, so a lot of people knew each other ... that also helped.)

When I was lonely in college -- even with hobbies -- women smelled that, too. When a gf dumped my a$$ once, I rebounded quickly with a much nicer woman, who was a lot hotter. My college ex-gf was incensed that I rebounded quickly and started trying to get me back. I didn't go back. She was trying harder because I was dating others. It's in women's nature.

One of the few omissions on this site is not telling people the importance of being seen with other women, and also that men should always hint that they date a lot. I can't stress enough the importance of this.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Francisco, you don't understand.

1. It's great to have a good social life.

2. The message isn't that this guy has boring hobbies -- that's the subtext -- the REAL issue is he needs to increase the I.L. of this gal. Talking about skydiving won't do it.

3. As Rollo said, do it covertly, be vague, hint around, make the woman wonder.

4. Going to the mall and bookstores (which I often do) isn't that boring to me, but it might be to another gal. I'm not saying flat out lie like, "I won the lottery." God, just say you and a gal did something, or whatever. You don't have to say, "Susie Smith and I went to the 7 p.m. showing of Mission Impossible III, and at minute 45 of the movie I groped her right breast; and at minute 46 of the movie she moaned." ... Just be vague, but make it known that there are other women on the planet.

5. There comes a time when women have to know there are other women out there. Women compete for guy's who attract other women, that's just the way it is. Might as well play the game, no matter how stupid it is.

I'm with you on all of those things (I do some of my best sarging in bookstores). What got me was when someone said something about making the sh1t up.

 

[Macgyver]

Liars are idiots, why lie? You're pathetic if you don't have much of a life already. So you lie that you went dancing with a bunch of wh0res when in reality you were jerking off to gay porn. Idiot. You're supposed to have a life already so you don't have to lie.

 

[WestCoaster]

You're missing the point. It's not about lying or having hobbies.

It's about casually telling another woman you went on a date or were with another woman, whether you were or not. He doesn't owe the other woman sh-t until they're serious, until then a white lie might be the best ammunition. It's better than spending bucks on seduction books, subscribing to online sites, and trying all these whacky techniques when all he has to do is mention one other woman.

I used to think being Mr. Chivalry was the answer, oooooh, never tell a woman a little white lie ... sh-t are you kidding me? Women lie all the time.

I wouldn't lie to a serious gf or a wife, but good freaking grief, we're talking about a woman whose interest he's trying to perk.

Why do you guys have to wait until 1 happens before you get to 2. "Get a life first then you can't lie."

Time waits for no MAN. The time to act is now whether he's upped his hobbies or interests or not. The time to spark the interest of the girl is NOW, tomorrow is too late. All he has to do is say, "I went out with this gal from work yesterday" and that is enough. Forget Speed Seduction, that's all he freaking needs.

He doesn't need a sky diving lesson, he doesn't need to go scuba diving, he doesn't need to be Mr. Honest in this situation. You don't get it. He HAS to say he's with a woman, whether he is or not.

Hobbies are for personal fulfillment, he can and should work on that ASAP. But while you guys are falling out of airplanes, some other gal is off with another schmuck because you didn't spark her interest.

I love this site, but it could really ratchet down on the "get a hobby" stuff and ratchet up the "be seen and heard with other women" stuff.

You know it and I do, too, and if you don't believe me, tell a casual friend who is a female that you had a date last weekend. Watch her interest change, or watch her at least see you in a different light.

I was in grad school and I told this gal who was a friend (and married) that I was seeing this gal (I was), but it was dwindling out. She said, "If I wasn't married, I'd run off with you" and she never talked to me like that before I mentioned the other gal ... and she promptly set me up with her nice friend.

You guys don't get it ... there's a white lie/embellishment and flat out lying to hurt people. Learn the difference.

 

[disfunktional]

I don't see a problem with telling a little lie about dating other women in order to spark a womans interest. I can definately see how that would work.

I am all for indulging in your own hobbies and goals, but I guess that is more focused on long term self-improvement, and I agree it wont help him pick up women in the short term.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I guess there's less of a conflict with yourself when you lie about your life when it's not authentic in the first place.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

We're all as 'authentic' as our conditions permit. Is a woman who spends an hour on her make up 'authentic'? Is the woman with a wonder bra on being genuine? How about a woman with implants, Ms. Clairol hair, who tans at the salon? It's easy for guys to take some moral high-ground in this respect, but we'd still get a hard-on if we saw her in a club or in a bikini at the beach. Do we really even want authenticity? We sell them a fantasy, they sell us a fantasy. If anything men are the more honest in all of it since our stories have to stand up to scrutiny - we're socialized to expect and accept that women are to be more than they are, and when they let down their hair, it's "the inside that counts, right?" Men have to back up their story with action and proof in the long term - women can get away with letting their roots show.

And what's authentic anyway? What was 'real' for me at 28 isn't who I am at 38 - hell, even 32. Personality isn't static, we change it as our conditions warrant.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Does authenticity merit measurement against others for justifications? Even suggesting that debases the very essence of the word.

 

[Vulpine]

Personality isn't static, we change it as our conditions warrant.

This is huge. I've said before that personality is shaped and molded by a person's environment whereas character is the bottom line. Unfortuanately in dating, women don't always dig far enough to find "the real you" that is your character. Since they only judge you by your personality, that is the environment that should shape your personality. My "character" (and morals included therein) doesn't agree with lying either. But my "personality" lies like a rug if that's what's necessary.

Remember, these people you meet are strangers who are judging you without "knowing" you. They only see the "acquaintance" level you, not your core. Like a card game, you know what cards you're holding. She only see's the backs of the cards. A woman is trying to figure out what's in your hand. If you don't have the royal flush she's looking for, sometimes you gotta bluff.

 

[Latinoman]

A lot of times, women who I just meet and start dating ask me, "So how was your weekend?" or "What did you do over the weekend?" I always have a hard time answering this since I have no life, meaning outside interests and I just do normal everyday stuff like errands, and watching tv or going to a mall/bookstore... you know, boring stuff. How could I answer this week after week? I guess they're expecting fun answers like "I went to a club, went skiing/biking/skydiving/to mars, went to a party with my zillion friends" etc. I can't answer them with "I went on a date." Anyone have a Rolodex of things I did this past weekend? LMAO.

Trust me...they don't care what you did. They care more about WHO you did it with.