What am I doing wrong. (day game approach)

[Suspens]

For me when a girl I actually like tells me she has a bf I usually put my hand on my heart and say "my heart is broken" with a smile and just plow through

:crackup: Will use that one next time.

If your still struggling to tone down sexuality, you would be better off just asking the girl out right away instead of asking for opinions. One in ten will actually agree on that alone.

Yeah I've tried it once around 2 years ago and it worked. That usually works on fun-loving and outgoing chicks.

It was pretty bad, but its better than what you are doing now which is chasing validation and numbers, begging the girl to accept you. I never ask my friends for opinions or tell them they smell good... not normally. Approach like your greeting an old friend.

More like begging for their tits and as$.

Imagine you ran into one of your old friends on the street who you grew apart from 5 years ago. How would you approach this person? You would be friendly, ask what they are doing, what there story is etc, and if you discover you still like the person you would organise meeting up again later. That is generally how your approaches should look.

Tried this today with one girl, she looked shocked for 5 seconds and then kept walking. I didn't pursue any further.

As a side, I talked a little bit about warming up. HB5 looks like a warm up but came at the end of the day. I recommend going into stores and just having normal idle chat with deli girls and cashiers to get you into the flow of normal conversation.

Today my "warming up" exercise was on a milf. Asked her whether she has any daughter as cute as herself. She smiled and kept walking, and then waved her hands towards her husband, he was waiting 30-40 meters away. Glad he didn't notice me or there would have been trouble (Broken nose or arms etc).

Warming up helps alot. The next interactions felt quite comfortable and without any anxiety, as if I was on anti-stress meds or something lol.

Your improving but you still want it too bad.

Yeah I admit, gotta find a fun hobby to keep my mind busy.


BTW, I think my attention span is fvcked up. That the main reason my conversations are scripted, lack smoothness and my reactions are rather impulsive. I have to work on that. Pr0n and videogames have fvcked it up.

 

[Alexandar]

no. your attention span had nothing to do with it. you are just terrible. watch YouTube videos

 

[Suspens]

I've watched AdryanVonOyen's vids and they helped desensitizing the whole thing.


Starting conversations and keeping them going is where you need a healthy concentration and attention span.

 

[DragonBlood]

Warming up helps alot. The next interactions felt quite comfortable and without any anxiety, as if I was on anti-stress meds or something lol.

Yep One of my better techniques, it puts you almost in auto pilot and helps you relax. You can warm up on guys too btw, although I find they tend to be less social. Maybe, like try having coffee with a random guy and then try some approaches. Actually no, make it coffee with a random girl. Most guys are really bad socially haha. But remember, the warm up is for talking only, dont try to pick up your warm up. Friends possibly. This is because, depending on the social context, you can actually reuse the same warm up person over and over, building social proof. I believe its called a friendship haha. I do exactly this. I have one chatty girl on the bus who specifically comes over to sit with me 2-3 times a week, occasionally she invites me to things and I meet more of her social group. She has a bf, but that is not the purpose of the relationship. I dont rely on it, but I have girls like this dotted all over the place. Its just part of being social.

If I tried picking her up though, I would have lost massive value. By having such a narrow focus/outcome I would have missed what was sitting in front of me. Every day gamer needs one or two fans. It keeps you out of your head.

Imagine you ran into one of your old friends on the street who you grew apart from 5 years ago. How would you approach this person? You would be friendly, ask what they are doing, what there story is etc, and if you discover you still like the person you would organise meeting up again later. That is generally how your approaches should look.

Tried this today with one girl, she looked shocked for 5 seconds and then kept walking. I didn't pursue any further.

I would like a further break down of this, or another detailed try. In particular what the girl was doing at the time, as "5 seconds" doesnt really give me much insight into what you did. Also consider that it was only one girl. Its more the warmth and ease of conversation you want to take from that example than the literal questions.


Another point, you are blaming your attention span, the demographic of girls and fear of getting beaten up by other guys for the quality of your approaches. Just random stuff I never even think about. You need to let this all go and find ways to relax. You are too caught up in your head about stuff that really doesnt matter... It only matters because you think it matters.. if you dig.

