What are you working on with women right now??

Mr Wright

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I get the feeling that a lot of guys have taken this whole "improve yourself and don't worry about women" concept a little too far. You need to get yourself sorted, that is very important but you can't ignore the fact that if you have poor social skills and are inexperienced in having success with women, you are just treading water. Failure is often championed as a key learning point in development but I find that successes can become an important yardstick to fight off the bitterness that a few guys seem to have on here. The problem is that to get successes sometimes you have to go through a lot of crap, which too many guys have the guts to put themselves through.

Also guys get way too caught up in ideas that aren't actually making you any better with women. You're thinking and talking about women but you aren't actually doing anything. It's mental masturbation, which is thinking you're doing something because you're engaging with it but you're actually doing nothing. Much like if you go out on a night out and b!tch about how all the girls suck before you've even spoken to any of them. If you look down the forum, so many problems could be fixed by walking away and getting another girl, you don't need to put up with bad behaviour but you can only do that if you're actually good with women. I reckon you'll find a guys tolerance to BS is directly proportional to his options. You want to be at the point where girls being acting crappy is unattractive so you naturally spend less time with her because she's not doing it for you. All these grand expressions like no contact are just mental masturbation in the scheme of things, they are helping you with yourself but you aren't getting any better with women.

I believe that you have to get good and develop standards later

By standards I don't mean shagging fatties :nono: I mean when a girl flakes on you, instead of saying "fûck her", have a little fun with it. Discount her as a dating option but could she have hot friends who you can get in with? Want to try something new to see how a girl would react to it over text? Now's your chance. Go out there and find out what does and does not work for yourself, you will be surprised that some of the things you take for gospel might be wrong. I used to think that I had to be interesting, I wasted so much time trying to be interesting to girls but came across the wrong way. I'm boring now and I don't give a crap, I'm doing so much better. Detach yourself from the outcome and test things out, you'll run into success where you least expect it and work out what doesn't work very quickly. The more detached from the outcome you can get, the more you can get done and the faster you will improve.


Don't be afraid to go back to basics, so what if your ego takes a hit, you'll thank yourself in the long run.

1) Get yourself out in places where women are on a regular basis
2) Talk to them and engage them
3) Tease them a little
4) (something you are working on)
5) Try to get their contact details

It's simple stuff but I bet my bottom dollar that the guys who complain the most are not even doing the simple things like this right. Get off your tinder and POF. Women are social creatures, they will stand there and talk to you if you have interesting things to talk about. Lead these interactions, don't worry about what she thinks because in the grand scheme of things it really doesn't matter. Just get out there and talk to the girls you think are cute. You will probably suck at the start but become aware of the reactions you're getting. She will become your mirror, if she's cowering away when you roll in you're probably standing too close, simple things like that can change your results massively. You'll become a lot more socially savvy and you will do so much better. And yes, spend a period of time working on one thing, work your way forward in small chunks, it really helps rather than getting swept up in the bigger picture.


What I am working on

Now

- Escalating more as a means to create attraction
- Testing to see if you can get dead numbers out on dates(mainly because I'm going out twice a month due to exams so it's something to do)
- Become more social during the day, generally talking to people more.

Over long term (3-6 months)

- I'm working on my efficiency and getting
- Get into a few new social circles around London
- Improve further on my ONS game, I'm going travelling soon and it will come in handy

No one's ever going to be the finished article but I want to get to the point where if I dropped all the girls in my life, I could get a equally as good if not better looking rotation in place within a few weeks :up: because once you can do this, it's for life and you're done.
 

MOTU

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Agreed, great post. I am working on day game and number closes. I have made great progress initiating discussions and chatting up hb's, but I am really struggling to number close.
 

TheGambino

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Im working on 'emotional attachement'. When I sleep with a girl and we enjoy both (which we always do) I get attached pretty easily. I get a bit obsessed about her and wanna see her as soon as possible again. I need to back off, chill out, be a true DJ and forget about her a bit and check upon the less attractive plates. If i fix this my game will be on the next level. So with this thread let's do it.
 

Dgwizdal

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Believe it or not - trying to work on being more of a beta and softening up a bit. I have the attraction part pretty much nailed to get laid - it's the lack of rapport that makes chicks resent me after 3-6 months time and time again. To tell you the truth - allowing myself to get emotionally involved and show it has been the hardest part of the game for me.
 

