Walked out on my date, did I over react or stood up for myself…

[Dash Riprock]

Thanks for sharing OP. Yeah, tough story to read but we've ALL been there.

A few moving parts:

You NEED to escalate sooner. The peck on the cheek was really bad on many levels. Women LOVE strong, assertive, go-for-it type men. Next time take charge and just grab her and kiss her. If we're out, I usually wait till we're near a wall and I push them up against the wall (not too too hard) and kiss them. I don't ask, I just do. Never been denied on this move.

She is allowed to have friends. Who knows who this guy was, maybe some guy she also friend zoned who's now a beta male orbiter. You don't know. Maybe she only sees him as a friends and saw no harm in talking to him or checking out a band for 10 minutes--because he's just a friend. If he was anything more, she'd probably be with him.

Still, as a +1, it sucks she ditched you with another guy even for 10 minutes. BTW, if this ever happens again, when the chick leaves, find the hottest looking girl in the place and try chatting her up. Tell her she looks like she has fashion sense (girls love this) and you want her opinion on your outfit or some sh*t. Girls LOVE to give their opinion on things. Then, your chick comes back and your with the hottest girl in the place.

But, because it's so early in the relationship, it's too soon to jump to conclusions. Personally, if after only 4 dates, I'd have brushed it off but filed it away too. If it got to be a pattern, THEN I'd say something or take action. Problem is, because you didn't escalate earlier, maybe she did only see you as a +1 or friend to go to the event with.

Because of the way you played this you need to stay NC or you come off looking weak. Maybe she'll reach out. And if she does, be more assertive with her.

Good luck.

~Dash

 

[Modern Man Advice]

Your takes are valid mostly but if he does nothing wrong by getting miffed to were she detected it how will he learn to NOT be this way and front run the behavior?
Just curious.
OP this is good advice and is more articulate then my writing talent but do yourself a favor and learn how to control your emotions. "On the fly"
Other girls will do this same stuff and so will your future wife/ gf

If you guys think 10 minutes of chatting with someone she knows is disrespect and a large amount of time dont ever take your girl to a high status type of event with well known ppl. You ngtmi

You are absolutely right about controlling our emotions. I would consider toxic masculinity any advice to men not to feel, so yes men will feel hurt, disrespected, etc. The question then is how much of these emotions should men show? And is showing emotions a sign of weakness, vulnerability, or strength?

Regardless of our opinions on how much to show, you are right men should not be ruled by emotions. Instead, use your logic to guide you. In this specific case, he felt disrespected and showed an appropriate amount of mention, and used logic to act. I think he did well in that case. I would have done pretty much the same. Hang around a bit, socialize with other people, and get my money's worth, but then leave in my own timing.

What I do think he did "incorrectly" is not escalating sexual tension by the 3rd date. It doesn't have to be the kiss itself, it can be sexual innuendos, light/playful touch, etc. But I didn't get any of that from the OP.

I advise avoiding kissing on the first date as it is expected, and you want to leave her wanting it and wondering. But it must be left with sexual tension. Not doing so leaves room for platonic vibes, especially after the 3rd date. And if she is one of those girls, she will play mind games and give you s**t tests which what she did, in this case, could be considered as such.

 

[Dr.Suave]

The question then is how much of these emotions should men show? And is showing emotions a sign of weakness, vulnerability, or strength?

You show no emotions, you simply reward good behavior and punish bad behavior. Showing emotions is weak, n feminine, n stuff.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

You show no emotions, you simply reward good behavior and punish bad behavior. Showing emotions is weak, n feminine, n stuff.

An occasional showing of emotions *is* a reward for good behavior. Intermittent reinforcement (showing her you're *capable* of being sensitive once in a while) can work wonders.

edit: then again, you're dealing with Mexican chicks so it may be different, but the above stands for most dudes.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Billy thats a bit extreme but yes in the beginning you are right but thats not what I meant.
High status guys are not scared of these events. See Donald Trump

OP would prob have to work on his relationship game too it seems. First things first though.

 

[Giovanni SouthSide]

An occasional showing of emotions *is* a reward for good behavior. Intermittent reinforcement (showing her you're *capable* of being sensitive once in a while) can work wonders.

edit: then again, you're dealing with Mexican chicks so it may be different, but the above stands for most dudes.

a widespread of Mexican hynas are starting to become Americanized as well atleast here in my border city region. I only leak out some emotion through a small puncture if I’m getting philosophical in some way with the chick that’s if she merits it.
She better be learning some game from that emotion cause they ain’t for free.
If down to my last playing card , I rather show no emotion, be cold as ice and scramble my signals. Its a rough market out there

 

[BillyPilgrim]

a widespread of Mexican hynas are starting to become Americanized as well atleast here in my border city region. I only leak out some emotion through a small puncture if I’m getting philosophical in some way with the chick that’s if she merits it.
She better be learning some game from that emotion cause they ain’t for free.
If down to my last playing card , I rather show no emotion, be cold as ice and scramble my signals. Its a rough market out there

SD is a rough market, and over the 20 years I lived there I noticed the change (for the worse) in TJ chicks too. Out of curiosity, have you had any experience with Mexicali chicks, Southside? Online at least it looks like a potentially untapped market.