Things I do to relax:
Herbal teas
Alcohol (occasionally)
Gym
Diving Deep
Warm ups/Socialising
Trying different fruits/eating fruit every day
8-9hrs sleep (I never stay up past 12, it ****s up your tomorrow)
Barefoot nature walks
Loose clothing
Dancing to rock music in my room.... and in the clubs with random girls!
Singing favorite songs
Playing with my pet dog
Surround myself with positive people
Staying away from social media (I dont have a fb, twitter etc...)
I use to do mindfulness meditation with a group as well, but wasnt for me

All these things add up to a more chill person. You will find ones that suit your preferences though, like learning guitar, fishing or playing pool etc. The main point is doing things outside of pure approaching that make you feel good really does show in your personality. Girls think in terms of what "emotional currency" you can offer them.. and all that anxiety and being stuck in your head screams "very little". Its easy to fix though with even two or three personal rituals that you find boost your mood.


Heres one actually, you say you like playing video games? I use to play games, but they are surprisingly logical, anti-social... And because many of them revolve around time limits and missions they can create alot of frustration and anxiety. Which you seem to be carrying around. Instead, why not jump onto youtube and just chill to some video game music? This is surprisingly fun and nostalgic.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w43QJabKjEY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q0D5IB3C14E
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rmJyyPhB278
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5isDvrsBAPI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hFHeLW5nNfQ

 

[Suspens]

But remember, the warm up is for talking only, dont try to pick up your warm up. Friends possibly. This is because, depending on the social context, you can actually reuse the same warm up person over and over, building social proof. I believe its called a friendship haha. I do exactly this. I have one chatty girl on the bus who specifically comes over to sit with me 2-3 times a week, occasionally she invites me to things and I meet more of her social group. She has a bf, but that is not the purpose of the relationship. I dont rely on it, but I have girls like this dotted all over the place. Its just part of being social.

Yep, I will be focusing on warmups and simple conversations, without getting stressed out and over thinking about the outcome. I have to reach a point where approaching a total stranger who appears to be drown in her own world with her bytch shields up becomes a fun hobby, rather than a stressful "gamble". The 2-3 warmup experiences I've had today were quite fun and relaxing. And not surprisingly, almost all of them were smooth, no bytchy reactions, nothing. It looks like whenever you try to "pick them up" they realize it and think you are actually invading their lives.

I would like a further break down of this, or another detailed try. In particular what the girl was doing at the time, as "5 seconds" doesnt really give me much insight into what you did. Also consider that it was only one girl. Its more the warmth and ease of conversation you want to take from that example than the literal questions.

She was approaching from the opposite direction in a rather quiet and empty alley.

Me: WOOOW, look at you! Where have you been? How are you?
HB2: *she kinda stared for a few seconds and then started walknig faster*
Me: Don't you know me? We were attending the same college few years ago...
HB2: * By now she was much further and I ejected and then left"

I was just trying this "greeting an old friend" method and experimenting, I didn't care about anything. It was possibly the most boring approach, mainly because I went overboard with the "familiarity" thing.

I also started another conversations with 2 old women and asked them what perfume they were wearing.

Another one was about "how long should a guy wait before calling you after they get your number, would you feel ignored if he called/texted you after a week" which was yet another friendly conversation, I think she was expecting me to go further and ask for her number but I didn't bother since she was around 5 CM taller than me lol, so I thanked her and left.

There was another instance where I kept walking behind a HB9 Milf for 5 minutes, but didn't have the nerve to approach since she had a ring and looked kinda violent, so I gave up and moved to the other side of the street.

Another point, you are blaming your attention span, the demographic of girls and fear of getting beating up by other guys for the quality of your approaches. Just random stuff I never even think about. You need to let this all go and find ways to relax. You are too caught up in your head about stuff that really doesnt matter... It only matters because you think it matters.. if you dig.

I do have a short attention span indeed, thanks to gaming and pron. Fear of getting AMOGed or beaten by white knights is fading away, and the demographic/cultural thing is a real barrier. But yeah, you are right, I don't have to focus on them that much.

All these things add up to a more chill person. You will find ones that suit your preferences though, like learning guitar or playing pool etc. The main point is doing things outside of pure approaching that make you feel good really does show in your personality. Often times I think girls dont care what you have going on in your career (you should care, but they dont), They seem more interested in your ability to self generate positive emotions for them to feed on.

I will probably try traveling to some remote villages with beaches and jungles etc once I settle in my new rental flat and get my driving license. That would help.

Heres one actually, you say you like playing video games? I use to play games, but they are surprisingly logical, anti-social... And because many of them revolve around time limits and missions they can create alot of frustration and anxiety.

Spot on, which in turn destroys your confidence.


Regarding videogames OSTs, this one always strokes multiple emotions: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GcnqGUt7Gx8

 

[DragonBlood]

It looks like whenever you try to "pick them up" they realize it and think you are actually invading their lives.