MtnMan

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I'm working on approaching and getting plates spinning. Only really have one going at this point, and even though I have basically already ruled out LTR with her I can feel oneitis feelings simply because she is my only decent option right now. NO GOOD. I live rurally and OLD seems like it makes sense, but its such a PITA. Going to hit up the nearest city hard next weekend and put a real effort to approaching.
 

skinnyguy

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This post has changed my outlook on things. I know that I need to drop my standards but it is so hard. I have been chasing after white and Latina models instead of going after someone like me. A girl I know even told me this.

I think that if I have success with average chicks it can drastically improve my game.
 

j.619

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TheGambino said:
Im working on 'emotional attachement'. When I sleep with a girl and we enjoy both (which we always do) I get attached pretty easily. I get a bit obsessed about her and wanna see her as soon as possible again
I also, to a lesser degree, have this problem. Though I never show it, when I sleep with a high quality hottie, I do tend to feel some attachment, want to see her soon, etc. I never show it or act upon those feelings though. I'd love to improve to the point where I don't feel them at all. Abundance helps, but it's more in my mind.

Dgwizdal said:
Believe it or not - trying to work on being more of a beta and softening up a bit. I have the attraction part pretty much nailed to get laid - it's the lack of rapport that makes chicks resent me after 3-6 months time and time again.
Do you mean that you're interested in getting serious with one of your plates? How is it you're working on softening up? Explain your angle a little, honest curiosity...
 

Mr Wright

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skinnyguy said:
Thisp post has changed my outlook on things. I know that I need to drop my standards but it is so hard. I have been chasing after white and Latina models instead of going after someone like me. A girl I know even told me this.

I think that if I have success with average chicks it can drastically improve my game.
You have to run before you can walk, there will be moments in your journey that you'll rather forget. But surely that's better than spending your life being bad with women once you know that if you just put your ego to one side for 6-12 months you would have been in a much better position. Pook said it, "rejection is better than regret."

Yeah, you may not have the sex life you want now or in 3 months but if you put in the work, it will happen.

MtnMan said:
I'm working on approaching and getting plates spinning. Only really have one going at this point, and even though I have basically already ruled out LTR with her I can feel oneitis feelings simply because she is my only decent option right now. NO GOOD. I live rurally and OLD seems like it makes sense, but its such a PITA. Going to hit up the nearest city hard next weekend and put a real effort to approaching.
I think you need to get it down to smaller chunks than that. Approaching and plate spinning can be a lot of things because there's so much in the middle. Like what part of approaching are you struggling with? Motivation to go out? Approach anxiety? The opening itself? Break it right down and it becomes so much easier to deal with.
 

MtnMan

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Mr Wright said:
I think you need to get it down to smaller chunks than that. Approaching and plate spinning can be a lot of things because there's so much in the middle. Like what part of approaching are you struggling with? Motivation to go out? Approach anxiety? The opening itself? Break it right down and it becomes so much easier to deal with.
points taken. I have approach anxiety for sure, not debilitating, but it is there and needs work. I got out a decent amount and have fun, the opening is a little hard for me too. Daygame is almost easier for me than night game.
To be honest I think sometimes I bite off more than I can chew in a lot of areas of life. Sometimes it forces you to learn faster, sometimes it shoots you in the foot. I can see my lack of game with my one "plate". I successfully got her out and had a great time, got her to my place, and now she is holding the golden vag hostage and I can see myself falling apart. I am just pulling away and letting my mind clear. If I was better at approaching, I would have just gone out last night and approached some chicks and felt much better about the situation with the plate.
 

Mr Wright

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MtnMan said:
To be honest I think sometimes I bite off more than I can chew in a lot of areas of life. Sometimes it forces you to learn faster, sometimes it shoots you in the foot. I can see my lack of game with my one "plate". I successfully got her out and had a great time, got her to my place, and now she is holding the golden vag hostage and I can see myself falling apart. I am just pulling away and letting my mind clear.
Maybe I'm a little cavalier with how I do things but how was she holding back? She was at your place after a date, she knew there was definitely a chance of something happening. That's where I take it bitesize chunks again, it's so much easier to sell it that way. You make out with her and you put your hand between her thighs and say something like "I'm just going to tease you, the anticipation of pleasure makes it so much better." Caress her, kiss her neck and actually tease her. Let her know that you're in control, you're teasing her and she's the one who's being made to wait for this one.
 

