Well, I fvcked up...

[izza]

Yea,I'm definately going to ask her out next time.

I would advise against making promises like this one. Just promise yourself that you will do what feels right and fun in the moment. Sometimes, that will mean you will not ask her out, and that is fine. What counts is that you learn about why you didn't feel right doing so, or why it didn't feel like fun.

Learn what you need to actually enjoy it, and then work to find that.

You can't change your reactions, you can't change your emotions in a moment. It takes time. But in every single moment of your life, you should do what feels right to you, you should do what you want - whether that be kiss the girl that you buddies might think is ugly, or not ask out the beautiful girl you pine for in a situation you don't yet feel right in.

I'll ask her out on Thursday. I won't let you guys down.

What the crap are you talking about letting us down. If you want to succeed, you are often going to have to do the exact opposite of what many on this board will advise you to do.

Again, it is extremely unwise to make promises. And in fact, I never feel the need to make promises that I will do whatever it is with a girl. That's because whatever it is I'm going to do... I ACTUALLY REALLY TRULY DEEP DOWN WANT TO DO AND I FEEL COMFORTABLE DOING IT.

Otherwise, I work to find a solution I feel comfortable with. I can see how perhaps on a battlefield I might need to do stuff I don't feel comfortable with and wouldn't be fun. But dating is not a battlefield. It's supposed to be fun! Moreover, you should have self-confidence, self-love, friends, and family such that getting this particular girl or any other is NOT an emergency.

Instead of focusing on doing what I don't feel comfortable doing, I focus on expanding my comfort zone. Big difference.

I know that the guys on here will tell you that "once you do it (replace the word "it" with anything under the sun) one time, you'll realize your fears were stupid and you'll never fear it or perhaps even anything else again."

This works for a select few, and if you suspect it will work for you, it's worth a try. But keep in mind your basic Pavlov here:

If every time you touch a piece of cheese you feel a shock, you're going to go after a different piece of cheese.

If every time you ask a girl out you think to yourself: OH MY GOD SO MUCH ANXIETY OH MY GOD WHAT DO I DO, I FEEL SO TRAPPED I'M SO STUPID, WHY AM I SUCH A COWARD?

That hurts you. You're not going to want to ask a girl out. Unroot the causes of all that negative speak, let your emotions align with your reason and your conscience, and this can all be very comfortable.

Dating should be fun and easy. There is nothing complicated or difficult about it. The hard part is realizing that. So many guys figure "I'm having sex, I couldn't possibly be torturing myself." Oh but they realize later that in many cases, they're wrong. Many people make dating into something awful.

Commit yourself 100% to this: stop any dating behavior that is in any way self-torture. You're not practicing something good, you're not learning, you're not advancing, you're not getting through the hard part. You are simply making a very unfortunate and unhealthy habit. Like any other bad habit, the only way to stop is to stop. Absolutely. As completely as you can, always working to make your stop more and more complete.

Every single aspect of dating should be wonderful, healthy, and uplifting. Not to say you should feel the calmness of a stone. I just mean you should feel a pleasant anxiety, not dread.

I recommend making that realization with friends, family, hobbies, or by improving your knowledge of yourself and women.

I recommend these videos, by the way:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=153556

Peace,
Izza

 

[The Master Disaster]

You know, I'm gonna ask her pretty much no matter what. It's the last time I will for sure see her soon.

I mean, I think I got my anxiety under control. I just think about the first time I asked her if she wanted to go grab something to eat. I mean I asked her, and then she turned to the cafeteria, but I stopped her and said lets go out.

I mean we only went to taco bell, but she invited me to her house for a couple hours.

I had a lot of anxiety before that, but I did it. Now, I'll face whatever anxiety I have and propose we get together for whatever. I don't really care.

I'm gonna get some balls when it comes to women. I have good looks, great personality, sweet car, ample money, but man these are all products of the last 3 years of my life building me up to here. I worked hard on myself, and now I just have to get rid of my high school mindset and concur my last demon.