Thats because "pick up" is about taking more energy than you are giving. The girls can feel the vacuum.

She was approaching from the opposite direction in a rather quiet and empty alley.

Me: WOOOW, look at you! Where have you been? How are you?
HB2: *she kinda stared for a few seconds and then started walknig faster*
Me: Don't you know me? We were attending the same college few years ago...
HB2: * By now she was much further and I ejected and then left"

I was just trying this "greeting an old friend" method and experimenting, I didn't care about anything. It was possibly the most boring approach, mainly because I went overboard with the "familiarity" thing.

Uhhh... I hope this was trolling. I think you took my words a bit too... literally. I didnt mean to pretend you know the person! I meant think of how you would talk and behave if you know the person. Relaxed, smooth, interested. You are already learning this in warm ups anyway, so I wouldnt worry about it.

I also started another conversations with 2 old women and asked them what perfume they were wearing.

Another one was about "how long should a guy wait before calling you after they get your number, would you feel ignored if he called/texted you after a week" which was yet another friendly conversation, I think she was expecting me to go further and ask for her number but I didn't bother since she was around 5 CM taller than me lol, so I thanked her and left.

These are excellent. I particularly like the "how long a guy should wait" question as its similar to your "if a girl is attracted to a guy, a simple smile could start a new friendship." line... but because you were coming from a social place, the conversation actually worked. Do you see how much of a difference your energy can make to the interactions? Those moments where you are just flying in enjoying the conversation, and then you suddenly pause for a second realising the girl is probably looking for more are the best.

I will probably try traveling to some remote villages with beaches and jungles etc once I settle in my new rental flat and get my driving license. That would help.

Exploring remote locations is a very good choice! Adventures give you great stories, allow you to try bolder cold approach and push you way out of your comfort zone. REs good, whatever works for you. I tend to throw on hour long vids. You could also go full retard ahaha https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QAA6hq9RL-4

I hope you see the general pattern though, of how you can convert things that cause you anxiety into things that help you relax and boost your confidence. There is no reason to keep negative cycles in your life that dont serve you.

 

[Suspens]

Uhhh... I hope this was trolling. I think you took my worlds a bit too... literally. I didnt mean to pretend you know the person! I meant think of how you would talk and behave if you know the person. Relaxed, smooth, interested. You are already learning this in warm ups anyway, so I wouldnt worry about it.

I wanted to see how believable my performance was. I know I went overboard. And I think it was probably my last approach so I was bored and tired, since it was getting darker and I was leaving the field.

Those moments where you are just flying in enjoying the conversation, and then you suddenly pause for a second realising the girl is probably looking for more are the best.

Yes, that's how I would describe it exactly.

Exploring remote locations is a very good choice! Adventures give you great stories, allow you to try bolder cold approach and push you way out of your comfort zone

Yeah exactly, especially nature exploration and camping.

 

[DragonBlood]

Yeah fair enough, I didnt realise how many approaches you put in. Kudos to you for pushing through. Most people wouldnt be able to take it this far. I dont think people on the outside fully realise how draining cold approach can be, especially when you are also learning the skill.

I think each page of the thread has notable improvement from the last as you slowly break down your walls, gain more perspective, practice different ideas etc. It took me about 6 months - 2 years before I really knew what I was doing, but I didnt have any teachers.. as cold approachers are rare. Judging from your newer approaches and how you are catching on to energy and flow I would say you are already close to where I was maybe a year in. I was better at number closing, but considering how quickly you are learning (weeks not months and finding a flat) this is really a laughable side point at the moment.

I think the next time you are out day gaming among your typical approaches you should try the "sit down" cold approach for coffee/lunch.

DB: Are you eating alone?
HB: yes
DB: Can I join you?
HB: sure

Doesnt matter how busy the girl looks.

You typically only get to do one, MAYBE two of these in the day. They are more advanced but if you are getting a hold of social and energy, there is no reason why you couldnt warm someone up for 20mins while you are having a coffee or your lunch. Once you have this skill you will be surprised by how successful it actually is. It teaches you how to hold a longer approach, comfortable breaks in convo and let the other person enjoy the interaction. The first two or three of these are really challenging, but it almost always ends in friendship, numbers, dates etc. It also helps you overcome the fear of the dreaded "dinner date" that sometimes creep along.. because you have done it 100 times before. Ive never had a negative sit down. If you are thinking of travelling around, they are also useful for gaining local information about the area.