JoeMarron

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Utterly crushing neediness. I can stop myself from doing dumb sh!t but I want to get to a point to where I don't even need willpower, I'll simply have no desire to behave in a needy manner.

skinnyguy said:
This post has changed my outlook on things. I know that I need to drop my standards but it is so hard. I have been chasing after white and Latina models instead of going after someone like me. A girl I know even told me this.

I think that if I have success with average chicks it can drastically improve my game.
It sucks sometimes but part of being good at the game is knowing where and what to hunt. I know if I were always trying to bat out of my league the constant rejection would get to me after awhile. A chick doesn't have to be an HB10 goddess to be satisfying.
 

MtnMan

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Mr Wright said:
Maybe I'm a little cavalier with how I do things but how was she holding back? She was at your place after a date, she knew there was definitely a chance of something happening. That's where I take it bitesize chunks again, it's so much easier to sell it that way. You make out with her and you put your hand between her thighs and say something like "I'm just going to tease you, the anticipation of pleasure makes it so much better." Caress her, kiss her neck and actually tease her. Let her know that you're in control, you're teasing her and she's the one who's being made to wait for this one.
I think this part of my game is pretty good. We made out for a while, at some point i basically picked her up and put threw her down on the couch and climbed on top. Started working the neck, grabbed her ass and pulled her crotch into mine, lots of heavy petting, back off for a while, work the neck and ears, make out again, more dry humping. Some light vag rubbing through clothes was well received. I put her hand on my c0ck the felt it up enthusiastically.

She had a dress on with tights under. The resistance kept coming when I tried to remove the dress. So I'd go back to the neck and ears, work back up to the vag rubbing (through clothes). Getting no resistance at all there. She commented a couple times how strong I was an how nice my body was. I would say I was in a pretty dominate frame, the I expected the LMR and didnt let it phase me, but I just couldn't get any clothes off. Even tried pulling way way back for a while. That seemed to increase her tension when I started again, but kept hitting that wall.

She kept claiming she had to get home to let her dog out. I'm not saying that I couldn't have done better but I really feel like I gave it a damn good go. I know this chick has relationship on her mind, and she is pretty sassy and thinks pretty highly of herself (phd, good job etc). Its like she planned this out in advance or something. Its behavior like this that makes me very unsure of her relationship potential, but at the same time I want the bang. Haha, catch 22.
 

Dgwizdal

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j.619 said:
I also, to a lesser degree, have this problem. Though I never show it, when I sleep with a high quality hottie, I do tend to feel some attachment, want to see her soon, etc. I never show it or act upon those feelings though. I'd love to improve to the point where I don't feel them at all. Abundance helps, but it's more in my mind.


Do you mean that you're interested in getting serious with one of your plates? How is it you're working on softening up? Explain your angle a little, honest curiosity...

Honestly I like to have my cake and eat it to. I usually have a main plate that I will date and a couple side dishes however I am finding it impossible to give them that "more" that they are looking for even if im only dating one with no sides. Every one has ended the same with me not giving security and validation they need to stay around and every one verbalizes it. Their confessions of love for me after a few months are met with an indifference that I cannot seem to shake. It's makes me squirm to give an ounce of assurance. Fvcked right? I never text never call never nothin. Is there a such thing as not being needy enough??

Ever since I took the red pill, I cannot seem to open up. The aloof, indifference, c+f, etc has become indoctrinated into my brain and has become natural. Push pull is a game to me until i see i have them and then its nothin but push: ultimately gets girls crazy about me until the resent me for it. I honestly don't know what it is as some are wifey material. Girls that I genuinely like - I cannot seem to get any kind of soft with or show I'm catching feelings.

It is a gift and a curse that I'm working on. I have become the impossible catch that multiple women agree upon and relay to me. Heartless??
 