Recently, women throw IOI's at me in ridiculous proportions, but I still retain this mindset that I'm no good; even though I project the total opposite. I can talk to women easily, but I can progress anything.

I project this persona of money, power, and control by the way I dress, the way I carry myself, the things I own. I mean it's all physical stuff. I still battle these self-esteem issues from when I was a child.

This is the last time. No way in the world, I won't ask her to do something tomorrow. If it has to be in front of the whole class, it doesn't matter.

Right now, it's about uttering words that I still struggle to say first. Then getting her is second.

Honestly, I highly doubt that she'll reject, but I can't say it, and I know she's waiting... f'ing a. I'll do it.

 

[izza]

Great, sounds like you know what you want to do. That's what counts. Have fun!

Izza

 

[playaslaya]

on the OP's story...next time something like that happens...say u need to go out with me sometime, show him what kind of guy you're really attracted to

 

[The Master Disaster]

F'ing A, she stayed in class, and I attempted to stall by talking to the other girl she asked me if she stuffed her bra. The girl kept drawing me back in; I just asked her what she got on the mid-term (we have another class together). I made a couple glances over the girl I was trying to out. She was real fidgety and kept rubbing her neck.

There was a person in my seat, and so I sat where I use to sit before we were partners. She came in confused and then moved two seats down to sit next to this guy (I don't know what's going on with them. Doesn't look like much...) Anyways, she left and a couple minutes later I went to the bathroom. She saw me in the hall and put a grin on, and I smiled and said "Hi" I think she might of been checking me out because she wasn't looking at my eyes and I was wearing really nice clothes, and She said quickly, "What?" even-though... I said the simplest word in the American language, and I didn't say it discreetly.

Throughout class, I caught her glancing over towards me. That guy she sat next to left, and then the girl on her left got up to present, and she pointed her body right at me.

The professor gave back our presentation grades, and she moaned (I think that's the best way to describe it) out my name. It was kinda weird. Then I sat a little bit longer to see if she would come to me, but she didn't... so I gave it to her, and she went for the high-five with a grin because we got 100. Then I was like, "I remember some smart man predicting that yesterday." She smiled and said, "Shut up."

I tried to wait for her to get up and leave, but after about 5 minutes I went to talk to the girl who sat right behind me. The girl the one I like asked me, "Let me ask you a question... never mind you're going to judge." Egged her on" "Do you think that girl wears a bigger bra and pads it. I mean my boobs looked like that in the 8th grade."

So I talked to this girl about the other class I had with her. We just got back our mid-term, and she just kept talking and talking. I started to make steps towards the door because I had a paper to finish before my next class, but the girl wouldn't stop talking. I had a paper to do so; I just realized I wasn't going to get a chance to ask her. Right before I passed out the door, the other girl yelled out "Good Luck!" I turned my head and said "Thanks."

Obviously, the girl I was talking to was trying to get with me, but while I wasn't paying attention to what she said. I instead came up with a plan.

I'll give the girl I like a call tonight around 7 or 8. When she answers, I'll go "I forgot to ask you a question. What are you doing Saturday afternoon?"

Boom, easy and effective. If she says nothing, I'll respond, "I was going go Christmas Shopping downtown, and I thought it would be fun if you went with."

Or if she says, I have plans, I'll just say

"Oh well, I thought you might want to have fun. It's cool though."

Then she'll probably respond, "Wait, what were you going to ask?"

"I guess that's a mystery you'll never solve."

Then see what she says after that. If she's interested she'll pursue, if not she'll say "okay."

I'll just do that tonight.