 

[Bokanovsky]

No you didn't overreact. If anything, you under-reacted. Never hang out with a girl and her friends if you haven't banged her yet. This is a bad idea for more than one reason.

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

Never hang out with a girl and her friends if you haven't banged her yet. This is a bad idea for more than one reason.

Okay...sure...thanks

If you're a man who can handle his own, then dealing with a woman's girlfriends is small potatoes and is part of life..

..and can be (OMG!) fun actually..

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

Never hang out with a girl and her friends if you haven't banged her yet. This is a bad idea for more than one reason.

On the other hand, if you're weaselly, manipulative and have no genuine outwardly positive qualities, then yeah, might want to take this guy's advice.

 

[SW15]

Walking out and never looking back is the best move here.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

On the other hand, if you're weaselly, manipulative and have no genuine outwardly positive qualities, then yeah, might want to take this guy's advice.

It's not bad advice if you meet her off an app. You need rules for those women. But yes, if you've met her organically and hanging out with her friends is also organic, then it's a different story.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Correct me if I'm wrong gentlemen, but why is it disrespectful to talk to other men when she has no relational ties to OP. She is not his babysitter.

If I have a date with a woman, there is an expectation that we will be spending the evening with one another. No woman that has gone out with me has ever done anything remotely like this.

Maybe you youngsters put up with - I don’t.

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

It's not bad advice if you meet her off an app. You need rules for those women.

Reminds me of a dame (7) (online 9) I smashed off of OKC in San Francisco. Met her and her gf at her local watering hole. Had to get the approval of her friend and regular bartender. Took about 5 minutes. That's because I'm not some creep though. Blew that **** up.

 

[CornbreadFed]

If I have a date with a woman, there is an expectation that we will be spending the evening with one another. No woman that has gone out with me has ever done anything remotely like this.

Maybe you youngsters put up with - I don’t.

but was op really on a date lol

 

[devilkingx2]

Well simply put youre talking about women who are willing to give you the "box" without even caring to know anything about you, vs women who are taking the few weeks, the few months to see what your personality is about, who your friends are, will you just lose interest if she doesnt have sex early on, what your morals are like.. how you react or act in certain situations, etc. And vice versa..

Its just normal healthy behavior. Its not to say that you cant have sex with a healthy high quality woman on the first date.. because you certainly can... but from my personal experience ---Ive noticed high quality women are not superifcial to the point they give in to your looks charisma and charm.. that stuff doesnt phase them. Nor does your money. They rather see what your chemistry is like and take thiings slow and see if you can crack them. You can even say they play hard to get.

Then again i come from a background of meeting alot of women who give up the box so easily.. and Id be a fool to think that they are all just super interested in me on first impressions.. Its just superficial girls who dont think past anything. How could you know me in a day. You rather jus give up the box and then get to know me.. bad idea because i look at you like a skank and then use you for just sex unless u then show any value you bring to the table..

This is in no way shape or form in regards to women who jus string you along or are prudes. Im talking about women who show you great interest obviously.

AlphaMaleStrategies said in one of his videos or Livestreams that if you bang a girl without even taking her on a date she's a slvt. I think I'd agree with him.

Girls that are DTF after a few messages on OLD, girls that come home with you after a party or a night club are just loose/reckless.

But a girl who sleeps with you after 1 or 2 real and good dates (not just 15 minutes of coffee lol) is just high interest imo.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Reminds me of a dame (7) (online 9) I smashed off of OKC in San Francisco. Met her and her gf at her local watering hole. Had to get the approval of her friend and regular bartender. Took about 5 minutes. That's because I'm not some creep though. Blew that **** up.

No one said it can't be done

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

That is not the modern dating world. Sorry but you are going to be left behind.
Talking to another human male? Maybe move to Iran?

Been there, beautiful country, but no. However you DO sound like you might enjoy being cucked?

 

[Giovanni SouthSide]

SD is a rough market, and over the 20 years I lived there I noticed the change (for the worse) in TJ chicks too. Out of curiosity, have you had any experience with Mexicali chicks, Southside? Online at least it looks like a potentially untapped market.

chicali “Mexicali” is a clamshell.
Untapped gold mine when it comes to female galore.
My uncle worked there in the federal government for a while recently and he pulled a couple locals from Mexicali.
Fine azz 20 something year olds and homeboy is 41.
It’s a much smaller city than Tijuas and the community is more knit tight so the girls can’t be runnin buck wild.
I been thinking about reactivating my FB and start taking stabs at girls from over there.
Take a drive over there or uber a baddie over here. It definitely can be pulled if your game is cool as ice with precision.

 

[Ricky]

The OP definitely should have found another girl to flirt with while his date was off talking to guy.

also you need practice amog’ing other guys. Using this girl as training wheel practice would have been a better strategy