We are prize but We have to go approach a girl paradox

[nelysses]

2) Move to a big city.

Yes, I agree with this too. I especially notice it when I go on vacation.
In a small city, people are more shy and you don't have many chances. I was going to choose a bad department but a big city for university. Or It is a small city (I was already living here) but I was going to choose a medical school.
Frankly, it felt better to be a doctor. I wanted to grit my teeth for a few years.
But here's the problem: People go to the surrounding big cities for all holidays. Their families are there anyway because they come from there. But I can't go because I live here. Even if I go, it's for a day trip.

This is the reason why I feel late anyway. I don't mind not being with a girl today. But I am 22 years old. When I graduate, I will be 25-26. And I will be very inexperienced. I won't have experienced anything with anyone.

To put it simply, I never had a high school love because I was always an introvert. I mean, I didn't even like anyone, I didn't care about anyone. And I didn't gain any experience. When I got to university, I tried to change it and made so many mistakes that I got a bad reputation.

I learned a lot from these mistakes. Before, I would wait for the perfect time, I would be too embarrassed, I wouldn't be able to start a conversation, etc. Now, although I have much fewer problems with these, there are still minor problems. But there is no environment anymore. So there is no environment where I can go and find someone.
I try to explain this to people, but no one persistently understands.

And if I had to make a self-criticism. I guess I grew up a little spoiled as a child. I can't understand the word "no". It feels like if I want something, it has to happen. Therefore, when a woman does not want me, I want to struggle until she gets her, and this creates oneitis in me.

 

[nelysses]

If a man is that good a prize, girls do approach.

Man I agree but This point is not even 1% of men. Today, even famous men approach women.
Apart from that, there may be one-night stands, but it is very difficult for a long relationship. More precisely, it is much more difficult than a beautiful woman.
Last week a girl said she liked me etc. but I had to refuse because I didn't like the girl. I don't know, maybe my expectations are too high for the person I am, but I can't live with people I don't like.

By the way sorry for my english. I used translator.

 

[pipeman84]

This is the reason why I feel late anyway. I don't mind not being with a girl today. But I am 22 years old. When I graduate, I will be 25-26. And I will be very inexperienced. I won't have experienced anything with anyone.

You're still a 'baby' ... you shouldn't even think about serious relationship/marriage until you're 35yrs old.

And if I had to make a self-criticism. I guess I grew up a little spoiled as a child. I can't understand the word "no". It feels like if I want something, it has to happen. Therefore, when a woman does not want me, I want to struggle until she gets her, and this creates oneitis in me.

Reinforces my point that you still have a lot of growing up to do.

 

[H8CourtshipWithAPassion]

It's just the male gender role, which is the more active one that makes things happens.
Plus what @sharkfinale said.

yup, men are stuck with that gender role whether they like it or not

 

[nelysses]

You're still a 'baby' ... you shouldn't even think about serious relationship/marriage until you're 35yrs old.

I'm not thinking about marriage anyway. But what I mean is, I don't want to be a 27-year-old virgin who just starts out in new places.

 

[nelysses]

yup, men are stuck with that gender role whether they like it or not

Actually it's okay for me but i can't feel like a prize with that role.

 

[Manure Spherian]

You're still a 'baby' ... you shouldn't even think about serious relationship/marriage

Looking back on my life at 45 years old, and observing the world around me, I’ve concluded that if a boy doesn’t get going with interacting with females by 14 years old (I’m not recommending sex at that age), he likely will be up sh-t’s creek in the future. If he reaches his early 20’s without having had a “relationship” or “girlfriend” (whatever the hell these constructs involve), he likely will be neurotic, awkward, and perceived by women as undesirable. Just as it takes money to make money, it takes women to get women. Hence an unfaithful womanizer will continue to get women, many of whom will tolerate him while a man with no options is more likely to get cheated on.

That’s why I think these RP buffoons who push the revenge-of-the-silver-fox/work-on-thyself are delusional. Of the boys who had their penises sucked or were dipping their wick in high school, none improved themselves in any way—unless doing drugs, being criminal or anti-social lunatic or driving daddy’s expensive car are considered improvements.

 

[Manure Spherian]

Actually it's okay for me but i can't feel like a prize with that role.

You have the option for a wounded-bird, wayward and lost, sort of androgynous style (eg, goth, emo weirdo). That might be far more effective than assertive “hard worker”.

 

[H8CourtshipWithAPassion]

Actually it's okay for me but i can't feel like a prize with that role.

yup, that law of social dynamics or human interaction is why most forever alone people in the world are male dominated cases

 

[zekko]

Actually it's okay for me but i can't feel like a prize with that role.

You can always wait for a girl to hit on you, but you might go through some dry spells.

 

[corrector]

It's about f-cking time, hoss. Hurray for you!!!

Don't horray me, it looks like my luck has run out and I'm heading back to those videos / type of videos again.