I havent seen this idea anywhere before, this is just something I decided to experiment with and its works very very well. Ive even done this in places that are near empty. The girl never even asks why, its obvious why you would prefer to eat with company than have a boring lunch. This has quickly become one of my favorite parts of cold approach because its so rewarding. Its just natural and common sense for me now.

Once you have tried this out I might cover a different kind of approach you can chain on this skill.

I dont know what time of day you are day gaming, but if its the morning, then the 20min sit down would be your last or close to last approach of the day. And holy **** it will come off butter smooth by that stage.

 

[Alexandar]

no.
just... no.
this kid has to be a troll.

 

[Suspens]

I dont think people on the outside fully realise how draining cold approach can be, especially when you are also learning the skill.

And especially at a time when you don't have your shlt together and also dealing with multiple other issues.

I think each page of the thread has notable improvement from the last as you slowly break down your walls, gain more perspective, practice different ideas etc. It took me about 6 months - 2 years before I really knew what I was doing, but I didnt have any teachers.. as cold approachers are rare. Judging from your newer approaches and how you are catching on to energy and flow I would say you are already close to where I was maybe a year in. I was better at number closing, but considering how quickly you are learning (weeks not months and finding a flat) this is really a laughable side point at the moment.

I've had practiced CAing in the past, but once I got involved with a chick I totally gave up approaching any girls. After I broke up with her I resolved to videogames and pron in order to fill the Pus$y void. Now I'm getting back on the track again. The best step was coming back to this forum. Also getting a new haircut and improving my face skin significantly boosted my confidence. Now all I need is practice in social interactions and communication.

I think the next time you are out day gaming among your typical approaches you should try the "sit down" cold approach for coffee/lunch.

DB: Are you eating alone?
HB: yes
DB: Can I join you?
HB: sure

Doesnt matter how busy the girl looks.

You typically only get to do one, MAYBE two of these in the day. They are more advanced but if you are getting a hold of social and energy, there is no reason why you couldnt warm someone up for 20mins while you are having a coffee or your lunch. Once you have this skill you will be surprised by how successful it actually is. It teaches you how to hold a longer approach, comfortable breaks in convo and let the other person enjoy the interaction. The first two or three of these are really challenging, but it almost always ends in friendship, numbers, dates etc. It also helps you overcome the fear of the dreaded "dinner date" that sometimes creep along.. because you have done it 100 times before. Ive never had a negative sit down.

It will be fun connecting to people and socializing. Actually I'm going to try and forget about teh pus$y for a while, this current hunter mindset doesn't help at all. Today was a major improvement when I realized how easy it is to communicate with anyone and have fun when you don't stress yourself over the outcome [IE I wiush I could fvck that chick in the as$ tonight. Really, you can't have sex with anyone you see on the streets. That's mental.] Going to talk to people for the sake of communicating and making friends. Old men, grannies, gardeners, hobos, shopkeepers, etc. Now that I got rid of my gaming PC, and also going to live alone, I'll be motivated enough to try anything.

I havent seen this idea anywhere before, this is just something I decided to experiment with and its works very very well. Ive even done this in places that are near empty. The girl never even asks why, its obvious why you would prefer to eat with company than have a boring lunch. This has quickly become one of my favorite parts of cold approach because its so rewarding. Its just natural and common sense for me now.

How long do your conversations last? Do you run out of subjects?

I dont know what time of day you are day gaming, but if its the morning, then the 20min sit down would be your last or close to last approach of the day. And holy **** it will come off butter smooth by that stage.

Currently it's between 3PM till 8PM.

 

[DragonBlood]

Today was a major improvement when I realized how easy it is to communicate with anyone and have fun when you don't stress yourself over the outcome. Going to talk to people for the sake of communicating and making friends. Old men, grannies, gardeners, hobos, shopkeepers, etc. Now that I got rid of my gaming PC, and also going to live alone, I'll be motivated enough to try anything.

Totally agree. Left the consoles at home and left that scene years ago. The funny thing is, 50 years ago "cold approach" was just normal. People didnt have their smart phones or facebook and actually had to learn to socialise and meet people. Now its going the opposite direction where people spend years and years of there lives doing nothing but pressing buttons, both male and female, and they cant figure out why they are not as confident or social as the older generations that made better use of this time to develop their social mind.

As far as Im concerned if you cant have a healthy conversation with a stranger, and the only way you meet people is through friends or chatting to creepy girls on the internet you are ****ed. Rapidly rebuilding your social circle in new environments etc is key to independence and survival in general.