 

[MattS]

Dude omfg you sure did fvck up..ur basically already out and in the fz. U r placing way too high of value on this girl and that's why ur acting like a pvssy. U gotta a lot to change about urself. U should've asked her to hang after the first couple signs of interest. U waited too long and are thinking way too much. Its ok to have aplan and general idea of what to say but ur taking it to a new level chill the fvck out.
U dress nice and have a 50k car so what that stuff only takes u so far. I drive a 40k car got a 3k diamond watch 1.5k diamond dog tag necklace and it doesn't always take me to the promise land. Sure I get more attention and seem like higher value. But if u don't act congruent with that stuff like very c0cky and confident u look like ur putting on a front and are a pvssy covering up insecurities with urself. U dress the part act the part. U should be acting like ur better than her not to much though.
The only way to get her I l up is to ignore her next time u see her. Then when she comes to u (if she doesn't keep ignoring her shell come upto u sometime or another) ask her out the chances are higher if u ignore her fiirst. Quit acting like a pvssy.

 

[izza]

F'ing A, she stayed in class, and I attempted to stall by talking to the other girl she asked me if she stuffed her bra. The girl kept drawing me back in; I just asked her what she got on the mid-term (we have another class together). I made a couple glances over the girl I was trying to out. She was real fidgety and kept rubbing her neck.

There was a person in my seat, and so I sat where I use to sit before we were partners. She came in confused and then moved two seats down to sit next to this guy (I don't know what's going on with them. Doesn't look like much...) Anyways, she left and a couple minutes later I went to the bathroom. She saw me in the hall and put a grin on, and I smiled and said "Hi" I think she might of been checking me out because she wasn't looking at my eyes and I was wearing really nice clothes, and She said quickly, "What?" even-though... I said the simplest word in the American language, and I didn't say it discreetly.

Throughout class, I caught her glancing over towards me. That guy she sat next to left, and then the girl on her left got up to present, and she pointed her body right at me.

The professor gave back our presentation grades, and she moaned (I think that's the best way to describe it) out my name. It was kinda weird. Then I sat a little bit longer to see if she would come to me, but she didn't... so I gave it to her, and she went for the high-five with a grin because we got 100. Then I was like, "I remember some smart man predicting that yesterday." She smiled and said, "Shut up."

I tried to wait for her to get up and leave, but after about 5 minutes I went to talk to the girl who sat right behind me. The girl the one I like asked me, "Let me ask you a question... never mind you're going to judge." Egged her on" "Do you think that girl wears a bigger bra and pads it. I mean my boobs looked like that in the 8th grade."

So I talked to this girl about the other class I had with her. We just got back our mid-term, and she just kept talking and talking. I started to make steps towards the door because I had a paper to finish before my next class, but the girl wouldn't stop talking. I had a paper to do so; I just realized I wasn't going to get a chance to ask her. Right before I passed out the door, the other girl yelled out "Good Luck!" I turned my head and said "Thanks."

Obviously, the girl I was talking to was trying to get with me, but while I wasn't paying attention to what she said. I instead came up with a plan.

I'll give the girl I like a call tonight around 7 or 8. When she answers, I'll go "I forgot to ask you a question. What are you doing Saturday afternoon?"

Boom, easy and effective. If she says nothing, I'll respond, "I was going go Christmas Shopping downtown, and I thought it would be fun if you went with."

Or if she says, I have plans, I'll just say

"Oh well, I thought you might want to have fun. It's cool though."

Then she'll probably respond, "Wait, what were you going to ask?"

"I guess that's a mystery you'll never solve."

Then see what she says after that. If she's interested she'll pursue, if not she'll say "okay."

I'll just do that tonight.

I'm just writing to make sure that you're not blaming the girl who talked to you for this... right? Because you could have asked her to hang on a minute, or talked to her later without being rude.

Anyway, have fun calling tonight. Also, can I say that is one of the most overanalyzed social interactions I have ever read. Every single wrinkle of her eyebrow is now sitting on sosuave. lol

MattS - the ONLY way to get her IL up is to ignore her? I can think of one other way to get her IL up - by being awesome and having a great conversation with her. That would also ensure that he was acting like an adult... I'm sure you behave like an adult generally, and get lots of women through ignoring, or else you wouldn't post the advice. Getting women is easy, so I have no doubt it works for you. Still, that is really high school behavior. You can get women without acting strangely. If women wanted lots of drama, they would already have been dating women a long time ago.