JoeMarron

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Honestly I like to have my cake and eat it to. I usually have a main plate that I will date and a couple side dishes however I am finding it impossible to give them that "more" that they are looking for even if im only dating one with no sides. Every one has ended the same with me not giving security and validation they need to stay around and every one verbalizes it. Their confessions of love for me after a few months are met with an indifference that I cannot seem to shake. It's makes me squirm to give an ounce of assurance. Fvcked right? I never text never call never nothin. Is there a such thing as not being needy enough??

Ever since I took the red pill, I cannot seem to open up. The aloof, indifference, c+f, etc has become indoctrinated into my brain and has become natural. Push pull is a game to me until i see i have them and then its nothin but push: ultimately gets girls crazy about me until the resent me for it. I honestly don't know what it is as some are wifey material. Girls that I genuinely like - I cannot seem to get any kind of soft with or show I'm catching feelings.

It is a gift and a curse that I'm working on. I have become the impossible catch that multiple women agree upon and relay to me. Heartless??
Are you truly indifferent or do you just have a habit of acting indifferent? If it's the former then I don't really see that as a problem. If I were you I'd just not bother with relationships unless I found a chick that made me want to give a damn.
 

EbbsAndFlows

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Dgwizdal said:
Honestly I like to have my cake and eat it to. I usually have a main plate that I will date and a couple side dishes however I am finding it impossible to give them that "more" that they are looking for even if im only dating one with no sides. Every one has ended the same with me not giving security and validation they need to stay around and every one verbalizes it. Their confessions of love for me after a few months are met with an indifference that I cannot seem to shake. It's makes me squirm to give an ounce of assurance. Fvcked right? I never text never call never nothin. Is there a such thing as not being needy enough??

Ever since I took the red pill, I cannot seem to open up. The aloof, indifference, c+f, etc has become indoctrinated into my brain and has become natural. Push pull is a game to me until i see i have them and then its nothin but push: ultimately gets girls crazy about me until the resent me for it. I honestly don't know what it is as some are wifey material. Girls that I genuinely like - I cannot seem to get any kind of soft with or show I'm catching feelings.

It is a gift and a curse that I'm working on. I have become the impossible catch that multiple women agree upon and relay to me. Heartless??
Wow, that describes me so well. I remember a chick nicknamed me "serious" jokingly a few years ago because that's how I was. Not boring or rude, but just transparent and unemotional. Last relationship I had called me on being aloof really early on (my roommate is super aloof and she caught bad vibes from him. not a great association). Funny thing is: when I opened up too much and lost my aloofness, she would pull. I don't have the perfect balance nailed just quite.


Working on:
  • Reading a girl well upfront so my game can modify accordingly. Sometimes it takes me a while, and it only takes a few bumps really early on to derail something. Experience with a wide variety of women will certainly help. But it'd be nice to apply what I know and save a fallen plate.
  • Not catching feelings early on. Been a lot better about this but have ways to go. I'm good like 95% of the time, but that's not enough for early game necessarily.
  • Not give off inconsistencies. Sometimes my game and natural self become unaligned. This results in me showing occasional incongruence. Have had that one be an instant deal breaker or cause a massive interest level drop I have to work back up.

Wish I was 100% game on, but I slip up more than I care to admit. I learn from these things, but it's still annoying to think "what if" (especially when I knew the right way to handle a situation the whole time but let beta emotions cause me to act out-of-ack). Gotta be on full-time.
 

CaptainSaveAh0

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Great post ... Finally something worth reading. I am so sick of reading guys threads complaining about how they cant get women, yet they are not doing anything to change.

I do firmly believe you should keep improving yourself and constantly growing in all aspects of life, but that includes women as well. The best way to grow with women is to get practice and interact with women as much as you can. A lot of guys on here read a bunch of information on here and other websites and believe they are experts. They do not approach anyone and dont put any of their knowledge into practice just stand around not doing anything and coming on here, complaining, and trying to feel better about themselves.

I actually witnessed this first hand yesterday. A bunch of my work buddies were talking so much about how many girls they were going to get when we went clubbing last night and I was the only one that ended up talking to any women and getting any numbers at all. They seemed to have a nice long list of excuses ready as to why they did not approach instead of putting all that effort into talking to women.

What I am working on

- Do much more cold approaching during the day. I seem to have gotten really comfortable approaching at night but I am still hesitant during the day

- Naturally building attraction through dates. I have been going on quite a lot of dates recently but I am not the best with escalating attraction

- I am also looking for a new social circle in my city. I want to get into as many social circles as I can to meet as many people as I can.

