Was I Too Harsh Here?

[BackInTheGame78]

Fair enough, but in this case I got to smash her loads of times so there was at least attraction on her part

If I hadn't have smashed, then it would have been a waste of time going for FWB. Having already done so meant it was still possible.

Just leave the door open with her and say something like

"I respect your decision, hit me up if you change your mind".

Maybe she will, maybe she won't, but at least you've left the door open.

Then go on about your life and work on getting other women and she is done to you unless she reaches out.

 

[Learning Curve]

This girl I was dating for a few months messaged me a couple of days after we had a day trip to this beach town (we smashed after) to say "You're a nice guy, I just think that we're looking for different things in a relationship and so I can't see this being more than friendship." I then responded with "I see no benefit to being your friend." She just said "Okay" and left it at that.

I did enjoy spending a lot of time with her and we got on well, but just being her friend just seemed to be a kick in the teeth. But as is life.

Was this response of mine too harsh or was it honest and to the point?

It does no matter what you really say at this point.

It will not change her perception of you.

You could have said "I have friends, but thanks for the interest, speak soon"

This message you may think it shows you are buttheart but you really are not. You show her your true intentions of what you want. Which you already did when you banged.

You banged, she decided she does not want it anymore you win. She saved you ton-of-time.

 

[CheekyMonkey101]

It does no matter what you really say at this point.

It will not change her perception of you.

You could have said "I have friends, but thanks for the interest, speak soon"

This message you may think it shows you are buttheart but you really are not. You show her your true intentions of what you want. Which you already did when you banged.

You banged, she decided she does not want it anymore you win. She saved you ton-of-time.

Yeah, these kind of things fizzle out sometimes.

I'm disappointed with how I spoke to her after as it was unlike me, but she'll live.

 

[CheekyMonkey101]

Just leave the door open with her and say something like

"I respect your decision, hit me up if you change your mind".

Maybe she will, maybe she won't, but at least you've left the door open.

Then go on about your life and work on getting other women and she is done to you unless she reaches out.

Yeah, I sent a follow up message after that to basically say that. But I royally ****ed up in my prior messages.

I've learned a lot from this at least. All I can do.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Yeah, I sent a follow up message after that to basically say that. But I royally ****ed up in my prior messages.

I've learned a lot from this at least. All I can do.

Nothing you can do now. Learn from it and move forward with your head held up high.

 

[Chow Mein]

Yeah, I sent a follow up message after that to basically say that. But I royally ****ed up in my prior messages.

I've learned a lot from this at least. All I can do.

Learn patience, my dude.

For you to send that follow-up message so soon shows you are desperate. My advice is to never reach out to her again, you need to train your mindset.

 

[CheekyMonkey101]

Learn patience, my dude.

For you to send that follow-up message so soon shows you are desperate. My advice is to never reach out to her again, you need to train your mindset.

Nah, I 100% won't.

My message was just to apologise for telling her about another girl and to say that I've moved on but it was a shame for us to end on bad terms given we got on well. That was a probably a mistake, I got attached way too early.

This is actually good, though. I definitely learned a lot.

 

[Chow Mein]

Nah, I 100% won't.

My message was just to apologise for telling her about another girl and to say that I've moved on but it was a shame for us to end on bad terms given we got on well. That was a probably a mistake, I got attached way too early.

This is actually good, though. I definitely learned a lot.

A woman that ‘agrees’ to a FWB relationship will see you as a busy man. You showed her you ain’t got sh!t going on in your life. A busy man has zero time for games, you probably think you were clever by bringing up another girl to make her jealous. Women see right past that.

 

[CheekyMonkey101]

A woman that ‘agrees’ to a FWB relationship will see you as a busy man. You showed her you ain’t got sh!t going on in your life. A busy man has zero time for games, you probably think you were clever by bringing up another girl to make her jealous. Women see right past that.

I brought it up to upset her as I was already annoyed. It was petty of me, for sure.

I'm not even sure if she wanted FWB anyway.

 

[RangerMIke]

That's not just women, that is people in general.

Even the most hardened murderers on death row see themselves as a misunderstood person who would never hurt anyone deep down.

True.... it is a human trait to play the victim. It is a rare person that acknowledges their own failures and not blaming others.

With men, you typically see this with financial, career and business decisions they make that do not work out. I could give you countless examples from not understanding tax laws to making really stupid investment or career decisions.

With women, it really tends to be interpersonal relationship decisions. Not just romantic decisions, but also picking the wrong female friends.

When you evaluate truly successful people, they tend to have a common tread.... that is the ability to self-evaluate, get to the root cause of what went sideways, then have the discipline to make change while acknowledging their own shortcomings and mitigate factors you cannot control, while reinforcing those factors that work in their favor. But you cannot do this with emotional decision making and without self-critique.

 

[Chow Mein]

True.... it is a human trait to play the victim. It is a rare person that acknowledges their own failures and not blaming others.

With men, you typically see this with financial, career and business decisions they make that do not work out. I could give you countless examples from not understanding tax laws to making really stupid investment or career decisions.

With women, it really tends to be interpersonal relationship decisions. Not just romantic decisions, but also picking the wrong female friends.

When you evaluate truly successful people, they tend to have a common tread.... that is the ability to self-evaluate, get to the root cause of what went sideways, then have the discipline to make change while acknowledging their own shortcomings and mitigate factors you cannot control, while reinforcing those factors that work in their favor. But you cannot do this with emotional decision making and without self-critique.

Life is a journey of experiences, you self-reflect and learn. It’s what separates the boys from the men.

 

[CheekyMonkey101]

Life is a journey of experiences, you self-reflect and learn. It’s what separates the boys from the men.

Yep, that's exactly what I'm doing now by taking a break from the apps and working on my mental health and other things. I should have had better emotional self-control throughout this fling. Got to work on that.

 

[RickTheToad]

Yeah, i felt bad as I said some other things to her and she's a nice girl.

I tried to apologise after a few days but got no response. It is what it is and I'll learn for next time.

Never feel bad and never apologize for your actions unless you are actually wrong. There is nothing you did which is bad; it just makes you look weak and despite in her eyes. Whatever mistakes you do with a female, you never apologize unless you are actually wrong in a bad way. Hurting her feelings, it depends on where the relationship is. If she's wrong and you call her out, there's no reason to apologize. Being honest, can hurt their feelings, but there's nothing wrong with it. You just need to work on yourself and practice with other females.

It's best not to get too attached to any of them. Date multiple females at once is always a good suggestion.

 

[Chow Mein]

An apology from a man to a woman is one of the most powerful expressions. It’s should only be used as a ‘break in case of emergency’ scenario

 

[CheekyMonkey101]

Never feel bad and never apologize for your actions unless you are actually wrong. There is nothing you did which is bad; it just makes you look weak and despite in her eyes. Whatever mistakes you do with a female, you never apologize unless you are actually wrong in a bad way. Hurting her feelings, it depends on where the relationship is. If she's wrong and you call her out, there's no reason to apologize. Being honest, can hurt their feelings, but there's nothing wrong with it. You just need to work on yourself and practice with other females.

It's best not to get too attached to any of them. Date multiple females at once is always a good suggestion.

Yeah, as said to others this was a big learning curve for me. I was dating two others as well but this one was my favourite and I was getting attached, hence my erratic behaviour.

I'm actually grateful for this experience as it taught me a lot about myself.