Iz

 

[Idkmyname]

"Just do it" remember those words.

 

[Igetit!]

I'm gonna ask her if she wants to get some lunch after the workshop if she goes.

I feel so damn dumb. I can't believe I didn't capitalize on it. It was such a gimme. If I don't act now... I'm gonna miss my chance.

Posted on 11-14-08.

She didn't come to that workshop today,but next time I see her Monday or Wednesday before we even work I'm going to ask if she wants to go get something to eat,and then I'll take her downtown to a local pizza place probably.

Once she's in my car and we're downtown. She's going to be puddy in my hands.

Posted on 11-15-08.

Dude,she's pretty gaga over me. Haha,this is awesome! I'll let that feeling fester over the next two days,and then I'll pop the question.
This is going to be cake to get her to go out with me.

If you think about it,technically we had a date today.We got food and went back to her house for 4 hours when none of her roommates were there...I mean...think about it.
...but if I act soon she'll be mine for the taking.

Posted 11-17-08

I still haven't asked her out. I was about to that thursday,but she mentioned she was leaving the next day to go home for Thanksgiving.
...We're already good friends,but I don't thnk that window for asking her out has passed. If anything,the thankgiving break has opened the window.

I'll ask her out on Thursday. I won't let you guys down.

Posted 12-2-08

You know,I'm gonna ask her pretty much no matter what.

Posted 12-3-08.

I'll give the girl I like a call tonight around 7 or 8.

I'll just do that tonight.

Posted today,12-4-08.

Started this post three weeks ago and still fumbling arouind trying to find the "perfect" way to ask her out. In fact,she's already been out on dates with other guys during this whole time you've been waiting.

You know what man? Just forget it. Don't even bother. You've so built this thing up in your mind,that you seem like a big ball of nervousness,fidgety,and anxiety all rolled into one. Even Darth manned up and asked his girl out. Took him a while,but he did it. I say just learn from this and use the knowledge with the next girl who interest you. This has dragged on too long,you staled it out.

If you keep this up,you're going to turn into another CapedCrusader08.

 

[MattS]

Ignoring isn't so much hs behavior. It works as u may know. But her attraction is down. Going up and sriking up a "awesome converstaion" isn't the trick. I've had "awesome talks with chicks and had high I l then I ignore them a little take away the attention for a tiny bit then the I'll sky rockets and u have them in the palm of ur hand. Its about the takeaway no matter how old u are. U have good convo then u have to try harder than opposed to ignoring her then asking her out. Its human nature

 

[The Master Disaster]

Dude omfg you sure did fvck up..ur basically already out and in the fz. U r placing way too high of value on this girl and that's why ur acting like a pvssy. U gotta a lot to change about urself. U should've asked her to hang after the first couple signs of interest. U waited too long and are thinking way too much. Its ok to have aplan and general idea of what to say but ur taking it to a new level chill the fvck out.
U dress nice and have a 50k car so what that stuff only takes u so far. I drive a 40k car got a 3k diamond watch 1.5k diamond dog tag necklace and it doesn't always take me to the promise land. Sure I get more attention and seem like higher value. But if u don't act congruent with that stuff like very c0cky and confident u look like ur putting on a front and are a pvssy covering up insecurities with urself. U dress the part act the part. U should be acting like ur better than her not to much though.
The only way to get her I l up is to ignore her next time u see her. Then when she comes to u (if she doesn't keep ignoring her shell come upto u sometime or another) ask her out the chances are higher if u ignore her fiirst. Quit acting like a pvssy.

I don't know what you guys are talking about. I don't act like nervous wreck around her. I'm cool, calm, collect, and ****y sometimes. I make her laugh all the time. I mean... I'm not this bundle of fidgety mess that you guys are assuming.