- I need to learn to acknowledge the friends of the girl I am attempting to pick up when I go clubbing or the bar. Too many times I build attraction with the girl I am talking to and get **** blocked by their friends

Remember everyone... dont talk about it, be about it

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Mr Wright again
 

Dgwizdal

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@Joe marron

Dude I genuinely don't think I care. I experience a slight feeling of loss after the fact however when in the moment or during the course of the relationship it just doesn't do anything for me to invest in someone else other than myself for a future.

I did come to the redpill from a devestating semi-codenpendent breakup of 6 years. This was close to 3 years ago and doesn't seem to be an uncommon thing for redpill guys to stumble upon this stuff after a similar situation. Although I am far past that could I be jaded from it or have I just not found the right chick? Or the inability to close my eyes to the computations and truths behind getting chicks and just live? For me - game has been a bit of a paradox in the above sense. Although i am not complaining, it would be refreshing to figure out why i just don't give a f*ck. I really do not know...
 

EbbsAndFlows

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Dgwizdal said:
@Joe marron

Dude I genuinely don't think I care. I experience a slight feeling of loss after the fact however when in the moment or during the course of the relationship it just doesn't do anything for me to invest in someone else other than myself for a future.

I did come to the redpill from a devestating semi-codenpendent breakup of 6 years. This was close to 3 years ago and doesn't seem to be an uncommon thing for redpill guys to stumble upon this stuff after a similar situation. Although I am far past that could I be jaded from it or have I just not found the right chick? Or the inability to close my eyes to the computations and truths behind getting chicks and just live? For me - game has been a bit of a paradox in the above sense. Although i am not complaining, it would be refreshing to figure out why i just don't give a f*ck. I really do not know...
Hope you don't mind chiming in but, again, I have the same issue.

I've self-evaluated and believe it was because I was conditioned (via relationships) to find being emotionally attached resulted in a loss of a chick -- being emotional resulted in "punishment", if you will. Then I went full emotionless, found myself being more successful with girls (began being calculated and exclusively logical, maybe even manipulative) and getting farther along with them relationship timewise. Obv at some point you have to have emotion, but now I was totally unprepared to show emotion when it was legit time to -- I couldn't gauge it at all.

I will say this: it's way easier to focus on bettering yourself when you remove all emotion. That's been a huge plus.
 

JoeMarron

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Dgwizdal said:
@Joe marron

Dude I genuinely don't think I care. I experience a slight feeling of loss after the fact however when in the moment or during the course of the relationship it just doesn't do anything for me to invest in someone else other than myself for a future.

I did come to the redpill from a devestating semi-codenpendent breakup of 6 years. This was close to 3 years ago and doesn't seem to be an uncommon thing for redpill guys to stumble upon this stuff after a similar situation. Although I am far past that could I be jaded from it or have I just not found the right chick? Or the inability to close my eyes to the computations and truths behind getting chicks and just live? For me - game has been a bit of a paradox in the above sense. Although i am not complaining, it would be refreshing to figure out why i just don't give a f*ck. I really do not know...
I'd say it's a combination of being jaded and not finding the right chick. You recovered from your breakup, improved dramatically and now you can see beyond the feminine mystique. You know how to push their buttons, you know how to pull the right triggers to get them to do what you want. You basically know how to engineer love and now it doesn't seem so special. It's like mastering a video game. You know all the tricks, secrets, and strategies so now it's not so fun anymore. Your emotions aren't invested in it because there's no challenge.

I've said it before that the more we invest in someone the more we like them which is why we should be doing less investing than the female. In your case it seems that your game is so tight to where you barely need to invest anything. These chicks are investing their hearts and souls into you and you're just sitting back chillin, aloof and indifferent as ever and enjoying the show. It's impossible for you to care because you're not really investing anything. Perhaps you need to find a woman worthy of you investing in her. Perhaps there isn't a woman worthy of your investment and you'll be content with just fvcking and rotating new chicks into your harem for the rest of your life. Sounds like a high quality problem to me, I kinda envy you. Neediness is annoying as hell. Well there's my psychoanalysis lol. Maybe you'll find a bit of truth to it.
 
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