TL;DR In Bold
I apologize for the long delay! I appreciated that Zekko explained that there is no need for me to apologize, as this is a message board vs a chat room. I appreciated that clarification of expectations. It helped me trust that it was ok, when my plate got even fuller than I anticipated this past week. In my heart I still feel I have been rude, to take so long to reply here. I apologize again. I do so because that is what my heart feels. I appreciate your patience and understanding! I appreciate all that each of you have shared! It has helped me tremendously!! I am very grateful!! Thank you!!!
As to your question, what was my motivation in starting this thread, it was muti-factorial. I am going to try to write bullet points. It is super hard for me to do so. I have so many thoughts and feelings about each point. I could fill pages here. It feels like I am leaving out 99% of what feels important to share. I also know men's brains are wired differently. Men tend to prefer communication that is straight to the bullseye point. I respect that. My female brain tends to take the scenic route in getting to the point. That can be long winded. I get it more than you know. Example is what is now this very paragraph (and all those that are now unseen as I have deleted them in an attempt to be more concise.)
Here is the bullet points on why I started this thread. I am happy to dive in deeper.
1. I want to better understand men. I want to understand mens' hearts and true nature, as deeply as I can.
2. I want to better understand men, from men directly.
3. I saw this thread as an opportunity for the men, one by one here, to share with all the women who may come across this thread someday, and to teach them, what it is, as individual men, that you truly desire in a LTR woman.
4. I want to understand what it is, in a woman, that takes an already happy man, who is currently enjoying himself and his life, likely spinning plates or dating, to HIMSELF DESIRING to completely change that, in order to LTR a particular woman, for himself.
5. I wondered if any men could pinpoint in advance what it was that would tip them over the edge, to THEM desiring to LTR one woman, or if for men it was more vague and wouldn't become a clear desire in themselves, until they met or got to know such a woman.
6. With countless posts (and understandably so) on SS about what men don't want in women, I thought this thread could shift that momentum of focus, even just for one thread, to instead talking about and distinguishing what the men here actually do want, in an LTR woman.
7. I imagined this thread as a potential game-changer, not just for myself, but for all women who might find it somehow, to be able to hear/read what it is that real men actually want/desire in an LTR woman, as stated by actual men.
8. I want to be an amazing partner for the next man I LTR with.
9. I want to be/become THE woman that a man (unknown), whom I greatly respect and admire, from HIS OWN DESIRE, will himself feel inclined to pursue and engage a LTR, with me, and to the very best of his ability.
For those who don't know me here or think perhaps I am unaware, I get that I am by definition a post wall woman. I am aware. I know I am not a 23 year old, HB10. I am really ok with that. I wouldn't trade who I am, the life experience I have had, or the wisdom I have gained along the way, to be her. I don't feel competition with her. I know I am looking for something different than she is right now and different from what the man who is looking for her, is seeking right now. I wish them both great happiness, including all of you that are looking for her. I wish everyone to find their bliss.
10. It is my heartfelt desire to share my loving and an extraordinary partnership, with a man that I greatly respect and admire. I'd like to find him with as much ease as possible.
I have been off the market by choice, so to speak, for a long time now. As post wall as I a may be declared here, men of all ages still approach me. Men still ask if I am married or have a boyfriend. I am flattered by their interest. I appreciate the courage of their approach. It is with great respect that I kindly and politely reply that I am not on the market.
When I first came to SS I felt incredibly hurt by a man. I was confused and in a really unhealthy place. I was clear I didn't want to partner and create another relationship from that unhealthy place. I was clear that I needed to tend to my own well-being first. I also wanted to really look at, take responsibility for, and to reflect on, and to learn from my mistakes, as not to repeat them moving forward. So, I have been off the market, tending to the care of loved ones and also focusing on healing, reflecting, learning, growing and improving myself. I have done really well. I am proud of myself.
I am in a better place inside myself, than ever before. There is an inner wholeness and inner happiness and I want to share it. It feels amazing. I feel this overflow of loving and caring and I want to share it. I share it in my life already. I also really want to share it with a man that I deeply admire, respect, love and am partnered with.
I deeply appreciate the richness and growth that is inspired from sharing this journey, with a partner, with whom it feels safe to be fully vulnerable and authentic. I value and desire the depth and intimacy that can be shared, as partners who share life experiences and choose to grow and evolve, as individuals and as a couple. The potential is beyond words. I desire to create and share the kind of partnership that enlivens and enriches both partners, in a healthy, happy, and satisfying way. I know to many here that may sound like a fantasy. I understand that. Many here equate partnership with loss of freedom and loss of autonomy. I understand how that can be your perspective if that's all you've known or read about. I know more is possible. I wish to create it and experience it, with the next man I partner with.
Every once in a while, I'll look through online profiles, just to see what kind of men are out there, making themselves available and looking, within a reasonable distance to where I live. I've never actually online dated. One of the men whose profiles I have found myself attracted to, mentioned a book, so out of curiosity I looked it up, found it intriguing so I bought it a while ago. Just the other day, I came across it having never read it yet. For whatever reason I flipped through it and did a quick skim read here and there. It speaks about different levels of partnership and relating. I am not sure, but off the top of my head, this book categorizes examples of partnering levels into something like: A Me Focused Partner/ with another Me Focused Partner. A We or Couple Focused Partner with the same. A Co-dependent Partner with another Co-dependent Partner. A Co-independent Partner with another Co-independent Partner. A Being Centered Parter (or something like that) with another Being Centered Partner. I know I am not doing it justice with this little blurb. I believe from what I skimmed and have read so far, that this book further describes in detail and with examples of how the perspectives, of the individuals partners create/determine/limit the level at which the couple relate and the depth/satisfaction of their intimacy/relationship. As I said, I am just starting it. I just made a mess of something that may offer great benefit to others here, by trying to share from the little I have seen. I'll find out more. I am excited. From what I have skimmed and read so far, it speaks to so much of my own relationship experience and very much to my heart's desire, and with greater clarity than I can even begin to articulate right now. It is exciting to me. This became one of those long-winded scenic route rambles. I am sorry. in summary...
11. I want to better understand how to best find the kind of man who is looking for a woman like me, in order to create and share a deep and transformative partnership together.
It's super, super, late now so I need to wrap this up and get offline.
Really quick before I do, I want to say again how much I appreciate what each of you shared! You have no idea how impactful it is for me, and how much it helped me, to hear/read directly from each of you, what it is you each desire in an LTR woman! Thank you!!! I appreciate the conversation immensely!!!!