I mean, I'm not some a**hole who gloats about his stuff. I never mention my car to anyone until they see it. I am funny, good looking, intelligent and a great conversationalist, but because I really got picked on in Middle School . I've battled the demons of self-confidence ever since. Going through high school, I had tons of friends, and I had so many chances with women that I never capitalized on.

I don't think I'll ever really defeat my confidence problem or at least not for a long time.

I mean women flirt me constantly; I could probably count 10-15 times today with different women, but I really have self-confidence problems, maybe even commitment problems.

I don't think I'm putting the girl I like on a pedestal. I look at her as a real person, but I'm nuts about her. I mean that's more one-itis. I could have asked two girls out today, but I only can think about this one girl. I just don't think I'm putting her on a pedestal. I'm just deeply lusting her.

I don't know why you guys think I need to boost her affections. She still throws IOI's all the time to this day. I mean it's weird for her not to send them. Every time I see her, she puts on this big grin. Every time I talk to her, she smiles and laughs. We KINO each other still. She even taps me on my upper thigh, and I reciprocate it. She leans in when she talks to me. I mean the interest between us never declined.

Just to clarify, I started that convo with that other to delay my departure, and see if the girl I like was going to get up and go.

But apparently both have the same class, and I guess that class starts really late because they both sit on the computer for at least 15 minutes after the my class ends. I know why the girl I like does it because of that dude who keeps asking her out.

When I list what happened, I'm not trying to over analyze; I'm just listing what happened to give you guys a feel of what really took place, even if it's down to every subtle detail, I just feel that is the only way you really can get the feel of the situation.

I'm going to call her tonight; you guys won't discourage me. If it doesn't go well, oh well I'll move on. I just want it to have some sort of conclusion.

I've already learned a lot from this, and I'm much more comfortable with who I am opposed to the beginning of the semester.

 

[MattS]

I got picked on in middle school now im the most c0ckiest person I've been told a million times. Look at urself and be confident. Call her azz right now and quit waiting. The longer u wait the more u get anxious and that will come out w out u knowing it. How many times are u going to say ull ask her out. Until u do bsuch don't post on here unless its about what happened when u asked her out.

 

[bobbinika]

how about you just ****ing call or txt her now and set up a date dude

"hey meet me at the coffee place at 7 on friday, dress up, no questions." click

meet at the coffee place, have a drink, bounce her somewhere else

 

[CFERD]

we are not here to bring you down and lessen the chances of getting a date with this girl. Just the opposite in fact. We are giving ou a third person perspective and pointing out the ways you are acting like a pvssy so that you are aware of it and can make the neccessar chnages to increase the liklihood of getting a date with her. The most important factor being the more time goes by, further into the friendzone you'll be. I suggested calling her and asking her out the last time I replied, had you taken that advice, you'd have spared yourself the anxiety and mind chatter that turns a simple task into something complicated. I hope for your sake you are on the phone her right now. I think it's getting a little past the point of no return out of the fz, but hopefully I'm wrong. If find an excuse to put of the deed once again, then I'd suggest giving up. In fact I'd even say FZ her, mabe ou'd get lucky and she may pursue you. That would only work if her IL was off the charts.. Go for it, the worst thing she can say is no, you'll feel good about yourself regardless of the outcome.....good luck!

 

[The Master Disaster]

I just texted her, this was the dialogue:

Me: What are you doing Saturday at noon?

Her: Dunno y? If it involves the newspaper im busy lol

Me: Haha, I was going to go downtown and so some christmas shopping,
and I thought it would be fun if you came with.
Her: That sounds good. Whos drivin?

Me: I'll pick you up at noon.

Her: Can we make it one. I think im partyin (near by city) on friday night.

Me: That's fine.

Her: K call or text before u come.

Me: K.

That was easy...

P.S. It feels good to have at least the wheels in motion.

I'm not really worried about Saturday because I know she and I always have a good time. Now, that I got that monkey of my back wondering if she likes me or doesn't like me.

Honestly, I'm really surprised she responded to the texts so quickly. This whole convo happened over 5 minutes.

God, it feels good.