Hitting up a wide array of people will teach you to have fun regardless of the participant, so when you meet the hot girl, you might not even notice she is hot, but also you will be able to enjoy the conversation just for the sake of it. And she will sense the difference in your energy. This is a far better place than only talking to hot girls in short burst trying to take something from every interaction.

How long do your conversations last? Do you run out of subjects?

Conversations can last for hours and I never run out of things to say. On average a conversation lasts 20mins. Usually some outside event like one of us having to go ends it. Once Ive introduced myself and talked about the weather I usually ask them "whats their story?" OR "How they found themselves in <city>?". Just get the other person talking about themselves and giving their life story and you will have so many different topics coming at you there is no way to run out of things to talk about. I do talk about myself also, but its usually relating to some point or story they brought in, maybe build around a shared interest. I also ask direct questions about the area or places to go if Im new there.

My other piece of advice is to be comfortable with silence. Just like with your friends there are always natural breaks in conversation, maybe the person themselves is not a great socialiser. Just go with it. Silence could last up to 2mins before breaking back into it. Its important to monitor if the other person is actually interested in the conversation or the topic. If they seem disinterested just bring up something else right away. No need to stay on a dead topic. Also, in the rare cases the person is repeatably and clear just isnt in the mood to talk (short answers, no/fake enthusiasm), just stop talking. No apologies required. You dont have to make it work.

Honestly, if you are really running out of things to say its almost definitely a sign of anxiety. That you are trying too hard to not say stupid things instead of letting it flow and enjoying the interaction.

Currently it's between 3PM till 8PM.

Those times are not great at all, but when you move out I guess you can be more flexible.

3PM-5PM (You missed the lunch break opportunity, and because these are work hours there will just be less people around.)
5PM-8PM (People are tired after a long day, probably stressed and in a hurry to just get home and start the dinner.)

These times can work, but overall just be aware they are not optimal by any means.

The best times to cold approach are 7AM - 2PM.

7AM-9AM (People are on their way to work or having their morning coffee. This is a great time to meet someone when they are fresh and even possibly agree to met up after work the same day)
9AM-12AM (Similar to 3-5, kind of meh)
12AM-2PM (People are moving about and making the most of their lunch break, trying to relax and socialise, not really in a big hurry compared to other parts of the day, lots of people sitting around. Best time!)

You can meet an interesting person at any moment and any hour, but generally from my experience morning hours are better.

 

[Suspens]

Hitting up a wide array of people will teach you to have fun regardless of the participant, so when you meet the hot girl, you might not even notice she is hot, but also you will be able to enjoy the conversation just for the sake of it. And she will sense the difference in your energy. This is a far better place than only talking to hot girls in short burst trying to take something from every interaction.

I think that would solve many problems, as 'Not knowing what to say' or 'what to talk about' is the number one reason people don't approach beautiful girls, rather than being afraid of her beauty.

Conversations can last for hours and I never run out of things to say. On average a conversation lasts 20mins. Usually some outside event like one of us having to go ends it. Once Ive introduced myself and talked about the weather I usually ask them "whats their story?" OR "How they found themselves in <city>?". Just get the other person talking about themselves and giving their life story and you will have so many different topics coming at you there is no way to run out of things to talk about. I do talk about myself also, but its usually relating to some point or story they brought in, maybe build around a shared interest. I also ask direct questions about the area or places to go if Im new there.

I think being comfortable is the key, not worrying about the occasional silences and awkwardness.

3PM-5PM (You missed the lunch break opportunity, and because these are work hours there will just be less people around.)
5PM-8PM (People are tired after a long day, probably stressed and in a hurry to just get home and start the dinner.)

These times can work, but overall just be aware they are not optimal by any means.

The best times to cold approach are 7AM - 2PM.

7AM-9AM (People are on their way to work or having their morning coffee. This is a great time to meet someone when they are fresh and even possibly agree to met up after work the same day)
9AM-12AM (Similar to 3-5, kind of meh)
12AM-2PM (People are moving about and making the most of their lunch break, trying to relax and socialise, not really in a big hurry compared to other parts of the day, lots of people sitting around. Best time!)

You can meet an interesting person at any moment and any hour, but generally from my experience morning hours are better.[/QUOTE]

Between 3PM -8PM most people are leaving work, you are right most are tired and just want to get home and chill. But there another type who are looking for some entertainment and fun .

Between 12AM-2PM, yes that's launch time. Great for your idea (sitting down, sharing tables and have fun while eating lunch).

I haven't tried 'sarging' in the morning, since most of the time I am sleeping at that time. But sounds like people are more open and friendly at that time.