 

[pipeman84]

Looking back on my life at 45 years old, and observing the world around me, I’ve concluded that if a boy doesn’t get going with interacting with females by 14 years old (I’m not recommending sex at that age), he likely will be up sh-t’s creek in the future. If he reaches his early 20’s without having had a “relationship” or “girlfriend” (whatever the hell these constructs involve), he likely will be neurotic, awkward, and perceived by women as undesirable. Just as it takes money to make money, it takes women to get women. Hence an unfaithful womanizer will continue to get women, many of whom will tolerate him while a man with no options is more likely to get cheated on.

That’s why I think these RP buffoons who push the revenge-of-the-silver-fox/work-on-thyself are delusional. Of the boys who had their penises sucked or were dipping their wick in high school, none improved themselves in any way—unless doing drugs, being criminal or anti-social lunatic or driving daddy’s expensive car are considered improvements.

OP is a 1.85m tall dude studying to become a doctor ... as long as he keeps a clean diet and exercises regularly, he will probably reach top attractiveness in late 30s - early 40s and still be attractive well into his 50s.
Early 20s guys in general and OP in particular are nowhere near mature enough to be in a relationship ... it would be a tremendous waste of time and energy IMO for him to try to seduce girls he admits he's not really attracted to instead of focusing on developing himself.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

OP once you get into residency and have cleaned up your physical appearance (best thing is a muscles physique in scrubs), tons of cute, young RNs will be all over you. Protip: do not spend the bulk of your time in the doctor’s break room.

p.s. have you declared your specialty yet?

 

[nelysses]

OP once you get into residency and have cleaned up your physical appearance (best thing is a muscles physique in scrubs), tons of cute, young RNs will be all over you. Protip: do not spend the bulk of your time in the doctor’s break room.

p.s. have you declared your specialty yet?

I don't know how it is in America or other countries.

We take 3 years of purely theoretical medical courses. Then we receive clinical training in the hospital for 2 years.
Finally, we work as doctors in the hospital for 1 year and then we graduate.
After graduation, we take an exam and choose our specialization according to our score. After 4-5 years of being an assistant doctor, we become qualified to become a specialist.

I have only finished the first 3 years I have a long way to go. On the one hand, I like being at the beginning of the road and having a long time to fix myself. But on the other hand, I am 22 years old and the feeling of being late goes around in my head every day.

Actually, although everyone around me says that being a doctor is attractive, I don't see any difference. At least for 20-year-olds, it doesn't make any difference. The mothers of the girls love me more than the girls
I met a girl. She said, "My mom wants a doctor groom."
I really liked her, but after a long first date and even longer texting, she said she didn't find me mature or masculine enough.
Even if it wasn't physically me, someone who talked to me for 5 minutes would understand that I was young.

You are right about the body. I still have some minor injuries, but I really hate it when I see myself in the mirror. Double chin, fat body...

 

[nelysses]

OP is a 1.85m tall dude studying to become a doctor ... as long as he keeps a clean diet and exercises regularly, he will probably reach top attractiveness in late 30s - early 40s and still be attractive well into his 50s.
Early 20s guys in general and OP in particular are nowhere near mature enough to be in a relationship ... it would be a tremendous waste of time and energy IMO for him to try to seduce girls he admits he's not really attracted to instead of focusing on developing himself.

Actually, I thought about it and you are absolutely right. I met a girl recently. We went on Date and had a long coffee. After that, we continued messaging but unfortunately she did not find me mature enough.

I used to do sports, make music, learning languages etc. but unfortunately I left all of them after a while. Now I realize that I am betraying myself for girls and I cannot get any girl in return.

There are 2 problems that I cannot solve in my head here. Actually, they both lead to the same place.

I can improve myself a lot but at the end of the day, when I go to a big city or enter new social environments, my age will be older. My 28-year-old cousin got married recently.
My childhood friend got married when she was 24.
I look at myself and I still feel like a child and I have not experienced anything.

I am still afraid of being a child, a virgin and maybe worst of all, a bad person socially at the age of 30.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Don't horray me, it looks like my luck has run out and I'm heading back to those videos / type of videos again.

No one is holding a loaded 12 gauge to your head, threatening to pull the trigger, UNLESS you start watching those vids again, C. You needn't give in to that urge

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

I don't know how it is in America or other countries.

We take 3 years of purely theoretical medical courses. Then we receive clinical training in the hospital for 2 years.
Finally, we work as doctors in the hospital for 1 year and then we graduate.
After graduation, we take an exam and choose our specialization according to our score. After 4-5 years of being an assistant doctor, we become qualified to become a specialist.

I have only finished the first 3 years I have a long way to go. On the one hand, I like being at the beginning of the road and having a long time to fix myself. But on the other hand, I am 22 years old and the feeling of being late goes around in my head every day.