 

[MisterMcGee]

albeit a bit boring

 

[CFERD]

OMFG, after getting a lot of great advice from the other posters you opted for the easy way out. ughh.......asking a girl out by text, bad,bad,bad......that reeks of low confidence. What happened to calling? Dam..you are aware that 99% of all texting is between girl friends. That text is EXACTLY what she gets from her girlfriends. Yuck, shopping with a girl you want to be dating, welcome to the friendzone. I don't see any hope at this point. Better start some really obvious flirting with her. Had you called, you may have been able to work it so you could have gotten invited to the party From what you've provided, I think it's safe to say your her newest gal pal. Hopefully she won't be telling you about this guy she met at the party while you too are xmas shopping.

 

[The Master Disaster]

OMFG, after getting a lot of great advice from the other posters you opted for the easy way out. ughh.......asking a girl out by text, bad,bad,bad......that reeks of low confidence. What happened to calling? Dam..you are aware that 99% of all texting is between girl friends. That text is EXACTLY what she gets from her girlfriends. Yuck, shopping with a girl you want to be dating, welcome to the friendzone. I don't see any hope at this point. Better start some really obvious flirting with her. Had you called, you may have been able to work it so you could have gotten invited to the party From what you've provided, I think it's safe to say your her newest gal pal. Hopefully she won't be telling you about this guy she met at the party while you too are xmas shopping.

I mean my downtown is all unique shops and beautiful squares. I thought it would be a good way to walk around, talk with her, and get some lunch. Go for the handhold.

But also, we have an agenda of looking for gifts and stuff. It's not like we're going clothes shopping... Plus it will be more walking around and getting to know each other rather than shopping anyways.

I want to take her to this Flea Market just 5-10 miles away, which would really be fun looking at all the unique stuff with her. It sounds like fun.

But I live in this historic beautiful tourist city, and just the two of us walking around looking in this beautiful city kinda works well in my favor. Not to mention downtown there will be tons of couples walking around holding hands... Face it the city works well to set the mood.

I don't think we'll be gal pals... I think you're just mad that I didn't call her. I texted her because I was talking to a couple friends, and it was already 8 o'clock, so I just did that while we were talking. I also wanted to catcher off guard, and I really didn't want to play phone tag so close to the date. I mean if she didn't call me back tomorrow; it may of been too soon, or even I missed that call. It may of never even happened.

 

[CFERD]

I agree, the flea market and historic district can make it feel more like a date. No, I'm not mad that you didn't call. Just remember that too much texting is a sure way to ruin it. Have fun and she will too. Sounds like a good time to make sure she knows your romantically interested in her.

 

[The Master Disaster]

I agree, the flea market and historic district can make it feel more like a date. No, I'm not mad that you didn't call. Just remember that too much texting is a sure way to ruin it. Have fun and she will too. Sounds like a good time to make sure she knows your romantically interested in her.

I 100% see what you mean by too much texting. I love texting though because it's so easy for every situation, but yea if I'm going to start dating her I need to speak to her solely in person or over the phone.

These are main goals for Saturday:

The main thing I want to do is make sure she doesn't get bored. I think I'll plan out a couple stops to switch it up. I also want to avoid the clothing stores at all cost. No way in the world am I gonna hold a purse.

I want to keep it fun and freeing. Just looking at things. I don't really honestly want to buy anything because I don't want to carry around a bag all day. I more or less just want a cheap date that uses the city as a backdrop with lots of walking and time to get to know each other.

I mean I know general things about her, but mainly we've talked about the project we just completed (Got 100, we're both perfectionists, and I teased her a lot about it).

Now, I want to spend Saturday building that rapport and friendship, so we can KINO escalate. I want to grab her hand early. Maybe if we do the Flea Market right away; we'll get comfortable. Get downtown, park the car, and on the way to the restaurant I'll grab her hand, which clearly initiates what my intentions are with her and that day.

I told myself if I can just get her to say yes, even a hesitant yes. That's all I need to sweep her off feet.