Actually, although everyone around me says that being a doctor is attractive, I don't see any difference. At least for 20-year-olds, it doesn't make any difference. The mothers of the girls love me more than the girls
I met a girl. She said, "My mom wants a doctor groom."
I really liked her, but after a long first date and even longer texting, she said she didn't find me mature or masculine enough.
Even if it wasn't physically me, someone who talked to me for 5 minutes would understand that I was young.

You are right about the body. I still have some minor injuries, but I really hate it when I see myself in the mirror. Double chin, fat body...

The progression to become a medical doctor (MD) in the U.S. typically follows these steps:

### 1. Undergraduate Education
- **Duration**: 4 years
- **Requirements**: A bachelor's degree, typically with a focus on pre-medical courses such as biology, chemistry, physics, and math.

### 2. Medical College Admission Test (MCAT)
- **Purpose**: Standardized test required for admission to medical schools.
- **Content**: Assesses problem-solving, critical thinking, and knowledge of natural, behavioral, and social science concepts.

### 3. Medical School
- **Duration**: 4 years
- **Years 1-2**: Preclinical years focusing on classroom and laboratory instruction in the basic medical sciences.
- **Years 3-4**: Clinical years involving rotations in various medical specialties such as internal medicine, surgery, pediatrics, and obstetrics/gynecology.

### 4. United States Medical Licensing Examination (USMLE)
- **Step 1**: Taken after the second year of medical school, covering basic medical sciences.
- **Step 2 (CK and CS)**: Clinical Knowledge (CK) and Clinical Skills (CS), taken during the fourth year of medical school.
- **Step 3**: Taken during residency, assessing the ability to practice medicine independently.

### 5. Residency Training
- **Duration**: 3-7 years, depending on the specialty.
- **Focus**: Hands-on training in a specific field of medicine under supervision.

### 6. Board Certification
- **Requirements**: Passing an examination in the chosen specialty after completing residency.
- **Purpose**: Certifies that a physician has met the professional standards of a specialty board.

### 7. Fellowship Training (Optional)
- **Duration**: 1-3 years, depending on the subspecialty.
- **Purpose**: Additional training in a subspecialty after completing residency.

### 8. Continuous Medical Education
- **Purpose**: Required to maintain licensure and stay current with medical advancements.

### Summary
- **Total Duration**: Typically 11-15 years post-secondary education and training (4 years undergraduate + 4 years medical school + 3-7 years residency).
- **Licensure**: Requires passing the USMLE exams and meeting state-specific requirements.

 

[corrector]

No one is holding a loaded 12 gauge to your head, threatening to pull the trigger, UNLESS you start watching those vids again, C. You needn't give in to that urge

I don't know, sometimes I rather no interactions than low-quality ones that has you guessing as to if it meets threshold or not. You want a woman to have that spark and energy invested in an interaction where you feel the interaction is amazing and hits to the core rather than something that just is like a checkmark to the status quo but you don't get the benefit of the videos on a technicality rather than feeling fulfilled. At least this is true now. Who wants just checkmarks and feeling "someone or something is better than nothing" rather than feeling actually fulfilled?

So, yeah, there is no gun pointed to my head, but that is aside the point. There is nothing pointed at my head to eat food when I'm hungry either? At the end of the day, I choose what I want to feed into my mind and spirit. If I want an attractive woman to tell me that I'm amazing, even if I don't believe it at first on a screen, then I'm not going to underestimate the impact that will have on my mind just to hear something nice, sweet or engaging anyway and letting that seep into my nerves and see things differently. I'm just not afraid of going there, but want to use it when I feel I might need it so that it would work.

 

[BaronOfHair]

I don't know, sometimes I rather no interactions than low-quality ones that has you guessing as to if it meets threshold or not

We all make a conscious choice to think of events in overgeneralized terms such as "Low Quality" Vs Thinking in more specific, nuanced terms such as:

"While I'm disappointed that sultry college girl threw her Pink Drink in my face then stormed out of Starbucks, instead of slipping her thong down her legs and inviting me to go to town right there in the middle of the shop, I DID take action AND achieve FIVE goals I'd set...
1. Spend less time on message boards, posting Incel musings, and more time out in the sunlight and fresh air
3. Spend less time f-cking around OnlyFans and listening to ASMR
4. Saying, at the very least, the word "Yo" to one real live woman in person
5. Gather field intelligence on what seems to turn not only women, but my fellow humans, on or off more generally. Upon further reflection, I suspect I'll likely be able to sustain future conversations(Especially with a woman)a bit longer, IF I refrain from following that "Yo" up with words like "Wanna hear about my cringe lunch that could also be a social experiment?"


I encourage you to give the following a listen https://www.artofmanliness.com/character/behavior/podcast-204-how-to-be-miserable/ And note in particular his words on reducing screen time, and self-development via killing your delusions of revolution

 

[H8CourtshipWithAPassion]

one thing for sure is, women can get away with learned helplessness, but men can't